Page 55 of 76

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2018 10:12 am
by Brenda K 1J
Two atoms are walking together.
One of the atoms starts panicking. "I think I lost an electron!" He cried. "Are you sure?" Said the other. "Yes! I'm positive!"

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2018 10:21 am
by Brenda K 1J
Argon walks into a bar. The barman says, “We don’t serve noble gases in here!" Argon doesn’t react.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:39 pm
by Phillip Tran
what kind of dogs do chemists have?

laboratory retrievers

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:40 pm
by Phillip Tran
what is the chemical formula for banana?

BaNa2

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:42 pm
by Phillip Tran
I have many chemistry jokes. I'm just afraid they wont get a good reaction

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:45 pm
by Seth So
what was the charge when nacl was arrested?

a salt

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:47 pm
by Seth So
a chemistry lab is like a big party. some drop acid. others drop the base

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:48 pm
by Seth So
Are you a carbon sample?

Because i want to date you

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2018 12:27 pm
by Andy Nguyen 1A
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2018 2:51 pm
by Jesus Rodriguez 1J
Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?

A: He's 0K now

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2018 3:24 pm
by Elizabeth Ignacio 1C
A u! Did you take my gold?

A g, never mind, it's just silver.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2018 4:22 pm
by hojae_lee_1C
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" and he died.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2018 4:22 pm
by hojae_lee_1C
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2018 4:23 pm
by hojae_lee_1C
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2018 9:19 pm
by Caitlin Mispagel 1D
Don't tell jokes to noble gases... you'll get no reaction.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2018 9:32 pm
by Isa Samad 1L
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2018 9:33 pm
by Isa Samad 1L
How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 1:14 pm
by Bill Phawn 2C
If a king farts,
is it a noble gas?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 1:46 pm
by Christy Zhao 1H
What do hungry chemists eat?
Gram (Graham) crackers

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 2:38 pm
by Sam Smoot 2L
Technically speaking...

Alcohol is a solution

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 2:40 pm
by Sam Smoot 2L
You disagree with my hypothesis?

Well Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium you.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 2:41 pm
by Sam Smoot 2L
Everyone keeps saying all the good chem jokes argon...

But I don't zinc so.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 3:15 pm
by Sarah Wax 1G
Girl, do you like salt?

Why?

Because you're so-dium fine.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:03 pm
by Kristin Ishaya 1A
Valentine’s Day is coming up, so here’s a cute science love song filled with a bunch of puns. ;)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pocNl2YhZdM

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:15 pm
by Kristin Ishaya 1A
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:20 pm
by Kristin Ishaya 1A
Q: How did Carbon propose to Hydrogen?
A: With a "carbonkneel"

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:34 pm
by Meghna2A
What kind of dogs to chemists have?
Laboratory Retrievers

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:35 pm
by Meghna2A
What is one element not there on the periodic table?
The element of surprise.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:38 pm
by Meghna2A
Optimist: The glass is half full
Pessimist: The glass is half empty
Realist: The glass has water.
Chemist: The glass contains 50% H2O (l), 39%N2 (g), 10.5% O2(g), 0.44% Ar (g) and 0.06%CO2 (g)

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 8:57 pm
by Isa Samad 1L
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 9:22 pm
by Kennedy Moore 1D
What's the difference between chemistry and physics?


Physics always wants to be the big man !!!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 10:32 pm
by Richard Braun 1I
Q: Why did the noble gas cry?
A: Because all his friends Argon

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 10:32 pm
by Richard Braun 1I
Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 10:32 pm
by Richard Braun 1I
Q: What do you do with a dead chemist?
A: Barium

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 11:21 pm
by Mariane Sanchez 1E

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 11:24 pm
by Mariane Sanchez 1E
Neon was cracking up so much he was like
"That was sodium funny. I slapped my neon that one!"

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 11:24 pm
by Mariane Sanchez 1E
im running out of chemistry jokes i should zinc of new ones :(

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2018 12:04 am
by Daniel Vo 1B
An ion dropped an electron on the street, his buddy asked him if he was sure
"Yeah, I'm positive"

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2018 12:07 am
by Daniel Vo 1B
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one orders "HIJKLMNO." The second chemists asks him what the [censored] does he mean. The first says, it's h to o, yah dingus.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2018 12:08 am
by Daniel Vo 1B
Which fish is also an element?
Tuna -- 2Na

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2018 10:54 pm
by cbercik
Q: What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?
A: Fe-breeze

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2018 10:55 pm
by cbercik
What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2018 10:56 pm
by cbercik
What is it called when Queen farts?
A noble gas

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 10:45 pm
by Patricia Macalalag 2E
What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory retrievers

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 3:45 pm
by torieoishi1A
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 6:11 pm
by Swetha Sundaram 1E
Have you heard that entropy isn't what it used to be?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 11:10 pm
by Paula Sing 1J

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 11:49 pm
by Paula Sing 1J
images.png

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 10:08 am
by ssthirkannad
When will a girl enjoy a date the most? When G < 0!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 10:09 am
by ssthirkannad
Who did the amino acid cheat on his girlfriend with?
His side chain

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 10:11 am
by ssthirkannad
What did a father tell his son when he woke him up?
Up 'n atom, son!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 10:13 am
by ssthirkannad
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
It becomes daytrogen

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 10:15 am
by ssthirkannad
Why was the chemist arrested?
He was charged for a salt and battery at the store

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 10:17 am
by ssthirkannad
What do you call a measuring device with degrees?
A graduated cylinder

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 2:12 pm
by Sam Smoot 2L
Chemists make really bad DJs. They take extra care not to drop the base.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 2:14 pm
by Sam Smoot 2L
Helium walks into a bar. Argon hits him with a bar stool. Helium doesn’t react.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 2:16 pm
by Sam Smoot 2L
What is the difference between sea lion and a seal?

An electron.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 5:37 pm
by 504754253
Hydrogen atom trying to flirt: The names Bond, Hydrogen Bond!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 5:37 pm
by 504754253
I would make another chemistry joke but all the good one ARGON

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 5:38 pm
by 504754253
I would make another chemistry joke but all the good one ARGON

Ar

Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 9:33 pm
by Hyein Cha 2I
I would tell another chemistry joke, but all of the good ones Argon...

carbon tetrafluoride

Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 9:37 pm
by Hyein Cha 2I
"Look mom! a Carbon tetrafluoride!"

Report card:

Math: C

History: F

English: F

Chemistry: F

PE: F

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 10:44 pm
by andrewr2H
Credit my awesome (single) cousin (818)-963-3909

WHAT ELEMENT IS THE PROFESSOR MADE OUT OF?

BORON

LMAO

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:07 pm
by Paula Dowdell 1F
What Do You Get When You Cut An Avocado Into 6X10^23 Pieces?
Guacamole

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:15 pm
by Seth So
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 C and still be 0K?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:18 pm
by Seth So
I think I left the Bromine and Boron in the cabinet...

BrB

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:19 pm
by Seth So
76e3e03f6219a703c6fa99828a305abf.jpg

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2018 12:52 am
by Brenda K 1J
What is a cation afraid of?
A dogion

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2018 12:55 am
by Brenda K 1J
How many moles are in a bowl of guacamole?
Avocado's number

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2018 12:57 am
by Brenda K 1J
What is "HIJKLMNO"? H2O

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2018 2:26 pm
by Shreya Ramineni 2L
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2018 2:26 pm
by Shreya Ramineni 2L
H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2018 2:27 pm
by Shreya Ramineni 2L
How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 9:29 am
by Jesus Rodriguez 1J
Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 9:32 am
by Jesus Rodriguez 1J
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 10:05 am
by Tiffany 1B
What type of dog do chemists have?
Laboratory Retrievers

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 1:41 pm
by Arjun Sharma 1D
Never trust an atom, they make up everything.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 2:33 pm
by Curtis Wong 2D
A line I used with my boyfriend:

"You know, I usually hate chemistry, but I love having chemistry with you."

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 2:48 pm
by Bill Phawn 2C
Image

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 2:50 pm
by Nisarg Shah 1C
Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

I heard it went OK.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 3:08 pm
by hojae_lee_1C
what kind of dogs do chemists get?

a LABrador retriever

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 3:09 pm
by hojae_lee_1C
Why did the white bear dissolve in water?

Because it was polar

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 3:10 pm
by hojae_lee_1C
I Heard Oxygen And Magnesium Were Going Out

And I was like OMg

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 6:34 pm
by Isa Samad 1L
Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 6:34 pm
by Isa Samad 1L
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 6:58 pm
by Bansi Amin 1D
Fun fact: Josiah Gibbs was a Swiftie.
Haters gonna hate Taylor Swift=> ΔG=ΔH−TΔS

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 7:15 pm
by Joshua Hughes 1L
honest question here, does posting in the chem jokes section count as a weekly post that we can get credit for?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 7:33 pm
by Phillip Tran
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 7:34 pm
by Phillip Tran
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 7:38 pm
by Phillip Tran
When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 9:10 pm
by Carl Kim 1K
Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 9:11 pm
by Carl Kim 1K
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 9:11 pm
by Carl Kim 1K
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 11:41 pm
by Daniel Vo 1B
When I'm with you I feel like unsaturated butter because you make my heart melt.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 11:43 pm
by Daniel Vo 1B
Are you *oxo* because you're the -one for me <3 <3 <3
live love lavelle

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 11:51 pm
by Daniel Vo 1B
Are you a high intensity photon? Because you put me into an excited state. <3 <3 <3
live lovelle laugh

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 12:06 am
by Kristin Ishaya 1A
Q: What does the leader of an electron army say when they go to war?
A: CHARGE!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 12:10 am
by Kristin Ishaya 1A
Me: My favorite jokes are about Cobalt, Radon, and Yttrium.

Person: Why's that?

Me: Because I love CoRnY chemistry jokes.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:47 pm
by Richard Braun 1I
Joke: “What is the difference between thermodynamics and a stick?

Answer: “A stick has two ends and no beginning. Thermodynamics has two ‘beginnings’ (the first and second law) and no end.”

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:48 pm
by Richard Braun 1I
Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? A: SWAG