CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 3:33 am**

Since it's love month, here's a pickup line you could use. lol

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 10:46 am**

What do you do with a sick chemist?

If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 11:13 am**

Two electrons are sitting in a jail cell.
One asks, "What are you in for?"
The other replies, "For attempting a forbidden transition."

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 12:34 pm**

Don't ever get a chemist angry. They'll overreact!

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 12:37 pm**

This page needs to

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 12:46 pm**

Here is a historical note: In the 1980's, in an effort to increase public awareness about the importance of chemistry, the American Chemical Society posted billboards with a picture of C6H10 and the title, "It takes alkynes to make a world."

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 1:53 pm**

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?

He's 0K now.

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 1:55 pm**

What do you call an acid with an attitude?

A-mean-oh acid!

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 2:22 pm**

A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined.
"I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 2:33 pm**

If H2O is water, what is H2O4?

Drinking, swimming, showering, etc.

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 2:57 pm**

Want to hear a joke about sodium hypobromite?
NaBrO

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 3:48 pm**

I thought this one was pretty good.

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 3:53 pm**

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 4:03 pm**

How often do I tell Chemistry jokes?

Periodically!

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 4:20 pm**

I told a chemistry joke...

There was no reaction!

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 4:28 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 4:42 pm**

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 6:05 pm**

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 6:34 pm**

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 6:34 pm**

Have you heard Enthalpy's new mixtape "Constant Pressure"? They say it's pure heat.

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 7:00 pm**

too cute!

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 8:44 pm**

A student is very late to his chemistry lab class, arriving when there are only 5 minutes left. Realizing he won't have time to complete the lab, which involves looking at a sample of water under a microscope and recording observations, the student scribbles in his notebook "I saw twice as many H's as I did O's."

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 9:35 pm**

DJ Enzyme!

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 10:12 pm**

"Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?"

"Helium walks into a bar,
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react."

"The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist sees the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state."

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 10:29 pm**

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A one molar solution.

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 10:35 pm**

Q: Why do chemistry students do well when working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 10:46 pm**

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 10:46 pm**

Since Valentine's Day just passed

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 11:03 pm**

I'm not ready to learn organic chemistry yet.
I'm sure I'll run into alkynes of problems.

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 11:29 pm**

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 11:55 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:31 am**

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:50 am**

Q: Oxygen and Potassium went on a date. How do you think it went?
A: OK!

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:58 am**

I want to post a joke, but all the good ones Ar (Argon)

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:58 am**

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 2:03 am**

A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "for you, no charge".

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 2:36 am**

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:45 am**

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel:
Fe - Fe
/ \
Fe Fe
\ /
Fe - Fe

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:46 am**

Q: What did the chemical agent say?
A: My name is Bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:16 am**

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:02 am**

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:13 am**

Why did the acid go to the gym?

To become a buffer solution!

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:14 am**

Helium walks into a bar.
The bar tender says, “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.”
Helium doesn’t react.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:17 am**

Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic stuff.

Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
They bonded well from the minute they met

A small piece of sodium which lived in a testube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the sodium. The bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through"

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:47 am**

Friend: Hey, what show does cesium and iodine love watching together?
Me: I don't know, CSI?

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:51 am**

Q: Why does a hamburger have lower energy than a steak?
A: It's in the ground state.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:34 pm**

Even though we aren't on this unit anymore, who doesn't love a star wars reference here and there?!

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:37 pm**

What is a cation afraid of?

A dogion

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:54 pm**

Electrochemistry joke

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 1:16 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 1:20 pm**

That feeling when you know chemistry jokes but they're all boron.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 2:05 pm**

Goals:
Q: Why did the acid go to the gym?
A: To become a buffer solution!

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 3:02 pm**

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 3:05 pm**

Q: Why do chemistry students do well when working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 3:50 pm**

Q: What does a chemist bring as a dessert while camping?
A: A ‘gram’ cracker.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:14 pm**

Q:How do sulfur and oxygen communicate?
A: A sulphone!

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:20 pm**

In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.

When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was "I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step."

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:21 pm**

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees."

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:23 pm**

If I were a dj I'd name myself DJ Enzyme because I'm always breaking it down

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 5:28 pm**

Friend texts me: Hey do you think we can hang out?

Me: NOBr, I'm busy.

*starts laughing at own joke*

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 5:30 pm**

A chemistry teacher is recruited as a radio operator in the first world war. He soon becomes familiar with the military habit of abbreviating everything. As his unit comes under a sustained enemy attack, he is asked to urgently inform his HQ.
"NaCl over NaOH! NaCl over NaOH!" he says.
"NaCl over NaOH?" shouts his officer. "What do you mean?"
"The base is under a salt!" The chemist replied.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 5:42 pm**

I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 6:02 pm**

"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees."

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 6:14 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 6:26 pm**

Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 6:28 pm**

"What do you do to a dead scientist?"

'You Barium."

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 6:34 pm**

In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.

When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step”.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 6:35 pm**

Questionable?

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 6:57 pm**

I would never poison you. Now eat your Pb and Jelly sandwich.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 7:02 pm**

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/56 ... 290db8.jpg

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 7:30 pm**

What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?

Fe-breeze

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 7:42 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 7:53 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:08 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:09 pm**

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:10 pm**

Q: What element is derived from a Norse [censored]?
A: Thorium.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:14 pm**

If a King farts is it a noble gas?

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:45 pm**

Who took a bigger L:
USC or me on the Chem midterm??

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:46 pm**

Omeed_Partovi_1L wrote:Who took a bigger L:
USC or me on the Chem midterm??

You silly!

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:49 pm**

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

-They're cheaper than day rates.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:51 pm**

In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.

When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step”.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:54 pm**

"Did you hear about Oxygen and Magnesium dating?"
"I've heard this before, it's OMg!"
"No, hasn't Lavelle taught you anything?! It's MgO"

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:59 pm**

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They are cost less than day rates!!!!

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:03 pm**

What is a cation afraid of?

A dog ion

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:04 pm**

Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?

They bonded well from the minute they met.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:07 pm**

Are all my jokes too basic for you? Why is there no reaction?

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:08 pm**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273˚C and still be 0k?

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:15 pm**

I don't have any good chemistry jokes to tell. All the best jokes Argon.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:16 pm**

What is a minion's favorite element sequence? Barium, Sodium, Sodium!!!

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:18 pm**

Why are so many chemist alcoholics? Because alcohol is a solution

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:33 pm**

you must be made of uranium and iodine because all I can see is U and I

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:45 pm**

Why did Carbon and Helium get married?
They bonded well from the moment they met.

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:47 pm**

i can't say its a joke but had to buy this at Trader Joe's

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:52 pm**

People in Trump's administration are like atoms...

because they make up everything!

*Not my original joke*

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:55 pm**

Since we are studying kinetics:

In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.

When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was "I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step."

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:01 pm**

This isn't really a joke, but a chemistry pickup line

Do you have 11 protons?
Bc you're sodium fine

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:02 pm**

did you know the sun doesn't have to go to college cause it already has 28 million degrees :-)

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:02 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:26 pm**

Q: why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
A: Because it is basic material.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate

Posted: **Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:26 pm**

CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

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Chemistry Joke :)

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