Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Christine Nguyen 3D · Postby **Christine Nguyen 3D** » Sun Dec 06, 2020 11:38 pm

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.

Christine Nguyen 3D · Postby **Christine Nguyen 3D** » Sun Dec 06, 2020 11:39 pm

What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
BaNa2

Christine Nguyen 3D · Postby **Christine Nguyen 3D** » Sun Dec 06, 2020 11:40 pm

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Christine Nguyen 3D · Postby **Christine Nguyen 3D** » Sun Dec 06, 2020 11:41 pm

We would like to apologize for not adding more jokes... but we only update them.... periodically!

Quinton Sprague 1A · Postby **Quinton Sprague 1A** » Sun Dec 06, 2020 11:45 pm

Becca Nelson 3F · Postby **Becca Nelson 3F** » Mon Dec 07, 2020 10:13 am

A photon checks into a hotel. They ask if he needs any help with his luggage. He responds...

No, I am traveling light!

isha dis3d · Postby **isha dis3d** » Mon Dec 07, 2020 12:20 pm

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
Because it's pretty basic stuff.

lauren_tran_1L · Postby **lauren_tran_1L** » Mon Dec 07, 2020 12:43 pm

what is an iron-deficient female?
just a male

alebenavides · Postby **alebenavides** » Mon Dec 07, 2020 3:52 pm

why did the noble gas cry? his friends Argon

ShinwooKim_3E · Postby **ShinwooKim_3E** » Mon Dec 07, 2020 5:54 pm

Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO!

Nicolette Simoni 3L · Postby **Nicolette Simoni 3L** » Mon Dec 07, 2020 7:30 pm

What's the president elect's favorite type of ligand?

Bidentate

Jacob Schwarz-Discussion 3I · Postby **Jacob Schwarz-Discussion 3I** » Mon Dec 07, 2020 10:02 pm

What's the dullest element?
Obviously Bohrium!

Brian Acevedo 2E · Postby **Brian Acevedo 2E** » Tue Dec 08, 2020 10:56 pm

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?

Because it was a polar bear.

Nicolette Simoni 3L · Postby **Nicolette Simoni 3L** » Tue Dec 08, 2020 11:02 pm

What does a chemist wear under their lab coat?

A POLOnium shirt.

vbarian27 · Postby **vbarian27** » Tue Dec 08, 2020 11:12 pm

Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you? Because I see no reaction.

vbarian27 · Postby **vbarian27** » Tue Dec 08, 2020 11:12 pm

I think these jokes are sodium funny. In fact, I slapped my neon that one!

Nan_Guan_1L · Postby **Nan_Guan_1L** » Wed Dec 09, 2020 12:56 am

Looking back at my screenshots from Dr. Lavelle's class, I found THIS!! this must be the cutest H2O I've ever seen lmaooooo!! looks just like Mickey Mouse :))))))

idella 1D · Postby **idella 1D** » Wed Dec 09, 2020 1:46 pm

What is one of the worst compounds to use for chemistry?

Uranium Scandium

(USc)

Nicolette Simoni 3L · Postby **Nicolette Simoni 3L** » Wed Dec 09, 2020 1:57 pm

How do chemists decorate for Christmas?

With a Chemistree!

Happy holidays everyone good luck with finals!

Wil Chai 3D · Postby **Wil Chai 3D** » Wed Dec 09, 2020 5:38 pm

Shana Patel 1C · Postby **Shana Patel 1C** » Thu Dec 10, 2020 1:53 am

Why do chemists learn about ammonia first?
--> Its pretty basic stuff

JakeSaum_1A · Postby **JakeSaum_1A** » Thu Dec 10, 2020 2:11 pm

Why did the man get lead poisoning after eating lunch?

He had a Pb&J

Aliya 1H · Postby **Aliya 1H** » Thu Dec 10, 2020 9:55 pm

I got a tshirt for Hanukkah today with a chem joke on it and thought I'd share:

What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-oh-acid!

Brian Acevedo 2E · Postby **Brian Acevedo 2E** » Thu Dec 10, 2020 10:34 pm

If H₂O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H₂O CUBED!

JakeSaum_1A · Postby **JakeSaum_1A** » Fri Dec 11, 2020 12:05 pm

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed

Shivani Kapur 2J · Postby **Shivani Kapur 2J** » Fri Dec 11, 2020 12:31 pm

I would post all my good chemistry jokes but all of them Argon.

Joseph_Armani_3K · Postby **Joseph_Armani_3K** » Fri Dec 11, 2020 2:15 pm

I don't like getting acid all over me. Nothing really happens; it just gets under my skin.

Joyce Pang 2H · Postby **Joyce Pang 2H** » Fri Dec 11, 2020 2:24 pm

Are you and I both Lewis structures? because we resonate with each other :)

Kevin Pilcher 3J · Postby **Kevin Pilcher 3J** » Fri Dec 11, 2020 7:36 pm

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

Kevin Pilcher 3J · Postby **Kevin Pilcher 3J** » Fri Dec 11, 2020 7:36 pm

What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
-CSI

Kevin Pilcher 3J · Postby **Kevin Pilcher 3J** » Fri Dec 11, 2020 7:37 pm

What do you do with a sick chemist?
-If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Kevin Pilcher 3J · Postby **Kevin Pilcher 3J** » Fri Dec 11, 2020 7:38 pm

I would like to apologize for not adding more jokes... but I only update them.... periodically!

Kevin Pilcher 3J · Postby **Kevin Pilcher 3J** » Fri Dec 11, 2020 7:38 pm

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
-HeHe

Mari Williams 1K · Postby **Mari Williams 1K** » Fri Dec 11, 2020 9:51 pm

Why is the neutron so rich?
They get everything free of charge

Daniela_Martinez_3B · Postby **Daniela_Martinez_3B** » Fri Dec 11, 2020 10:08 pm

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling light.”

Darren1j · Postby **Darren1j** » Fri Dec 11, 2020 10:40 pm

Why would Dr. Lavelle be like every other professor and not dance at the start of lectures? If he didn't, he'd be pretty Basic.

Darren1j · Postby **Darren1j** » Fri Dec 11, 2020 10:42 pm

What does a chemist say when in pain? "Ouch that HERTZ!"

Claudia_Danysh_2B · Postby **Claudia_Danysh_2B** » Sat Dec 12, 2020 11:21 am

If H20 is the formula for water, is the formula for ice? H20 cubed!

Jaden Ward 3J · Postby **Jaden Ward 3J** » Sat Dec 12, 2020 1:26 pm

A man was arrested last night for drinking battery acid.
Later he was charged.

Jaden Ward 3J · Postby **Jaden Ward 3J** » Sat Dec 12, 2020 1:26 pm

even though coffee is more acidic, all Starbucks coffee products have a pH of 14
Extremely basic

Nicolette Simoni 3L · Postby **Nicolette Simoni 3L** » Sat Dec 12, 2020 5:37 pm

What did the other molecules say when they watched HCl bench press 200 lbs?

"WOW! That's one strong acid!"

Renny_kim_2G · Postby **Renny_kim_2G** » Sat Dec 12, 2020 6:24 pm

Helium makes my laugh sound like he he he

Mari Williams 1K · Postby **Mari Williams 1K** » Sat Dec 12, 2020 6:51 pm

What kind of fish has 2 sodium atoms?
2Na

Joyce Pang 2H · Postby **Joyce Pang 2H** » Sun Dec 13, 2020 3:31 am

Did you hear that guy's chem joke?
It was sodium funny

Brian Acevedo 2E · Postby **Brian Acevedo 2E** » Sun Dec 13, 2020 10:14 am

Why did the acid go to the gym?

To become a buffer solution!

Joyce Pang 2H · Postby **Joyce Pang 2H** » Sun Dec 13, 2020 11:10 am

Do you know what to call an atom with a charge? cuz ion know

Joyce Pang 2H · Postby **Joyce Pang 2H** » Sun Dec 13, 2020 11:11 am

How do chemists greet each other?

They solute!

Khushi_Gupta_1A · Postby **Khushi_Gupta_1A** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 2:16 am

What is a chemist’s favorite holiday song?
Oh Chemist-TREE, oh Chemist-TREE!

805377003 · Postby **805377003** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 6:26 am

What did one charged atom say to the other? I got my ion you!

805377003 · Postby **805377003** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 6:27 am

Why are chemists great for solving problems? Because they always have a solution!

805377003 · Postby **805377003** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 6:27 am

What did silver say to gold at the bar? "Au, get outta here!"

805377003 · Postby **805377003** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 6:28 am

What do you call a clown in jail? A Silicon!

805377003 · Postby **805377003** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 6:28 am

Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you? Because I see no reaction.

805377003 · Postby **805377003** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 6:28 am

Old chemists never die. They just stop reacting!

Justin Lin 1B · Postby **Justin Lin 1B** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 9:23 am

What did the other elements say to the hydrogen?

What a loner!

Angel More · Postby **Angel More** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 10:09 am

I asked my brother he had some sodium hypobromite, but he said NaBrO.

Chem_Mod · Postby **Chem_Mod** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 1:43 pm

Nan_Guan_3J wrote:Looking back at my screenshots from Dr. Lavelle's class, I found THIS!! this must be the cutest H2O I've ever seen lmaooooo!! looks just like Mickey Mouse :))))))

Good catch! lol

Giselle_zamora_1L · Postby **Giselle_zamora_1L** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 2:14 pm

Do you have 11 protons?

Because your sodium fine ;)

*technically a pickup line but whatevs

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 6:04 pm

so that's what the eye washer things are used for

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 6:13 pm

The 4th law of thermodynamics:

Team Fortress 2 is better than overwatch

Zainab Jamali 1H · Postby **Zainab Jamali 1H** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 6:17 pm

What does formaldehyde look like on vacation?

Casual-dehyde!

AdilaAhmed3I · Postby **AdilaAhmed3I** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 6:41 pm

what do you call a prisoner that makes jokes?
a silicon

Edward Castro · Postby **Edward Castro** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 7:22 pm

lose an electron? Gotta keep an ion for it

Joanne Yuh 3I · Postby **Joanne Yuh 3I** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 7:24 pm

What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
2 Na

Joanne Yuh 3I · Postby **Joanne Yuh 3I** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 7:25 pm

What kind of dogs do chemists have?
Laboratory Retrievers

Joanne Yuh 3I · Postby **Joanne Yuh 3I** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 7:25 pm

What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
He was booked for a salt and battery.

Gabe_Ek 1G · Postby **Gabe_Ek 1G** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 7:39 pm

Forget Hydrogen, you're my number one element ;)

305405193 · Postby **305405193** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 7:43 pm

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about Helium??

He just couldn't put it down.

305405193 · Postby **305405193** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 7:44 pm

What do you do with the sick chemist?

If you can't Helium, you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

305405193 · Postby **305405193** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 7:45 pm

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.

305405193 · Postby **305405193** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 7:46 pm

What did the sign to say when he found two isotopes of helium?

HeHe

305405193 · Postby **305405193** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 7:48 pm

Why was the move oxygen was excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!!

305405193 · Postby **305405193** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 7:49 pm

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O Cubed.

305405193 · Postby **305405193** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 7:50 pm

Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.

Madeline Marron 1I · Postby **Madeline Marron 1I** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 8:06 pm

Not necessarily a joke, more of a play on words. In any case, Happy Holidays y'all

John_Tran_3J · Postby **John_Tran_3J** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 8:09 pm

I would post a good chemistry joker here, but all the good ones argon!

Mansi Solanki 3A · Postby **Mansi Solanki 3A** » Tue Dec 15, 2020 9:53 pm

What is a cation?
An ion with a paws-itive charge!

jasonfarrales3D · Postby **jasonfarrales3D** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 3:29 pm

Me: Did u hear about the bear that dissolved in water?
Friend: Huh?? Thats impossible!!
Me: It was a polar bear!!!

LexyDenaburg_3A · Postby **LexyDenaburg_3A** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 6:13 pm

When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lamba

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:21 pm

Are there any good chemistry jokes?

I dont zinc so :(

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:23 pm

I dont trust atoms... I heard they make up everything

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:25 pm

joe bidet won the election?

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:26 pm

The bases dominate acids

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:27 pm

was anyone doing this during the final ?

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:32 pm

oooo sharing

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:33 pm

oh my goodness

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:35 pm

pootan

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:56 pm

Old chemists never die. They just stop reacting!

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:56 pm

What's the dullest element? Bohrium!

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:57 pm

[size=200]Why does a hamburger have less energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state![/size]

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:57 pm

Why should you go drinking with neutrons? Because wherever they go, there's no charge!

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:58 pm

If you're not part of the solution…you're part of the precipitate.

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:58 pm

We'd give you some more chemistry jokes, but all the good ones argon.

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:59 pm

If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed!

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 8:00 pm

When you drop a gold bar on your toe

"Au"

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 8:00 pm

Why are chemists great for solving problems? Because they always have a solution!

Brandon Carris · Postby **Brandon Carris** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 8:01 pm

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar!

Molly Posta 1H · Postby **Molly Posta 1H** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 8:37 pm

Throwback to the election

305614361 · Postby **305614361** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 9:34 pm

Old Chemist never die they just stop reacting

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: A one molar solution

Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff

305614361 · Postby **305614361** » Wed Dec 16, 2020 9:38 pm

Q: How did the molecular spy introduce himself?
A: My name is Bond Covalent Bond. VSEPR

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