Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Element 1: Oh no! I just lost an electron!
Element 2: Oh no! Are you positive?

[Adrian]

We'd give you some more chemistry jokes, but all the good ones argon.

[Adrian]

Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you? Because I see no reaction.

[Adrian]

If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed!

[Adrian]

Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO!

[Adrian]

I want to write some jokes about the periodic table… But I don't think I'll be in my element.

[Andrew_Ramirez]

I think these jokes are sodium funny. In fact, I slapped my neon that one!

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Something to think about...
if a king farts, is it a noble gas?

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

As the two polar bonds stared into each other's eyes, they soon began to share a moment. A dipole moment.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

A small furry mammal walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, our maximum occupancy is only 6.00 x 10^23. We can't serve a mole.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.02214x1023 pieces? Guacamole!

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn't put it down.

[Andrew_Ramirez]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

I hate when people reply to my texts with "K." Who wants to talk about potassium?

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Why did Barium, Carbon, Potassium, and Sulfur get along so well?

They had each others BaCKS

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

A photon checks into a hotel, the front desk asks him, "do you need any help with your luggage?"

He said, "No thanks! I'm traveling light!"

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
SWAG

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

You're a 10 ? On the PH scale maybe, cause you basic.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Got mole problems? Call Avogrado at 602-1024

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Where does one put the dirty dishes after dinner?
In the zinc.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all his friends Argon

[Adrian]

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

What do you get when 6.02x1023 mosquitoes bite you?

Molearia.

[Adrian]

What’s a sign of a bad chemistry joke?
No Reaction

[Adrian]

Why do chemists find it easy to work with ammonia?
It’s pretty basic.

[Adrian]

Why did Avogadro love golf? He always got a mole in one!

[Adrian]

Why did Avogadro love golf?
He always got a mole in one!

[Adrian]

What happened when carbon and hydrogen went on a date?
They really bonded.

[Adrian]

Why should you go drinking with neutrons? Because wherever they go, there’s no charge!

[Adrian]

What did one charged atom say to the other?
I got my ion you.

[Adrian]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They are cheaper than day rates.

[405566265]

Why was the mole of o2 molecules left when he left the bar? Because he got avogadro's number!

[Adrian]

Are you full of beryllium, gold, and titanium?
Because you are BeAuTi-Full

[Adrian]

What did the cat say after drinking methanol?
A: MeOH MeOH

[Adrian]

What did their friends say when they found out oxygen and magnesium were dating?
A: O-Mg

[Adrian]

Gold is the best element because it’s AU-some.

[Adrian]

I like to hear chemistry puns, periodically.

[Adrian]

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar!

[Adrian]

Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. I heard they really bonded

[Adrian]

Make like a proton and stay positive.

[Adrian]

What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?

That’s as-salt!

[Adrian]

Salt made a pun joke and it was Sodium funny.

[Adrian]

If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, they’d be alloys.

[Adrian]

What do chemists call a benzene ring where the carbon atoms are replaced with iron atoms? A ferrous wheel.

[Adrian]

Helium walks into a bar,
The bartender says “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.”
Helium doesn’t react.

[Adrian]

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
HeHe

[Adrian]

Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
He got Avogadro’s number!

[Adrian]

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist sees the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

[Adrian]

What is the name of 007’s Eskimo cousin?
Polar Bond.

[Adrian]

What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
A: 2 Na

[Adrian]

What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?
Breaking up is hard to do.

[Adrian]

If H20 is water, what is H204?
Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming

[Anna Hilger 3H]

Gotta love equilibrium...jk

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

Why are bad chemists good DJ's? Because they drop the base.

[CynthiaA_2K]

Why can you never trust atoms?
..they make up everything!

[Anna Hilger 3H]

Le Chatelier's

[trishaferrer]

what do you do with a dead chemist?

you barium.

[trishaferrer]

i try to tell chemistry jokes but there usually is no reaction

[Carla Bruebach 1C]

What did the other elements say to hydrogen?

You're a loner!

[Carla Bruebach 1C]

What do you call a clown in jail?

A silicon!

[Carla Bruebach 1C]

I don't trust atoms... they make up everything!

[Carla Bruebach 1C]

What do you call an acid with an attitude?

A-mean-oh-acid!

[Carla Bruebach 1C]

What do you say when you drop a bar of gold on your foot?

Au

[605823283]

I asked my dad what entropy meant.

He said, it isn't what it used to be

[605823283]

I would make a "free energy joke" but nobody gibbs a darn

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

What is a billie eilish fan's favorite polyatomic? Ammonia, because it's basic.

[RJ Lopez 2l]

Silver walks up to gold in a bar and says "AU get out of here"

[Wesley Zhou 1F]

Why can a photon always avoid paying baggage fees when going on airplanes?

Because it always travels light.

[Kaitlin Eblen 1I]

What’s a sign of a bad chemistry joke?
No Reaction

It's probably pretty basic too

[Anna Hilger 3H]

i love the office too much tbh

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

What kind of bears dissolve in water? Polar bears.

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

Do you know any jokes about sodium?
Na.

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium? It was CoRnY.

[Rishab_Haldar_3B]

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting!

[asfakhan_2H]

Two chemists walk into a bar. One says, “I’ll have an ‎H2O.” The other says, “I’ll have an ‎H2O, too.” The second chemist dies.

[Kayla Ziebell 1H]

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like OMg.

[Caitlyn Lo 2F]

What did silver say to gold at the bar? "Au, get outta here!"

[Anna Hilger 3H]

too good

[asfakhan_2H]

I like to hear chemistry puns, periodically

[asfakhan_2H]

Gold is the best element because it’s AU-some

[asfakhan_2H]

Why can you never trust an atom?

They make up literally everything.

[asfakhan_2H]

What do you call an acid with an attitude?

A-mean-o Acid

[asfakhan_2H]

Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na

[Lexi Tempera 3B]

What elements do bracelet makers need most?

(Be)ryllium, (A)rgon, and Sunshine (D)

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-o Acid

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

Why can you never trust an atom?
They make up literally everything.

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

I wish I was adenine.
Then I could get paired with U.

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

The proton is not speaking to the other proton, he’s mad atom.

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much a drink costs.
“For you, no charge.”

[Ally Mosher]

Lose an electron? Gotta keep an ion it. :)

[Caitlyn Lo 2F]

What is the chemical formula for “coffee”?
CoFe2

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

What do you say when someone throws sodium chloride at you? That’s a salt.

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

What did their friends say when they found out oxygen and magnesium were dating? O-Mg

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

Why was the DJ called DJ Enzyme? He was always breaking it down.

[Connor_Olsen_2K]

Old chemists never die, why? They just stop reacting.

[asfakhan_2H]

Why should you go drinking with neutrons? Because wherever they go, there's no charge!

[asfakhan_2H]

How did the hipster chemist burn his hand on the beaker? He picked it up before it was cool.

[asfakhan_2H]

What was Avogadro's favorite sport? Golf! He always got a mole-in-one!