Chemistry Jokes

[Alexma 3A]

1) Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
2) Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
3) A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
4) What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

[Deen Tar]

1. Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

2. Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

3. Question- What did one ion say to the other?
Answer- I've got my ion you.

4. Question- Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
Answer- It went OK.

5. I would like to apologize for not adding more jokes but I only updated them... periodically!

[Kaitlin_Ryan_ 3K]

Found a couple good jokes on Google:

1) Chemistry jokes are Sodium funny I slapped my Neon that one.

2) Do you have 11 protons because your Sodium fine.

3) I think I've lost an electron, in fact I'm positive.

4) Know any good jokes about sodium hyporbromite? NaBrO

5) Chemistry is just physics. It's the part of physics that's too hard for the physicists.

[Omer Lavian 2K]

You've never heard of sodium hydroxide? It's so basic!

[Janet Pham 1B]

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

[Aneri Suthar]

Q: What do you call a clown who's in jail?
A: A silicon.

Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Q: What emotional disorder does a gas chomatograph suffer from?
A: Separation anxiety.

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

[Ricardo Munoz 3K]

-You guys should be careful with how much Queen you listen to. Too much of their songs can cause cancer due to the Mercury poisoning.
-What did the graduated cylinder tell the beaker while they were playing tag? "Tag, buret!"
-What do you call a salty fish? A 2 Na fish.
-Two elements- Chlorine and Fluorine- were at a bar, talking to each other about their friends.
Cl:So Oxygen and Potassium went out on a date. It went OK.
F: What? I heard that Oxygen went out with Magnesium! OMg!
-How can i tell what elements are diatomic? Well, once you see NOF of them, you just figure it out on your own. It becomes Cl-ear to you, and you do not need to be Br-ight to see it too. However, all this is only true IF you pay attention to patterns in the periodic table.

[Theresa_Trieu_2G]

1. Q: Why did the acid go to the gym?
A: To become a buffer solution! 

2. Q: What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium? 
A: CoRnY. 

3. An electron sitting in a prison asked a second electron cellmate, "What are you in for?" To which the latter replied, "For attempting a forbidden transition."

[Jake_Benna_3J]

Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro's number!

[Kevin Le 1L]

Hey guys!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to its chemistry lecture!

ha ha ha hahaha ahhahahahahhahahhahahahahahaHAHAAHhahhah

[Vivian Wang 3J]

Most people find chemistry jokes funny; I find them prephosphorous.

[Isayan_Natalie_3L]

Two puns for y'all!

Today we are covering CH2O, or as i like to call it: Seawater

Have you spoken to C6H6 lately? He hasn't benzene around here for ages.

[Lexy Swenson 1F]

1. Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na

2. The name's bond. Ionic bond. Taken, not shared.

3. Why did the white furry bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar

4.What do you do with dead chemists? Barium

5.What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel, and iron? A KNiFe

[Cliff Danza 3F]

Is Silicon the same in Spanish?

Si

[Nilla Sivakumar 2H]

What do you call 6.022*10^23 guacas?
A guacamole!
It's Avocado's Number!

[Katelyn Li 2J]

A photon walks into a hotel. The man at the front desk asks if he needs help with any luggage. The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

[Nimah_Rasheed_3I]

I don't remember where I heard this but...

"Want to hear a joke about Nitric Oxide?"
"NO"

[Flamingos 3L]

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

[Ivanna_Tang_3B]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A one molar solution

[TramHo2G]

Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems?
A: They have all the solutions!

[Marc Farah 3D]

1) A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

2) If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

3) If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.

[Angela_Pu_3C]

download/file.php?mode=view&id=1678

[Nadine_El Fawal_3M]

Are you a carbon sample?
Because I want to date you.

[JAC_2016]

[Courtney_Koenig_3K]

What is the chemical formula for coffee?
Co(Fe)2

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
H2O cubed

Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
To reduce his carbon footprint.

What happened to the man who was stopped for having NaCl and a nine-volt in his car?
He was booked for a salt and battery.

[Chem_Mod]

Please post jokes here:
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=4291

Thanks

[rielapopp3O]

A photon checks into a hotel. The concierge asks him if he needs help with his bags.

The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

[edhuang]

Oxygen is recruiting elements to play tag.

He goes to Potassium and says, "Do you want to play?"

Potassium says, "K."

He then goes to Sodium and asks, "Do you want to play?"

Sodium goes, "Na."

[Arkinrao3A]

1. I would tell you a joke but all the good ones argon.
2. Why did the covalent bonds hate the ionic bonds?
Because they never share.

[Jessica Huang 1M]

[Tyler_Vellozzi_3E]

NaCl/NaOH....The base is under a salt!

Are you made of Copper and Tellurium? Cause you are CuTe!

[Alexandria_Leaf_2F]

What do Batman and sodium have in common?
Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na

What did the Angry electron say when it was compelled?
Let me atom!

(Here's some chemistry pick up lines as well):

Are you made of copper and tellurium?
because you're CuTe!

You're like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!

Girl you must be made of fluorine, Iodine, and Neon because you are FINe!