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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2017 3:27 pm
by Richard Braun 1I
In the faculty lounge a German professor, a French professor and a chemistry professor were enjoying a drink and some friendly conversation. As they finished their drinks, the German professor stood up and said, "Auf Wiedersehen! Ahh, forgive me my friends! That means "good-bye" in German.

The French scholar, not to be outdone, stands and says, "Au revoir, mes amis! That's "Good-bye, my friends!" in French.

The chemistry professor thinks for a moment while his colleagues look on smugly. Suddenly he smiles, stands and says, "HCN -- that's good-bye in any language."

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2017 3:29 pm
by Richard Braun 1I
What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2017 11:40 pm
by 904940852
That was sodium funny

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:37 am
by Reyna Alonso 1E
"Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon"

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:04 pm
by Justin Yu 3H
What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:17 pm
by ssthirkannad
Did you know protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:32 pm
by ChristineJimenez1J
Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:32 pm
by ChristineJimenez1J
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:33 pm
by ChristineJimenez1J
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 8:51 pm
by Bill Phawn 2C
You're a 10? Maybe on a pH scale because you are basic.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:49 pm
by Maya Krishnan 3E
"When your outer valence shell is full"
Screen Shot 2017-12-03 at 9.48.29 PM.png

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:03 pm
by Nancy 1B
Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:07 pm
by Nancy 1B
Q: According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?
A: Because it's made up of alkynes of people

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:27 pm
by Thompson W 2C
I think I left Bromine and Boron in the cabinet.
BrB!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:28 pm
by Thompson W 2C
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
At least I have a degree.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:56 pm
by Selene 1K
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry...
Alcohol is a solution.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:58 pm
by Selene 1K
Q: What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A: A-mean-oh acid.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:19 pm
by juchung7
"That was sodium funny"
"I slapped my neon that one"

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:08 am
by Carl Kim 1K
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A: A one molar solution.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:09 am
by Carl Kim 1K
Q: What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? A: Febreeze.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:09 am
by Carl Kim 1K
Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:10 am
by Carl Kim 1K
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:20 pm
by Patricia Macalalag 2E
What's the formula for seawater?

CH20

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:22 pm
by Patricia Macalalag 2E
Don't get chemists angry, they overreact.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:26 pm
by Patricia Macalalag 2E
I'm female.

Fe = Iron
Male = man

Therefore, I am Iron Man.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2017 10:49 pm
by Mila Therese Reyes 1E
You matter…
unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light…
then you energy!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 4:10 am
by 904940852
Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because your CuTe

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:42 am
by Jazmine Salazar
What did the elements say to hydrogen? What a loner!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:42 am
by Jazmine Salazar
Do I have a joke on sodium??
Na

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 6:17 pm
by tiffanyteguh1C
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 3:04 am
by Sam Smoot 2L
Mood

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 3:05 am
by Sam Smoot 2L
Don't be salty

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 3:21 pm
by Misa Belser 3C
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 3:22 pm
by Misa Belser 3C
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 7:31 pm
by Clement Ng
What was the combustion reaction for the skirball fire?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:00 am
by Thompson W 2C
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0K?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:02 am
by Thompson W 2C
Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:04 am
by Thompson W 2C
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:06 am
by Thompson W 2C
A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 7:20 pm
by Justin Yu 3H
What's the chemical formula of a banana?
BaNa2

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 7:33 pm
by ssthirkannad
Is "unionized" a synonym for neutral?
No, it means they will stop carrying a charge until they get more money.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 7:34 pm
by ssthirkannad
T.A.B.L.E. = Periodic Table

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 8:37 pm
by mitalisharma2B
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 8:42 pm
by mitalisharma2B
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 9:50 pm
by Maya Krishnan 3E
Distracted BF: Conjugate Seesaw, Weak Conjugate Base, & Strong Acid
Screen Shot 2017-12-09 at 9.48.38 PM.png

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 9:53 pm
by Tim Foster 2A
Which Nicki Minaj song is the best to listen to while studying Chapter 12?
Superbass!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 10:10 pm
by Radha Patel 1D
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 10:10 pm
by Radha Patel 1D
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 10:10 pm
by Radha Patel 1D
Q: What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?
A: CoFe2

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 10:11 pm
by Radha Patel 1D
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 10:12 pm
by Radha Patel 1D
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 10:23 pm
by Maya Krishnan 3E
Mole Problems? Call 602-1023
Screen Shot 2017-12-09 at 10.21.14 PM.png

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 11:16 pm
by Bill Phawn 2C
Remember to enjoy the little things in life.
Like protons

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 11:18 pm
by Bill Phawn 2C
Anions aren't negative.
They're just misunderstood.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 11:20 pm
by Bill Phawn 2C
What do you get if you chop an avocado into 6.02 x 10^23 pieces?
Guaca-mole

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 11:23 pm
by Bill Phawn 2C
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 11:24 pm
by Bill Phawn 2C
I'm out of chemistry jokes. I should Zinc of a new one.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 12:22 am
by Cyianna 2F
Let's take all these bad chemistry jokes and Barium.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 12:23 am
by Cyianna 2F
Sam Smoot 1L wrote:Don't be salty


That was sodium funny! I slapped my neon that one!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:41 am
by 904940852
Did you hear that oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 9:05 am
by Daniel Vo 1B
Why are photons atheist? Because they don't have mass :000

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 9:12 am
by Daniel Vo 1B
Why are chemists good at sneaking up on people? They have the element of surprise!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 9:23 am
by Zane Mills 1E
Two scientists walk into a bar. "I'll have H2O," says the first. "I'll have H2O, too," says the second. Bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:04 am
by Kennedy Moore 1D
What did the biPOLAR ghost say?
BOOH!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:07 am
by Kennedy Moore 1D
Why did hydrogen get an alarm system?
Because he kept getting robbed and had reached his molar heat capacity

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 2:40 pm
by Jean Mok 3K
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A: A ferrous wheel.

Cheers! We outta chem 14A.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:00 pm
by Clement Ng
my gpa

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:27 pm
by VahagnAldzhyan
What's the atomic symbol for confusion?
Um

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:29 pm
by VahagnAldzhyan
What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-oh- acid

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:39 pm
by Richard Braun 1I
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:39 pm
by Richard Braun 1I
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2017 2:23 am
by Akash_Kapoor_1L
This thread is actual gold...

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:00 pm
by mitalisharma2B
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:01 pm
by mitalisharma2B
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:05 pm
by mitalisharma2B
Q: What do you do with a dead chemists?
A: Barium

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:39 pm
by Carl Kim 1K
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:41 pm
by Carl Kim 1K
As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:41 pm
by Carl Kim 1K
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:21 pm
by Anne 2L
what did the ice cube say to his mom as he was melting

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:25 pm
by Katelyn 2E
Anne 2L wrote:what did the ice cube say to his mom as he was melting

MOM ITS JUST A PHASE

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:52 am
by Ekayana Sethi 2K
Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:24 pm
by hojae_lee_1C
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:26 pm
by hojae_lee_1C
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:28 pm
by hojae_lee_1C
Q: What do you call a scientific plant?
A: Chemis-tree.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:21 am
by Josh Moy 1H
What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory retrievers

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:22 am
by Josh Moy 1H
Why can't atoms be trusted?

Because they make up everything

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:24 am
by Justin Chu 1G
I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:24 am
by Josh Moy 1H
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A molar solution

*ba dum tss

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:25 am
by Justin Chu 1G
Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 1:42 pm
by cbercik
I wanted to tell my chemistry joke...

but i was afraid i'd get the wrong reaction

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:13 pm
by Sam Smoot 2L
Ba-duh

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:14 pm
by Sam Smoot 2L
:'(

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:14 pm
by Sam Smoot 2L
;)

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 3:18 pm
by cbercik
Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? He got Avogadro's number!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 3:20 pm
by cbercik
what is H204? It's FOR drinking, bathing, and mixing with scotch.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 4:08 pm
by Shreya Ramineni 2L
Why did the acid go to the gym?

To become a buffer solution!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 4:30 pm
by Daniel Vo 1B
If anyone hits on you in chemistry
Just ask them
Are you a salt?
cuz NaBrO

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 5:39 pm
by Brenda K 1J
What's the matter? Everything. Everything is matter.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 5:51 pm
by Swetha Sundaram 1E
Watch out for the enthalpy pirate.....he'll steal your joules.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 6:51 pm
by Patricia Macalalag 2E
I can't tell you any good chemistry jokes because all the good ones argon.