CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Mon Mar 19, 2018 12:14 am**

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel:
Fe - Fe
/ \
Fe Fe
\ /
Fe - Fe

Posted: **Mon Mar 19, 2018 12:50 am**

http://www.chemistryjokes.com/images/th ... fusion.jpg

Me during that entire final

Posted: **Tue Mar 20, 2018 1:56 am**

Water: Hey oil! Wanna hang out?

Oil: Sorry. I can't mix with you guys.

Water: Hydrophobe!

Posted: **Tue Mar 20, 2018 2:23 am**

If you're serious about chemistry, the only frat you should be thinking about joining is Sig Fig. ;)

Posted: **Tue Mar 20, 2018 2:25 am**

I hate bad chemistry jokes. Hearing one really Hz my ears.

Posted: **Tue Mar 20, 2018 2:35 am**

Chemistry? More like cheMYSTERY because I have no idea what's going on...

Posted: **Tue Mar 20, 2018 2:39 am**

What did the scientist say when he/she found two isotopes of helium? HeHe.

Posted: **Tue Mar 20, 2018 2:40 am**

He/she threw sodium chloride at me! That's a salt!

Posted: **Tue Mar 20, 2018 2:43 am**

A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3's!"

Posted: **Sat Apr 07, 2018 7:16 pm**

Pre-2012 chemistry joke bruuh :/

Explanation: Uuh (ununhexium) was officially named as Lv (livermorium) in 2012. So sadly we can't make this joke anymore bruuh
https://www.nature.com/articles/nchem.2593

Posted: **Sun Apr 08, 2018 7:23 pm**

What is an isotope?

Posted: **Sun Apr 08, 2018 9:42 pm**

Q: what kind of dogs do scientists have?
A: laboratory retrievers

Posted: **Sun Apr 08, 2018 9:44 pm**

I try to tell chemistry jokes, but there's no reaction :'(

Posted: **Sun Apr 08, 2018 10:02 pm**

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

Posted: **Mon Apr 09, 2018 7:13 pm**

what kind of dog do chemists have? laboratory retrievers

Posted: **Mon Apr 09, 2018 10:31 pm**

I don't trust atoms... I heard they make up everything

Posted: **Tue Apr 10, 2018 7:48 pm**

Chemistry jokes are sodium funny

Posted: **Tue Apr 10, 2018 10:27 pm**

Two men walk into a chemistry-themed bar. The first man asks for a glass of H2O. The second man says, "I'll have a glass of H20, too". The second man has to go to the hospital.

(H202 aka dihydrogen dioxide aka not actually water the bartender got bamboozled)

Posted: **Wed Apr 11, 2018 4:15 pm**

Q: What is the chem formula for "coffee"?
A: CoFe2

Posted: **Wed Apr 11, 2018 8:14 pm**

Argon and Neon walk into a bar during the French Revolution. The bartender said "We don't serve noble gasses here"

Posted: **Fri Apr 13, 2018 7:45 pm**

If Avogadro calls, tell him to leave his number

Posted: **Sun Apr 15, 2018 10:44 am**

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

Posted: **Sun Apr 15, 2018 12:14 pm**

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite. He said NaBrO

Posted: **Sun Apr 15, 2018 6:32 pm**

Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.

Posted: **Sun Apr 15, 2018 9:11 pm**

I don't trust atoms...
I heard they make up everything.

Posted: **Sun Apr 15, 2018 9:20 pm**

What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers

Posted: **Sun Apr 15, 2018 9:21 pm**

I make bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Posted: **Sun Apr 15, 2018 9:23 pm**

What do you call an acid with an attitude?

A-mean-oh acid.

Posted: **Sun Apr 15, 2018 9:24 pm**

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Posted: **Sun Apr 15, 2018 9:25 pm**

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.

Posted: **Sun Apr 15, 2018 9:26 pm**

People always say all the good chemistry jokes Argon, but NO3-, they're not.

Posted: **Sun Apr 15, 2018 11:37 pm**

What's a chemist's dream car?
A Mercedes Benz-ene!

Posted: **Mon Apr 16, 2018 12:00 am**

I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best ones Argon!

Posted: **Mon Apr 16, 2018 8:24 pm**

How often do I tell chemistry jokes?

Periodically

Posted: **Mon Apr 16, 2018 8:25 pm**

Chemistry jokes are sodium funny!

I slapped my neon that one!!!

Posted: **Mon Apr 16, 2018 8:29 pm**

A cation is an ion with a paw-sitive charge

Posted: **Fri Apr 20, 2018 2:41 pm**

What element is a girl's future best friend?
Carbon

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 2:06 pm**

You must be a compound of beryllium and barium...because you’re a total BaBe

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 2:08 pm**

I heard oxygen and magnesium were going out and I was like OMg!

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 6:17 pm**

How often do I tell Chemistry jokes?
Periodically!

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 6:22 pm**

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
He's 0K now.

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 7:04 pm**

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?

Because it was polar

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 8:45 pm**

they say 70% of you is h2o, well the other 30% of me wants2die.

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 8:47 pm**

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A 1 molar solution.

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 9:10 pm**

Q: What kind of dog does a chemist have?
A: A laboratory retriever

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 9:11 pm**

What did one ion say to the other? I've got my ion you.

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 9:11 pm**

Q: What did one charged atom say to the other?

A: I've got my ion you.

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 9:12 pm**

Why do chemists like nitrates? Because they're cheaper than day rates.

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 9:18 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 9:22 pm**

What did C14 do for Valentine's Day?

He went carbon dating :)

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 9:24 pm**

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge."

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 9:27 pm**

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 10:06 pm**

Why does a hamburger have less energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state!

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 10:18 pm**

Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
Na

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 11:23 pm**

What's wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium?
it's CoRnY

Posted: **Mon Apr 23, 2018 12:17 am**

How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

Posted: **Mon Apr 23, 2018 9:43 pm**

I have many chemistry jokes.
I'm just afraid they won't get a good reaction!

Posted: **Mon Apr 23, 2018 11:11 pm**

Posted: **Mon Apr 23, 2018 11:12 pm**

Posted: **Mon Apr 23, 2018 11:13 pm**

Posted: **Wed Apr 25, 2018 10:55 pm**

What do chemists use to make guacamole? Avogadros

Posted: **Thu Apr 26, 2018 2:33 pm**

playground duty :)

Posted: **Thu Apr 26, 2018 8:06 pm**

What was Avogadro’s favorite board game?
Moleoply

Posted: **Sat Apr 28, 2018 2:41 pm**

I tell bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon :(

Posted: **Sat Apr 28, 2018 8:24 pm**

Are you made up of copper and tellurium? Cause you're really CuTe wow

Posted: **Sat Apr 28, 2018 9:12 pm**

hahahahah

Posted: **Sun Apr 29, 2018 4:09 pm**

I don't trust atoms.
I hear they make up everything.

Posted: **Sun Apr 29, 2018 4:13 pm**

What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
2Na

Posted: **Sun Apr 29, 2018 5:08 pm**

What kind of fish is made up of two sodium atoms?

Answer: 2 NA

Posted: **Sun Apr 29, 2018 5:24 pm**

Learning about electrons is exciting. They bring chemistry to a whole new level.

Posted: **Sun Apr 29, 2018 9:29 pm**

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A. First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.

Posted: **Sun Apr 29, 2018 9:31 pm**

Q: How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?
A: Avocados number.

Posted: **Sun Apr 29, 2018 9:40 pm**

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

Posted: **Sun Apr 29, 2018 9:45 pm**

I tried to make a good chemistry joke...

But there was no reaction :(

Posted: **Sun Apr 29, 2018 9:48 pm**

What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium.

What do you do with a wounded chemist?

Helium.

A sick chemist?

Curium.

Posted: **Sun Apr 29, 2018 10:02 pm**

Chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

Posted: **Sun Apr 29, 2018 10:03 pm**

Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems?
A: They always have a solution.

Posted: **Sun Apr 29, 2018 10:56 pm**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Posted: **Sun Apr 29, 2018 10:57 pm**

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

Posted: **Sun Apr 29, 2018 10:58 pm**

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.

Posted: **Mon Apr 30, 2018 6:53 am**

How do you find a mole?

Eenie meenie minie mole.

-an original

Posted: **Mon Apr 30, 2018 5:30 pm**

Posted: **Mon Apr 30, 2018 5:31 pm**

Posted: **Mon Apr 30, 2018 5:32 pm**

Posted: **Sun May 06, 2018 6:42 pm**

What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.

Posted: **Sun May 06, 2018 9:11 pm**

You can freeze yourself at -273 degrees celsius and still be 0k.

Posted: **Sun May 06, 2018 9:12 pm**

My favorite jokes are about Cobalt, Radon, and Yttrium because I love CoRnY chemistry jokes

Posted: **Sun May 06, 2018 9:16 pm**

What do you call iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.

Posted: **Sun May 06, 2018 9:35 pm**

Q: What is a Ochem students favorite kind of plant? A: A chemistree

Posted: **Sun May 06, 2018 9:36 pm**

Q: According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse? A: Because it's made up of alkynes of people.

Posted: **Sun May 06, 2018 11:32 pm**

I try to make chemistry jokes, but generally there is no reaction.

Posted: **Sun May 06, 2018 11:33 pm**

I tell bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones "argon".

Posted: **Sun May 06, 2018 11:35 pm**

Atom: Oh my gosh I've lost a neutron!

Another atom: Don't worry, you can get a new one "free of charge".

Posted: **Sun May 06, 2018 11:39 pm**

Chemistry Pickup Line:

Are you full of Beryllium, Gold and Titanium?

Because you're BeAuTi-ful

Posted: **Mon May 07, 2018 11:44 am**

Posted: **Mon May 07, 2018 11:44 am**

This hurt

Posted: **Mon May 07, 2018 11:45 am**

Posted: **Fri May 11, 2018 2:07 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and they ask if he has any luggage.

"No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Sun May 13, 2018 2:05 am**

Making chemistry puns instead of doing actual work, more like...

Posted: **Sun May 13, 2018 8:54 pm**

Q: What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?
A: A CaNiNe

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