CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 12:33 am**

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Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 12:36 am**

Q: What is "HIJKLMNO"?
A: H2O.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 12:37 am**

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 12:46 am**

Chair and boat conformations

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 8:40 am**

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 9:26 am**

Chemistry Joke :)

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 9:34 am**

carbon !!

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:07 am**

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:08 am**

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 12:16 pm**

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 2:25 pm**

As our final is getting closer, I wish everyone good luck and

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 2:54 pm**

Did you know protons have mass?

I didn't even know they were Catholic!

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 3:13 pm**

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 3:39 pm**

What do you do with a sick chemist?

If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 3:59 pm**

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date...

it went OK

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 4:20 pm**

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 5:03 pm**

Don't be pH>7

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 5:14 pm**

You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons.
How Ionic.

A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great day rates, Even better NO3's"

What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?
Au Revoir

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 5:17 pm**

Organic chemistry is so hard, people who take the course go through alkynes of trouble.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 5:42 pm**

You must be a good benzene ring because you smell pleasantly aromatic.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 5:44 pm**

You're like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 5:47 pm**

Are you on spring break yet?
Na

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 6:58 pm**

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 6:59 pm**

I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones ARGON.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 7:01 pm**

Whats the sluttiest element?
Carbon because it bonds with basically everything

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 7:03 pm**

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 8:56 pm**

Wanna hear a jokes about sodium?

Na.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 9:59 pm**

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:00 pm**

I don't trust atoms I hear the make up everything.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:02 pm**

I have my chemistry jokes.

I am just afraid they won't get a good reaction.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:03 pm**

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date.....

It went OK

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:06 pm**

Q: Why did the hipster chemist get burned?
A: Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:24 pm**

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel:
Fe - Fe
/ \
Fe Fe
\ /
Fe - Fe

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:54 pm**

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Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 11:11 pm**

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Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 11:18 pm**

Posted: **Tue Mar 14, 2017 11:19 pm**

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Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 12:08 am**

I heard Nitrogen and Oxygen went on a date... it was NO good

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 12:11 am**

My roommate's name is Gold, Sulfur, Titanium, Nitrogen... AuSTiN lol

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 12:12 am**

What did bromine say to oxygen after they haven't seen each other in years?

BrO how are you I haven't seen you in years!

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 1:47 am**

Got mole problems? Call Avogadro at 602-1023

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 2:13 am**

Did you know protons have mass? I didn't even know they were religious.

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 3:05 am**

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 9:01 am**

What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 10:16 am**

If a king farts, is it a noble gas?

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 10:18 am**

The cation ions are pawsitive....

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 10:19 am**

I have many chemistry jokes... I'm just afraid they won't get a good reaction.

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 10:20 am**

All of these chem jokes are killing me, I'm diene

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 10:23 am**

free the elephant, or free energy?

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 12:18 pm**

You can freeze yourself at -273°C and still be 0K

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 12:21 pm**

What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?
Febreeze

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 12:23 pm**

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 1:32 pm**

Organic Chem humor

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 1:46 pm**

What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory retrievers!

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 3:07 pm**

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 3:47 pm**

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 5:08 pm**

Q: How many physical chemists does it take to wash a beaker?
A: None. that’s what organic chemists are for!

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 5:28 pm**

A chemistry lab is like a big party....

Some Drop Acid,
Others Drop The Base!

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 5:29 pm**

Q: If H20 is water, what is H204?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 5:29 pm**

I hate it when people text me 'K'

Like I'm not in the mood to talk about Potassium!

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 5:34 pm**

Wanna hear a joke about element 116?

Uuh...

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 5:36 pm**

Yesterday I told a chem joke at a party, but it got no reaction

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 5:40 pm**

one hydrogen atom says to another, "I think I lost an electron!"
the other states, "Are you sure?"
"i'm positive"

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 6:15 pm**

Q: What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
A: 2 Na

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 6:18 pm**

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite... He said "NaBrO"

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 6:40 pm**

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 6:40 pm**

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 7:11 pm**

Id be a terrible photon because i cant travel light.

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 7:15 pm**

Since Easter is coming soon...

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 7:22 pm**

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 7:48 pm**

Why did the bear dissolve in water?

It was a polar bear.

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 7:51 pm**

Learning about isomers and conformations of cyclohexane

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 8:12 pm**

What did the nitrogen say when it got set up with oxygen for a date?

NO

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 9:06 pm**

Two atoms are walking down the street.
Says one atom to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure??"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 9:07 pm**

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 9:07 pm**

What do dipoles say in passing? "Have you got a moment?"

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 9:43 pm**

Q: How many moles are in a bowl of guacamole?

A: Avocado's number

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 9:58 pm**

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 10:41 pm**

Posted: **Wed Mar 15, 2017 11:09 pm**

Wait, I just all the chemistry jokes are argon!

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:46 am**

Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
A: SWAg

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:47 am**

Q: What do you call a scientific plant?
A: Chemis-tree

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:49 am**

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:50 am**

You R-O-R' get organic chemistry jokes, or you don't.

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 1:00 am**

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 1:13 am**

Jokes about Heavy elements? All I could think of was U

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 9:07 am**

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 10:11 am**

Some simple, yet enjoyable jokes:

Every dipole has its moments.

It takes alkynes to make a world!

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 10:34 am**

FOR ALL THOSE WHO'VE TAKEN 14BL/WILL TAKE IT

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 10:39 am**

I wonder if anyone in the UCLA Chem Community can confirm.

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 11:09 am**

"love is in the air" Wrong. Nitrogen, Oxygen, and Carbon dioxide are in the air.

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:09 pm**

Q: What would you call a clown in jail?
A: Silicon (Silly Con)

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:57 pm**

What do you call an acid with attitude?

-A-mean-oh-acid

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 1:05 pm**

The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The optimist sees the glass as half full. The scientist sees the glass as completely full - half full of liquid, and half full of gas!

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 1:08 pm**

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 1:08 pm**

literally me

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 1:09 pm**

just a question...

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 1:10 pm**

this was definitely my thoughts coming into class

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 1:10 pm**

its a once in a lifetime thing

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2017 1:12 pm**

lol and i'm still struggling

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