CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 11:47 am**

Q: What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?

A: A CaNiNe

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 11:48 am**

I asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite. He said NaBrO.

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 6:10 pm**

What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you!

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 6:11 pm**

Somebody threw sodium chloride at me.

I yelled, "That's a salt!"

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 6:12 pm**

What's Iron Man's favorite amusement park ride?

A ferrous wheel!

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 6:59 pm**

What should do you do with a dead Chemist? Barium!

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 7:05 pm**

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 7:05 pm**

What did one charged atom say to the other? I've got my ion you.

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 9:02 pm**

Old chemists don’t die, they just stop reacting.

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 9:09 pm**

What's a chemist's favorite genre of music?

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 9:55 pm**

sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium BATMAN!

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 9:56 pm**

good nitrogen

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 11:32 pm**

What don't you understand about copper? It makes perfect CENTS!

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 11:33 pm**

What does Uranium, Nickel, Cobalt, and Radon spell? UNiCoRn!

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 11:38 pm**

My dog died so I had to barium

Posted: **Sun Jan 13, 2019 11:58 pm**

Wanna hear a joke about potassium? K.

Posted: **Mon Jan 14, 2019 8:44 am**

Q: What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?

A: Keep telling them until you get a reaction.

Posted: **Mon Jan 14, 2019 8:46 am**

Someone threw sodium chloride at me.
I yelled, “That’s a salt!”

Posted: **Mon Jan 14, 2019 8:47 am**

Q: Why did the attacking army use acid?

A: To neutralize the enemy’s base.

Posted: **Mon Jan 14, 2019 2:42 pm**

I don't trust atoms. I heard they make up everything.

Posted: **Tue Jan 15, 2019 3:29 pm**

I made a chemistry joke and got no reaction. :)

Posted: **Tue Jan 15, 2019 9:24 pm**

Two chemists walk into a bar. One says, "I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I'll have an H2O too." The second chemist dies.

Posted: **Tue Jan 15, 2019 9:25 pm**

I tried writing a joke about the periodic table, but I wasn't in my element.

Posted: **Tue Jan 15, 2019 9:25 pm**

Did you hear about the joke about Cobalt, Radon, and Yttrium? It was so CoRnY.

Posted: **Thu Jan 17, 2019 2:40 pm**

Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He couldn't put it down!

hehe

Posted: **Thu Jan 17, 2019 2:41 pm**

Can you take me to a place with no electrons?

Yep, I node way

Posted: **Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:09 pm**

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
Because they are cheaper than day rates

Posted: **Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:10 pm**

What is the dullest element?
Bohrium

Posted: **Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:13 pm**

What did the chemical agent say?
Name is Bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared

Posted: **Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:24 pm**

Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
Because it's in the ground state

Posted: **Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:27 pm**

My friend stopped learning about electron after he got Bohr'd

Posted: **Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:41 pm**

What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together?
CsI

Posted: **Thu Jan 17, 2019 8:42 pm**

Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all his friends argon

Posted: **Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:56 am**

What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.

Posted: **Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:57 am**

What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory retrievers.

Posted: **Sun Jan 20, 2019 2:20 pm**

did u hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn't put it down.

Posted: **Sun Jan 20, 2019 2:20 pm**

what is a cation afraid of?
a dogion

Posted: **Sun Jan 20, 2019 5:08 pm**

Q: What did one charged atom say to the other?
A: I’ve got my ion you.

Posted: **Sun Jan 20, 2019 11:23 pm**

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date...
It went OK

Posted: **Sun Jan 20, 2019 11:25 pm**

What was the charge when NaCl was arrested?
A salt

Posted: **Sun Jan 20, 2019 11:36 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel, and the desk clerk asks, "Have you any luggage?"
To which the photon replies, "No, I'm travelling light."

Posted: **Mon Jan 21, 2019 10:24 am**

Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.

Posted: **Mon Jan 21, 2019 10:24 am**

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

Posted: **Mon Jan 21, 2019 10:25 am**

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.

Posted: **Mon Jan 21, 2019 10:25 am**

Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Posted: **Mon Jan 21, 2019 10:26 am**

Q: What do you call a wheel made of iron?
A: A ferrous wheel.

Posted: **Mon Jan 21, 2019 10:27 am**

Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
It was CoRnY.

Posted: **Mon Jan 21, 2019 10:28 am**

Did you hear about oxygen’s date with potassium?
It went OK.

Posted: **Tue Jan 22, 2019 12:00 am**

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.

Posted: **Tue Jan 22, 2019 12:00 am**

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

Posted: **Tue Jan 22, 2019 12:00 am**

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.

Posted: **Tue Jan 22, 2019 1:04 pm**

If Avogadro calls, tell him to leave his number.

Posted: **Tue Jan 22, 2019 1:06 pm**

16 sodiums walk into a room. Who's next?

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na... BATMAN

Posted: **Tue Jan 22, 2019 9:55 pm**

John: “Hey that ranger Argon guy, why is he wearing a crown?”

Me: “Because LOTR is a tale about Argon, his friend Boron and their adventures with Zinc, Iron, Aluminum and Mercury.”

(credit to moderngardening.tumblr.com; im sorry this is lame)

Posted: **Wed Jan 23, 2019 9:24 am**

Q: What is CH2O?

A: Seawater

Posted: **Wed Jan 23, 2019 6:22 pm**

Wanna hear a Potassium joke?
K :)

Posted: **Thu Jan 24, 2019 4:59 pm**

Chem_Mod wrote:We had a fun review session on Friday November 7 and I encourage all students to view it as there were many excellent Q&A.

I started my review session by reading out the following chemistry joke given to me by a student:

Q. Why should you never trust atoms?
A. Because they make up everything!

Anyone wanting to post chemistry jokes can post under this topic.

lol

Posted: **Thu Jan 24, 2019 4:59 pm**

vaishali 1D wrote:Q: What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?

A: A CaNiNe

lmao

Posted: **Thu Jan 24, 2019 5:00 pm**

vaishali 1D wrote:Q: What is CH2O?

A: Seawater

saltwater

Posted: **Thu Jan 24, 2019 5:12 pm**

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

Posted: **Sat Jan 26, 2019 4:21 pm**

Why did the bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar!

Posted: **Sat Jan 26, 2019 4:22 pm**

Why aren't chemists able to prank their friends?

Because they lack the element of surprise

Posted: **Sat Jan 26, 2019 4:23 pm**

Chemistry jokes are funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential.

Posted: **Sat Jan 26, 2019 8:03 pm**

what do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms in place of carbon atoms?
a ferrous wheel (ugh

Posted: **Sat Jan 26, 2019 8:17 pm**

four people meet at a tattoo store.
im getting this one, the twenty year old points to a structural formula of dopamine. i wish to attain happiness.
and im getting this, the forty year old points to a structural formula of diazepam. i wish to be free from stress and live in tranquility.
the sixty year old says he wants to have testosterone tattooed.
the remaining man, an eighty year old, says silently
im getting palytoxin

the rest of the people stare at him. "why though?"
the eighty year old sighs: "it's part of my research thesis in total synthesis. i just wish to graduate sooner."

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 10:41 am**

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: A one molar solution.

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 10:42 am**

Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
A: Because it’s in the ground state.

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 10:42 am**

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he’s stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: ” Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: “No, but I know where I am”.

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 5:22 pm**

The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines cation as a positively charged kitten.

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 5:22 pm**

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel:
Fe - Fe
/ \
Fe Fe
\ /
Fe - Fe

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 5:23 pm**

If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
H-two-O-CUBED

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 8:00 pm**

Why do chemistry students do well when working with ammonia?
Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 8:03 pm**

What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of helium?
HeHe

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 8:05 pm**

H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
H2O cubed

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 9:41 pm**

NaCl
NaOH

the base is under a salt.

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 9:45 pm**

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 9:46 pm**

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 9:47 pm**

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 9:48 pm**

hahah...

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 9:49 pm**

it be like that lol

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 9:50 pm**

puns are great

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 9:54 pm**

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 9:54 pm**

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 9:55 pm**

Posted: **Sun Jan 27, 2019 10:00 pm**

okay last one...

Posted: **Mon Jan 28, 2019 7:04 pm**

Why was the mole of oxygen excited when he left the singles bar?
He got Avogadro's number.

Posted: **Mon Jan 28, 2019 7:05 pm**

Whats the molecular formula for coffee?
CoFe2

Posted: **Mon Jan 28, 2019 7:06 pm**

What is CH2O?
Seawater.

Posted: **Mon Jan 28, 2019 8:11 pm**

Posted: **Tue Jan 29, 2019 9:10 pm**

nacl/naoh
the base is under assault.

Posted: **Tue Jan 29, 2019 9:49 pm**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Posted: **Tue Jan 29, 2019 9:52 pm**

Q: When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
A: C over lambda.

Posted: **Thu Jan 31, 2019 5:48 pm**

A chemistry professor couldn't resist interjecting a little philosophy into a class lecture. He interrupted his discussion on balancing chemical equations, saying, "Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!"

Posted: **Thu Jan 31, 2019 5:49 pm**

Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, "I'm positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them."

Posted: **Thu Jan 31, 2019 5:49 pm**

One day on the Tonight Show, Jay Leno showed a classified add that read: "Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023."

Posted: **Thu Jan 31, 2019 5:50 pm**

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel:

Posted: **Thu Jan 31, 2019 5:50 pm**

Q: If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H-two-O-CUBED

Posted: **Thu Jan 31, 2019 5:51 pm**

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

Posted: **Thu Jan 31, 2019 5:51 pm**

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A. First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.

Posted: **Thu Jan 31, 2019 5:52 pm**

Q: What is the name of the molecule CH2O?
A: Seawater

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