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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2016 6:48 pm
by Haoqing Li 3E
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop.
The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going?
Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2016 6:50 pm
by Haoqing Li 3E
Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar.
Lol

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 2:45 am
by Julianne Seog 3K
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be....0K?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 9:17 am
by Mirian_Garcia_2G
Image

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 9:18 am
by Mirian_Garcia_2G
Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 11:28 am
by Mason Henrich 3J
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel:

Fe - Fe
/ \
Fe Fe
\ /
Fe - Fe

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 12:15 pm
by Lyndon_Bui_3J
Professor Lavelle,
You are a perfect 10!!!!

... on the ph scale cause you're pretty BASIC!!

.. just kiddin you're awesome:) <3

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 12:32 pm
by Amber_Candelaria_1D
You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons.

How ionic.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 1:08 pm
by Jorge_Escobar_3L
Do you have a PH of 1, cause you've been dangerously sour lately

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 1:13 pm
by Jane Sin 3A
Image

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 2:03 pm
by Michael_Zhang_1J
A physicist and a biologist go out on a date. It didn't go very well. Turns out there wasn't any chemistry.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 2:22 pm
by Lindsey Lill
Image

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 4:58 pm
by Edgar Khachatryan 3G
What does a chemist bring as a dessert while camping? A ‘gram’ cracker.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 4:58 pm
by Edgar Khachatryan 3G
If you’re not part of the solution your part of the precipitate.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 5:04 pm
by Gianna Zufall 3G
Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 7:34 pm
by sboutros2B
Q: How did the political science major define free radical on his chemistry exam?
A: A wild protestor.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 7:45 pm
by Hanan_Kashkoul_1O
Image

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 9:09 pm
by Abbas_Hakim_1B
Why do scientists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than dayrates

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 9:18 pm
by Julianne Seog 3K
How do you tell a coordination hugs and kisses in a letter?

O2-

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 9:18 pm
by Dan_Jin_1K
What is a cation afraid?

A dogion!

hahahahah!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 12:20 am
by Tania_Torres_3O
Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 12:56 am
by Theresa_Trieu_2G
Image

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:52 am
by KylaTenido1G
what happens to nitrogen when the sun rises??
it becomes daytrogen!!


Image

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 10:34 am
by Sonia_Lele_2K
Do you have mole problems?
If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 11:55 am
by Abbeyj3I
What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze. ;)

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 12:08 pm
by Anna_Kim_2E
Q:Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?

A: He's 0K now

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 12:36 pm
by Laine Gruver 3C
when all your friends are english majors:

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 1:40 pm
by Ashley T 2H
Q: What element is derived from a Norse [censored]?
A: Thorium.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:06 pm
by Lisbeth Hernandez3L
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
- A one molar solution.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:09 pm
by Lisbeth Hernandez3L
How many moles are in a guacamole?
-- Avocado's number

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 4:37 pm
by Isabel Gandarilla
Atom #1: Oh no! I think I lost an electron.

Atom#2: Are you sure?

Atom#1: I'm positive :(

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 4:49 pm
by Kelsey Jug 1J
lovin all these chem jokes (click jump to post if you can't see the image)

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 5:03 pm
by Joanne_Park_4C
What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-oh acid! >:(

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 9:18 pm
by Ivanna_Tang_3B
Image

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 9:27 pm
by Andrew Nguyen 3O
Q: How did the chemist get in prison?






A: He was charged with a salt and battery.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 9:34 pm
by 004599434
A small piece of ice which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the ice. The Bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through"

Chemistry Joke

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 10:12 pm
by Kendall_Islam_3A
What do you call a fish made out of two sodium atoms?

2Na!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 10:44 pm
by Helen_Onuffer_1A
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A. First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 6:48 am
by Anthony_Sampayo_4I
What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 10:17 am
by Hyun Young Lee 2H
This cracked me up!
Here's the joke.


Q: What is "HIJKLMNO"?
A: H2O.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 10:21 am
by Jennifer Ngo 1M
Image

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 11:02 am
by Joshua Baysa 1J
I only post here periodically

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 11:03 am
by Brian Shih 1J
Q: If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H-two-O-CUBED

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 11:57 am
by Melissa Ledesma 2B
Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

A: He got Avogadro's number!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 12:28 pm
by Toby Lin 1J
Werner Heisenberg's (actual) epitaph:

"He lies here, somewhere."

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 12:35 pm
by Vanessa_Nguyen_1I
Did you say the lab smells like rotten eggs?

I'm sorry to hear you're sulfuring.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 1:17 pm
by Josh_Zhong_1F
First of all why do Chemistry graduates typically work in the Pharmaceutical industry, while Pharmacy graduates typically work in a Chemist shop? Anyway, the missus and I are both science graduates, Chemistry for her, and Physics and Computer Science for me. So typical conversations might be…

I told her I didn’t know the symbols for the elements Lithium and Argon. She said “Li Ar”

I asked her to tell me the chemical symbol for nitrous oxide. She said “NO”

I proudly told her I knew the chemical symbol for a hydroxyl. She said “OH”.

I asked her to briefly tell me something about Oxygen and Potassium. She said “O K”.

I asked her if I mixed Nobelium, 2 parts Boron and Erbium what would I get? She said “NoBBEr”.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 1:20 pm
by Tiffany Jeng 1L
What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?

Fe-breeze

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 1:26 pm
by Nathan Mallipeddi 2H
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 1:59 pm
by rachel_john
Q:What am I doing with element 83?

A: None of your bismuth lol

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 2:16 pm
by Evan Lee 2D
I know a guy who cooled himself to -273.15C.


He was 0k.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 2:59 pm
by Madeline Guajardo 3J
He's not wrong.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 4:07 pm
by Ting Zheng 3L
What does the leader of the electron army say when they go to war?

CHAAARGE!!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 4:47 pm
by Parsia Vazirnia 2L
Q: What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A: A. A-mean-oh-acid.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 5:16 pm
by Ashley Bertholf 1E
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A: A one molar solution!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 7:32 pm
by Amanda_Quintero_1K
Q: What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?
A: CoFe2

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 7:58 pm
by Abbey Kerscher 3O
Hopefully nobody has grades like this here!!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 8:13 pm
by 804780590
Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 8:37 pm
by Jonathan Marin Dis3A
Whats the difference between chemistry and cooking?
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 9:46 pm
by Adriana Muro 1A
What's the name of the element that comes after nine? Tin

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 9:56 pm
by Eliza_Beglari_2L
What do you do with a sick chemist?
You can't helium, you can't curium, so you might as well barium.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 10:00 pm
by Amy_Dixon_1I
If I could rearrange the periodic table, I'd put Uranium and Iodine together :)

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 10:01 pm
by Anisha Patel 1G
I told a chemistry joke but there was no reaction.......

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 10:50 pm
by Natalie_Hardiman_3C
HannahS.jpg

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 11:20 pm
by Christopher_Reyes_4I
Q: Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
A: Because it's basic material.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 11:24 pm
by Susanne_Taavitsa_2J
...

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 11:39 pm
by Antonio_Zenteno_4E
Q: What did one atom say to the other atom?

A: Nothing because atoms can't talk

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 10:28 am
by sheilaho_1E
Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 12:28 pm
by Mizuno_Mikaela_1D
I Think I Left The Bromine And Boron In The Cabinet


BrB

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 12:33 pm
by NicholasKillmeier3K
.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 1:17 pm
by Natalie Hunt 1E
Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems?
A: They have all the solutions.

The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 1:54 pm
by caitlin_oberman_2G
I am a Female

Fe=Iron
Male=Man

Therefore I am Iron Man

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 2:37 pm
by Colleen_Clarke_4B
What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6x10^23 pieces?
Guacamole

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 2:48 pm
by Tiffany Wee 2D
I don't trust atoms... I heard they make up everything.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 4:52 pm
by Samantha_Leong_3K
Image

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 5:34 pm
by David Julfayan 1F
5494173_700b1.jpeg

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 5:38 pm
by Victoria Vu 3L
What kind of fish is made up of two sodium atoms?

2NA

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 6:28 pm
by Justin_Bueno_2O
Charged

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 6:33 pm
by Raj Susarla 3I
Shocking, isn't it?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 7:29 pm
by hafsa_zulfiqar_1j
Did you know Oxygen went for a second date with Potassium?

How did it go?

It went OK2.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 10:10 pm
by Ashley Curtis 2O
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 10:56 pm
by Julia Javate 4J
So technically... according to chemistry, alcohol IS a solution.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 1:42 am
by jillianduffield_2D
Q: What is a cation afraid of?
A: A dogion.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 2:40 am
by Lauren Wong 3K
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 1:36 pm
by Jand474
What is the chemical formula of a Banana?
BaNa2

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 1:37 pm
by Jand474
What is the chemical formula for Coffee?

CoFe2

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 1:50 pm
by Samart_Condon_1D
Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 1:52 pm
by Minh_Le_3I
i-would-never-try-to-poison-you.jpg

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 2:09 pm
by Tamara_Torosyan_1J
:)

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 2:35 pm
by Taylor_Yamane_2L
Image

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 2:42 pm
by Kathrin Magdalani 3J
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 2:53 pm
by Chigozie_Nnoruka_1K
Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 2:54 pm
by Molika Soben_3J
Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met.

Q: Why did Chlorine's sisters Boron and Carbon lock her in the closet?
A: Because she was too attractive!

Hilarious

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 3:21 pm
by Tyler_Ash_3C
Got mole problems? Call Avogrado at 602-1023.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 4:19 pm
by Marissa Stinnett 1E
In the spirit of rivalry week and pride for our Bruins, here's a bear joke:

What kind of bear dissolves in water?
A polar bear.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 4:23 pm
by Anmol Dhaliwal 2C
Q: What do you call a very small piece of iron?
A: A FEtus!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 5:48 pm
by Wang_Pong_Chan_1L
How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 5:58 pm
by Emily_Bloom_1I
I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 6:18 pm
by Jiaruo Wang 1K
Two man walked into a bar, the first ordered ome H2O. The second said "sounds good, I'll have some H2O too."

He died.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 8:37 pm
by Erick_Hernandez_3L
"Not to get technical but ... according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution"