CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 2:19 pm**

What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 2:50 pm**

Get it? HAHAHA...

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 2:52 pm**

Q: what do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
A: CoRnY

hahaha :)

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 3:27 pm**

I know this discussion is meant for chemistry jokes, but I thought I would share a few chemistry pick up lines instead.

1) You must be copper and tellurium cause you sure are CuTe!
2) I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.
3) Are you made of Beryllium, Gold, & Titanium because you're BE AU TI full.
4) If I could rearrange the periodic table, I'd put Uranium and Iodine together.

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 3:34 pm**

A proton and neutron walk into a bar and order two beers. The bartender comes back with two beers and asks the proton, "Are you sure that you're 21?" The proton replies, "I'm Positive!!" So the bartender gives him the first beer. The bartender then goes over to the neutron and says, "For you buddy, no charge."

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:27 pm**

One guacamole is equal to 6.0221415x10^23 guacas.

This is also known as avocado's number.

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 6:51 pm**

why do chemists learn ammonia first?
it's pretty basic stuff.

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 6:57 pm**

At least they tried...

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 7:14 pm**

I got all these good chemistry jokes, I'm scared they won't get a good reaction :'(

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 7:16 pm**

I asked a couple of my friends if they wanted to hear a good sodium joke. They said Na.

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 7:19 pm**

What don't you understand about copper? It makes perfect cents.

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 7:29 pm**

On a (pH) scale of one to fourteen, you're a fourteen, because you're basic!!

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:11 pm**

If a bear in Yosemite and a bear in Alaska both fall into the water, which one dissolves faster? The one in Alaska obviously because it's polar.

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:17 pm**

Are chemical workers unionized?

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 9:11 pm**

I did not write this original material, neither does Drake #ghostwriting.

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 9:34 pm**

Jim: "Anyone know any good sodium jokes?"
Tim: "Na"

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 9:42 pm**

I dont trust atoms....I HEARD THEY MAKE UP EVERYTHING

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 10:07 pm**

How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 10:10 pm**

Here's another one from chemistry cat:

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 10:42 pm**

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 10:45 pm**

Q: What do you get when you cut an avocado (Avagadro) into 6 x 10^23 pieces?
A: GuacaMOLE

Posted: **Sun Oct 16, 2016 10:51 pm**

Are you a neuron?

Cause you got lots of action potential!

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 8:59 am**

Proton: Hey, Electron! It's Proton. Where are you?!

Electron: Hi there! Well, ya see... That's a hard question for me to answer.

Proton: Why is it a hard question? Just tell me!

Electron: It's difficult for me to answer because I can only tell you where I PROBABLY am.

Proton: :(

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 9:26 am**

I will always know the noble gases because of that one episode of Drake and Josh.

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 9:42 am**

A chemistry lab is like a big party. Some drop acid, and others drop the base.

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 9:48 am**

i wish your name was avagadro...because then i would already know your number ;)

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 12:48 pm**

What do you call a tooth in a cup of water?

A one molar solution!!!

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 1:01 pm**

Once I told a chemistry joke....
There was no reaction

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 2:11 pm**

How did the chemist get in prison?

He was charged with a salt and battery

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 3:04 pm**

Funny stuff right here ...

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 3:40 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 3:48 pm**

The name's Bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 4:36 pm**

I have many chemistry jokes
I'm just afraid when I say them I won't get a good reaction

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 7:13 pm**

Lol this is true

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 9:52 pm**

Why are chemists great for solving problems?

They have all the solutions!

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 10:05 pm**

You're a 10!
...On the pH scale because you're basic.

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 10:38 pm**

If H20 is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
H20 cubed!
*diss track*

Posted: **Mon Oct 17, 2016 10:45 pm**

Did you hear the rumor that Sodium was dating Chloride?

Na, I would take that rumor with a grain of salt.

Posted: **Tue Oct 18, 2016 12:02 am**

*When you dilute a solution*
Oh I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?

Posted: **Tue Oct 18, 2016 12:18 am**

Posted: **Tue Oct 18, 2016 11:24 am**

I heard they're starting a whole new chem channel devoted to as xenon tv products.

Posted: **Tue Oct 18, 2016 12:15 pm**

Lost an electron?

Better keep anion it ;)

Posted: **Tue Oct 18, 2016 2:08 pm**

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?

Because it was polar.

Posted: **Tue Oct 18, 2016 2:43 pm**

9. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.

Posted: **Tue Oct 18, 2016 3:05 pm**

This is the greatest chemistry joke of all time.

Posted: **Tue Oct 18, 2016 9:30 pm**

Posted: **Tue Oct 18, 2016 11:02 pm**

My friend asked if I was salty that I failed my chem quiz, I said
"Na bro."

Posted: **Tue Oct 18, 2016 11:37 pm**

I blew up my chemistry experiment... oxidants happen

Posted: **Tue Oct 18, 2016 11:49 pm**

What element is a girl's future best friend?
Carbon lolololololol

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 12:37 am**

What are bananas made out of?

Potassi-YUM

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 8:58 am**

I think I left the Bromine and Boron in the cabinet... BrB.

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 9:52 am**

What is a cation afraid of?

A dogion.

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 10:31 am**

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 11:08 am**

Do you know why I have to post bad chemistry jokes? It's because all of the good ones Argon.

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 12:19 pm**

Did you hear potassium went on a date with oxygen? It went OK.

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 12:37 pm**

What did the other elements say when gold left?
Au revoir!

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 2:09 pm**

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 2:34 pm**

"I got my ion you!"

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 2:44 pm**

I asked my friend if Silicon was spelled the same in Spanish and she said "Si".

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 3:45 pm**

A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of sodas. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes. The waiter replies, "For you, No Charge!"

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 6:06 pm**

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 6:09 pm**

Q: What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?
A: A CaNiNe

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 6:11 pm**

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 6:16 pm**

Are you NaOH...
cause you're hella BASIC?

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 8:56 pm**

Guys, you know what my favorite element on the periodic table is?

Laurencium.

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 10:35 pm**

The name's Bond.
Ionic Bond.
Taken, not shared.

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 11:22 pm**

Two men walk into a bar. One man orders H20. The other says, "I'll take H2O too." The second man dies.

Posted: **Wed Oct 19, 2016 11:49 pm**

*photon checks into a hotel*
Bellhop: "Do you need help with your bags?"
Photon: "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 11:26 am**

Once I tried telling a chemistry joke....
There was no reaction.

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 12:17 pm**

These are somewhat depressing...

What do you do with a dead chemist?
-Barium

Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite and he said "NaBrO"

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 12:24 pm**

Got Mole Problems?
Call Avogadro at 602-1023!

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 12:40 pm**

Want to hear a joke about sodium hypobromite?

NaBrO.

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 12:47 pm**

*photon checks into a hotel*
Bellhop: "Do you need help with your bags?"
Photon: "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 2:18 pm**

If a king farts,

is it a noble gas?

*badum tss*

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 2:27 pm**

Two atoms are walking down the street.
Says one atom to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure??"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 2:34 pm**

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
Because it is pretty basic stuff

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 3:53 pm**

So two friends walk into a bar, and one friend says "I'll have an H2O." The other friend says "I'll have an H2O too".

Both friends drink their beverages and the second one dies unfortunately, because the second friend asked for H2O2, which is hydrogen peroxide :(

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 4:58 pm**

Do you have 11 protons?

Because you're SO-DIUM fine!

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 5:41 pm**

: I saw this on Facebook. It's so funny.

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 8:14 pm**

: There was a raid and the theme was "James Bond and Legally Blonde"... guess who the science majors are lol

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 8:52 pm**

What do you call a tooth in glass of water?

A one MOLAR solution

HAHA :)

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 9:22 pm**

Q: What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
A: CoRnY.

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 9:44 pm**

I'm trying to zinc of a good chemistry joke but it seems like all of the good ones argon. ;)

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 10:50 pm**

......

Posted: **Thu Oct 20, 2016 10:55 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs an help with his luggage.
He replies " No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 12:16 am**

Cu+ = "I lost an electron :( "
Cu = "Are you positive ??"
*ba dum tsss*

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 12:19 am**

How often do I make chemistry jokes?
Periodically.

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 12:36 am**

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air. :)

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 12:38 am**

Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "we dont serve noble gases here." Helium doesnt react.

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 11:09 am**

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 12:11 pm**

What is the chemical formula for coffee?

CoFe2

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:17 pm**

Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:29 pm**

What do you call cheese infused in sodium bicarbonate?

NaCHO3 Cheese

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:30 pm**

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

A: Na

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 3:29 pm**

When cops pull you over, just do what Heisenberg does. When they ask, tell them you don't know how fast you were going, just where you were.

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 3:46 pm**

Q: What did the chemist say when he found 2 new isotopes of Helium?
A: HeHe

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 4:10 pm**

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 4:14 pm**

What do you call a clown who is in jail?
A silicon.

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 4:24 pm**

Chemists...

You have to keep an ion them.

Posted: **Fri Oct 21, 2016 4:34 pm**

Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

A: He was booked for a salt and battery.

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