Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Ethan Mai 1D]

Why are thermometers the most intelligent tool of measurement?

Because they have so many degrees!

[Alex Dayrit 3B]

[Calvin Su 1B]

I can only make bad chemistry jokes because all the funny ones Argon :(

[Anisa Subbiah 14B 1L]

What do you call a clown in jail? A Silicon!

[Aditya Desai 1A]

I'd like to make a chemistry joke here, but all the good ones Argon.

[Aditya Desai 1A]

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium or curium, might as well barium.

[Aditya Desai 1A]

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
H2O cubed.

[Aditya Desai 1A]

When one chemist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
C over lambda.

[Aditya Desai 1A]

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Do I know any jokes about Sodium Hypobromite?
NaBrO

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

You want to hear a joke about Nitric Oxide?
NO

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Lost an electron. You really have to keep an ion them.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?
2 Na

[Eduarda Diniz 2B]

Two chemists walk into a bar. One tells the bartender, "I'll have an H2O." The other says, "I'll have an H2O too!" The second chemist dies.

[Eduarda Diniz 2B]

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar!

[Calvin Su 1B]

Why did the attacking army use acid?

To neutralize the enemy's base

[Jaipal Virdi 2I]

What happened to the man stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.

[Darlene Luu 1H]

Lose an electron? Gotta keep an ion it.

[MiaRosati3L]

Here's a bad one for fellow Marvel fans: If Quicksilver and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

[Joseph Lee]

OK THIS IS GONNNA BE GOOD (I saw it on Reddit somewhere long time ago)

A photon walks into a hotel and the front desk manager asks it, "do you need any assistance with your luggage?"

the photon responds, "no, I'm travelling light"

[Matthew Nguyen 3G]

[Matthew Nguyen 2F]

chememe1.jpg

ayo we got the same name 0_0

[LukeYing_3H]

I wish I was clever enough to make jokes like this.

[Niyati 1F]

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution!

[Niyati 1F]

What do you call a clown in jail?
A silicon!

[Tristan Friet 3G]

[Vance Liu]

Wow, these jokes are so hilarious! Here's one.

I tell only bad jokes because the good ones argon.

I'm a comedic genius.

[Calvin Su 1B]

What's another way of saying HIJKLMNO?

H2O!! ahahaha :)))

[Katherine Li 1A]

Here's a bad one:

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium!

[505705039]

Joke:
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty, but how does the chemist see it?
A: Completely full, half with liquid and half with air

[Jamie Park 2F]

Why do chemists find working with ammonia easy?

Because it's pretty basic stuff :)

[Jacob Kirkosian 3C]

Not sure if it's already been posted but:

A proton, a neutron, and an electron walk into a bar. The proton and electron ask the bartender how much for a drink and, after answering, the particles pay up the bartender's tab. When the neutron asks the bartender how much for a drink the bartender responds, "for you, no charge".

[Jacob Kirkosian 3C]

I'd post another chemistry joke but all the good ones argon.

[Calvin Su 1B]

Sodium tried to make a joke, but it was Nat very funny :(

[Calvin Su 1B]

Nobody likes talking to Potassium because his responses are always dry. He only responds with "K"

[Calvin Su 1B]

After lecture, the professor asked Chlorine, Arsenic, and Sulfur "so how did you all end up getting to know each other?", to which they responded "we just have ClAsS together, thats all."

[Calvin Su 1B]

Why did some students decide not to attend the professor's OH?

They thought it was just basic information

[Calvin Su 1B]

Protons and electrons never agree on the same thing:

Protons see the glass as half full whereas electrons see the glass as half empty

[205769933]

Scientists recently discovered a rare new element called Beautium and it looks like you’re made out of it.

[205769933]

Are you on the periodic table? 'Cause you are SODIUM fine 

[Rachel Martinez 1A]

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK!
(not original content)

[Kiana Rogers 1E]

A photon checks into a hotel, and the desk clerk asks, "Do you have any luggage?"

The photon replies, "No, I'm travelling light."

[Kiana Rogers 1E]

This might be inappropriate, but oh well...

I might be a chem major but I'm no Bohr in bed ;)

[Kiana Rogers 1E]

What do chemists do at the gym?

They try to get their acetone'd.

[805774026]

Had a goood laugh!

[Santiago Chang 2K]

A Chemist, a Biologist, and a Mathematician...
Were sitting on a bench in front of a hotel, and see two people enter, then three people exit. The chemist claims that they must have been an error in the initial measurements, the biologist says they must have procreated, thus creating another person, the mathematician states that if one more person enters the building, the building would then be empty.

Not original, but I thought it was funny!

[Santiago Chang 2K]

i made a meme!

[Kirsten Yu 2K]

"Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?"
"How did it go?"
"It went OK2!"

[Kirsten Yu 2K]

"What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon"

[Caitlin Beale 3E]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
- They're cheaper than day rates!

[Caitlin Beale 3E]

What should you do with a sick chemist?

- If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

[Rachel Bartley 2B]

What do you do with a dead chemist?
You barium!

[Abby 2B]

What did the other elements say to Hydrogen?
What a loner!

[JacksonWissing2G]

I was about to finish the homework about sodium, but then I was like Na.

[Nika Kononov 3E]

What's a doctor's favorite element?
Mendelevium! (Md)

[HannahArabi14a]

A neutron walked into a club filled with electrons and protons and asked how much ticket admissions were to get in. The ticket vendor said in reply,"For you, it's free of charge."

[905715668]

I thought it would be funny to explain chemistry jokes.

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

This joke is referring to helium's low density. Helium is the second-lightest element on the periodic table which makes it lighter or less dense than air itself. Allowing the helium to escape Earth's atmosphere.

[Rio Gagnon 1G]

Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro's number!

Q: What do you call a clown who's in jail?
A: A silicon.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

I use chemistry puns but only periodically.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Silver walks up to gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here."

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

What was Avogadro's favorite sport? Golf because he always got a mole-in-one.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
"That's as-salt!"

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Two atoms are walking down the street.
One atom says to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes I'm positive!"

[butteredbread]

why can you never trust atoms?
They make up everything!

[205678283]

What did one ion say to the other ion?

I got my ion you!

[205678283]

What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory retrievers

[205769933]

If you wanna be able to tell who is a chemist ask them to say unionized.

[JacksonWissing2G]

What did one charged atom say to the other?

I got my ion you!

[Ameerah Hameed 3B]

Q: What's the dullest element?
A: Bohrium!

Honorary Mention:
Q: What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A: A-mean-oh Acid

[Niyati 1F]

What element is derived by a Norse [censored]?

Thorium

[Niyati 1F]

Old chemists never die. They just stop reacting. lol

[Joseph Ettipio]

What's a good way to remember cation and anion charges?

Cations are pawsitive.

[N Kanuri 2E]

What do you call a clown in jail?

A Silicon :)

[Denise Chavez 2G]

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
"You may have graduated, but I've got many degrees."

[LillianHarvey2C]

Though very cheesy, these jokes genuinely made me laugh while I'm studying for a quiz. Thank you guys lol

Also a very bad cliche joke: My friend and I were making cookies. I told him to get the baking soda, and he then proceeded to open the stove and say "there's no soda baking in here" lol.

[Ally Mosher]

Are you a mole? Because I am digging you. (Get it. Animal mole)

[GoldDigger]

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with Potassium?
It went OK

[GoldDigger]

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with Potassium?
It went OK

[Kirsten Yu 2K]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273˚C and still be 0k?

[Rio Gagnon 1G]

Two atoms are walking down the street. One atom says to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"

[Jacob Kirkosian 3C]

I’m sorry for everyone reading this, but:

Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

A: BaNa2

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

I wish I was adenine.
Then I could get paired with U.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Carbon and Hydrogen went on a date. I heard they really bonded.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

What happened to the man stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car?
He was booked for a salt and battery.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

I think these jokes are sodium funny. In fact, I slapped my neon that one!

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Helium walks into a bar, the bar tender says “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.”
Helium doesn’t react.

[Calvin Su 1B]

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"It's me, Salt"
"Sorry man ion know you"

[Tristan Friet 3G]

All the chemistry jokes argon.

[205678283]

What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na

[Calvin Su 1B]

A comedian delivered a very big punchline to his audience. One scientist responded with "Hah, that one's a classic."

[Calvin Su 1B]

Which music period was relatively large scale? The Classical Period.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar.
“OH SNaP!” says the bartender.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
It was CoRnY.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

What’s the difference between chemistry jokes and physics jokes?
Chemistry jokes can be funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

Why did the attacking army use acid?
To neutralize the enemy’s base.

[Dianne Ayala 1B]

When Magnesium saw Oxygen, he said, "I was sure there was some chemical reaction between you and me. OMg, I was right!"

[Neha Jonnalagadda 2D]

Lose an electron? Well that's because you didn't keep your ion it.

[Giselle Simmons 2D]

Two chemists walk into a bar. One tells the bartender, "I'll have an H2O." The other says, "I'll have an H2O too!" The second chemist dies.

Kind of dark but oh well.

[Giselle Simmons 2D]

Old chemists never die. They just stop reacting!

[Giselle Simmons 2D]

Why does a hamburger have less energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state!