CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Sat Dec 02, 2017 3:27 pm**

In the faculty lounge a German professor, a French professor and a chemistry professor were enjoying a drink and some friendly conversation. As they finished their drinks, the German professor stood up and said, "Auf Wiedersehen! Ahh, forgive me my friends! That means "good-bye" in German.

The French scholar, not to be outdone, stands and says, "Au revoir, mes amis! That's "Good-bye, my friends!" in French.

The chemistry professor thinks for a moment while his colleagues look on smugly. Suddenly he smiles, stands and says, "HCN -- that's good-bye in any language."

Posted: **Sat Dec 02, 2017 3:29 pm**

What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.

Posted: **Sat Dec 02, 2017 11:40 pm**

That was sodium funny

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:37 am**

"Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon"

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:04 pm**

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:17 pm**

Did you know protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:32 pm**

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:32 pm**

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:33 pm**

Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 8:51 pm**

You're a 10? Maybe on a pH scale because you are basic.

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:49 pm**

"When your outer valence shell is full"

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:03 pm**

Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:07 pm**

Q: According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?
A: Because it's made up of alkynes of people

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:27 pm**

I think I left Bromine and Boron in the cabinet.
BrB!

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:28 pm**

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
At least I have a degree.

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:56 pm**

Not to get technical, but according to chemistry...
Alcohol is a solution.

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:58 pm**

Q: What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A: A-mean-oh acid.

Posted: **Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:19 pm**

"That was sodium funny"
"I slapped my neon that one"

Posted: **Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:08 am**

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A: A one molar solution.

Posted: **Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:09 am**

Q: What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? A: Febreeze.

Posted: **Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:09 am**

Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met

Posted: **Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:10 am**

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

Posted: **Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:20 pm**

What's the formula for seawater?

CH20

Posted: **Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:22 pm**

Don't get chemists angry, they overreact.

Posted: **Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:26 pm**

I'm female.

Fe = Iron
Male = man

Therefore, I am Iron Man.

Posted: **Tue Dec 05, 2017 10:49 pm**

You matter…
unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light…
then you energy!

Posted: **Thu Dec 07, 2017 4:10 am**

Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because your CuTe

Posted: **Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:42 am**

What did the elements say to hydrogen? What a loner!

Posted: **Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:42 am**

Do I have a joke on sodium??
Na

Posted: **Thu Dec 07, 2017 6:17 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Fri Dec 08, 2017 3:04 am**

Posted: **Fri Dec 08, 2017 3:05 am**

Don't be salty

Posted: **Fri Dec 08, 2017 3:21 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Fri Dec 08, 2017 3:22 pm**

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Posted: **Fri Dec 08, 2017 7:31 pm**

What was the combustion reaction for the skirball fire?

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:00 am**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0K?

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:02 am**

Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:04 am**

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:06 am**

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 7:20 pm**

What's the chemical formula of a banana?
BaNa2

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 7:33 pm**

Is "unionized" a synonym for neutral?
No, it means they will stop carrying a charge until they get more money.

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 7:34 pm**

T.A.B.L.E. = Periodic Table

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 8:37 pm**

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel.

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 8:42 pm**

The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 9:50 pm**

Distracted BF: Conjugate Seesaw, Weak Conjugate Base, & Strong Acid

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 9:53 pm**

Which Nicki Minaj song is the best to listen to while studying Chapter 12?
Superbass!

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 10:10 pm**

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 10:10 pm**

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 10:10 pm**

Q: What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?
A: CoFe2

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 10:11 pm**

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 10:12 pm**

Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 10:23 pm**

Mole Problems? Call 602-1023

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 11:16 pm**

Remember to enjoy the little things in life.
Like protons

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 11:18 pm**

Anions aren't negative.
They're just misunderstood.

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 11:20 pm**

What do you get if you chop an avocado into 6.02 x 10^23 pieces?
Guaca-mole

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 11:23 pm**

Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.

Posted: **Sat Dec 09, 2017 11:24 pm**

I'm out of chemistry jokes. I should Zinc of a new one.

Posted: **Sun Dec 10, 2017 12:22 am**

Let's take all these bad chemistry jokes and Barium.

Posted: **Sun Dec 10, 2017 12:23 am**

Sam Smoot 1L wrote:Don't be salty

That was sodium funny! I slapped my neon that one!

Posted: **Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:41 am**

Did you hear that oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK

Posted: **Sun Dec 10, 2017 9:05 am**

Why are photons atheist? Because they don't have mass :000

Posted: **Sun Dec 10, 2017 9:12 am**

Why are chemists good at sneaking up on people? They have the element of surprise!

Posted: **Sun Dec 10, 2017 9:23 am**

Two scientists walk into a bar. "I'll have H2O," says the first. "I'll have H2O, too," says the second. Bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.

Posted: **Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:04 am**

What did the biPOLAR ghost say?
BOOH!

Posted: **Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:07 am**

Why did hydrogen get an alarm system?
Because he kept getting robbed and had reached his molar heat capacity

Posted: **Sun Dec 10, 2017 2:40 pm**

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A: A ferrous wheel.

Cheers! We outta chem 14A.

Posted: **Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:00 pm**

my gpa

Posted: **Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:27 pm**

What's the atomic symbol for confusion?
Um

Posted: **Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:29 pm**

What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-oh- acid

Posted: **Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:39 pm**

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Posted: **Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:39 pm**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Posted: **Mon Dec 11, 2017 2:23 am**

This thread is actual gold...

Posted: **Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:00 pm**

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

Posted: **Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:01 pm**

I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Posted: **Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:05 pm**

Q: What do you do with a dead chemists?
A: Barium

Posted: **Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:39 pm**

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Posted: **Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:41 pm**

As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.

Posted: **Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:41 pm**

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Posted: **Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:21 pm**

what did the ice cube say to his mom as he was melting

Posted: **Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:25 pm**

Anne 2L wrote:what did the ice cube say to his mom as he was melting

MOM ITS JUST A PHASE

Posted: **Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:52 am**

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar!

Posted: **Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:24 pm**

Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!

Posted: **Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:26 pm**

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!

Posted: **Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:28 pm**

Q: What do you call a scientific plant?
A: Chemis-tree.

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:21 am**

What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory retrievers

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:22 am**

Why can't atoms be trusted?

Because they make up everything

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:24 am**

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:24 am**

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A molar solution

*ba dum tss

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:25 am**

Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 1:42 pm**

I wanted to tell my chemistry joke...

but i was afraid i'd get the wrong reaction

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:13 pm**

Ba-duh

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:14 pm**

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:14 pm**

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 3:18 pm**

Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? He got Avogadro's number!

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 3:20 pm**

what is H204? It's FOR drinking, bathing, and mixing with scotch.

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 4:08 pm**

Why did the acid go to the gym?

To become a buffer solution!

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 4:30 pm**

If anyone hits on you in chemistry
Just ask them
Are you a salt?
cuz NaBrO

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 5:39 pm**

What's the matter? Everything. Everything is matter.

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 5:51 pm**

Watch out for the enthalpy pirate.....he'll steal your joules.

Posted: **Fri Jan 12, 2018 6:51 pm**

I can't tell you any good chemistry jokes because all the good ones argon.

CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

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