CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:34 pm**

Why did the bear dissolve in water?
Because it was a polar bear!

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:42 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:53 pm**

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:58 pm**

For those that will be taking the chemistry lab next quarter

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:59 pm**

Since Valentine's Day is coming up...

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:01 pm**

One time, I worked in an electrochemistry lab. My advisor told me that I had great potential.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:02 pm**

What kind of fish is only made of two sodium atoms?
2 Na

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:03 pm**

What is a cation afraid of? A dogion.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:07 pm**

Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
A: SWAG

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:11 pm**

ORGANIC CHEMISTRY IS DIFFICULT; THOSE WHO STUDY IT HAVE AlKYNES OF TROUBLE (so I've heard at least)

...ACID WHAT YOU DID THERE

HAHA

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:19 pm**

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up... they'd be alloys.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:21 pm**

Q: What do you do with a dead chemist?
A: Barium

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:22 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:30 pm**

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

A: CSI

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:35 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:37 pm**

Horrible Pick Up Line:
"Hey girl, has anyone ever said you are Copper-Tellurium?"
(CuTe)

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:39 pm**

I was going to make a joke about sodium and hydrogen but NaH

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:40 pm**

What don't you understand about copper? It makes perfect CENTS!

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:46 pm**

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium? A: Na

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:50 pm**

I was gonna tell you a chemistry joke...but all my good ones are Argon.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:52 pm**

How I feel when doing the homework.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:15 pm**

Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met!

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:18 pm**

I feel like the older models of phones lack the potential to do well on today's market. After all, their battery life is barely a fraction of their newer counterparts'.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:28 pm**

Lab Closed, Gone Fission

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:31 pm**

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:33 pm**

What is Santa's favorite element? Holmium holmium holmium!!!!!

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:41 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:46 pm**

another great joke!

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:49 pm**

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a smile and says, "For you, no charge".

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:49 pm**

You Must Be Made Of Uranium And Iodine

Because all I can see is U and I

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:50 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:51 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:52 pm**

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A one molar solution.

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:58 pm**

Mercedes Benz

Posted: **Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:59 pm**

Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 12:07 am**

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 12:27 am**

I forgot to make my chemistry community post before midnight, but maybe if my joke is pure gold, the TAs will be Ausome and give me credit anyways

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 12:50 am**

The one thing Skrillex learned in chemistry was how to drop the base.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:12 am**

Q: Superman is a man. Batman is a man. Spiderman is a man. So why is Ironman a woman?
A: Because she is a Female.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:30 am**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:31 am**

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:31 am**

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:42 am**

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 3:17 am**

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 7:40 am**

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 9:40 am**

What do hungry chemists eat?

Gram (Graham) crackers!

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 9:42 am**

A bear from Montana and a bear from Alaska fall into the water at the same time. Which dissolves faster?

The one from Alaska- he's a polar bear.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 9:50 am**

A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner, "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you!" The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 10:04 am**

Light travels faster than sound.... That's why some people appear bright until they speak

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:01 am**

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:10 am**

What is a cation afraid of? A dog-ion!

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:12 am**

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A. First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 12:24 pm**

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:19 pm**

I need 2... moles.. one for plug and one for the load

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:32 pm**

(b/c Argon is a noble gas looooool)

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:42 pm**

With Valentine's Day coming up...

Are you made of uranium and iodine? Because all I can see is U and I!

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:51 pm**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:55 pm**

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
"You may have graduated, but I have many degrees."

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 2:02 pm**

Q:What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 2:08 pm**

You are a photon quanta to my valence electron. You excite me to a higher energy level.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 2:47 pm**

I don't trust atoms... I heard they make up everything.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 3:29 pm**

You must be made with a beryllium and barium compounds because you are such a BaBe!

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 3:32 pm**

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 3:39 pm**

Did you know that oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 3:48 pm**

In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.

When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step”.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 3:53 pm**

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…

He said NaBrO

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 4:17 pm**

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 4:29 pm**

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 4:49 pm**

Q: What did the chemist snack on during lunch?
A: A 'gram' cracker.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 4:50 pm**

A galvanic cell says to another galvanic call: "We're meant to be because our relationship is electric."

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 5:03 pm**

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 6:11 pm**

What kind of fish is made out of 2 Sodium atoms?
2Na

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 7:47 pm**

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 8:27 pm**

Once I told a chemistry joke,
there was no reaction...

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 8:47 pm**

Oxygen and Potassium?

They're OK. Nothing special.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 9:00 pm**

What is a chemist's favorite noodle soup?

PhosphorousHydrogenOxygen

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 9:17 pm**

Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 9:35 pm**

One day on the Tonight Show, Jay Leno showed a classified add that read: "Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023."

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 9:54 pm**

forget hydrogen, you're my number one element!

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 10:52 pm**

Why are chemists so great at solving problems?

Because they have all the solutions!

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:48 pm**

Chem Joke

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:49 pm**

What did one titration tell another? Let's meet at the endpoint.

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 12:36 am**

A chemistry teacher was berating the students for not learning the Periodic Table of the Elements. She said, "Why when I was your age I knew both their names and weights." One kid popped up, "Yeah, but teach, there were so few of them back then.

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 1:09 am**

Someone asked if I knew any Sodium Hypobromite jokes. I just told them Na BrO.

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 1:53 am**

What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium ions?

2 NA

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 2:10 am**

Chemistry. More like cheMYSTERY because sometimes I have no idea what's going on.

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 2:56 am**

Two men walk into a restaurant and order drinks. The first man says "I'll have an H2O please." The second man says "I'll have an H2O too."
The second man died.

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 10:18 am**

I thought this was fitting

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 12:35 pm**

Happy Valentine's Day!

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 12:53 pm**

Q: What do you do with a dead scientist?
A: Barium!

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 3:39 pm**

Chemistry student: Great news, teacher says we have an chemistry midterm today come rain or shine.
Classmate: So what's so great about that?
Chemistry student: It's snowing outside!

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 4:13 pm**

Why did the bear dissolve in the water?

Because he was a polar bear.

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 4:15 pm**

In honor of Valentines day:

Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro's number!

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 4:43 pm**

"Oh my gosh! I've lost my neutron"
"It's okay, you can get a new one free of charge"

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 4:59 pm**

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 5:08 pm**

In honor of Valentine's Day

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 6:15 pm**

You must be a compound of barium and beryllium because you're a total BaBe.
Happy Valentines Day

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 6:44 pm**

What substance has the formula HIJKLMNO? Water.

Got mole problems? Call Avogadro at 602-1023

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 6:56 pm**

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 7:49 pm**

Why do chemist like nitrates so much? Because it's cheaper than day rates.

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