CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 3:20 pm**

Q: What did one ion say to the other?
A: I've got my ion you

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 3:53 pm**

If Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they'd be alloys.

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 3:59 pm**

Two men walk into a bar...

First man orders "I'd like H2O". The second man orders "I'd like H2O too". The second man died

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 4:46 pm**

Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O. (H2O)

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:07 pm**

Did you hear that oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:21 pm**

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: A one molar solution.

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:22 pm**

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
"You may have graduated, but I've got many degrees."

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:20 pm**

This might be too cheesy...

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 7:43 pm**

Austin Gee 2N wrote:
lilyjustine wrote:Name a more iconic duo...
I'll wait

Name a more ionic duo...

: CsF.jpeg (6.49 KiB) Viewed 23399 times

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 7:56 pm**

Check this out
Hilarious

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 8:33 pm**

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:09 pm**

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:12 pm**

What's the difference between a scientist and a worker?
Their pronunciation of unionized.

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:15 pm**

Do you have 11 protons?
Because you're sodium fine.

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:18 pm**

Q: Wanna hear a joke about sodium?
A: Na

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:22 pm**

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says "AU, get outta here!"

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:33 pm**

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2017 11:51 pm**

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 12:14 am**

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
He's 0K now.

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 9:48 am**

A noble joke

Reactivity of Neon

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 10:23 am**

Are you sulfur, oxygen, copper, and tellurium?

Because you are SO CuTe.

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 12:33 pm**

Q: Why are chemists bad at telling jokes?
A: They lack the element of surprise

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 1:04 pm**

Have you heard about the chemist who was reading the book about Helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 3:27 pm**

Entropy isn't what it used to be. :(

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 3:29 pm**

Q: How do scientists pronounce crayon?
A: Carbon, Radium, Yttrium, Oxygen, Nitrogen

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 3:39 pm**

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 4:27 pm**

Q: What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
A: CoRnY.

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 4:33 pm**

Here's a joke I thought was kind of funny

Q: What is a chemist's favorite tree?

A: Stoichiome-tree

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 5:25 pm**

For what crime was the enthalpy pirate arrested?

stealing joules

*cue sympathy laughter

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 7:33 pm**

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 7:39 pm**

What's the matter?

Gas, Liquid, Solid, or Plasma

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 7:45 pm**

Señor, is Silicon spelled the same way in Spanish?
"Si."

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 8:53 pm**

What kind of fish is made up of two sodium atoms?

2Na

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 8:55 pm**

What do you get when 6.02x10²³ mosquitoes bite you?

Molearia

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 8:56 pm**

What is the chemical formula for banana? BaNa2

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like "O MG"

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 11:35 pm**

Anyone know any good sodium jokes?

Na

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 11:49 pm**

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2017 11:58 pm**

You're a unit of power Harry.

I'm a watt?

Posted: **Thu Jan 19, 2017 10:45 am**

Q: Why did the noble gas cry?

A: Because all his friends argon.

Posted: **Thu Jan 19, 2017 1:52 pm**

You got any sodium hypobromite?
NaBrO

Posted: **Thu Jan 19, 2017 3:43 pm**

Posted: **Thu Jan 19, 2017 7:13 pm**

Exothermic reactions?
I studied them before they were cool.

Posted: **Thu Jan 19, 2017 7:35 pm**

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

Posted: **Thu Jan 19, 2017 9:53 pm**

I don't trust atoms.....

I heard they make up everything.

Posted: **Thu Jan 19, 2017 10:02 pm**

What did one ion say to the other?

I got my ion you

Posted: **Thu Jan 19, 2017 11:10 pm**

A block of dry ice was sitting on a table and begins to turn into carbon dioxide gas. After a while, the block is gone and a cloud of CO2 is floating around. A nearby oxygen cloud asks, “Hey, I just saw you go through a phase change…how was it?”
The CO2 cloud replies, “It was sublime!”

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 12:02 am**

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 12:24 am**

When do chemists tell jokes?
Periodically.

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 10:13 am**

Q: What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel, and iron?
A: A KNiFe.

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 10:27 am**

Q: What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium?
A: BaNaNa!

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 10:29 am**

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 10:59 am**

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium and you can't curium, you might as well barium!

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 11:45 am**

Never Trust an Atom.... They Make Up Everything

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 12:57 pm**

What did one titration tell the other? Let's meet at the endpoint!

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 1:19 pm**

A neutron walks into a shop and says,"I"d like a coke."
The shopkeeper serves up the coke.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
The shopkeeper replies, "For you? No charge."

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 2:02 pm**

What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?

2Na.

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 2:04 pm**

Titanium is a most amorous metal. When it gets hot, it'll combine with anything.

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 2:25 pm**

Do you have any sodium hypobromite?

NaBrO

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 2:28 pm**

what's the chemical formula for a banana?
BaNa2! :D

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 2:54 pm**

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 3:53 pm**

A cation is an ion with a paws-itive charge

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 3:54 pm**

The name's bond...Hydrogen bond.

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 3:55 pm**

Love is in the air. Wrong; Nitrogen, Oxygen, Argon, and Carbon Dioxide are in the air.

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 4:16 pm**

Wanna hear a joke about nitric oxide?

NO

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 4:19 pm**

Chemistry has taught us that pressure and volume are inversely related to each other with everything else held constant. In other words, when pressure increases, volume decreases. Yet whenever I am under extreme pressure, my volume always ends up increasing as well. Guess the laws of chemistry don't apply to the phenomenon known as stress eating before finals.

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 6:00 pm**

What do cows study in college?
Creamistry

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 6:06 pm**

Exothermic reactions? I studied them before they were cool.

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 7:17 pm**

Technically, alcohol is a solution.

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 9:02 pm**

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 9:52 pm**

If Avogadro calls, tell him to leave his number.

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 10:25 pm**

What is a cation afraid of?

A dogion!!

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 10:49 pm**

What is the chemical formula for a banana?

BaNa2

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 11:41 pm**

What did the molecule say during the baseball game?
A: "Keep your i-on the ball!"

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2017 11:55 pm**

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel!

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 12:51 am**

Yo' Mamma So Ugly
Not Even Fluorine Would Bond With Her!

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 10:04 am**

Q: Why did the white furry bear dissolve in water?
A: Because it was polar.

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 11:30 am**

Aldehyde

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 11:44 am**

Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 12:45 pm**

Q: Why did the noble gas cry?
A: Because all his friends Argon

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 12:46 pm**

Q: Why can you never trust atoms?

A: They make up everything!

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 1:18 pm**

“What is the difference between thermodynamics and a stick?
Answer: “A stick has two ends and no beginning. Thermodynamics has two ‘beginnings’ (the first and second law) and no end.”

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 1:28 pm**

I don't trust atoms, they make up everything

Q: What is a cation afraid of?
A: A dogion

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 1:39 pm**

Heat: Wanna hang out?
Internal Energy of the system: I can't, I have work.

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 2:20 pm**

Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 2:44 pm**

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice

H2O cubed.

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 2:48 pm**

Where do the elements go on their first date?
The ferrous wheel.

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 2:51 pm**

Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
A: SWAG

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 3:17 pm**

If Fe= Iron....then does,
Female= Iron Man?

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 3:51 pm**

Im out of chemistry jokes.. I should zinc of a new one :)

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 4:47 pm**

Q: What did one ion say to the other?
A: I've got my ion you.

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 6:47 pm**

Q: What kind of fish can you count on for sodium?
A: 2-Na

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:03 pm**

What was the charge on NaCl when it was arrested?

A salt

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:12 pm**

What do you do to a dead chemist?
You Barium

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:16 pm**

I don't trust atoms. They make up everything.

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:59 pm**

Did you hear Oxygen and Magnesium got together? OMg

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:24 pm**

What did the chemist say when he found two helium atoms?

HeHe

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:37 pm**

How many moles are in a guacamole?
Avocado's number.

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:49 pm**

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:09 pm**

Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?

A: SWAG

8-)

Posted: **Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:10 pm**

If I were an endothermic chemical reaction at equilibrium, you would push me to the right because you are hot:)

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