Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?
It went OK2!

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

[Becca Nelson 3F]

what type of dogs do scientists have?

Laboratory retrievers!

[almost_ethan]

Q: What’s a sign of a bad chemistry joke?
A: No Reaction

[almost_ethan]

Q: Why do chemists find it easy to work with ammonia?
A: It’s pretty basic.

[almost_ethan]

Q: How often does a chemist need coffee?
A: They need caffeine periodically.

[almost_ethan]

Q: What did one acid say to the other?
A: You’re overreacting.

[almost_ethan]

Q: Why was the DJ called DJ Enzyme?
A: He was always breaking it down.

[almost_ethan]

Q: Old chemists never die, why?
A: They just stop reacting.

[Sebastian2I]

This isn't exactly a joke but I couldn't think of anywhere else to post it. I was just reading Descartes' Third Meditation for my philosophy class and as he mused on why he innately believes that his sensory perceptions resemble the things from which he attributed them in the outside world, he brings up the example of touching something warm, experiencing sensations of heat, and thus concluding that the thing is hot. This made me wonder, should heat be thought of as an intrinsic property of something in the same sense as its texture or color? What he is actually experiencing is heat being transferred from the object to his palm - and although we now know that this doesn't work like an invisible substance ie caloric moving around, the energy difference is what causes the increase in molecular movement that we perceive as temperature, and it can transfer said energy away. So is it wise to think of this as a property of the thing in itself?

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

I tried writing jokes about the periodic table…
…but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

Someone threw sodium chloride at me.
I yelled, “That’s a salt!”

[Mari Williams 1K]

Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was a polar bear

[Maddie Turk Disc 2J]

what did michael jackson write on his chem test?
Helium Helium
(He He)

[Jalaia Jackson 2G]

[IanWheeler3F]

What do you think the rate of people disappearing was, zero order? First order?

[keely_bales_1f]

How do you laugh in a "chemist's" language?

HeHe

[Kathrine_Samia_1A]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution

Haha I laughed in pain because of this while I have an impacted wisdom tooth right now :(

[Kathrine_Samia_1A]

How do you laugh in a "chemist's" language?

HeHe

genius!

[Kathrine_Samia_1A]

What do you think the rate of people disappearing was, zero order? First order?

OMG yes!

[Kathrine_Samia_1A]

I tried writing jokes about the periodic table…
…but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.

Haha I can relate

[JasmineCap1A]

When I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out, I was like O Mg!

[JasmineCap1A]

Whenever I tell chemistry jokes there's a reaction

[JasmineCap1A]

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar

[JasmineCap1A]

When the dipoles were passing they asked if I had a moment

[Namratha Gujje]

Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
A: "You may have graduated but I have many degrees!"

[Lorena_Morales_1K]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

[Lorena_Morales_1K]

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

[Aydin Karatas 1F]

pretty bare-bones skeleton structure if you ask me

[Anusha Chaudhary 1J]

Getting ready for Chem 14C with an O-chem joke!

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

[Brian Acevedo 2E]

What is Kylo Ren's favorite thing to study with relation to Kinetics?


First Order Reactions!

[Jaden Ward 3J]

Lose an electron?

Gotta keep an ion it.

[Jaden Ward 3J]

Gold is the best element because it’s AU-some.

[Jaden Ward 3J]

What do you call an acid with an attitude?

A-mean-o Acid

[Jaden Ward 3J]

My chemistry experiment exploded.

It’s ok, oxidants happen

[Jaden Ward 3J]

I wish I was adenine.

Then I could get paired with U.

[IanWheeler3F]

How im studying for this final

[805377003]

Why are chemists great for solving problems? Because they always have a solution!

[almost_ethan]

Q: What do you call a clown who’s in jail?
A: A silicon.

[almost_ethan]

Q: What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?
A: Separation anxiety.

[almost_ethan]

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it’s in the ground state.

[Ismar Zamora]

Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.

[JakeSaum_1A]

Anyone know any sodium jokes?

Na

[JakeSaum_1A]

Why did Mr. Watt work in the jewelry store?

He could sort through 1 Joule per second

[JakeSaum_1A]

What is the chemical formula for ice?

H2O cubed

[Becca Nelson 3F]

If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate!

[abby hyman]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[AHUNT_1A]

Are you made of Copper and Tellurium?

Because you are CuTe

[Lisa Seidl 3H]

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.

[JasmineCap1A]

Chemists are great at solving problems since they have all of the solutions

[JasmineCap1A]

What do you call a wheel made with iron? A ferrous wheel.

[Sukhkiran Kaur 3I]

A neutron walks into a bar.
Before leaving, he asks the bartender, "How much?"
The bartender responds, "No charge."

[Sukhkiran Kaur 3I]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

[IanWheeler3F]

probably the best xkcd comic to date

[almost_ethan]

Why did the attacking army use acid? To neutralize the enemy's base!

[almost_ethan]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They're cheaper than day rates!

[almost_ethan]

What's the dullest element? Bohrium!

[isha dis3d]

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

[isha dis3d]

What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI

[Levon Grigoryan]

What kind of fish is made of only 2 sodium atoms? .............................. 2Na

[Levon Grigoryan]

Why did the Noble Gas cry? Because all his friends ArGon.

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Lose an electron?

Gotta keep an ion it.

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Gold is the best element because it’s AU-some.

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

I like to hear chemistry puns, periodically.

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

What do you call an acid with an attitude?

A-mean-o Acid

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Why can you never trust an atom?

They make up literally everything.

[Anusha Chaudhary 1J]

This was a joke I saw on social media that reminded me of our kinetics unit.

"Physical Chemistry: The pitiful attempt at applying y = mx + b to everything in the universe."

[Ashley Wagner 2A]

First man orders "I'd like H2O". The second man orders "I'd like H2O too". The second man died.

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A one molar solution.

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of helium?
HeHe

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

A proton and a neutron were walking down the street. The proton says, "Stop, I dropped an electron. Help me look for it." The neutron asks, "Are you sure?" The proton replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

[305614361]

Q: What did Michael Jackson say after he inhaled Helium
A: He He

[305614361]

Q: What should you do if no one laughs at your joke
A: Keep telling them until you get a reaction

[305614361]

Q: I tried writing jokes about the periodic table
A: But I realized I wasn't quite in my element

[305614361]

Q: Did you hear the joke about coablt, radon and yttrium
A: Nevermind it's to CoRnY

[305614361]

Q: If H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, what is H2O4
A: Drinking, Bathing, and lots of other daily activities

[305614361]

Q: Why do chemist find working with ammonia easy
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff

[305614361]

Q: How did the hipster chemist burn his hand?
A: He picked it up before it was cool

[305614361]

Q: What's a chemist's favorite type of dog?
A: A Laboratory retriever

[305614361]

Q: What is iron man's favorite amusement park ride?
A: The ferrous wheel

[305614361]

Q: What is the difference between chemistry and physics jokes
A: Chemistry jokes can be funny periodically but physics jokes have more potential

[JasmineCap1A]

Chemists learn about ammonia first since it's pretty basic

[Scot Widjaja Dis 1J]

Check this one out.

[jasonfarrales3D]

Chemist make very bad DJs (EXCEPT DJ LAVELLE!!!), they take extra care to not drop the base.

[Jaden Ward 3J]

What was Avogadro’s favorite sport? Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one.

[Jaden Ward 3J]

Why did the attacking army use acid? To neutralize the enemy’s base!

[Jaden Ward 3J]

Chemists are so happy in the lab because they’re in their element.

[Jaden Ward 3J]

H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed

[Jaden Ward 3J]

Q: What did the chemist say when there was an explosion in the lab?
A: Oxidants happen.

[905579227]

i fould this joke while on tiktok the other day

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

[905579227]

Two chemists walk into a bar. One tells the bartender, "I'll have an H2O." The other says, "I'll have an H2O too!" The second chemist dies.

[905579227]

Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar."OH SNaP!" says the bartender.

[Aaron Kwan 3B]

I was gonna make a joke about sodium, but then i thought- na.

[Aaron Kwan 3B]

Did you know that, you can be cooled to -273.15 C and still be 0k?

[Aaron Kwan 3B]

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?


Drinking.

[Aaron Kwan 3B]

Whats the biggest rule in chemistry?

never lick the spoon.

[Aaron Kwan 3B]

These are all bad chemistry jokes... all the good ones Argon