CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 12:59 pm**

My name is Bond...

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 1:42 pm**

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 3:19 pm**

When studying for my chemistry midterm, this happens...

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 3:55 pm**

How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado's number.

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:15 pm**

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:27 pm**

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "A U, get out of here!"

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:28 pm**

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:28 pm**

SHORT BUT SWEET...

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:37 pm**

How many atoms are there in guacamole?

Avocado's Number.

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:38 pm**

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

He He

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 5:08 pm**

“Oh”! The element of surprise.

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 5:13 pm**

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 5:24 pm**

Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?

They bonded well from the minute they met.

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 5:29 pm**

Q: Why did the noble gas cry?
A: Because all his friends Argon

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 6:31 pm**

What's a cation afraid of?

A dogion.

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 6:39 pm**

Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks Heisenberg “Do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg replies, “No, but we know exactly where we are!”
The officer looks at him confused and says “you were going 108 miles per hour!”
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, “Great! Now we’re lost!”
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.
"A cat," Schrödinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells “Hey! This cat is dead.”
Schrödinger angrily replies, “Well he is now.”

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 8:30 pm**

Why do chemists learn about ammonia first?
It's pretty basic stuff...

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 8:36 pm**

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4? Drinking.

This actually took me a second.

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 9:06 pm**

All of the chemistry jokes Argon... maybe I should Zinc of a new one.

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 9:09 pm**

How I feel about midterms and finals

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 9:13 pm**

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer?
The bartender says "For you, no charge"

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 9:48 pm**

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 10:06 pm**

I have many chemistry jokes.

I'm just afraid they won't get a good reaction.

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 10:18 pm**

Someone threw some sodium chloride at me

It was a salt. :):

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:20 pm**

"Do you want any Sodium, Bromine, or Oxygen?"

"NaBrO"

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:23 pm**

Someone studying atoms is really just a bunch of atoms trying to understand themselves.

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:33 pm**

What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-oh acid!

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:35 pm**

Want to hear a joke about Sodium Hypobromite?

NaBrO.

Posted: **Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:48 pm**

Is the glass half full or half empty?
Optimist: half full
Pessimist: half empty
Chemist: always full, half liquid half gas ;)

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 12:09 am**

What did iron say to gold when he stole his watch?
A-u! bring that back!
:))

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 12:11 am**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 12:24 am**

Haha, these jokes are Sodium funny!

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 12:42 am**

What element startles chemists?

The element of surprise!

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 1:03 am**

Q:
What is the chemical formula for Banana?
A:
BaNa2

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 1:04 am**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 1:23 am**

Why did the acid go to the gym?
To get buffer.

Two atoms were walking down the street one day, when one of them exclaimed. "Oh no - I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" the other one asked. "Yes," replied the first one, "I'm positive."

How do you pick out a dead battery from a pile of good ones?
It's got no spark!

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 1:39 am**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 1:44 am**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 2:13 am**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 2:39 am**

Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 3:07 am**

Q: What do you get when you mix polonium, titanium, oxygen, and nitrogen ?

A: A PoTiON

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 7:44 am**

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 12:07 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 12:34 pm**

Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 12:47 pm**

Titanium is a most amorous metal. When it gets hot, it'll combine with anything.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 1:53 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 2:03 pm**

What's a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
-A ferrous wheel

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 2:06 pm**

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel:
Fe - Fe
/ \
Fe Fe
\ /
Fe - Fe

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 2:19 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 2:23 pm**

In order to do well on this midterm, I have to start thinking like a proton.
Always positive.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 2:39 pm**

Entropy just isn't what it used to be ):

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 2:39 pm**

The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 2:56 pm**

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 2:59 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 3:00 pm**

Why did the bear dissolve in water?

It was a polar bear!

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 3:07 pm**

if i could actually get into a lab

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 3:09 pm**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 3:14 pm**

You must be made of Uranium and Iodine because all i see is U and I!

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 3:26 pm**

Why did the white furry bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 3:48 pm**

Are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 4:01 pm**

Next time you want a lady to swoon say "bby you're full of berillium gold and titanium" Be Au Ti Full.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 4:03 pm**

Only true scientists understand the following joke :)
On Valentine's Day a man got his wife elements. She was puzzled when she first saw them, only to think that it was out of his league to pull a stunt like this for her on this day. What elements were they you may ask? She saw them in the following order: Carbon, Hydrogen, Oxygen, Carbon, Oxygen, Lanthanum, and Tellerium.
(Hint: If you don't get it, look at their element/atomic symbol.)

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 4:24 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 4:47 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 4:59 pm**

Jokes that go well together:

Q: Did you hear Oxygen went on a date with Potassium?
A: It went OK!

Q: How did Oxygen's second date with Potassium go?
A: It went OK2!

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 5:11 pm**

[img]

zvqo4c7yzk.jpg

[/img]

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:04 pm**

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:15 pm**

Q: What kind of fish is made of two sodium atoms?

A: 2 Na.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:16 pm**

Q: How often do you like Chemistry jokes?

A: Periodically ;D

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:23 pm**

Alkali metals are NSFW (not safe for water)

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:26 pm**

I already have a bad romance with chem

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:27 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:29 pm**

anotha one

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:30 pm**

Basically me

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:34 pm**

i always slap my neon these cat jokes

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:39 pm**

This joke :)

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:39 pm**

cats and science are my life

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:58 pm**

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 7:13 pm**

What do you call a scientific plant?
A chemis-tree!

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 7:16 pm**

trueeee

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 7:27 pm**

here is a joke

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 7:50 pm**

http://www.kappit.com/img/pics/201512_1255_baiie_sm.jpg

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 8:15 pm**

Ion-estly can't think of one good joke

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 8:21 pm**

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

One day on the Tonight Show, Jay Leno showed a classified add that read: "Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023."

We hope your year is very phosphorous.

:)

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 8:24 pm**

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q ... 6102172171

a great electrochem joke!

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 8:37 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 8:40 pm**

Valentine's Day is coming up...

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 8:42 pm**

What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?

2 Na

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 8:51 pm**

i have so many chemistry jokes

I'm just afraid they won't get a good reaction

*laughter

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 8:53 pm**

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 8:56 pm**

Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all his friends argon.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:00 pm**

Let's take all these bad Chemistry jokes........ and Barium! :P

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:06 pm**

Q: Why don't they galvanize ships to prevent corrosion?
A: That would make them zinc.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:10 pm**

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:11 pm**

What do you do with a sick chemist?

Well if you can't helium, and you can't curium, you might as well barium.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:16 pm**

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:22 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:23 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:24 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:32 pm**

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4? Drinking.

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Electrochemistry Joke :)

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