Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[alebenavides]

gold walks into a bar. the bartender shouts "A U! Get out of here!"

[Katy Austin 1K]

Q: What is a chem student's favorite sushi?

A: Spicy 2-Na roll!

[Katy Austin 1K]

I hope this hasn't been done already because I love this joke...

Q: What kind of dogs do scientists have?

A: Laboratory Retrievers

[almost_ethan]

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK!

[idella 1D]

Let's take all of these bad chemistry jokes and BARIUM

[idella 1D]

What does the enthalpy pirate steal?

Joules

[JasmineCap1A]

A clown in jail? What a silicon :)

[Lisa Seidl 3H]

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.

[Lisa Seidl 3H]

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

[JakeSaum_1A]

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
It's pretty basic stuff

[JakeSaum_1A]

Why does a hamburger yield lower energy than a steak
Because it's in its ground state

[JakeSaum_1A]

What is the name of 007's eskimo cousin?
Polar Bond

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Old chemists never die, they simply stop reacting.

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

What’s the chemical formula for a banana?
BaNa2

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A one molar solution

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together?
CsI

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

What was Avogadro's favorite sport? Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one.

[vbarian27]

How did the hipster chemist burn his hand on the beaker? He picked it up before it was cool.

[vbarian27]

Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. I heard they really bonded.

[vbarian27]

I want to write some jokes about the periodic table… But I don't think I'll be in my element.

[vbarian27]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution!

[vbarian27]

What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together? CsI!

[805377003]

What did one charged atom say to the other?


I got my ion you!

[805377003]

Why are chemists great for solving problems?

Because they always have a solution!

[805377003]

What was Avogadro's favorite sport? Golf!


He always got a mole-in-one!

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

My name's Bond, Hydrogen Bond.

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

I'm out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-o acid.

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

I make bad chemistry puns, but only periodically.

[DominicMalilay 1F]

How do atoms stay in shape? Using a calori-meter!

[Becca Nelson 3F]

My chemistry experiment exploded...

It's ok oxidants happen!

[AHUNT_1A]

What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
.... CSI

[Hannah_Kim_1I]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much a drink costs.

“For you, no charge.”

[Mari Williams 1K]

A sign outside the hotel reads: "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3- 's"

[jasonfarrales3D]

Just stole some hydrocarbons the other day, I certainly hope I hadn't benzene.

[keely_bales_1f]

What's the difference between and optimist, a pessimist, and a chemist?

An optimist sees the glass half full, a pessimist sees the glass half empty, and the chemist sees the glass full with half liquid and half gas.

[Katie Phan 1K]

What kind of bear dissolves in water? ...
Polar Bear!

[Shana Patel 1C]

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
Bartender gives a smile and says, "for you, no charge!"

[Kaleb Tuliau 3E]

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.

[Christine Nguyen 3D]

So engineering school is really hard...
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.

[Anusha Chaudhary 1J]

What did the other elements say to hydrogen??

Why are you such a loner.

That is me. I am hydrogen.

[Emma Healy 2J]

Did you hear that oxygen and potassium went on a date?

Yeah it went OK!

[Emily_Stenzler_2H]

The proton is not speaking to the other proton, he’s mad atom.

[Namratha Gujje]

Q: What do you do with a dead chemist

A: you barium

[Gabe_Ek 1G]

Why do chemist like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than any day rates!

[Shannon Moore 2L]

Not my joke but vibes

https://www.tiktok.com/@missalexbackgirl/video/6903968365593758982?_d=secCgYIASAHKAESMgow2VshK14H%2B8f2%2BXoK7byF6pp%2BFT0meOdlJC4AaLuFKS6Bem4UsorCk%2FEL7cjT613%2FGgA%3D&language=en&preview_pb=0&sec_user_id=MS4wLjABAAAA5mpJYMXAjlkmjPD8s_C7JED_IX-e8QsVkomWyPoqD_IZCkaoQ5BKDpqUN0mHeITh&share_item_id=6903968365593758982&share_link_id=E7FDC152-0C29-445F-AE2C-CC5AF4AA188D&timestamp=1612770106&tt_from=copy&u_code=3hm3782bbg5gd&user_id=82859001670930432&utm_campaign=client_share&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=copy&source=h5_m

[Becca Nelson 3F]

What did the weak acid say to the strong acid??

you are overreacting!

[isha dis3d]

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

[IanWheeler3F]

so true

[Jaden Ward 3J]

Exothermic Reactions? I studied them before they were cool.

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”

“You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.

“That’s it! I can never remember that word.”

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time. The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He, too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, “The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water.”

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

I was reading a book on helium. I couldn’t put it down.

[Jaden Ward 3J]

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K.

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog is thrilled! “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”

“No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Q: What is the fastest way to determine the inappropriate word of a chromosome?

A: Pull down its genes.

[Jaden Ward 3J]

Enthalpy Pirate: He'll steal your joules.

[Jaden Ward 3J]

What do you do to dead elements? You barium.

[Jaden Ward 3J]

What do you say when: oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous walk into a bar? OH SNaP!

[JakeSaum_1A]

Why did Mr. Watt work in the jewelry store?

He could sort through one Jewel per second!

[JakeSaum_1A]

What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory retrievers

[JakeSaum_1A]

What kind of fish is made out of two sodium atoms?
2Na

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

[Joanne Yuh 3I]

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

[JasmineCap1A]

I couldn't helium or curium, so I had to barium.

[JasmineCap1A]

I'm diene studying for the chem midterm!

[vbarian27]

Q: If H20 is water what is H204?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. . .

[vbarian27]

Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

[vbarian27]

Famous last words from chemists:
"And now for the taste test..."
"And now let's shake it a bit..."
"Which glass was my mineral water?"

[vbarian27]

Two atoms are walking down the street.
​Says one atom to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure??"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

[vbarian27]

Q: Why didn't the physics and biology teachers get along?
A: ​They had no chemistry.

[Nina Fukui 2J]

all these jokes make me enjoy chemistry a little bit more every week. just wanted to say thank you to everyone

[Hannah_Kim_1I]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything...

[805377003]

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.

[805377003]

The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

[Shana Patel 1C]

Why is the pH of Youtube so stable?
Because it constantly buffers.

[Sunny Wu 3A]

Today I learned about thermodynamics. It's a very hot topic.

[Nicole Critzer 2L]

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide
What is H2O4?

drinking

[jasonfarrales3D]

What is the differences between a chemistry joke and a physics joke?

Chemistry jokes can be funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential.

[Anusha Chaudhary 1J]

What are the best elements to work with?

Bromine, Uranium, Indium, Sulfur

BrUInS!!!

[Anusha Chaudhary 1J]

A little Valentine's Day joke to lighten the mood!

A Hug without U is just toxic, Hg.

[Namratha Gujje]

A Valentine's Day Pun: A hug with u is just toxic (hg)

[joshtully]

Good one.

[805377003]

I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

[isha dis3d]

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn't put it down.

[George Kaleb Jimenez 1K]

2 men walk into a bar. The first man tells the bartender
"give me some H2O"
The bartender happily fills him up a glass of water. The second man feeling quite parched tells the bartender
"Give me some H2O too"
The bartender stares in shock but does so and when the second man drinks his drink he dies on the spot.

[Brianne Conway 1D]

Why does a hamburger have less energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state!

[Brianne Conway 1D]

Why should you go drinking with neutrons? Because wherever they go, there's no charge!

[Brianne Conway 1D]

Two chemists walk into a bar. One tells the bartender, "I'll have an H2O." The other says, "I'll have an H2O too!" The second chemist dies.

[Brianne Conway 1D]

I try to tell chemistry jokes but there is no REACTION.

[Brianne Conway 1D]

I tell bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

[Charlie Russell 2L]

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A: A ferrous wheel.

[JakeSaum_1A]

I tried writing a chemistry joke but it was out of my element

[JakeSaum_1A]

Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium?

It was CoRnY

[JakeSaum_1A]

Did you hear about oxygen's date with potassium?

It went OK

[NayeliPlayas_1L]

Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

What is the chemical formula of coffee? CoFe2

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

What is the name of agent 007's Eskimo cousin? Polar Bond.

[Kevin Pilcher 3J]

Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!