Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Mauricio Maravilla 3C]

Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide?

[Bella Bursulaya 3G]

I'm not sure if this one has been done before :D

Cop: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?

Heisenberg: No, but I know exactly where I am.

Cop: You were doing 55 in a 30.

Heisenberg: Great, now I'm lost.

Cop: What's in the trunk?

Schrodinger: My cat.

The cop opens the trunk.

Cop: Your cat is dead.

Schrodinger: Well it is now, thanks a lot

[America Ramirez 3H]

so oxygen went ona date with potassium today... it went OK.

[America Ramirez 3H]

why did the attacking army use acid? to neutralize the enemy's base.

[America Ramirez 3H]

why did the white bear dissolve in water? because it was polar.

[America Ramirez 3H]

what do you call a tooth in a glass of water? a one molar solution.

[America Ramirez 3H]

what's the chemical formula for seawater? CH2O.

[LaurenChoi_1J]

Q: What’s a sign of a bad chemistry joke?
A: No Reaction

[Chris 1C]

if H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, what is H2O4?

DRINKING LOL

[JasmineCap1A]

Two chemistry students walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'd like some H20." The other one says, "I'd like some H20, too!" The second chemist died. :))

[Navdha Sharma 3J]

i really liked this one!

[Becca Nelson 3F]

Why do chemists learn about ammonia first?

Because its pretty BASIC stuff

[ShinwooKim_3E]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

[805377003]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

[805377003]

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
HeHe

[805377003]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.

[805377003]

What element is a girl's future best friend?
Carbon

[805377003]

What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.

[Bryan Le 2K]

Why did the attacking army use acid?
To neutralize their base.

[alebenavides]

did u hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? he's OK now

[alebenavides]

did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? he's ok now

[Kaili Valenzuela 2B]

What was Avogadro’s favorite sport? Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one!

[Emily_Stenzler_2H]

I tell bad chemistry quotes because all the good ones Argon.

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI

[OmarArafat_2K]

What do the other elements say about hydrogen?
He’s such a loner!

[OmarArafat_2K]

What did one charged atom say to the other?
I got my ion you.

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

Why does a hamburger have less energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state!

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

What's a chemistry teachers favorite thing to teach about? Ammonia, because it's pretty basic stuff.

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution!

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

What was Avogadro's favorite sport? Golf! He always got a mole-in-one!

[JakeSaum_1A]

I was going to tell a chemistry joke but I was afraid I would get no reaction

[JakeSaum_1A]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A one molar solution

[Darren1j]

I need someone to look after my electron today, do you mind keeping a ion it for me?

[keely_bales_1f]

what do you do with a sick chemist?


if you can't helium, and you can't curium, you might as well barium.

[jasonfarrales3D]

Did you hear about the guy that cooled himself to -273.15˚C and was still 0K?

[Darren1j]

Gold is my favorite part of the periodic table because it is AU-some!

[Shana Patel 1C]

What did one atom say to the other on their first date?
--> I think we bonded.

[Michelle Nguyen 3F]

I’m out of chemistry jokes, so I think I should ZINC of a new one

[vbarian27]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

[vbarian27]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[vbarian27]

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.

[vbarian27]

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

[vbarian27]

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

[Khushi_Gupta_1A]

What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2

[Khushi_Gupta_1A]

What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
2 Na

[Cooper_Geralds_3B]

Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium?

It was ~CoRnY~

[Hannah_Kim_1I]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything...

[Claudia_Danysh_2B]

I'm starting to think these jokes are too basic for everyone because I see no reaction..get it

[Truman Chong Dis 3G]

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

[Elena Chen 2E]

[Quinton Sprague 1A]

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[Jacob Schwarz-Discussion 3I]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?
This one blew me out of the water

[Gwen Casillan 3E]

I really enjoy chemistry jokes, periodically, that is.

[805513524]

What’s the difference between chemistry jokes and physics jokes?
Chemistry jokes can be funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential.
(I hope no one has done this one)

[idella 1D]

What is one of the worst compounds to use for chemistry?

Uranium Scandium

(USc)

proud to say that prof. Lavelle used this joke in today's lecture :D

[Breanna Ouyang 1I]

What's a sign of a bad chemistry joke?
No reaction :/

[Alex Mele 2A]

This one is a pickup line that I told my friend during a titration lab in AP Chem back in the day: hey girl, I must be phenophthalein because you make me turn bright pink ;)

[Alex Mele 2A]

What is one of the worst compounds to use for chemistry?

Uranium Scandium

(USc)

proud to say that prof. Lavelle used this joke in today's lecture :D

Haha I loved this one!

[idella 1D]

I think my chemistry teacher might be asleep...
Today there hasn't been even one reaction from him.

[Becca Nelson 3F]

What do you call a mixture of carbon and aluminum?

The second best public university in the nation!

[Anusha Chaudhary 1J]

What is Batman's favorite element?

Sodium. Na Na Na Na Na Na Batman!

I'm sorry for the terrible joke.

[Brianne Conway 1D]

Why does a hamburger have less energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state!

[Brianne Conway 1D]

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar!

[Jordi M 2I]

What do Switzerland and H20 have in common?
They always remain neutral!

[Lizbeth Garcia 1F]

What does Michael Lithium say when he loses an electron. Helium Helium

[isha dis3d]

Have you heard of Boyle's Law?
It's a law stating that the pressure of a given mass of an ideal gas is inversely proportional to its volume at a constant temperature.

Now building on top of that, have you ever heard of Cole's Law?

It's a salad dish of raw cabbage, carrots, and other vegetables mixed with mayonnaise.

[Jaden Ward 3J]

My Mom said to stop drinking soda because it has acid in it.
I replied," Stop making such baseless accusations".

[Jaden Ward 3J]

Why would the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.

[Jaden Ward 3J]

I’ve been informed that jokes about acids are a waste of time.
They say that basic jokes have a higher potential.

[Kristine_Aramyan_3K]

"chemistry jokes are sodium funny! i slapped my neon that one!"

[Ziyan Peng 3A]

Chemistry puts the cation in education.

[JakeSaum_1A]

If Iron man and the Silver Surfer teamed up, they'd be alloys

[JakeSaum_1A]

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms instead of carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel

[JakeSaum_1A]

What do you call a clown in jail?

A silicon

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro's number!

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Q: What do you do with a dead chemist?
A: Barium

[805377003]

What is the chemical formula for “banana”?
BaNa2

[805377003]

Now we're making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon

[Sukhkiran Kaur 3I]

Take all your lame chemistry jokes and barium.

[keely_bales_1f]

What's the dullest element?

Bohrium!

[Shana Patel 1C]

You talk funny when you breathe helium!
He He He

[Anvy 1G]

*Be a doctor
Me- I'm so sorry sir we had to remove the extra Dihydrogen Monoxide that was building up in your bladder but unfortunately there was just too much left in there still.
Patient- Oh my [censored], what is it how do I cure it please help me
Me- well you should be fine just go to the restroom and stop eating those [censored] ice chips
Patient-:(

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar.
“OH SNaP!” says the bartender.

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep telling them until you get a reaction.

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

I tried writing jokes about the periodic table…
…but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.

[Emily Langie 3L]

Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the bar?

Because he got Avogadro's number

[JasmineCap1A]

They Argon? I don't Zinc so.

[jasonfarrales3D]

A neutron walked into a bar and ordered a drink, and the bartender gave the drink for free. The neutron asked why the drink was free, and the bartender replied, "for you no charge."

[vbarian27]

What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
A: 2 Na

[vbarian27]

Q: What kind of dogs do chemists have?
A: Laboratory Retrievers

[vbarian27]

Q: What do you call a wheel made of iron?
A: A ferrous wheel.

[vbarian27]

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.

[vbarian27]

Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.