CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Tue Feb 16, 2016 8:57 pm**

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.

Posted: **Thu Feb 18, 2016 11:25 am**

Proton: Hey electron where are you?
Electron: Ohhh thats a tough one. I can tell you where I probably am- does that help?

Posted: **Thu Feb 18, 2016 10:56 pm**

Don't ever trust atoms...
They make up everything.

Posted: **Fri Feb 19, 2016 1:22 pm**

How often do I joke about chemistry?
periodically

Posted: **Fri Feb 19, 2016 3:35 pm**

Posted: **Fri Feb 19, 2016 3:48 pm**

Q: According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?

Because it's made up of alkynes of people.

Posted: **Fri Feb 19, 2016 4:49 pm**

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"

Posted: **Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:18 pm**

A cloud of helium floats into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We don't serve noble gases here."

The helium does not react.

Posted: **Fri Feb 19, 2016 11:37 pm**

Lets take all these bad Chemistry jokes.....
and BARIUM

Posted: **Sat Feb 20, 2016 9:06 am**

Posted: **Sat Feb 20, 2016 9:08 am**

Posted: **Sat Feb 20, 2016 4:10 pm**

I tell bad Chemistry jokes because all the good ones ARGON.

Posted: **Sun Feb 21, 2016 2:39 pm**

What is the name of the molecule CH2O?

A: Seawater

Posted: **Sun Feb 21, 2016 5:35 pm**

Here's a throwback to 14a:

"A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, 'No thanks, I'm traveling light.'"

Posted: **Sun Feb 21, 2016 9:15 pm**

happy Sunday all :)

Posted: **Sun Feb 21, 2016 9:34 pm**

They should really get this mole checked out.

Posted: **Sun Feb 21, 2016 9:47 pm**

Why does hamburger have less energy than steak?

It’s in the ground state.

Posted: **Sun Feb 21, 2016 10:21 pm**

Question: What is "HIJKLMNO"?
Answer: H20

Posted: **Sun Feb 21, 2016 10:21 pm**

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Posted: **Sun Feb 21, 2016 10:24 pm**

When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" The physicist says?

C over lambda.

Posted: **Sun Feb 21, 2016 11:00 pm**

In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.

When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step”.

Posted: **Sun Feb 21, 2016 11:31 pm**

Did you know you can cool yourself to -273.15 C and still be 0K?

Posted: **Sun Feb 21, 2016 11:53 pm**

How does Mr. Bond, Ionic Bond, like his electrons? Taken, not shared.

Posted: **Mon Feb 22, 2016 1:47 am**

Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, "I'm positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them."

Posted: **Mon Feb 22, 2016 1:55 am**

The ultimate chemistry joke: my grade.

Posted: **Mon Feb 22, 2016 10:13 am**

Einstein, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide and seek. Einstein is counting while Newton and Pascal hide. Pascal runs off and hides while Newton doesn’t move an inch. Instead, he draws a square around himself in the dirt. After Einstein finishes counting, he opens his eyes and says, “Found you Newton! That was easy.”

Newton says, “No you didn’t. You found Pascal.” He points down to the square in the dirt. “One Newton per meter squared.”

Posted: **Mon Feb 22, 2016 3:39 pm**

Posted: **Mon Feb 22, 2016 8:27 pm**

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

Posted: **Tue Feb 23, 2016 10:16 pm**

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Posted: **Wed Feb 24, 2016 7:50 pm**

Why did the body-builder drink solution of weak acid and its conjugate base?
He wants to get buffer.

Posted: **Wed Feb 24, 2016 7:59 pm**

What did one titration say to the other?
Let's meet at the end point.

Posted: **Wed Feb 24, 2016 9:27 pm**

I have many chemistry jokes I am just afraid they wont get a good reaction.

Posted: **Thu Feb 25, 2016 10:37 am**

: Titrations:); Screen Shot 2016-02-25 at 10.18.19 AM.png (127.49 KiB) Viewed 157460 times

Posted: **Thu Feb 25, 2016 12:16 pm**

You can take all your bad chemistry puns and Barium

Posted: **Thu Feb 25, 2016 4:07 pm**

Since it's relevant to Wednesday's lecture...

Posted: **Fri Feb 26, 2016 12:23 pm**

Here are a few:

I asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite. He said NaBrO.

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.

Posted: **Fri Feb 26, 2016 9:00 pm**

This joke is bad, because the good ones argon.

Posted: **Sat Feb 27, 2016 12:30 am**

"Mommaaaaaaa! OOOooooOOO!"

Posted: **Sat Feb 27, 2016 8:15 pm**

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

Posted: **Sun Feb 28, 2016 12:03 pm**

What does the leader of the electron army say when they go to war?
CHAAARGE!

Posted: **Sun Feb 28, 2016 4:38 pm**

hehehe

Posted: **Sun Feb 28, 2016 9:12 pm**

Two men walk into a bar. One of them orders H20. The second man says, "I'll have H20 too". The second man dies.

Posted: **Sun Feb 28, 2016 9:56 pm**

If a king farts, is it considered a noble gas?

Posted: **Sun Feb 28, 2016 10:14 pm**

My chemistry jokes aren't very good. They don't even get a reaction.

Posted: **Sun Feb 28, 2016 10:32 pm**

me thinking about the chem quiz this week

Posted: **Sun Feb 28, 2016 11:40 pm**

Posted: **Mon Feb 29, 2016 12:21 am**

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Posted: **Mon Feb 29, 2016 12:22 am**

A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of cokes. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes. The waiter replies, "For you, No Charge!!!"

Posted: **Mon Feb 29, 2016 1:57 am**

I was gonna post a joke about Sodium and Hydrogen but...NaH!

Posted: **Mon Feb 29, 2016 10:32 am**

Posted: **Tue Mar 01, 2016 10:43 am**

Have you heard about the chemist who read a book about helium?

They couldn’t put it down

Posted: **Tue Mar 01, 2016 11:10 pm**

[Na]^16 ... BATMAN!!!

It works a little better if you sing it out.
Looks like chemistry, but really it is not.

Posted: **Tue Mar 01, 2016 11:52 pm**

What substance has the formula HIJKLMNO? Water
hehe

Posted: **Wed Mar 02, 2016 11:20 pm**

DON'T YOU HATE WHEN THIS HAPPENS

Posted: **Fri Mar 04, 2016 7:00 am**

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Posted: **Fri Mar 04, 2016 11:09 pm**

What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?

2 Na

Posted: **Sat Mar 05, 2016 11:07 am**

What do you do with a dead chemist?

You Barium.

Posted: **Sat Mar 05, 2016 1:23 pm**

Here's one:

A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."

Posted: **Sat Mar 05, 2016 10:53 pm**

What kind of dogs do chemist have? ... Laboratory retrievers!!!

Posted: **Sun Mar 06, 2016 1:37 am**

How many moles are in a bowl of guacamole?

Avocado's number.

Posted: **Sun Mar 06, 2016 12:22 pm**

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: A one molar solution.

Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.

Posted: **Sun Mar 06, 2016 2:07 pm**

(Hopefully not) some of us after the final.

Posted: **Sun Mar 06, 2016 6:32 pm**

Posted: **Sun Mar 06, 2016 7:48 pm**

Why do most chemists learn about ammonia first?

It's pretty basic stuff

Posted: **Sun Mar 06, 2016 9:24 pm**

Q: Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
A: Because it's basic material.

Posted: **Sun Mar 06, 2016 9:27 pm**

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

Posted: **Sun Mar 06, 2016 10:10 pm**

take a look at this one haha!

Posted: **Sun Mar 06, 2016 10:14 pm**

to all the Futurama fans out there!!

Posted: **Sun Mar 06, 2016 10:26 pm**

I keep trying to find jokes that nobody on here as used but it seems like all the good ones Argon.

Posted: **Sun Mar 06, 2016 10:28 pm**

Chemistry life advice:

success is a state function. It doesn't matter what path you take.

Posted: **Sun Mar 06, 2016 11:36 pm**

That conformation

Posted: **Mon Mar 07, 2016 3:57 pm**

I'm having alkynes of fun with organic chemistry, if you know what amine! :)

Posted: **Mon Mar 07, 2016 5:42 pm**

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Posted: **Mon Mar 07, 2016 8:09 pm**

You can't trust atoms, gotta keep an ion them.

Posted: **Tue Mar 08, 2016 7:37 pm**

What's the name of an non hydrogen atom orbital that has a talk show?
Ellen Degeneracy!

Posted: **Wed Mar 09, 2016 12:12 am**

POLAR bear!

Posted: **Wed Mar 09, 2016 1:21 am**

What is a rabbit's favorite functional group?

An Ester!

Posted: **Wed Mar 09, 2016 5:01 pm**

Not so much of a joke but more a humorous observation. Has anyone noticed that when you say the equation:
S = KblnW it sounds a lot like: Entropy is equal to Boltzmann's constant times Ellen DeGeneres-y???

Posted: **Wed Mar 09, 2016 7:35 pm**

Q: Why do chemists learn about ammonia first?

A: It's pretty basic stuff.

Posted: **Wed Mar 09, 2016 7:42 pm**

Posted: **Wed Mar 09, 2016 7:48 pm**

What is Connie's nickname?

SiliCon

Posted: **Wed Mar 09, 2016 7:50 pm**

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

Posted: **Wed Mar 09, 2016 8:03 pm**

Free radicals have revolutionized chemistry.

Posted: **Wed Mar 09, 2016 8:05 pm**

Posted: **Wed Mar 09, 2016 11:18 pm**

Posted: **Thu Mar 10, 2016 2:45 am**

After chemistry class, a student asks a chemist for help with regards to rate constants. The chemist, in response says "k" !

Posted: **Thu Mar 10, 2016 11:13 am**

Not exactly a chemistry joke, more like a pun.

It's the end of 14B and it's been a good run. Just wanted to say that we Lav-elle you, Professor :)

Posted: **Thu Mar 10, 2016 11:13 am**

Lost an electron?
Better keep an ion them.

Posted: **Thu Mar 10, 2016 11:16 am**

Posted: **Thu Mar 10, 2016 11:18 am**

Posted: **Thu Mar 10, 2016 2:04 pm**

This is a good one!

Posted: **Thu Mar 10, 2016 2:24 pm**

Introducing our newest Chemistry Pop Diva...

Lady

Picture Credit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gallium

Posted: **Thu Mar 10, 2016 9:55 pm**

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.

Posted: **Thu Mar 10, 2016 11:01 pm**

What is the name of the molecule Bunny-O-Bunny?
An Ether Bunny

Posted: **Fri Mar 11, 2016 10:43 am**

Someone may have posted this already, but it was too real...

Posted: **Fri Mar 11, 2016 12:22 pm**

Why did the boat conformation take the elevator?

Because it suffered from stair-ic strain

Posted: **Fri Mar 11, 2016 7:42 pm**

What do you do with a sick Chemist?

If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Posted: **Fri Mar 11, 2016 10:42 pm**

Getting ready for the final...

Posted: **Fri Mar 11, 2016 10:50 pm**

A sign outside a chemistry hotel read, "Great day rates! And even better NO3^- s!"

Posted: **Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:21 am**

Every time I tell chemistry jokes, I get no reaction.
Which sucks because I happen to tell them periodically.
But it's not my fault, because all the good ones Argon.
I might as well take all my bad chemistry jokes and go barium.
-
-
-
I make chemistry puns pretty often, but feel like the ultimate loser because I don't do well in chem class.

CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

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