CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Fri Jan 26, 2018 10:12 am**

Two atoms are walking together.
One of the atoms starts panicking. "I think I lost an electron!" He cried. "Are you sure?" Said the other. "Yes! I'm positive!"

Posted: **Fri Jan 26, 2018 10:21 am**

Argon walks into a bar. The barman says, “We don’t serve noble gases in here!" Argon doesn’t react.

Posted: **Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:39 pm**

what kind of dogs do chemists have?

laboratory retrievers

Posted: **Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:40 pm**

what is the chemical formula for banana?

BaNa2

Posted: **Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:42 pm**

I have many chemistry jokes. I'm just afraid they wont get a good reaction

Posted: **Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:45 pm**

what was the charge when nacl was arrested?

a salt

Posted: **Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:47 pm**

a chemistry lab is like a big party. some drop acid. others drop the base

Posted: **Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:48 pm**

Are you a carbon sample?

Because i want to date you

Posted: **Sat Jan 27, 2018 12:27 pm**

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

Posted: **Sat Jan 27, 2018 2:51 pm**

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?

A: He's 0K now

Posted: **Sat Jan 27, 2018 3:24 pm**

A u! Did you take my gold?

A g, never mind, it's just silver.

Posted: **Sat Jan 27, 2018 4:22 pm**

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" and he died.

Posted: **Sat Jan 27, 2018 4:22 pm**

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.

Posted: **Sat Jan 27, 2018 4:23 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Sat Jan 27, 2018 9:19 pm**

Don't tell jokes to noble gases... you'll get no reaction.

Posted: **Sat Jan 27, 2018 9:32 pm**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Posted: **Sat Jan 27, 2018 9:33 pm**

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 1:14 pm**

If a king farts,
is it a noble gas?

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 1:46 pm**

What do hungry chemists eat?
Gram (Graham) crackers

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 2:38 pm**

Technically speaking...

Alcohol is a solution

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 2:40 pm**

You disagree with my hypothesis?

Well Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium you.

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 2:41 pm**

Everyone keeps saying all the good chem jokes argon...

But I don't zinc so.

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 3:15 pm**

Girl, do you like salt?

Why?

Because you're so-dium fine.

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:03 pm**

Valentine’s Day is coming up, so here’s a cute science love song filled with a bunch of puns. ;)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pocNl2YhZdM

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:15 pm**

Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:20 pm**

Q: How did Carbon propose to Hydrogen?
A: With a "carbonkneel"

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:34 pm**

What kind of dogs to chemists have?
Laboratory Retrievers

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:35 pm**

What is one element not there on the periodic table?
The element of surprise.

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:38 pm**

Optimist: The glass is half full
Pessimist: The glass is half empty
Realist: The glass has water.
Chemist: The glass contains 50% H2O (l), 39%N2 (g), 10.5% O2(g), 0.44% Ar (g) and 0.06%CO2 (g)

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 8:57 pm**

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 9:22 pm**

What's the difference between chemistry and physics?

Physics always wants to be the big man !!!

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 10:32 pm**

Q: Why did the noble gas cry?
A: Because all his friends Argon

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 10:32 pm**

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 10:32 pm**

Q: What do you do with a dead chemist?
A: Barium

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 11:21 pm**

https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/20374483_1249051675203288_1318601126448527178_n.jpg?oh=768d32a3c4a46ac16b00d32b77de6c9d&oe=5B1A921C

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 11:24 pm**

Neon was cracking up so much he was like
"That was sodium funny. I slapped my neon that one!"

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2018 11:24 pm**

im running out of chemistry jokes i should zinc of new ones :(

Posted: **Mon Jan 29, 2018 12:04 am**

An ion dropped an electron on the street, his buddy asked him if he was sure
"Yeah, I'm positive"

Posted: **Mon Jan 29, 2018 12:07 am**

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one orders "HIJKLMNO." The second chemists asks him what the [censored] does he mean. The first says, it's h to o, yah dingus.

Posted: **Mon Jan 29, 2018 12:08 am**

Which fish is also an element?
Tuna -- 2Na

Posted: **Mon Jan 29, 2018 10:54 pm**

Q: What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?
A: Fe-breeze

Posted: **Mon Jan 29, 2018 10:55 pm**

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Posted: **Mon Jan 29, 2018 10:56 pm**

What is it called when Queen farts?
A noble gas

Posted: **Tue Jan 30, 2018 10:45 pm**

What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory retrievers

Posted: **Wed Jan 31, 2018 3:45 pm**

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

Posted: **Wed Jan 31, 2018 6:11 pm**

Have you heard that entropy isn't what it used to be?

Posted: **Wed Jan 31, 2018 11:10 pm**

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q ... 5360909337

Posted: **Wed Jan 31, 2018 11:49 pm**

images.png

Posted: **Thu Feb 01, 2018 10:08 am**

When will a girl enjoy a date the most? When $\Delta$ G < 0!

Posted: **Thu Feb 01, 2018 10:09 am**

Who did the amino acid cheat on his girlfriend with?
His side chain

Posted: **Thu Feb 01, 2018 10:11 am**

What did a father tell his son when he woke him up?
Up 'n atom, son!

Posted: **Thu Feb 01, 2018 10:13 am**

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
It becomes daytrogen

Posted: **Thu Feb 01, 2018 10:15 am**

Why was the chemist arrested?
He was charged for a salt and battery at the store

Posted: **Thu Feb 01, 2018 10:17 am**

What do you call a measuring device with degrees?
A graduated cylinder

Posted: **Fri Feb 02, 2018 2:12 pm**

Chemists make really bad DJs. They take extra care not to drop the base.

Posted: **Fri Feb 02, 2018 2:14 pm**

Helium walks into a bar. Argon hits him with a bar stool. Helium doesn’t react.

Posted: **Fri Feb 02, 2018 2:16 pm**

What is the difference between sea lion and a seal?

An electron.

Posted: **Fri Feb 02, 2018 5:37 pm**

Hydrogen atom trying to flirt: The names Bond, Hydrogen Bond!

Posted: **Fri Feb 02, 2018 5:37 pm**

I would make another chemistry joke but all the good one ARGON

Posted: **Fri Feb 02, 2018 5:38 pm**

I would make another chemistry joke but all the good one ARGON

Posted: **Fri Feb 02, 2018 9:33 pm**

I would tell another chemistry joke, but all of the good ones Argon...

Posted: **Fri Feb 02, 2018 9:37 pm**

"Look mom! a Carbon tetrafluoride!"

Report card:

Math: C

History: F

English: F

Chemistry: F

PE: F

Posted: **Fri Feb 02, 2018 10:44 pm**

Credit my awesome (single) cousin (818)-963-3909

WHAT ELEMENT IS THE PROFESSOR MADE OUT OF?

BORON

LMAO

Posted: **Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:07 pm**

What Do You Get When You Cut An Avocado Into 6X10^23 Pieces?
Guacamole

Posted: **Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:15 pm**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 C and still be 0K?

Posted: **Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:18 pm**

I think I left the Bromine and Boron in the cabinet...

BrB

Posted: **Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:19 pm**

Posted: **Sat Feb 03, 2018 12:52 am**

What is a cation afraid of?
A dogion

Posted: **Sat Feb 03, 2018 12:55 am**

How many moles are in a bowl of guacamole?
Avocado's number

Posted: **Sat Feb 03, 2018 12:57 am**

What is "HIJKLMNO"? H2O

Posted: **Sat Feb 03, 2018 2:26 pm**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Posted: **Sat Feb 03, 2018 2:26 pm**

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.

Posted: **Sat Feb 03, 2018 2:27 pm**

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 9:29 am**

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 9:32 am**

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 10:05 am**

What type of dog do chemists have?
Laboratory Retrievers

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 1:41 pm**

Never trust an atom, they make up everything.

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 2:33 pm**

A line I used with my boyfriend:

"You know, I usually hate chemistry, but I love having chemistry with you."

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 2:48 pm**

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 2:50 pm**

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

I heard it went OK.

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 3:08 pm**

what kind of dogs do chemists get?

a LABrador retriever

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 3:09 pm**

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?

Because it was polar

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 3:10 pm**

I Heard Oxygen And Magnesium Were Going Out

And I was like OMg

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 6:34 pm**

Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 6:34 pm**

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 6:58 pm**

Fun fact: Josiah Gibbs was a Swiftie.
Haters gonna hate Taylor Swift=> ΔG=ΔH−TΔS

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 7:15 pm**

honest question here, does posting in the chem jokes section count as a weekly post that we can get credit for?

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 7:33 pm**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 7:34 pm**

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 7:38 pm**

When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 9:10 pm**

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 9:11 pm**

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 9:11 pm**

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 11:41 pm**

When I'm with you I feel like unsaturated butter because you make my heart melt.

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 11:43 pm**

Are you *oxo* because you're the -one for me <3 <3 <3
live love lavelle

Posted: **Sun Feb 04, 2018 11:51 pm**

Are you a high intensity photon? Because you put me into an excited state. <3 <3 <3
live lovelle laugh

Posted: **Mon Feb 05, 2018 12:06 am**

Q: What does the leader of an electron army say when they go to war?
A: CHARGE!

Posted: **Mon Feb 05, 2018 12:10 am**

Me: My favorite jokes are about Cobalt, Radon, and Yttrium.

Person: Why's that?

Me: Because I love CoRnY chemistry jokes.

Posted: **Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:47 pm**

Joke: “What is the difference between thermodynamics and a stick?

Answer: “A stick has two ends and no beginning. Thermodynamics has two ‘beginnings’ (the first and second law) and no end.”

Posted: **Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:48 pm**

Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? A: SWAG

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Ar

carbon tetrafluoride

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