Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2019 11:06 pm
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CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY
Created by Dr. Laurence Lavelle
https://lavelle.chem.ucla.edu/forum/
Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
https://lavelle.chem.ucla.edu/forum/viewtopic.php?f=156&t=4291
Page 73 of 97
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2019 11:10 pm
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2019 11:11 pm
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2019 11:12 pm
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 1:48 am
OMG did you know that Oxygen and Magnesium were a couple?
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 1:49 am
Are you made out of Copper and Tellurium? Because you're CuTe!
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 1:50 am
All the good Chemistry jokes Argon :(
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:01 am
He He He. (Helium Helium Helium)
Two chemists walk into a bar.
One says, “I’ll have an H2O.” The other says, “I’ll have an H2O, too.” The second chemist dies.
Two chemists walk into a bar.
One says, “I’ll have an H2O.” The other says, “I’ll have an H2O, too.” The second chemist dies.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:02 am
What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep telling them until you get a reaction.
Keep telling them until you get a reaction.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:02 am
I tried writing jokes about the periodic table…
…but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.
…but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:03 am
Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
It was CoRnY
It was CoRnY
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:03 am
Want to hear a joke about sodium, bromine, and oxygen?
Na BrO.
Na BrO.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:04 am
Did you hear about oxygen’s date with potassium?
It went OK
(this one was bad even by my standards
It went OK
(this one was bad even by my standards
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:04 am
If H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, what is H2O4?
Drinking, bathing, and lots of other daily activities.
Drinking, bathing, and lots of other daily activities.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:04 am
Why do chemists find working with ammonia easy?
Because it’s pretty basic stuff.
Because it’s pretty basic stuff.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:05 am
Someone threw sodium chloride at me.
I yelled, “That’s a salt!”
I yelled, “That’s a salt!”
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:06 am
What’s the difference between chemistry jokes and physics jokes?
Chemistry jokes can be funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential.
Chemistry jokes can be funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:06 am
best one by far
Why did the attacking army use acid?
To neutralize the enemy’s base.
Why did the attacking army use acid?
To neutralize the enemy’s base.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:06 am
What did the thermometer say to the measuring cylinder?
“You may be graduated, but I have several degrees.”
“You may be graduated, but I have several degrees.”
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:07 am
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was a polar bear.
It was a polar bear.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:07 am
I dare you to lower your body temperature to absolute zero.
I promise you’ll be 0K.
I promise you’ll be 0K.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:09 am
Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn’t put it down.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:09 am
Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it is its basic material.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:10 am
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:10 am
Isaac Asimov said that if you want to find a chemist, ask him/her to discuss the following words: mole, unionized. As he so eloquently put it, “If he starts talking about furry animals and organized labor, keep walking.”
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:10 am
It takes alkynes to make a world. (ACS Bumper Sticker)
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:11 am
Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:12 am
Why does formic acid neutralize all other acids? Because it’s an ant-acid! [Formic acid is the venom in red ant stings.]
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:42 am
What kind of dogs do chemists have?
Laboratory retrievers!
Laboratory retrievers!
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:46 am
Did you know you can lower your body temperature to -273 Degrees Celsius and still be 0K?
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:46 am
I wanted to write a joke about the periodic table, but I didn't feel like I was in my element.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:47 am
What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium and you can't curium, you might as well barium.
If you can't helium and you can't curium, you might as well barium.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:48 am
Every dipole has their moment.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:49 am
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:50 am
I studied exothermic reactions before they were cool.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:51 am
Why does the army use acid?
To neutralize their enemy base.
To neutralize their enemy base.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:54 am
What do you call one tooth in a glass of water?
A one molar solution.
A one molar solution.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:54 am
What did one charged atom say to anther?
I've got my ion you.
I've got my ion you.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:56 am
What did the chemist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
HeHe
HeHe
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:56 am
What is the most important rule in chemistry?
Never lick the spoon!
Never lick the spoon!
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:58 am
What happened to the man with sodium chloride and a 9-V in his car?
He was booked for a-salt and battery.
He was booked for a-salt and battery.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 9:08 am
What would you call a clown in jail?
Silicon
Silicon
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 9:09 am
I wish I had more chemistry jokes, but I can only think of them periodically.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:26 pm
Why do chemists find working with ammonia easy?
Because it’s pretty basic stuff.
Because it’s pretty basic stuff.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:27 pm
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium and you can't curium, then you may as well barium
A: If you can't helium and you can't curium, then you may as well barium
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 6:43 pm
Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.
A: Because it's in the ground state.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 6:44 pm
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.
A: One molar solution.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:19 pm
What would you do with a dead scientist? Just Barium.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:37 pm
Get it... xD
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 9:56 pm
Are you made out of beryllium, uranium, and titanium ? Cause you're a BeUTi!
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 9:57 pm
My jokes are kinda boron.. but a lot of the good ones argon.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 10:08 pm
As part of our chemistry coursework, everyone in my class had to create a glue strong enough to stick a wooden chair to the wall.
The teacher said my effort was the best.
I nailed it.
The teacher said my effort was the best.
I nailed it.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 10:08 pm
A neutron walks into a bar.
He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender smiles and says, "For you, no charge"
He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender smiles and says, "For you, no charge"
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 10:09 pm
Why did the acid go to the gym?
To become a buffer solution.
To become a buffer solution.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 10:09 pm
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 10:09 pm
What do you call a scientific plant?
Chemis-tree.
Chemis-tree.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 10:09 pm
What did the scientist say when he discovered two isotopes of Helium?
HeHe
HeHe
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 10:11 pm
I asked my friend from Spain if silicon is spelt the same way in Spanish.
He said, "Si."
He said, "Si."
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 12:00 am
How did the hipster chemist burn his hand?
He picked up his beaker before it was cool.
He picked up his beaker before it was cool.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:22 am
Where was the salt bridge sent when it committed a crime?
The galvanic cells
The galvanic cells
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:24 am
How did the ion cross the road?
It didn’t. It used the salt bridge instead!
It didn’t. It used the salt bridge instead!
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:26 am
What’s the funniest chemistry joke?
My final grade - don’t you C?
My final grade - don’t you C?
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:28 am
Julia Cheng 4C wrote:What’s the funniest chemistry joke?
My final grade - don’t you C?
It just wasn't meant to B.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:29 am
Sarah Zhao 4C wrote:Julia Cheng 4C wrote:What’s the funniest chemistry joke?
My final grade - don’t you C?
It just wasn't meant to B.
Is this A joke?
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:31 am
Claire Aseremo 1D wrote:Sarah Zhao 4C wrote:Julia Cheng 4C wrote:What’s the funniest chemistry joke?
My final grade - don’t you C?
It just wasn't meant to B.
Is this A joke?
It is D best.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:35 am
Julia Cheng 4C wrote:Claire Aseremo 1D wrote:Sarah Zhao 4C wrote:
It just wasn't meant to B.
Is this A joke?
It is D best!
F that.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:51 am
Why can't you trust atoms?
They make up everything haha
They make up everything haha
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:52 am
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0K?
yikes that wasn't such hot joke.
yikes that wasn't such hot joke.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:52 am
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
They're cheaper than day rates.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:52 am
Q: What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?
A: CoFe2
A: CoFe2
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:53 am
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:33 pm
u know what's a joke?
my grade on that final :(
my grade on that final :(
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:37 pm
Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82. I’m easily lead.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:38 pm
Chemical jokes are boron… however physics jokes have potential.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:38 pm
Some guy tried to sell me sand for a thousand bucks yesterday. It was such a silicon.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 5:52 pm
this is physics but I mean
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 5:55 pm
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 5:56 pm
ok
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 5:57 pm
it's been fun
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:16 pm
What kind of fish is made out of sodium?
2 Na
2 Na
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:30 pm
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:32 pm
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
They're cheaper than day rates.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:33 pm
Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:35 pm
Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:38 pm
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:42 pm
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:42 pm
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:43 pm
- tumblr_pf6bjokxQ81tv47luo1_400.jpg (13.5 KiB) Viewed 54169 times
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:43 pm
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:44 pm
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:45 pm
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:46 pm
- tumblr_pkf4hsGJFB1v8f12l_400.jpg (44.21 KiB) Viewed 54169 times
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:59 pm
element 1: That was sodium funny!
element 2: I slapped my neon that one!
element 2: I slapped my neon that one!
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 7:06 pm
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:03 pm
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:04 pm
I tried writing jokes about the periodic table…
…but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.
…but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:08 pm
Why do chemists find working with ammonia easy?
Because it’s pretty basic stuff.
Because it’s pretty basic stuff.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:17 pm
How did the hipster chemist burn his hand?
He picked up his beaker before it was cool.
He picked up his beaker before it was cool.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 9:26 pm
Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
Because all his friends Argon.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 9:27 pm
What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium.
Barium.