Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[vaishali 1D]

Q: What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?

A: A CaNiNe

[vaishali 1D]

I asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite. He said NaBrO.

[Julia Cheng 4C]

What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you!

[Julia Cheng 4C]

Somebody threw sodium chloride at me.

I yelled, "That's a salt!"

[Julia Cheng 4C]

What's Iron Man's favorite amusement park ride?

A ferrous wheel!

[diana_calderon_4L]

What should do you do with a dead Chemist? Barium!

[diana_calderon_4L]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.

[diana_calderon_4L]

What did one charged atom say to the other? I've got my ion you.

[davidbakalov_lec2_2L]

Old chemists don’t die, they just stop reacting.

[Sydney Takeda 2I]

What's a chemist's favorite genre of music?

[Sydney Takeda 2I]

sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium BATMAN!

[Sydney Takeda 2I]

good nitrogen

[Natalie Liu 4I]

What don't you understand about copper? It makes perfect CENTS!

[Natalie Liu 4I]

What does Uranium, Nickel, Cobalt, and Radon spell? UNiCoRn!

[Natalie Liu 4I]

My dog died so I had to barium

[Gisselle Sainz 2F]

Wanna hear a joke about potassium? K.

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

Q: What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?

A: Keep telling them until you get a reaction.

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

Someone threw sodium chloride at me.
I yelled, “That’s a salt!”

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

Q: Why did the attacking army use acid?

A: To neutralize the enemy’s base.

[Millicent Navarro 1I]

I don't trust atoms. I heard they make up everything.

[havishgattu]

I made a chemistry joke and got no reaction. :)

[Kassidy Tran 1E]

Two chemists walk into a bar. One says, "I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I'll have an H2O too." The second chemist dies.

[Kassidy Tran 1E]

I tried writing a joke about the periodic table, but I wasn't in my element.

[Kassidy Tran 1E]

Did you hear about the joke about Cobalt, Radon, and Yttrium? It was so CoRnY.

[Julia Cheng 4C]

Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He couldn't put it down!

hehe

[Julia Cheng 4C]

Can you take me to a place with no electrons?

Yep, I node way

[805169754]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
Because they are cheaper than day rates

[805169754]

What is the dullest element?
Bohrium

[805169754]

What did the chemical agent say?
Name is Bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared

[805169754]

Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
Because it's in the ground state

[805169754]

My friend stopped learning about electron after he got Bohr'd

[805169754]

What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together?
CsI

[Julia Cheng 4C]

Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all his friends argon

[505095972]

What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.

[505095972]

What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory retrievers.

[Edward Suarez 1I]

did u hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn't put it down.

[Edward Suarez 1I]

what is a cation afraid of?
a dogion

[davidbakalov_lec2_2L]

Q: What did one charged atom say to the other?
A: I’ve got my ion you.

[Natalie Liu 4I]

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date...
It went OK

[Natalie Liu 4I]

What was the charge when NaCl was arrested?
A salt

[Natalie Liu 4I]

A photon checks into a hotel, and the desk clerk asks, "Have you any luggage?"
To which the photon replies, "No, I'm travelling light."

[Gisselle Sainz 2F]

Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.

[Gisselle Sainz 2F]

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

[Gisselle Sainz 2F]

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.

[Gisselle Sainz 2F]

Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

[Gisselle Sainz 2F]

Q: What do you call a wheel made of iron?
A: A ferrous wheel.

[Gisselle Sainz 2F]

Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
It was CoRnY.

[Gisselle Sainz 2F]

Did you hear about oxygen’s date with potassium?
It went OK.

[diana_calderon_4L]

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.

[diana_calderon_4L]

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

[diana_calderon_4L]

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.

[505095972]

If Avogadro calls, tell him to leave his number.

[505095972]

16 sodiums walk into a room. Who's next?

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na... BATMAN

[Gracie Ge 2E]

John: “Hey that ranger Argon guy, why is he wearing a crown?”

Me: “Because LOTR is a tale about Argon, his friend Boron and their adventures with Zinc, Iron, Aluminum and Mercury.”

(credit to moderngardening.tumblr.com; im sorry this is lame)

[vaishali 1D]

Q: What is CH2O?

A: Seawater

[Shreya_Bharadwaj_1D]

Wanna hear a Potassium joke?
K :)

[I am Sodium Funny]

We had a fun review session on Friday November 7 and I encourage all students to view it as there were many excellent Q&A.

I started my review session by reading out the following chemistry joke given to me by a student:

Q. Why should you never trust atoms?
A. Because they make up everything!

Anyone wanting to post chemistry jokes can post under this topic.

lol

[I am Sodium Funny]

Q: What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?

A: A CaNiNe

lmao

[I am Sodium Funny]

Q: What is CH2O?

A: Seawater

saltwater

[Kriti Goyal 4K 19]

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

[Julia Cheng 4C]

Why did the bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar!

[Julia Cheng 4C]

Why aren't chemists able to prank their friends?

Because they lack the element of surprise

[Julia Cheng 4C]

Chemistry jokes are funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential.

[Gracie Ge 2E]

what do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms in place of carbon atoms?
a ferrous wheel (ugh

[Gracie Ge 2E]

four people meet at a tattoo store.
im getting this one, the twenty year old points to a structural formula of dopamine. i wish to attain happiness.
and im getting this, the forty year old points to a structural formula of diazepam. i wish to be free from stress and live in tranquility.
the sixty year old says he wants to have testosterone tattooed.
the remaining man, an eighty year old, says silently
im getting palytoxin

the rest of the people stare at him. "why though?"
the eighty year old sighs: "it's part of my research thesis in total synthesis. i just wish to graduate sooner."

[davidbakalov_lec2_2L]

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: A one molar solution.

[davidbakalov_lec2_2L]

Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
A: Because it’s in the ground state.

[davidbakalov_lec2_2L]

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he’s stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: ” Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: “No, but I know where I am”.

[diana_calderon_4L]

The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines cation as a positively charged kitten.

[diana_calderon_4L]

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel:
Fe - Fe
/ \
Fe Fe
\ /
Fe - Fe

[diana_calderon_4L]

If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
H-two-O-CUBED

[Natalie Liu 4I]

Why do chemistry students do well when working with ammonia?
Because it's pretty basic stuff.

[Natalie Liu 4I]

What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of helium?
HeHe

[Natalie Liu 4I]

H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
H2O cubed

[Edward Suarez 1I]

NaCl
NaOH

the base is under a salt.

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

!

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

lol

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

(:

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

hahah...

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

it be like that lol

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

puns are great

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

!!

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

...

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

:/

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

okay last one...

[Kassidy Tran 1E]

Why was the mole of oxygen excited when he left the singles bar?
He got Avogadro's number.

[Kassidy Tran 1E]

Whats the molecular formula for coffee?
CoFe2

[Kassidy Tran 1E]

What is CH2O?
Seawater.

[Brandon_Tran_2E]

acid

[Gracie Ge 2E]

nacl/naoh
the base is under assault.

[jonathanjchang2E]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[jonathanjchang2E]

Q: When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
A: C over lambda.

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

A chemistry professor couldn't resist interjecting a little philosophy into a class lecture. He interrupted his discussion on balancing chemical equations, saying, "Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!"

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, "I'm positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them."

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

One day on the Tonight Show, Jay Leno showed a classified add that read: "Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023."

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel:

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Q: If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H-two-O-CUBED

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A. First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Q: What is the name of the molecule CH2O?
A: Seawater