Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Chem_Mod]

We had a fun review session on Friday November 7 and I encourage all students to view it as there were many excellent Q&A.

I started my review session by reading out the following chemistry joke given to me by a student:

Q. Why should you never trust atoms?
A. Because they make up everything!

Anyone wanting to post chemistry jokes can post under this topic.

[Jenna Kovsky 1I]

I heard Potassium and Oxygen went on a date....It went OK

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond

[aimee1J]

At the end of the semester, a chemistry teacher asked her students what was the most important thing that they learned in lab. A student promptly raised his hand and said, "Never lick the spoon."

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over. The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg replies "No, but I can tell you exactly where I was." The cop, now suspicious, proceeds to search the car. Upon opening the trunk he exclaims "Hey, you have a dead cat back here!" to which Schrodinger replies "Well now I do! Thanks."

[Chem_Mod]

WOW you guys are on fire!
These are excellent jokes.

[Evamae Bayudan 1B]

Here are some more jokes!

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

[Chem_Mod]

Great jokes.

Friday December 5th will be Student Joke Day.
Come tell your favorite chemistry joke to the class!

[Shreyesi Srivastava 2D]

Do you have 11 protons?
Cause you sodium fine

[Nima Ghorashi 3A]

Friend: "Johnny, why have you been so upset and frustrated lately?"

Johnny: "Well, I have taken two years and a quarter of chemistry, and I have yet to get this girl's significant digits."

[Franklin Liu 3H]

Two friends walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second says, "I'll have some H2O too." Then he dies.

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.

[mikyjordan_dis3K]

In honor of joke day and the quiz we just took:

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

wait for it..

A ferrous wheel.

[Victoria Liang 3L]

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.

[William DesRoches 1E]

Silver walks up to gold in a bar and says, "Au, get outta here!"

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

[Chem_Mod]

Some people call me a nerd.

I prefer the term Intellectual Badass.

[Chem_Mod]

You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons.

How ionic.

[Chem_Mod]

My name is Bond
.
.
Covalent Bond.

[Kayla Denton 1A]

An atom says, "I think I lost an electron." His friend asks, "Are you sure?" and the atom replies, "I'm positive."

[Chem_Mod]

I would tell a Chemistry Joke but all the good ones Argon.

Keep it up!

[Nicholas Codallos 4C]

Are you full of beryllium, gold, and titanium? Because you are Be-Au-Ti-full!

[Jonathan Shih 3H]

If H20 is water, what is H204?
Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
H2O cubed.

Anyone know any jokes about the element sodium?
Na.

[Bianca Brown]

You must be full of copper and tellurium because you're cute!

[Michelle Dela Rosa 1D]

What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?

Febreeze

[Rita Tran 2B]

Q: Where does a chemist put the dishes?
A: In the Zinc, of course!


Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
A: "You may have graduated but I have many degrees!"


Q: Does light have mass?
A: Of course not! It's not even Catholic!!!

[jennifer_zhou2C]

Heisenberg calls up Pauli and says, "I have an idea that will revolutionize quantum physics!" to which Pauli replies, "Are you certain?!"
Heisenberg says, "Not at all!"

[Chem_Mod]

More excellent jokes this quarter!
:-)

Maybe someone wants to tell one at the end of class on Fridays!

[Kelly McBratney 1C]

"Are you Na?
Because you're so-dium fine doe!!"
- Jewel Saad

[Anna Nordstrom 1A]

Enjoy the joke!

[Jacqueline Zhang 2A]

Why is the pH of Youtube so stable?


Because it constantly buffers.

[Jeannie Huang 3B]

Q: Why should you never give up studying chemistry even if you feel like you're going to fail the final?

A: Because chem-is-try! <3

[Jana Sandhu 3J]

A neutron walks into a bar.
Before leaving, he asks the bartender, "How much?"
The bartender responds, "No charge."

[Edris Saadat 1A]

What do you call cheese infused in sodium bicarbonate?

NaCHO₃ Cheese

[Jacob Shalkevich 1A]

You know, I would tell a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.

[HoganFenster2E]

My TA threw some Sodium Chloride at me in discussion today...

That's a-salt!

[Chem_Mod]

Enjoy the joke!

Anna introduce yourself at the beginning of Chem 14B!
:-)

[Chem_Mod]

Why is the pH of Youtube so stable?


Because it constantly buffers.

Clever!
Introduce yourself at the beginning of Chem 14B.

[Jasminemay Barcelon 2G]

A little fun while studying for the final,
-What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel, and iron?
~A KNiFe
-Where;s the best place to buy potassium?
~K-Mart

[Andrew Knapp 1A]

Q: How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a train driver?

A: Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

[kaushikdr]

Why did the electron want to go to the party?

Because it was excited

[Isa AbdulCader 3K]

What was the chemist's favorite attraction at the fair?

The ferrous wheel

[Amanda Nguyen 2E]

I told a chemistry joke...

There was no reaction!

[Chem_Mod]

That's probably because all the good ones argon.

[Daniel_Sands3L]

Why is an electron always depressed?


It's quant-numb and uncertain of its place in the world.

[Timmy Gozali]

Not exactly a "joke" or entirely Chemistry related, but interesting enough? :D

[Andrew Phan]

I asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite. He said NaBrO.

[catherinewu 3J]

polar bears...

[Tal Boussi 2D]

me when I don't get enough attention: Sublimation

follow up for more chemistry jokes

[Tal Boussi 2D]

waiting for this to become relevant


follow up for more funny chemistry references

[Alex Chiodo Ortiz 3G]

I couldn't find any good chemistry jokes because all of the good ones Argon.

[Roberto Vasquez 2C]

;)

Chem Joke.jpg (35.95 KiB) Viewed 529966 times

[BiancaYugar_1D]

Awww, this was too cute to pass up.

[Rodrigo Aranda]

A Chemistry lab is like a party...

Some drop acid.. while others drop the base.

Happy Friday ( :

(not original content)

[Kelly McBratney 1C]

"I'd make a chemistry joke but all the good ones Argon"

[GiselleMartinez_1B]

First Law people...good stuff

[Lydiaelson1C]

Throwback to 14A :)

[Jacob Afable 3J]

Who else can relate with this?

[Kyle_Diep_4E]

What do you do when a chemist dies?

You barium!

[Daniela Contreras 3E]

Q: What's wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium?
A: its CoRn Y

[Daniela Contreras 3E]

What is the chemical formula for a banana?
BaNa2

[Chi-Yun 1B]

These chemistry jokes are sodium funny! I slapped my neon that one!

One guacamole is equal to 6.0221415x10^23 "guacas." One might even call it... Avocado's Number!

[Mariam Ghattas 2L]

Q: Why did the acid go to the gym?
A: To become a buffer solution!

[Jasminemay Barcelon 2G]

Never trust an atom

They make up everything.

[Michelle Ouk 3L]

Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."

[Mieka McFarlane 2L]

What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe

[Nicole Filbert 1D]

Q: Sulfur and Oxygen are best friends, but they lived far from each other. How did oxygen chat with his friend?

A: He used his Sulfone

[Samantha Miceli 3J]

Which one are you?

[Aschreck 2G]

Take all your lame chemistry jokes and barium.

[Naiomi Desai]

- Wanna hear a joke about potassium?

"K"

- Why did the White Bear dissolve in water?

Because it was polar! :)

- After this joke, I expect a chemistry major to say, "Hey girl, Iodate you!"

- Do I have any Sodium Hypobromite for the lab, you ask?

NaHBrO

[Alysson Marines 2E]

Why did the acid go to the gym?

To become a buffer solution.

[Andrew Knapp 1A]

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!” Newton replies “You didn’t find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!”

[Mariah Tumbaga 1e]

What did the scientists say when he saw 2 isotopes of Helium?
HeHe

This person went to the doctor concerned over a mole they had on their skin. The doctor asked what the mole looked like and the person responded "6.02x10^23".

[904638389]

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

[Hannah Ship 2H]

Q: What did one titration say to the other?
A: "Let's meet at the endpoint"

[904418641]

If a king farts, is it a noble gas?

[Joshua Wiedner]

What happens to nitrogen as the sun rises?
It becomes daytrogen!

[Andrew Ghaly 3H]

Lol

[Adriana Juarez 1]

lol

[Leslie Romo 1C]

=)

[Kavya Shivaram 1G]

Why does a hamburger have lower energy than a steak?

It's in the ground state.

[keenanlee0134]

[Lanzel Patawaran 1A]

[haleyf 2I]

Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

[Rodrigo Aranda]

Why do chemist call Helium, Curium, & Barium the Medical Elements?

BECAUSE, if you can't Helium, or Curium, you Barium!

[Susanna]

What's the chemical formula of coffee? CoFe2

What about the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2

[Susanna]

This class might be difficult; we will have alkynes of trouble.


By the way, I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

[Alex Chiodo Ortiz 3G]

Have you heard about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

[Xinjie Su 2J]

One property of liquid is that it can fit into containers of any shape and automatically takes up all the space.

So...cat is a liquid!!

[CenCen]

i was thinking about this a few days ago and found someone had created this! :)

[Roberto Vasquez 2C]

Why is Willard Gibbs considered to be the nicest scientist?

....

Because he Gibbs free energy!!!!!!

[MichelleVu2H]

Do you have mole problems?
If so, call Avogrado at 602-1023

[CalebLew1C]

haha

[JasmineChavez 1E]

The periodic table is incomplete....

Because only Chuck Norris knows the element of surprise >;)

[Daniela Contreras 3E]

Hey guys remember: don't trust atoms, they make everything up!

[Daniela Contreras 3E]

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

[Chi-Yun 1B]

I'm out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one!

[Frances Relampagos 1J]

Q: When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
A:C over lambda.

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

[Nataliya Karashchuk]

[Mieka McFarlane 2L]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[Mariam Ghattas 2L]

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

[Rachel Risoleo 3G]

Why did the acid go to the gym?
-To become a buffer solution!

Why did the big white bear dissolve in water?
-Because he was polar.

What do dipoles say in passing?
-Have you got a moment?

(no original content)

[kaushikdr]

Why did the chemist not go to med school?

Because he didn't go to discussion!

[Alysson Marines 2E]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution