CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Mon Nov 12, 2018 1:45 pm**

Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar.
“OH SNaP!” says the bartender.

Posted: **Mon Nov 12, 2018 1:46 pm**

Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
It was CoRnY.

Posted: **Wed Nov 14, 2018 4:01 pm**

Posted: **Wed Nov 14, 2018 4:01 pm**

Posted: **Wed Nov 14, 2018 4:02 pm**

Posted: **Thu Nov 15, 2018 3:48 pm**

What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep telling them until you get a reaction.

Posted: **Thu Nov 15, 2018 9:10 pm**

Do you want to hear a post about Nitric Oxide?

NO

Posted: **Thu Nov 15, 2018 9:10 pm**

When I tell chemistry jokes, I normally get a good reaction.

Posted: **Thu Nov 15, 2018 9:13 pm**

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 12:36 am**

Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 12:37 am**

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 12:37 am**

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 1:18 am**

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 1:27 am**

What did one charged atom say to the other?
I’ve got my ion you.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 1:36 am**

Do you know any good sodium jokes?
Na.
You should, they’re sodium funny!

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 3:56 pm**

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?

He's 0K now.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 3:56 pm**

Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all his friends argon.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 3:57 pm**

Why did the acid go to the gym?

To become a buffer solution!

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 4:44 pm**

Every dipole has its moment.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 4:46 pm**

Got mole problems? Call Avogadro at 602-1023.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 4:47 pm**

What do you do with dead chemists? Barium.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 4:48 pm**

What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep telling them until you get a reaction.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 4:49 pm**

I tried writing jokes about the periodic table…
…but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 5:36 pm**

What show does cesium and iodine love to watch together?

CsI!

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 5:42 pm**

What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walking into the bar?

OH SNaP!

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 5:55 pm**

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?

He's 0K now.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 6:12 pm**

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 6:59 pm**

If Avogadro calls tell him to leave his number

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 7:02 pm**

What does Mariah Carey want for Christmas?

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 7:16 pm**

I post bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Ar(gone) :)

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 7:43 pm**

Did you know that you can lower your body temperature to -273 °C and be perfectly 0K?

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 7:44 pm**

Organic chemists talking about d-orbitals is cultural appropriation at its worst.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 7:44 pm**

Two atoms are walking down the street.
One of them shouts, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other inquires, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 7:46 pm**

Chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 7:50 pm**

Q: What was Avogadro's favorite sport?
A: Golf - because he always got a mole-in-one.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 7:53 pm**

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring where the carbon atoms are replaced with iron atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 8:28 pm**

dont trust atoms, they make up everything.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 10:39 pm**

What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
He was booked for a salt and battery

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 11:00 pm**

How was Oxygen's date with Potassium?
It went OK

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 11:22 pm**

Someone threw sodium chloride at me.
I yelled, “That’s a salt!”

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 11:24 pm**

Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was a polar bear.

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 11:27 pm**

Q: What did one angry water molecule say to the other water molecule?
A: Get bent!

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 11:46 pm**

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything

Posted: **Sun Nov 18, 2018 11:50 pm**

Did you hear about the dude who got cooled to absolute zero?
He's 0K now

Posted: **Mon Nov 19, 2018 12:31 pm**

Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? A: “You May have graduated, but I’ve got many degrees.”

Posted: **Mon Nov 19, 2018 12:31 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling light.”

Posted: **Mon Nov 19, 2018 12:32 pm**

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium? A: Na

Posted: **Mon Nov 19, 2018 1:48 pm**

How do you post on Chemistry Community?

Posted: **Wed Nov 21, 2018 4:32 pm**

Two atoms are walking down the street.
One of them shouts, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other inquires, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

Posted: **Wed Nov 21, 2018 4:33 pm**

I would tell another chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.

Posted: **Wed Nov 21, 2018 4:34 pm**

What's a pirate's favorite element? (your victim may assume "arrrrgon".)

Gold.

Posted: **Wed Nov 21, 2018 4:34 pm**

Why did the bear dissolve in water?

Because it was polar.

Posted: **Wed Nov 21, 2018 6:42 pm**

Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
It was CoRnY.

Posted: **Wed Nov 21, 2018 6:44 pm**

If H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, what is H2O4?
Drinking, bathing, and lots of other daily activities.

Posted: **Wed Nov 21, 2018 6:44 pm**

Why do chemists find working with ammonia easy?
Because it’s pretty basic stuff.

Posted: **Wed Nov 21, 2018 11:19 pm**

What kind of dogs do chemists have?
Laboratory Retrievers.

Posted: **Wed Nov 21, 2018 11:20 pm**

What kind of fish is made up of sodium?
2 Na.

Posted: **Sat Nov 24, 2018 4:38 pm**

What is the chemical formula for a banana?
BaNa2

Posted: **Sat Nov 24, 2018 4:39 pm**

What did one charged atom say to the other?
I've got my ion you.

Posted: **Sat Nov 24, 2018 4:40 pm**

Silver walks up to gold in a bar and says, "Au, get outta here!"

Posted: **Sat Nov 24, 2018 7:37 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
He says, "No, I'm traveling light!"

Posted: **Sat Nov 24, 2018 7:38 pm**

What do you call a fish made of two sodium atoms?

2Na!

Posted: **Sat Nov 24, 2018 7:44 pm**

What would you call a remake of the film Tron?

neutron!

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 1:13 am**

Q: What do you call a clown who's in jail?
A: A silicon.

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 1:14 am**

Q: What is "HIJKLMNO"?
A: H2O.

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 1:15 am**

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 11:36 am**

I would tell another chemistry joke...
... but all the good ones Argon

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 11:39 am**

Q: did you know proton's have mass?
A: i didn't even know they were catholic...

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 12:36 pm**

: sodium chloride

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 8:06 pm**

Q: What is the name of the molecule CH2O?
A: Seawater

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 8:10 pm**

How did the political science major define free radical on his chemistry exam?
A wild protestor

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 8:11 pm**

How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?
Avocados number.

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 8:17 pm**

did y'all hear about the guy who got cooled to absolute zero? he's 0K now

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 8:40 pm**

a chem roast:

you a 10? maybe on a pH scale, cuz you're basic.

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 8:56 pm**

A: What's the formula for water?
B: H I J K L M N O
A: That's wrong!
B: Nope, the formula is H to O

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 9:14 pm**

What's a chemist's favorite pet?

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 9:16 pm**

me, coming back from break

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 9:21 pm**

14/14

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 10:13 pm**

If Avogadro calls tell him to leave his number

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 10:14 pm**

Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
Because it's in the ground state.

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 10:17 pm**

once i told a chemistry joke...there was no reaction.

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 10:18 pm**

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state!

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 10:20 pm**

A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 10:21 pm**

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 10:26 pm**

I tried to tell a joke about cobalt, radon, and yttrium
it was CoRnY

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 10:29 pm**

Do you know what went down between Sodium and Hydrogen?
NaH

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 10:30 pm**

What is the gender of Iron Man?
Fe Male

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 11:55 pm**

What is a cation afraid of? A dogion.

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 11:56 pm**

Did you read the book about Helium? I heard you can't put it down.

Posted: **Sun Nov 25, 2018 11:57 pm**

Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They're cheaper than day rates.

Posted: **Mon Nov 26, 2018 12:44 am**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Posted: **Mon Nov 26, 2018 12:45 am**

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

Posted: **Mon Nov 26, 2018 12:46 am**

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

Posted: **Mon Nov 26, 2018 11:13 am**

Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar.
“OH SNaP!” says the bartender.

Posted: **Mon Nov 26, 2018 11:13 am**

What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep telling them until you get a reaction.

Posted: **Mon Nov 26, 2018 11:14 am**

I tried writing jokes about the periodic table, but I realized that it wasn’t quite in my element.

Posted: **Mon Nov 26, 2018 2:33 pm**

Someone threw sodium chloride at me.
I yelled, “That’s a salt!”

Posted: **Mon Nov 26, 2018 2:36 pm**

Did you know that you can lower your body temperature to -273 °C and be perfectly 0K?

Posted: **Mon Nov 26, 2018 2:38 pm**

Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. They really bonded.

Posted: **Mon Nov 26, 2018 9:28 pm**

Q: What do you do with a dead chemist?
A: Barium

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