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Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 8:57 pm
by 804444985
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?


One molar solution.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 11:25 am
by kaushikdr
Proton: Hey electron where are you?
Electron: Ohhh thats a tough one. I can tell you where I probably am- does that help?

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 10:56 pm
by GrantSugimura_1B
Don't ever trust atoms...
They make up everything.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 1:22 pm
by 804416421
How often do I joke about chemistry?
periodically

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 3:35 pm
by Karina Keus 3L
Image

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 3:48 pm
by Steph S 2F
Q: According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?

Because it's made up of alkynes of people.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 4:49 pm
by 204667573
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:18 pm
by Katherine Jabba 2H
A cloud of helium floats into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We don't serve noble gases here."

The helium does not react.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 11:37 pm
by vincent_loyal
Lets take all these bad Chemistry jokes.....
and BARIUM

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 9:06 am
by Chi-Yun 1B
Image

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 9:08 am
by Chi-Yun 1B
Image

Image

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 4:10 pm
by 904418641
I tell bad Chemistry jokes because all the good ones ARGON.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2016 2:39 pm
by Joanne Reyes 1L
What is the name of the molecule CH2O?


A: Seawater

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2016 5:35 pm
by Sydney Simon 3L
Here's a throwback to 14a:

"A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, 'No thanks, I'm traveling light.'"

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2016 9:15 pm
by CenCen
happy Sunday all :)

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2016 9:34 pm
by CalebLew1C
They should really get this mole checked out.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2016 9:47 pm
by Cecilia Tsai 3C
Why does hamburger have less energy than steak?

It’s in the ground state.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2016 10:21 pm
by Noah Lopez 2L
Question: What is "HIJKLMNO"?
Answer: H20

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2016 10:21 pm
by DNguyen3G
Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2016 10:24 pm
by Juan Torres Dis 2D
When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" The physicist says?

C over lambda.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2016 11:00 pm
by 204381410
In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.

When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step”.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2016 11:31 pm
by Erin Natale 3I
Did you know you can cool yourself to -273.15 C and still be 0K?

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2016 11:53 pm
by Qavi2C
How does Mr. Bond, Ionic Bond, like his electrons? Taken, not shared.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Feb 22, 2016 1:47 am
by Daniela Contreras 3E
Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, "I'm positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them."

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Feb 22, 2016 1:55 am
by Cole Malkoff 3E
The ultimate chemistry joke: my grade.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Feb 22, 2016 10:13 am
by Laila Sathe 1D
Einstein, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide and seek. Einstein is counting while Newton and Pascal hide. Pascal runs off and hides while Newton doesn’t move an inch. Instead, he draws a square around himself in the dirt. After Einstein finishes counting, he opens his eyes and says, “Found you Newton! That was easy.”

Newton says, “No you didn’t. You found Pascal.” He points down to the square in the dirt. “One Newton per meter squared.”

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Feb 22, 2016 3:39 pm
by Rebecca Sine 1K
354nh2.jpg

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Feb 22, 2016 8:27 pm
by Susanna
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2016 10:16 pm
by emily c
Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2016 7:50 pm
by Jade Nguyen 1E
Why did the body-builder drink solution of weak acid and its conjugate base?
He wants to get buffer.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2016 7:59 pm
by Jade Nguyen 1E
What did one titration say to the other?
Let's meet at the end point.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2016 9:27 pm
by kaushikdr
I have many chemistry jokes I am just afraid they wont get a good reaction.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Feb 25, 2016 10:37 am
by Michelle Dela Rosa 1D
Screen Shot 2016-02-25 at 10.18.19 AM.png
Titrations:)
Screen Shot 2016-02-25 at 10.18.19 AM.png (127.49 KiB) Viewed 105314 times

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Feb 25, 2016 12:16 pm
by GrantSugimura_1B
You can take all your bad chemistry puns and Barium

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Feb 25, 2016 4:07 pm
by Heerali Patel 3A
Since it's relevant to Wednesday's lecture...

Image

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2016 12:23 pm
by Sydney Simon 3L
Here are a few:

I asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite. He said NaBrO.

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2016 9:00 pm
by WeiyangXiong1B
This joke is bad, because the good ones argon.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2016 12:30 am
by CenCen
"Mommaaaaaaa! OOOooooOOO!"

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2016 8:15 pm
by Mariah Tumbaga 1e
Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2016 12:03 pm
by Ben Slattery 1K
What does the leader of the electron army say when they go to war?
CHAAARGE!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2016 4:38 pm
by Leslie Romo 1C
hehehe

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2016 9:12 pm
by Vishal Dobaria 4G
Two men walk into a bar. One of them orders H20. The second man says, "I'll have H20 too". The second man dies.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2016 9:56 pm
by Qavi2C
If a king farts, is it considered a noble gas?

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2016 10:14 pm
by CalebLew1C
My chemistry jokes aren't very good. They don't even get a reaction.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2016 10:32 pm
by Aileen Nunez 2K
me thinking about the chem quiz this week

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2016 11:40 pm
by Bogdan-Andrei Bagdasar 1A
Hehe

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Feb 29, 2016 12:21 am
by Jason Ching
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Feb 29, 2016 12:22 am
by Jason Ching
A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of cokes. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes. The waiter replies, "For you, No Charge!!!"

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Feb 29, 2016 1:57 am
by 904418641
I was gonna post a joke about Sodium and Hydrogen but...NaH!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Feb 29, 2016 10:32 am
by Karina Keus 3L
Image

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Mar 01, 2016 10:43 am
by Rachel Hunsucker 3L
Have you heard about the chemist who read a book about helium?


They couldn’t put it down

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Mar 01, 2016 11:10 pm
by Jacob Shalkevich 1A
[Na]^16 ... BATMAN!!!

It works a little better if you sing it out.
Looks like chemistry, but really it is not.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Mar 01, 2016 11:52 pm
by Joanne Reyes 1L
What substance has the formula HIJKLMNO? Water
hehe

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2016 11:20 pm
by 404483361
DON'T YOU HATE WHEN THIS HAPPENS

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2016 7:00 am
by GrantSugimura_1B
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2016 11:09 pm
by Katherine Ho 1E
What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?

2 Na

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Mar 05, 2016 11:07 am
by 804444985
What do you do with a dead chemist?

You Barium.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Mar 05, 2016 1:23 pm
by Sydney Simon 3L
Here's one:

A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Mar 05, 2016 10:53 pm
by 904418641
What kind of dogs do chemist have? ... Laboratory retrievers!!!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 1:37 am
by Henry2E
How many moles are in a bowl of guacamole?

Avocado's number.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 12:22 pm
by GiselleMartinez_1B
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: A one molar solution.



Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 2:07 pm
by Andrew Ghaly 3H
Image

(Hopefully not) some of us after the final.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 6:32 pm
by bgarcia2B
Image

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 7:48 pm
by Vishal Dobaria 4G
Why do most chemists learn about ammonia first?


It's pretty basic stuff

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 9:24 pm
by vincent_loyal
Q: Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
A: Because it's basic material.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 9:27 pm
by vincent_loyal
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 10:10 pm
by CenCen
take a look at this one haha!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 10:14 pm
by Cecilia Tsai 3C
to all the Futurama fans out there!!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 10:26 pm
by CalebLew1C
I keep trying to find jokes that nobody on here as used but it seems like all the good ones Argon.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 10:28 pm
by Carolyn Stephens 3H
Chemistry life advice:

success is a state function. It doesn't matter what path you take.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 11:36 pm
by Bogdan-Andrei Bagdasar 1A
That conformation

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2016 3:57 pm
by Fran L 1J
I'm having alkynes of fun with organic chemistry, if you know what amine! :)

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2016 5:42 pm
by GrantSugimura_1B
Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2016 8:09 pm
by WeiyangXiong1B
You can't trust atoms, gotta keep an ion them.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2016 7:37 pm
by Jessica Quach 1K
What's the name of an non hydrogen atom orbital that has a talk show?
Ellen Degeneracy!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 12:12 am
by Maggie Chen 2A
POLAR bear!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 1:21 am
by Joshua Wiedner
What is a rabbit's favorite functional group?

An Ester!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 5:01 pm
by Brock Burnett 3H
Not so much of a joke but more a humorous observation. Has anyone noticed that when you say the equation:
S = KblnW it sounds a lot like: Entropy is equal to Boltzmann's constant times Ellen DeGeneres-y???

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 7:35 pm
by Meghna Madhavan 2D
Q: Why do chemists learn about ammonia first?

A: It's pretty basic stuff.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 7:42 pm
by Meghna Madhavan 2D
Image

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 7:48 pm
by Orly Termeie 3I
What is Connie's nickname?

SiliCon

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 7:50 pm
by Michael Feingold 3B
Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 8:03 pm
by emily c
Free radicals have revolutionized chemistry.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 8:05 pm
by Orly Termeie 3I
:)

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 11:18 pm
by Sumaiyah I 1E
:)

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2016 2:45 am
by Andre Tsivis 1K
After chemistry class, a student asks a chemist for help with regards to rate constants. The chemist, in response says "k" !

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2016 11:13 am
by Tram Vo 2I
Not exactly a chemistry joke, more like a pun.

It's the end of 14B and it's been a good run. Just wanted to say that we Lav-elle you, Professor :)

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2016 11:13 am
by Chi-Yun 1B
Lost an electron?
Better keep an ion them.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2016 11:16 am
by Chi-Yun 1B
Image

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2016 11:18 am
by Chi-Yun 1B
Image

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2016 2:04 pm
by Mark Libowitz 2K
Image

This is a good one!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2016 2:24 pm
by Suk Jin Song 3L
Introducing our newest Chemistry Pop Diva...

Lady Image Image

Picture Credit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gallium

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2016 9:55 pm
by 004569922
Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2016 11:01 pm
by Ben Slattery 1K
What is the name of the molecule Bunny-O-Bunny?
An Ether Bunny

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 10:43 am
by Sydney Simon 3L
Someone may have posted this already, but it was too real...

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 12:22 pm
by Jasmeet Dhaliwal 3E
Why did the boat conformation take the elevator?

Because it suffered from stair-ic strain

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 7:42 pm
by cassidy_herro_1L
What do you do with a sick Chemist?

If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 10:42 pm
by Susanna
Getting ready for the final...

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 10:50 pm
by Erin Natale 3I
A sign outside a chemistry hotel read, "Great day rates! And even better NO3^- s!"

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:21 am
by 204643191
Every time I tell chemistry jokes, I get no reaction.
Which sucks because I happen to tell them periodically.
But it's not my fault, because all the good ones Argon.
I might as well take all my bad chemistry jokes and go barium.
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I make chemistry puns pretty often, but feel like the ultimate loser because I don't do well in chem class.