Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[605823283]

I am feeling a little negative detla G today!

[eve444]

Q. Why did the bear dissolve in water?

A.It was a polar bear

lolol

[Sohan Talluri 1L]

Why do chemists always share their cookies?

They only van't Hoff.

[mya warner 2C]

What was Avogadro's favorite sport? Golf! He always got a mole-in-one!

[Jaipal Virdi 2I]

[mya warner 2C]

What do chemists call a benzene ring where the carbon atoms are replaced with iron atoms? A ferrous wheel.

[mya warner 2C]

What do the other elements say about hydrogen?

He’s such a loner!

[mya warner 2C]

What is a chemist’s favorite holiday song?

Oh Chemist-TREE, oh Chemist-TREE!

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

Why is it bad practice to solve equilibrium constants while distracted?

It requires concentration!

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

What is a favorite of both igloo interior designers and chemistry students?

ICE tables!

[Smita Ektare 2J]

Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO.

[Aishwarya Yuvaraj 2J]

What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together?

CsI

[Brianna Bui 2J]

Q: Why do the other elements call group 18 "the knights of the periodic table"?

A: Because they are the noble gases.




i'm sorry everyone :(

[Leah Schlageter 1A]

My mom told me this one a while ago and glad I have the perfect place to share:
Did you lose an election?
Well you better keep an ion on it!

[MaxReines1A]

A chemist and her dog walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at the dog and says, "No pets allowed. You have to leave."
The chemist smiles and asks the bartender, "if I can prove that this is no typical dog, will you let us stay? By that, I mean that this dog can talk!"
The bartender smirks: "Sure, if you can do that I'll let you stay and give both of you a free beer. Let's see it."
The chemist turns to her dog. "Avogadro, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Avogadro responds, "Bark!"
The chemist asks, "What is the top of a house called?"
"Roof!"
The chemist turns to the bartender and says, "See! I told you my dog can talk."
The bartender rolls his eyes. "Nice joke, but you have to leave."
Dejectedly, the chemist leaves the bar, taking her dog with her. Sitting outside the bar on a bench, the dog looks at the chemist and asks, "What was his problem?"

I hope you all enjoyed my chemistry joke :)

[Arthur Mkrtchyan 2K]

Why can you never trust an atom?

They make up literally everything.

[George Kokotsis 2L]

Lose an electron?

Gotta keep an ion it.

[alyona]

How often should you tell a chemistry joke?

Periodically.

[Nishanth Vemuri 2L]

Michael Jackson always keeps two helium atoms around him. I don't know why . . .

HeHe

[asianfruit 1J]

Why did the attacking army use acid?


To neutralize the enemy's base!

[Precious Oniha]

What do you say when someone throws sodium chloride at you?


"that's a salt"

[Toni Delton 3F]

I’d tell you another chemistry joke.
 Unfortunately, all the good ones argon!

[005716808]

According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your hotness w me

[Andrew Rodriguez 2A]

What does a cat call H2O2,

Hydrogen Purrrrrr-oxide

LOL

[Cynthia_Gonzalez_3A]

What did one charged atom say to the other? .........
I go my ion u :D!

[kjwong02]

Q: What is the chemical formula for sea water?

A: CH2O!

[alyona]

I saw Oxygen and Magnesium holding hands and I was like
O Mg

[kyra sunil 3L]

The proton is not speaking to the other proton, he's mad atom.

[Augustin Kelly 3E]

A chemist and his friend get drinks.
The chemist says "I'll have H2O."
His friend thinks that's so cool, and says "I'll have H2O too!"
They drink their drinks, and the friend vomits profusely.

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

Why does the wise man build his house upon sodium hydroxide?

It's a strong base!

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

What did the chemistry student say when she finally understood acid equilibrium?

[A][H]/[HA]!

[Justine Lim 3L]

all of the good chemistry jokes argon

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

Shaun was a rambunctious student, always pranking his lab partner Sarah. His modus operandi always seemed to revolve around practical joke toys. Be it a hand buzzer while passing Sarah a beaker, a whoopie cushion on her seat, or a mousetrap in the lab drawers, Sarah could always count on Shaun bringing some useless distraction to lab.

Walking into the laboratory, Sarah was apathetically awaiting Shaun's prank for the day. The lab was a relatively simple one, only an introduction to titrations.

While the students were starting their titrations, their professor was walking up and down the lab benches, asking students about the lab procedures. As Sarah heard her professor ask, "What process are we doing by adding base to acid," she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked over to see Shaun clutching his face with one hand, and with the other pointing to what seemed to be a glass eyeball sitting in their beaker of titrand.

Unamused, Sarah said, "New troll eyes, eh Shaun?"

The professor responded, "Correct".

-JH, 1/19/23

[parisnortega1]

Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO!

[Danielle Paisley 1H]

What is fish that is made up of two sodium? 2Na (tuna)

[Hoang Nguyen 3H]

An atom walks into a bar and starts flirting with another atom. They were super compatible, but the atom left the bar feeling super bad about himself. Turns out he took some electrons with him!

[105736938 AADL]

Gold is the best element because it's AU-some.

[105736938 AADL]

Lose an electron?

Gotta keep an ion it.

[Omaia Olivas 1C]

I would make a joke about week two's materials, but it would be too basic.

[Niyati 1F]

I think all of these jokes are too basic... Because I see no reaction!

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

If Dr. Lavelle decided to create a community for learning Spanish, he'd probably call it "Conjugate Base".

[Layla Shapouri 2L]

Lose an electron?

Gotta keep an ion it.

(I think this one is funny)

[Oscar Tan 1L]

Man, my chemistry experiment exploded...

It's ok, oxidants happen :D

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

When it's cold outside, I've always found that marching in ranks with my friends and classmates up and down Bruinwalk seems to warm me up.

In chemistry it's known as the "heat of formation".

[Alec Villarreal 2H]

What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together?

CsI!

[Alec Villarreal 2H]

Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na.

[Alec Villarreal 2H]

Lose an electron?

Gotta keep an ion it

[Alec Villarreal 2H]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much a drink costs.

"For you, no charge."

[Alec Villarreal 2H]

What do the other elements say about hydrogen?

He's such a loner!

[Precious Oniha]

What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-o acid

[alyona]

What element derives from a Norse [censored]?

Thorium

[jennacostello8]

Chemists are always so happy in the lab because they're in their "element."

[Catherine K 2B]

How often should you tell a chemistry joke?

Periodically.

[Catherine K 2B]

I saw oxygen and magnesium holding hands and I was like OMg.

[Catherine K 2B]

A: "Want to watch me mix oxygen and potassium?"

B: "OK"

[Catherine K 2B]

Helium is a laughing gas...He He He

[Catherine K 2B]

I try to tell chemistry jokes but there is no reaction.

[Catherine K 2B]

I tell bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

[Catherine K 2B]

What kind of fish is only made up of two sodium atoms?

2Na

[Catherine K 2B]

I don't trust atoms...I heard they make up everything.

[Marylin Martinez 1F]

Lose an electron?

Better keep an ion it

[Marylin Martinez 1F]

What do you call an acid with an attitude?

A-mean-o-Acid

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

When explaining work functions, why is it important to project your voice?

Because volume is integral!

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

Discussing their travel plans to the 2023 National Convention of Thermodynamics, one scientist asked his assistant, "Which airline are you flying with?"

The assistant replied, "Delta, U?"

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

I'd tell a joke about work but I don't know if it can go the distance...

[Cylin Wang 2H]

We should have a topic for Chemistry Fun facts too!

[kirsten clemente 1E]

Why did the thermodynamics professor get cold feet at his wedding?

Because he was worried about a decrease in enthalpy!!!!

[kirsten clemente 1E]

Why did the work function go to therapy?

Because it was feeling electroNEGATIVE!!!

[Alec Villarreal 2H]

What kind of weapon can you make out of Potassium, Nickel, and Iron?

A KNiFe.

[Alec Villarreal 2H]

Why do chemists love club music?

They love when the base drops.

[Alec Villarreal 2H]

Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide?

NO

[105736938 AADL]

I'd give you some more chemistry jokes, but all the good ones argon.

[Jonathan Choe 3D]

What do you do if you kill a chemist?

Barium

[alyona]

Why can you never trust an atom?

They make up literally everything.

[jennacostello8]

Why do chemists find it easy to work with ammonia? It’s pretty basic.

[Sydney_Hoang_Dis1B]

Q: What element is the funniest?
A: Helium (HeHeHeHe)

[D Garcia 1C]

What is Lavelle's favorite thing to teach about?
Ammonia because it's pretty basic.

[JillianHood2K]

Chemists are so happy in the lab because they're in their element.

[Toni Delton 3F]

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?

Because it was polar!

[Jonathan Choe 3D]

Why was the chemist not invited to the party?


Because no one loved him

[Fayola Obasi 1F]

Why did the attacking army use acid ?
To neutralize the enemy's base !

[Fayola Obasi 1F]

I would post more chemistry jokes but the good ones argon.

[Fayola Obasi 1F]

If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice?
H20 cubed !

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

Are you a derived form of calculating change in entropy?

Because you are a q/T.

[Chloe Sy-Perez 1L]

Two chemists walk into a bar. One tells the bartender, "I'll have an H2O." The other says, "I'll have an H2O too!" The second chemist dies.

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

I would love to see Dr. Lavelle wear a suit and tie and talk with an English accent while teaching forms of calculating change in enthalpy.

You could say he'd give off "Bond Energy".

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

I've been developing a new restaurant idea of combining Mexican-Japanese cuisine with an emphasis on seasonings and spices.

I'll probably call it "Heat of Fusion".

[Layla Shapouri 2L]

whats the sign of a bad chemistry joke?

no reaction :/

[alyona]

Are you Copper and Tellurium? Because you're cute

Cu Te

[Precious Oniha]

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but all the good ones argon!!!

[Hoang Nguyen 3H]

We had a fun review session on Friday November 7 and I encourage all students to view it as there were many excellent Q&A.

I started my review session by reading out the following chemistry joke given to me by a student:

Q. Why should you never trust atoms?
A. Because they make up everything!

Anyone wanting to post chemistry jokes can post under this topic.

I had a good laugh at this one!

[105736938 AADL]

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

[Toni Delton 3F]

What do you call an acid with an attitude?

A-mean-o Acid!

[Toni Delton 3F]

What shows does cesium and iodine love to watch together?

CsI

[Sydney_Hoang_Dis1B]

How often should you make a chemistry joke? Periodically

[Ananya Ravikumar 1I]

I had a good laugh with this one

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

If you gave Dr. Lavelle an eye patch and parrot, he'd definitely make a good pirate captain.

He's experienced in helm-holds! (Helmholtz)

[Joshua Hockman 1C]

What do organic chemists and introverts have in common?

They both try to avoid work functions!

[Danielle Paisley 1H]

.

[Danielle Paisley 1H]

.