CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Mon Oct 10, 2016 1:33 pm**

Gold walks into a bar. The bartender shouts "Ay you! Get out of here!"

Posted: **Mon Oct 10, 2016 3:10 pm**

Q: Why do you go to jail for throwing sodium chloride for somebody?
A: Because its a salt.

Posted: **Mon Oct 10, 2016 3:26 pm**

Q: What is a cation afraid of?
A: A dogion.

Posted: **Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:55 pm**

What do you do with a sick chemist?

If you can't helium, and you can't curium, you might as well barium

Posted: **Mon Oct 10, 2016 9:42 pm**

What did iodine say while spying on copper?
I see you.

Posted: **Tue Oct 11, 2016 11:23 am**

What do you call a clown who's in jail?
A silicon.

Posted: **Tue Oct 11, 2016 3:18 pm**

Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Posted: **Tue Oct 11, 2016 3:22 pm**

How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado's number.

Posted: **Tue Oct 11, 2016 3:59 pm**

I heard oxygen and magnesium went on a date!
OMg

Posted: **Tue Oct 11, 2016 4:08 pm**

Did you hear Oxygen went on a date with Potassium?
It went OK.

Posted: **Tue Oct 11, 2016 4:30 pm**

Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
Because it's in the ground state.

Posted: **Tue Oct 11, 2016 7:28 pm**

What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI

Posted: **Tue Oct 11, 2016 9:03 pm**

Optimist: The glass is half full

Pessimist: The glass is half empty

Chemist: The glass is 50% H2O(l), 39%N(g), 10.5% O2(g), .44%Ar(g), and .06% CO2(g)

Posted: **Tue Oct 11, 2016 9:58 pm**

Two chemists walk in a bar. One asks for H20, and the other says "I'll have H2O too." The second chemist dies.

Posted: **Tue Oct 11, 2016 11:12 pm**

Q:What is a cation afraid of?
A: A dogion!

Posted: **Tue Oct 11, 2016 11:25 pm**

OMG
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium are a couple?

Posted: **Wed Oct 12, 2016 12:08 am**

A photon goes to check into its hotel. The bellhop asks, "Do you need help with your luggage?" The photon responds, "No thank you, I'm carrying light."

Posted: **Wed Oct 12, 2016 2:53 am**

Posted: **Wed Oct 12, 2016 2:12 pm**

I like chemistry jokes, periodically.

Posted: **Wed Oct 12, 2016 2:24 pm**

What do chemists always bring to a camping trip?
-"gram" crackers

Posted: **Wed Oct 12, 2016 3:23 pm**

How does copper say goodbye?
CU later!

Posted: **Wed Oct 12, 2016 3:57 pm**

Funny Stuff.

Posted: **Wed Oct 12, 2016 4:29 pm**

But seriously we need to combat global warming and help the polar bears

Posted: **Wed Oct 12, 2016 5:23 pm**

Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon

Q: What element is derived from a Norse [censored]?
A: Thorium.

Posted: **Wed Oct 12, 2016 5:28 pm**

Thought this one was worth sharing

Posted: **Wed Oct 12, 2016 5:50 pm**

I was going to tell a good joke about sodium hydride but I decided NaH.

Posted: **Wed Oct 12, 2016 9:18 pm**

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know where I am."

Posted: **Wed Oct 12, 2016 9:21 pm**

The name's Bond. Covalent Bond.

Posted: **Wed Oct 12, 2016 9:40 pm**

If H2O is water, and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, then what is H2O4?

Drinking.

Posted: **Thu Oct 13, 2016 9:34 am**

I tell bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Posted: **Thu Oct 13, 2016 10:42 am**

A photon walks into a hotel and the clerk says, "can I take your bags sir?" The photon replies, "no thanks I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Thu Oct 13, 2016 1:24 pm**

Person 1: I blew up my chemistry experiment!!
Person 2: Oxidents happen

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

Posted: **Thu Oct 13, 2016 3:28 pm**

A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-'s"

Posted: **Thu Oct 13, 2016 3:31 pm**

Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.

Q: Describe the chemical difference between H20 and CO2.
A: H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water

Posted: **Thu Oct 13, 2016 7:43 pm**

Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon

Posted: **Thu Oct 13, 2016 8:07 pm**

I'm a female.
Fe = Female
Male = Man
Therefore, I am Iron Man.

Posted: **Thu Oct 13, 2016 8:22 pm**

Werner Heisenberg is driving a car on the freeway when a cop pulls him over for speeding. "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?" the cop exclaims. "No," Heisenberg replies, "but I can tell you exactly where I was."

Posted: **Thu Oct 13, 2016 8:40 pm**

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Don't worry, he's 0K now.

Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution.

yay for chemistry jokes!

Posted: **Thu Oct 13, 2016 9:46 pm**

Something to think about...
if a king farts, is it a noble gas?

Posted: **Thu Oct 13, 2016 11:17 pm**

These jokes are sodium funny!

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 11:09 am**

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 12:07 pm**

You must be full of copper and tellurium because you're cute!

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 12:40 pm**

always think like a proton and stay positive (:

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:26 pm**

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees." :)

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 2:14 pm**

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 2:31 pm**

Three nobles gases walk into a bar.
No one reacts.

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 2:39 pm**

what is the chemical formula for coffee?
-CoFe2

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 2:44 pm**

What element is a girl's best friend?
-Carbon

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 3:20 pm**

What sharp object do you get when you combine potassium, nickel and iron?

--->KNiFe

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 3:26 pm**

What do you call an iron blowing in the wind?

FeBreeze

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 3:27 pm**

What is a chemist's favorite plant?

Stochiome-tree!

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 3:29 pm**

I've got my ion you...

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 3:33 pm**

This is relevant to what we've talked about in class this week haha

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 3:41 pm**

Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 4:29 pm**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 4:36 pm**

https://storage.googleapis.com/imgfave/ ... 837604.jpg

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 4:37 pm**

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 4:38 pm**

How many moles are in a guacamole?

Avocado's number.

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 4:39 pm**

What did one ion say to the other?
I've got my ion you.

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 5:13 pm**

Q: What happened to the chemist who was pulled over for having NaCl and a 9V in his car?

A: He was arrested for a salt and battery.

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 5:36 pm**

Q: Why did the noble gas cry?

A: Because all his friends argon.

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 6:13 pm**

Once I told a chemistry joke....there was no reaction.

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 6:15 pm**

*badumtss*

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 7:32 pm**

Q: What did the chemist say when he found to helium isotopes?

A: HeHe

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 7:43 pm**

Does anyone remember that one really good chemistry joke? Na? OK never mind.

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 7:49 pm**

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 8:25 pm**

Q: What is a cation?
A: An ion with a paws-itive charge.

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 8:44 pm**

Hopefully everyone did better than this person on their quizzes and other midterms!!!

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 8:53 pm**

What Did The Angry Electron Say When It Was Repelled?

A: Let me Atom

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:06 pm**

One day a chemist wrote to his girlfriend:" I am oxygen and you are the hydrogen,we are bond as tightly as H20."
His girlfriend replied:" who is the other hydrogen."

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:13 pm**

What do you call iron in the air?

Fe-breeze !!!

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:25 pm**

I think I've lost an electron... in fact, I'm positive.

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 10:36 pm**

What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.0x10^23 pieces?

Guacamole!

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 10:39 pm**

: It's an Cat-ion :3; IMG_0498.JPG (26.09 KiB) Viewed 71096 times

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 11:10 pm**

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/or ... 11445e.gif

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 11:25 pm**

Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Q: When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
A:C over lambda.

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

Posted: **Fri Oct 14, 2016 11:31 pm**

Sorry, I was too concentrated in my titration labs to notice...

Posted: **Sat Oct 15, 2016 12:02 am**

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates. (:

Posted: **Sat Oct 15, 2016 9:23 am**

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

Posted: **Sat Oct 15, 2016 11:47 am**

You must be copper and tellurium cause you sure are CuTe!

Posted: **Sat Oct 15, 2016 11:56 am**

Posted: **Sat Oct 15, 2016 12:04 pm**

A cat told his owner a joke about Saturn.
The owner replied, “oh you silicate.”

Posted: **Sat Oct 15, 2016 12:15 pm**

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? .....A one molar solution.

Posted: **Sat Oct 15, 2016 1:07 pm**

Reading all these jokes, I think this class is going to be a (pro)ton of fun this year with Mr. Lavelle!

Posted: **Sat Oct 15, 2016 3:55 pm**

What did the hardware store owner say to the man who stole copper wire?
"I'll Cu in court!"

Posted: **Sat Oct 15, 2016 6:30 pm**

Told a joke to noble gases... they didn't react ):

Posted: **Sat Oct 15, 2016 7:03 pm**

Chem Tip

Posted: **Sat Oct 15, 2016 9:08 pm**

What did one ion say to the other?
I've got my ion you.

Posted: **Sat Oct 15, 2016 10:36 pm**

Tommy:
I lost an electron!!
John:
Are you positive??

Posted: **Sat Oct 15, 2016 11:22 pm**

here's the fun one

Posted: **Sat Oct 15, 2016 11:38 pm**

I don't have any good Chemistry jokes,
because all the good ones Argon.

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 12:08 am**

My friend and I sat down at dinner to come up with some chemistry jokes/puns. We didn't come up with anything good, but it was a great bonding experience.

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 9:37 am**

If you can't helium, and you can't curium, you might as well barium.

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 11:17 am**

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 11:29 am**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 11:40 am**

I can't wait until we are finished with our chemistry final- then we Argon.

Which element is the most medicinal?
-Curium

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 12:43 pm**

What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel, and iron?
A KNiFe

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 1:36 pm**

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Titanium is the most amorous metal. When it gets hot, it'll combine with anything.

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 1:44 pm**

I meant to post this up on Friday, but here goes:
What did the chemist say when he dropped a block of gold onto his foot?
"Au, that hurt!"

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 1:51 pm**

Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

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