CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Sun Nov 20, 2016 9:22 pm**

A chemistry joke:

I don't trust atoms...they make up everything...

Haha!

Posted: **Sun Nov 20, 2016 9:41 pm**

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Posted: **Sun Nov 20, 2016 9:53 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel, the front desk asks him, "do you need any help with your luggage?"

He said, "No thanks! I'm traveling light!"

Posted: **Sun Nov 20, 2016 10:14 pm**

Are you made of curium and tellurium?
because you're CuTe!

Posted: **Sun Nov 20, 2016 10:16 pm**

Posted: **Sun Nov 20, 2016 10:17 pm**

what happened to the man who ws stopped for having sodium chloride and and a nine-volt in his car?

he was arrested for a salt and battery!

Posted: **Sun Nov 20, 2016 11:20 pm**

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.

Posted: **Sun Nov 20, 2016 11:23 pm**

What is the chemical formula for coffee?

CoFe2

Posted: **Sun Nov 20, 2016 11:26 pm**

What is a CATion?

An ion with a paws-itive charge.

Posted: **Sun Nov 20, 2016 11:35 pm**

Why did Superman feel sad every time he saw the numbers "3" and "6"?

Because it was Krypton blown apart!

Posted: **Sun Nov 20, 2016 11:41 pm**

I would post another chemistry joke but all the good ones argon.

I hearded oxygen and magnesium were going out I was like OMg.

I think I lost an electron. In fact I'm positive.

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:00 am**

I think I lost an electron. In fact, I'm positive.

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:49 am**

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 9:42 am**

Chemistry Jokes of the Day

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 10:09 am**

How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, if you know the number, you don't know where the light bulb is!!!

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:54 pm**

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 1:42 pm**

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 1:58 pm**

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a train driver? Ask them to pronounce "unionised"

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 2:00 pm**

What is a Chemist's Favorite Plant?

Stoichiome-tree

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 3:17 pm**

When you get back your chem quiz
-NACLNACLNACLNACLNACL

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 3:19 pm**

Do you have 67 protons?
Cause you a Ho

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 3:25 pm**

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 3:35 pm**

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink, bartender says, "for you, no charge!"

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 3:37 pm**

A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-'s"

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 3:51 pm**

In honor of what we've been learning, and a good comeback for some:

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 4:03 pm**

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atom in the middle?

A: A ferrous wheel!

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 4:32 pm**

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 5:19 pm**

What's 007's Eskimo cousin's name?
Polar Bond :D

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 5:22 pm**

Are you a charged atom ?
Because I have my ion you :p

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 6:43 pm**

Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 6:50 pm**

Why can I relate.

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 7:11 pm**

Let's hope this doesn't happen to me this quarter (:

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 7:51 pm**

“Bunsen! My flame! I melt whenever I see you!” Said the ice. The bunsen burner replied: “It’s just a phase you’re going through.”

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 7:55 pm**

What Do You Get When You Cut An Avocado Into 6X10^23 Pieces?

Guacamole!

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 8:06 pm**

What is a cation afraid of? A dogion.
How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado's number.
Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 8:06 pm**

Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
A: SWAG

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 8:29 pm**

Q: What did you do with Element 43 last night?
A: None of your Bismuth

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 8:59 pm**

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now.

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 9:20 pm**

I'm sorry this one is lame

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 10:06 pm**

Want to hear a joke about element 116?
Uuh...

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 10:08 pm**

Good pickup line:
You're so hot you denature my proteins.

Posted: **Mon Nov 21, 2016 10:22 pm**

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 12:13 am**

Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!

Q: According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?
A: Because it's made up of alkynes of people

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 12:16 am**

Equilibrium constant. Que?

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 1:32 am**

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 10:11 am**

Before this class I always presumed that determining the relative strength of acids and bases would be challenging. Turns out learning about NaOH, for example, is pretty basic.

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 12:08 pm**

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 12:15 pm**

Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 1:43 pm**

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 2:28 pm**

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 2:57 pm**

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 3:34 pm**

I have many chem jokes,
I'm just scared I won't get a good reaction :/

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 4:20 pm**

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies "For you, No Charge."

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 5:38 pm**

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 8:39 pm**

What is the chemical formula for candy?
Carbon - Holmium - Cobalt - Lanthanum - Tellurium or CHoCaLaTe

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 9:27 pm**

Did you hear about the man that got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 10:30 pm**

What did the carbocation say when it gained 2 electrons?

I'm anion now!

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 11:41 pm**

Did you know that you can cool down to -273.15 degrees C and still be 0k?

Posted: **Tue Nov 22, 2016 11:45 pm**

A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame"
The sodium pined.
"I melt whenever I see you."
The Bunsen burner replied,
"It's just a phase you're going through."

Posted: **Wed Nov 23, 2016 12:27 am**

Posted: **Wed Nov 23, 2016 1:08 am**

Q: What should you do with old chemistry jokes?

A: Barium.

Posted: **Wed Nov 23, 2016 1:34 am**

Loved this one

Posted: **Wed Nov 23, 2016 2:44 am**

Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it's basic material.

Posted: **Wed Nov 23, 2016 9:08 am**

Posted: **Wed Nov 23, 2016 10:46 am**

What was the charge when NaCl was arrested?
A salt.

Posted: **Wed Nov 23, 2016 11:15 am**

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know there'd be no reaction!

Posted: **Wed Nov 23, 2016 11:47 am**

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

A: Polar Bond

Posted: **Wed Nov 23, 2016 12:33 pm**

What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium

Posted: **Wed Nov 23, 2016 1:22 pm**

The antiaircraft guns fired at the bomber pilot as he emptied his load of Hydrochloric Acid over enemy territory. He smiled with satisfaction at the voice over his radio. "Congratulations, you've just neutralized a dangerous base!"

Posted: **Wed Nov 23, 2016 1:38 pm**

Got mole problems? Call Avogrado at 602-1024

Posted: **Wed Nov 23, 2016 7:19 pm**

A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-'s"

Posted: **Wed Nov 23, 2016 8:30 pm**

If a bear in Yosemite and a bear in Alaska both fell in water, which one would dissolve faster?
The one from Alaska, it's polar

Posted: **Wed Nov 23, 2016 8:45 pm**

How I feel about Chem when I don't understand anything

Posted: **Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:49 am**

Posted: **Thu Nov 24, 2016 12:04 pm**

Where's berkelium on the periodic table?

It's not on there; it's out protesting.

Posted: **Thu Nov 24, 2016 1:50 pm**

Posted: **Thu Nov 24, 2016 2:12 pm**

Why are chemists great at solving problems?

Because they have all the solutions.

Posted: **Thu Nov 24, 2016 3:24 pm**

getting closer to the final exams, always remember to be like a proton and stay positive.

Posted: **Thu Nov 24, 2016 4:12 pm**

Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?
It went OK2!

Posted: **Thu Nov 24, 2016 7:44 pm**

Two transition metals were settling their bar tab and came up short. The bartender said, "You need another nickel!"

Posted: **Thu Nov 24, 2016 8:21 pm**

Posted: **Thu Nov 24, 2016 9:03 pm**

as we're going into finals....

think like a proton and stay positive :)

Posted: **Thu Nov 24, 2016 9:49 pm**

Where does one put the dirty dishes after thanksgiving dinner?
In the zinc.

Posted: **Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:12 pm**

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 12:32 am**

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 12:35 am**

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 1:45 am**

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 7:57 am**

Chemistry jokes are sodium funny!

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 10:37 am**

Optimist: The glass is half-full.
Pessimist: The glass is half-empty.
Chemist: The glass contains H2O and other compounds.

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 11:01 am**

What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 12:07 pm**

Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 12:19 pm**

Some people find chemistry jokes funny...I find them prephosphorous!

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 12:32 pm**

if you think that all chemistry jokes argon....

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 12:41 pm**

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 12:41 pm**

I told a joke about helium but no one reacted..

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 2:12 pm**

: images.png (2.49 KiB) Viewed 23551 times

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 3:03 pm**

Good luck with finals, everyone!

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 3:17 pm**

What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?

Febreeze

Posted: **Fri Nov 25, 2016 3:18 pm**

Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all his friends Argon

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Acids and Bases joke

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