CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 2:26 pm**

It's that time of year when the bank account starts getting low...

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 2:30 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 2:34 pm**

A small furry animal walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, our maximum occupancy is only 6.00 x 1023. We can't serve a mole."

Cole's law: Thinly sliced cabbage

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn't put it down?

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 2:47 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 2:57 pm**

I would tell a chemistry joke but all the good ones argon.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 2:59 pm**

Why is Ochem so difficult?

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble!

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 3:04 pm**

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 3:10 pm**

Q: Why did the acid go to the gym?
A: To become a buffer solution.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 3:21 pm**

Hmmm...

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 3:27 pm**

Organic Chemistry is difficult.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 3:33 pm**

Bob: Hey Chris have you heard about this new band called endothermic reaction?
Chris: Ya I've been a fan of them since before they were cool

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 3:43 pm**

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:01 pm**

what kind of dogs to chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:08 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:22 pm**

Are you made up of copper and tellurium? Cause you're CuTe.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:23 pm**

Do you have 11 protons? cause you're sodium fine

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:31 pm**

Q: Why did the acid go to the gym?
A: To become a buffer solution!

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:42 pm**

You must be made of Uranium and Iodine because all I can see is U and I!

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:44 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:45 pm**

Q: What kind of dogs do chemists have?
A: Laboratory retrievers.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:49 pm**

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and i was like "OMg"

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:50 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:55 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:02 pm**

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:03 pm**

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar!

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:19 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:34 pm**

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?

A: First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if that fails, then you have to barium.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:36 pm**

I cringed so hard but here it is

If H20 is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H20 cubed

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:39 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:42 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:44 pm**

Proof.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:44 pm**

Prostitute Teacher: Describe hydrogen.
Student: It is a prostitute element.
Teacher: Who taught you that?
Student: You said it does not belong to a particular group and it reacts with almost all the elements in the periodic table.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:10 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:13 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:25 pm**

Want to Hear a joke about sodium?

Na.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:27 pm**

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel:
Fe - Fe
/ \
Fe Fe
\ /
Fe - Fe

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:29 pm**

what in tarnation titration

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:36 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:37 pm**

What's the formula for water?

HIJKLMNO!

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:45 pm**

Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:47 pm**

Q: If H20 is water, what is H204?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:49 pm**

Q: When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
A:C over lambda.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:51 pm**

Q: When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
A:C over lambda.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:52 pm**

Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down!

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:52 pm**

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:54 pm**

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:55 pm**

Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
A: It went OK.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:56 pm**

Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state!

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:56 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:00 pm**

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:04 pm**

The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:04 pm**

I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:06 pm**

Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material!

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:11 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:24 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:25 pm**

Q: Why are you lazy? >:(

A: I'm not lazy. I'm just full of potential energy :D

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:26 pm**

What in tarnation!

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:27 pm**

In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.

Q: When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly. What was his reply?

A: “I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step”.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:30 pm**

From the ground, anti-aircraft guns fired at the bomber pilot as he emptied his load of Hydrochloric Acid over enemy territory. As the plane flew away, the pilot smiled, with satisfaction at the voice over his radio. “Congratulations, you’ve just neutralized a dangerous base!”

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:32 pm**

Q: Why did the chemist help the kid who was being bullied?

A: He didn’t want to watch the kid sulfur.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:33 pm**

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/23 ... 245b15.jpg

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:35 pm**

I love puns

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:36 pm**

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other:
“Are you alright?”
“No, I lost an electron!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m positive!”

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:40 pm**

Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory? His business went insolvent.

How many atoms in a guacamole? Avocado's number.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:48 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:51 pm**

Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

A: It went OK.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:52 pm**

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:02 pm**

Electrophile: I came out to have a good time but I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:06 pm**

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
Well...

He's 0K now.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:12 pm**

Q: What kind of dogs do chemists have?
A: Laboratory Retrievers

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:26 pm**

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:33 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:34 pm**

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:39 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:44 pm**

i miss you when you argon

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:47 pm**

Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:52 pm**

So hydroiodic acid walks into a bar right,..., "HI!!!" it screams

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:55 pm**

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/23 ... 5edf69.jpg

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:01 pm**

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:12 pm**

You must be made of uranium and iodide, because all I can see is U and I ;)

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:16 pm**

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:25 pm**

Chemistry is like cooking- just don't lick the spoon!

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:31 pm**

Hey! Oxygen is in a relationship with Magnesium!... OMg

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:37 pm**

A little narrative:
Helium walks into a bar
The bartender says "We don't serve Noble Gases here"
....helium doesn't react.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:45 pm**

What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.022 x 10^23 pieces?

Guacamole.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:51 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:54 pm**

What element is a girl's best friend? Carbon!

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:11 pm**

Organic chemistry is so difficult.........

People who study it have alkanes of trouble!

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:13 pm**

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:14 pm**

https://www.facebook.com/aScienceEnthusiast/photos/a.475346705827113.120684.475335342494916/1558205550874551/?type=3

Look at the link! It is very context specific

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:16 pm**

H2O is the formula for water. What is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:19 pm**

What in sublimation?!?

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:23 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:25 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:30 pm**

Head's up everyone.

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:32 pm**

Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
A: It becomes daytogen

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:32 pm**

Great joke or bad joke??
Q:What do dipoles say in passing?
A:Have you got a moment?

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:32 pm**

Wot in activation

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:34 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:38 pm**

What's a pirate's favorite element?

Arrrgon

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