CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Mon Nov 10, 2014 12:22 pm**

We had a fun review session on Friday November 7 and I encourage all students to view it as there were many excellent Q&A.

I started my review session by reading out the following chemistry joke given to me by a student:

Q. Why should you never trust atoms?
A. Because they make up everything!

Anyone wanting to post chemistry jokes can post under this topic.

Posted: **Mon Nov 10, 2014 9:35 pm**

I heard Potassium and Oxygen went on a date....It went OK

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond

Posted: **Mon Nov 10, 2014 9:55 pm**

At the end of the semester, a chemistry teacher asked her students what was the most important thing that they learned in lab. A student promptly raised his hand and said, "Never lick the spoon."

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over. The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg replies "No, but I can tell you exactly where I was." The cop, now suspicious, proceeds to search the car. Upon opening the trunk he exclaims "Hey, you have a dead cat back here!" to which Schrodinger replies "Well now I do! Thanks."

Posted: **Tue Nov 11, 2014 11:17 am**

WOW you guys are on fire!
These are excellent jokes.

Posted: **Tue Nov 18, 2014 7:23 pm**

Here are some more jokes!

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

Posted: **Sat Nov 22, 2014 6:09 pm**

Great jokes.

Friday December 5th will be Student Joke Day.
Come tell your favorite chemistry joke to the class!

Posted: **Mon Nov 24, 2014 1:56 am**

Do you have 11 protons?
Cause you sodium fine

Posted: **Tue Nov 25, 2014 5:32 pm**

Friend: "Johnny, why have you been so upset and frustrated lately?"

Johnny: "Well, I have taken two years and a quarter of chemistry, and I have yet to get this girl's significant digits."

Posted: **Thu Nov 27, 2014 8:20 pm**

Two friends walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second says, "I'll have some H2O too." Then he dies.

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.

Posted: **Fri Dec 05, 2014 2:33 pm**

In honor of joke day and the quiz we just took:

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

wait for it..

A ferrous wheel.

Posted: **Tue Dec 09, 2014 8:36 pm**

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.

Posted: **Fri Dec 12, 2014 12:22 am**

Silver walks up to gold in a bar and says, "Au, get outta here!"

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Posted: **Thu Mar 12, 2015 6:14 pm**

Some people call me a nerd.

I prefer the term Intellectual Badass.

Posted: **Thu Mar 12, 2015 6:17 pm**

You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons.

How ionic.

Posted: **Thu Mar 12, 2015 6:21 pm**

My name is Bond
.
.
Covalent Bond.

Posted: **Thu Mar 12, 2015 8:33 pm**

An atom says, "I think I lost an electron." His friend asks, "Are you sure?" and the atom replies, "I'm positive."

Posted: **Thu Mar 12, 2015 9:59 pm**

I would tell a Chemistry Joke but all the good ones Argon.

Keep it up!

Posted: **Fri Oct 02, 2015 4:44 pm**

Are you full of beryllium, gold, and titanium? Because you are Be-Au-Ti-full!

Posted: **Sat Oct 03, 2015 2:03 am**

If H20 is water, what is H204?
Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
H2O cubed.

Anyone know any jokes about the element sodium?
Na.

Posted: **Sat Oct 03, 2015 2:07 pm**

You must be full of copper and tellurium because you're cute!

Posted: **Thu Oct 08, 2015 12:34 pm**

What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?

Febreeze

Posted: **Sat Oct 10, 2015 9:28 pm**

Q: Where does a chemist put the dishes?
A: In the Zinc, of course!

Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
A: "You may have graduated but I have many degrees!"

Q: Does light have mass?
A: Of course not! It's not even Catholic!!!

Posted: **Fri Oct 30, 2015 12:30 pm**

Heisenberg calls up Pauli and says, "I have an idea that will revolutionize quantum physics!" to which Pauli replies, "Are you certain?!"
Heisenberg says, "Not at all!"

Posted: **Sat Oct 31, 2015 5:10 pm**

More excellent jokes this quarter!
:-)

Maybe someone wants to tell one at the end of class on Fridays!

Posted: **Sun Nov 08, 2015 11:23 pm**

"Are you Na?
Because you're so-dium fine doe!!"
- Jewel Saad

Posted: **Wed Nov 11, 2015 3:21 pm**

Enjoy the joke!

Posted: **Wed Nov 18, 2015 3:46 pm**

Why is the pH of Youtube so stable?

Because it constantly buffers.

Posted: **Mon Nov 30, 2015 10:11 am**

Q: Why should you never give up studying chemistry even if you feel like you're going to fail the final?

A: Because chem-is-try! <3

Posted: **Mon Nov 30, 2015 4:47 pm**

A neutron walks into a bar.
Before leaving, he asks the bartender, "How much?"
The bartender responds, "No charge."

Posted: **Tue Dec 01, 2015 10:23 pm**

What do you call cheese infused in sodium bicarbonate?

NaCHO₃ Cheese

Posted: **Thu Dec 03, 2015 4:14 pm**

You know, I would tell a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.

Posted: **Fri Dec 04, 2015 12:38 am**

My TA threw some Sodium Chloride at me in discussion today...

That's a-salt!

Posted: **Fri Dec 04, 2015 9:26 pm**

Anna Nordstrom 1A wrote:Enjoy the joke!

Anna introduce yourself at the beginning of Chem 14B!
:-)

Posted: **Fri Dec 04, 2015 9:28 pm**

Jacqueline Zhang 1A wrote:Why is the pH of Youtube so stable?

Because it constantly buffers.

Clever!
Introduce yourself at the beginning of Chem 14B.

Posted: **Sat Dec 05, 2015 8:56 pm**

A little fun while studying for the final,
-What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel, and iron?
~A KNiFe
-Where;s the best place to buy potassium?
~K-Mart

Posted: **Sat Jan 09, 2016 6:02 pm**

Q: How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a train driver?

A: Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

Posted: **Mon Jan 11, 2016 10:05 am**

Why did the electron want to go to the party?

Because it was excited

Posted: **Mon Jan 11, 2016 2:31 pm**

What was the chemist's favorite attraction at the fair?

The ferrous wheel

Posted: **Mon Jan 11, 2016 3:27 pm**

I told a chemistry joke...

There was no reaction!

Posted: **Mon Jan 11, 2016 4:51 pm**

That's probably because all the good ones argon.

Posted: **Wed Jan 13, 2016 1:16 am**

Why is an electron always depressed?

It's quant-numb and uncertain of its place in the world.

Posted: **Wed Jan 13, 2016 1:30 pm**

Not exactly a "joke" or entirely Chemistry related, but interesting enough? :D

Posted: **Wed Jan 13, 2016 4:23 pm**

I asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite. He said NaBrO.

Posted: **Wed Jan 13, 2016 5:21 pm**

polar bears...

Posted: **Wed Jan 13, 2016 7:18 pm**

me when I don't get enough attention: Sublimation

follow up for more chemistry jokes

Posted: **Wed Jan 13, 2016 7:57 pm**

waiting for this to become relevant

follow up for more funny chemistry references

Posted: **Wed Jan 13, 2016 9:01 pm**

I couldn't find any good chemistry jokes because all of the good ones Argon.

Posted: **Thu Jan 14, 2016 6:37 pm**

: ;); Chem Joke.jpg (35.95 KiB) Viewed 539549 times

Posted: **Thu Jan 14, 2016 7:17 pm**

Awww, this was too cute to pass up.

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2016 12:40 am**

A Chemistry lab is like a party...

Some drop acid.. while others drop the base.

Happy Friday ( :

(not original content)

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2016 2:11 pm**

"I'd make a chemistry joke but all the good ones Argon"

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2016 5:19 pm**

First Law people...good stuff

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2016 10:22 pm**

Throwback to 14A :)

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2016 11:32 pm**

Who else can relate with this?

Posted: **Sat Jan 16, 2016 1:32 pm**

What do you do when a chemist dies?

You barium!

Posted: **Sat Jan 16, 2016 10:54 pm**

Q: What's wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium?
A: its CoRn Y

Posted: **Sat Jan 16, 2016 10:58 pm**

What is the chemical formula for a banana?
BaNa2

Posted: **Sat Jan 16, 2016 11:08 pm**

These chemistry jokes are sodium funny! I slapped my neon that one!

One guacamole is equal to 6.0221415x10^23 "guacas." One might even call it... Avocado's Number!

Posted: **Sat Jan 16, 2016 11:18 pm**

Q: Why did the acid go to the gym?
A: To become a buffer solution!

Posted: **Sun Jan 17, 2016 7:52 am**

Never trust an atom

They make up everything.

Posted: **Sun Jan 17, 2016 10:21 am**

Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."

Posted: **Sun Jan 17, 2016 12:41 pm**

What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe

Posted: **Sun Jan 17, 2016 5:11 pm**

Q: Sulfur and Oxygen are best friends, but they lived far from each other. How did oxygen chat with his friend?

A: He used his Sulfone

Posted: **Sun Jan 17, 2016 5:46 pm**

Which one are you?

Posted: **Sun Jan 17, 2016 6:39 pm**

Take all your lame chemistry jokes and barium.

Posted: **Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:05 pm**

- Wanna hear a joke about potassium?

"K"

- Why did the White Bear dissolve in water?

Because it was polar! :)

- After this joke, I expect a chemistry major to say, "Hey girl, Iodate you!"

- Do I have any Sodium Hypobromite for the lab, you ask?

NaHBrO

Posted: **Sun Jan 17, 2016 11:02 pm**

Why did the acid go to the gym?

To become a buffer solution.

Posted: **Sun Jan 17, 2016 11:19 pm**

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!” Newton replies “You didn’t find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!”

Posted: **Mon Jan 18, 2016 12:39 am**

What did the scientists say when he saw 2 isotopes of Helium?
HeHe

This person went to the doctor concerned over a mole they had on their skin. The doctor asked what the mole looked like and the person responded "6.02x10^23".

Posted: **Mon Jan 18, 2016 11:08 am**

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

Posted: **Mon Jan 18, 2016 3:54 pm**

Q: What did one titration say to the other?
A: "Let's meet at the endpoint"

Posted: **Mon Jan 18, 2016 11:40 pm**

If a king farts, is it a noble gas?

Posted: **Tue Jan 19, 2016 12:48 am**

What happens to nitrogen as the sun rises?
It becomes daytrogen!

Posted: **Tue Jan 19, 2016 2:20 pm**

Posted: **Tue Jan 19, 2016 4:06 pm**

Posted: **Tue Jan 19, 2016 7:58 pm**

Posted: **Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:41 pm**

Why does a hamburger have lower energy than a steak?

It's in the ground state.

Posted: **Thu Jan 21, 2016 3:29 pm**

Posted: **Thu Jan 21, 2016 4:00 pm**

Posted: **Thu Jan 21, 2016 7:59 pm**

Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Posted: **Thu Jan 21, 2016 9:18 pm**

Why do chemist call Helium, Curium, & Barium the Medical Elements?

BECAUSE, if you can't Helium, or Curium, you Barium!

Posted: **Thu Jan 21, 2016 10:53 pm**

What's the chemical formula of coffee? CoFe2

What about the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2

Posted: **Thu Jan 21, 2016 11:16 pm**

This class might be difficult; we will have alkynes of trouble.

By the way, I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Posted: **Fri Jan 22, 2016 12:49 pm**

Have you heard about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

Posted: **Fri Jan 22, 2016 3:43 pm**

One property of liquid is that it can fit into containers of any shape and automatically takes up all the space.

So...cat is a liquid!!

Posted: **Fri Jan 22, 2016 7:23 pm**

i was thinking about this a few days ago and found someone had created this! :)

Posted: **Fri Jan 22, 2016 7:35 pm**

Why is Willard Gibbs considered to be the nicest scientist?

....

Because he Gibbs free energy!!!!!!

Posted: **Fri Jan 22, 2016 9:30 pm**

Do you have mole problems?
If so, call Avogrado at 602-1023

Posted: **Sat Jan 23, 2016 2:10 pm**

Posted: **Sat Jan 23, 2016 5:55 pm**

The periodic table is incomplete....

Because only Chuck Norris knows the element of surprise >;)

Posted: **Sat Jan 23, 2016 9:27 pm**

Hey guys remember: don't trust atoms, they make everything up!

Posted: **Sat Jan 23, 2016 9:29 pm**

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

Posted: **Sat Jan 23, 2016 11:55 pm**

I'm out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one!

Posted: **Sun Jan 24, 2016 11:30 am**

Q: When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
A:C over lambda.

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

Posted: **Sun Jan 24, 2016 6:07 pm**

Posted: **Sun Jan 24, 2016 8:34 pm**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Posted: **Sun Jan 24, 2016 8:36 pm**

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

Posted: **Sun Jan 24, 2016 9:39 pm**

Why did the acid go to the gym?
-To become a buffer solution!

Why did the big white bear dissolve in water?
-Because he was polar.

What do dipoles say in passing?
-Have you got a moment?

(no original content)

Posted: **Sun Jan 24, 2016 10:55 pm**

Why did the chemist not go to med school?

Because he didn't go to discussion!

Posted: **Sun Jan 24, 2016 11:57 pm**

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution

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