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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:21 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: Why should you go shopping with neutrons?

A: Because wherever they go, there’s no charge!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:23 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: What’s the dullest element?

A: Bohrium!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:24 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: How do you cure a sick balloon?

A: You helium up!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:24 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: Carbon and hydrogen went on a date.

A: I heard they really bonded

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:25 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: How Dreamwork's chemistry movie will be named?

A: How to train your Argon!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:27 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:27 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A: A one molar solution.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:28 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:28 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?

A: Carbon.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:29 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?

A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:29 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: What was Avogadro's favorite sport?

A: Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:30 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: What happened to the man stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car?

A: He was booked for a salt and battery.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:30 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring where the carbon atoms are replaced with iron atoms?

A: A ferrous wheel.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 6:20 pm
by chari_maya 3B
Why was 6.62607004 × 10-34 m2 kg / s super ripped?

because he did a lot of Plank

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 15, 2020 2:46 pm
by Ipsita Srinivas 1K
Post Midterm Trauma

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 15, 2020 7:42 pm
by 805291863
Image

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 12:27 am
by Diana Chavez-Carrillo 2L
Haha :)

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 1:58 am
by Diana Chavez-Carrillo 2L
Solid, liquid, gas...they all MATTER!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:27 pm
by 305086803
What did sulfuric acid say when pyridine took one of her protons? "Hey, that's amine thing to do!"

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:27 pm
by 305086803
The names bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:28 pm
by 305086803
Two protons bump into each other at a frat party, one proton frat-boy says to the other, 'No HOMO'.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:28 pm
by 305086803
Activation Energy: the total energy found in one (1) cup of coffee.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:29 pm
by 305086803
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says, " Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but at least I know where I am"

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:29 pm
by 305086803
Wanna hear a joke about Sodium Hypobromite?

Na Bro

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:30 pm
by 305086803
Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphourous walk into a room, everyone says OH SNaP!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 6:17 pm
by Juliet Stephenson 4E
Q: What is the chemical formula for a banana?
A: BaNa2

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 6:31 pm
by Jared Khoo 1G
Water molecule: Hey oil wanna hang out?
Oil molecule: I can't mix with you guys
Water molecule 2: You're such a hydrophobe!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Feb 18, 2020 10:12 pm
by Emily Burghart 1k
Ahh you Noble Gasses

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Feb 18, 2020 10:14 pm
by Emily Burghart 1k
Found on Pinterest

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Feb 19, 2020 11:20 am
by nicole-2B
Why was the electrochemical cell arrested?
Because it was charged with battery.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Feb 19, 2020 9:23 pm
by CNourian2H
Here is a joke:

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Feb 19, 2020 9:27 pm
by CNourian2H
What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walking into the bar? OH SNaP!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2020 1:37 pm
by McKenna_4A
Not a joke but it belongs here: What's the name of the absolute banger of a song Lavelle threw on after lecture today?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:52 pm
by JosephineF
chem final outfit ideas

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 12:36 am
by Chem_Mod
McKenna_4A wrote:Not a joke but it belongs here: What's the name of the absolute banger of a song Lavelle threw on after lecture today?


I played Hazey by Glass Animals.
:-)

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 5:12 pm
by ELu 1J
A man was frozen to absolute zero. But don't worry - he's 0K now :D

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 5:13 pm
by ELu 1J
Atom A said, "I lost an electron"
Atom B asked, "Are you sure?"
Atom A said "Yeah, I'm positive"
Atom B said, "Well, you better keep an ion (eye on) them"

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 5:14 pm
by ELu 1J
Instead of "LOL", Helium atoms text "HeHe" instead :)

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 6:14 pm
by AArmellini_1I
What was Avogadro's favorite sport?
Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 2:14 pm
by Jared Khoo 1G
What was oxidation again? My science is a bit rusty.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 5:21 pm
by 305086803
What is the chemical formula for a banana?

BaNa2

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 5:22 pm
by 305086803
Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?


Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 5:22 pm
by 305086803
What is the most important chemistry rule?

Never lick the spoon!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 5:23 pm
by 305086803
Why are chemists so great at solving problems?

Answer: Because they have all the solutions.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 5:24 pm
by 305086803
Does anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na.


Yeah, I know that was sodium funny!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 9:27 pm
by Jaklin Astvatsatryan
Who’s the best at making bad jokes about iodine and americium? I Am

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 9:30 pm
by Jaklin Astvatsatryan
Struggling through chemistry? Keep your ion the prize.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 9:34 pm
by Jaklin Astvatsatryan
What is the chemical formula of coffee? CoFe2

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 10:02 pm
by kendal mccarthy
I keep laughing at the jokes on here cuz they are all sodium funny !!!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 10:04 pm
by kendal mccarthy
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 10:13 am
by GFolk_1D
.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 10:14 am
by GFolk_1D
.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 10:14 am
by GFolk_1D
.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 8:40 pm
by Naneeta Desar 1K
How often do I tell chemistry jokes?

Periodically.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:02 am
by JosephineF
for all your extermination needs

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:47 am
by 805373590
Reactions

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:47 am
by 805373590
Wow

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:48 am
by 805373590
I like to hear chemistry puns, periodically

It’s morning time, up and atom!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:49 am
by 805373590
Attached

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:50 am
by 805373590
Photon

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2020 11:34 am
by Kavya Immadisetty 2B
Chemistry jokes are sodium funny, I slapped my neon this one!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2020 8:43 pm
by nicole-2B
JosephineF wrote:chem final outfit ideas

I love this so much !!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2020 4:24 pm
by ELu 1J
Are you made up of 12 protons? Because you're sodium fine

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 9:51 pm
by Ipsita Srinivas 1K
Q: How did oxygen's date with potassium go?
A: OK

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 9:53 pm
by Ipsita Srinivas 1K
Random Person: Why do you react violently when we put you in H20?
Chemistry Cat: Because my race contains iron, lithium and neon = FeLiNe origins.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 9:54 pm
by Ipsita Srinivas 1K
The noble gases walk into a bar. No one reacts.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 9:54 pm
by Ipsita Srinivas 1K
Wanted by the Law: Schrodinger's Cat, Dead And/Or Alive

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 9:57 pm
by Ipsita Srinivas 1K
Every dipole has its moment.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 10:00 pm
by Ipsita Srinivas 1K
Activation Energy, n. The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 10:01 pm
by Ipsita Srinivas 1K
Diglyceride, n. What you scream when you're trying to kill a glyceride.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 10:01 pm
by Ipsita Srinivas 1K
Flame Test, n. Trial by fire.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 10:02 pm
by Ipsita Srinivas 1K
Organic, adj. Church musician.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 10:02 pm
by Ipsita Srinivas 1K
Polar head group, n. Inuit psychiatrists.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:44 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: What kind of dogs do chemists have?

A: Laboratory Retrievers

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:45 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:46 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

A:C over lambda.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:46 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

A: Breaking up is hard to do.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:47 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: What did one titration say to the other?

A: "Let's meet at the endpoint."

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:48 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: If H20 is water, what is H204?

A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:49 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera.

All of a sudden, she screamed: "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!"

The husband replied, "Calm down, honey. We'll find a solution."

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:56 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

A: To reduce his carbon footprint.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:58 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: What did one ion say to the other?

A: I've got my ion you.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:59 pm
by Jared Khoo 1G
Albert was a chemist. Albert is no more.
What he thought was H2O. Was H2SO4

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:59 pm
by Oduwole 1E
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2020 4:51 pm
by Callum Guo 1H
What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
SWAG.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2020 4:51 pm
by Callum Guo 1H
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2020 6:29 pm
by Brian_Ho_2B
How do chemistry students come up with chemistry jokes?

Google

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2020 6:31 pm
by Brian_Ho_2B
How do chemistry students come up with chemistry jokes?

Google

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2020 11:24 pm
by 205154661_Dis2J
Q: What kind of dogs do chemists have?

A: Laboratory Retrievers.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2020 6:51 pm
by 305086803
My two kids, Nitrogen and silver want that new Xbox, their always NAg’ing for it.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2020 6:51 pm
by 305086803
Did you hear about the guy that was frozen to absolute zero?

I hear he was 0k.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2020 6:52 pm
by 305086803
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2020 6:52 pm
by 305086803
Did you hear oxygen and magnesium are dating? OMg!

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2020 6:52 pm
by 305086803
Never trust atoms. They make everything up.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2020 10:37 pm
by nicole-2B
When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate-determining step”.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Mar 07, 2020 5:16 pm
by Oduwole 1E
A neutron walks into a shop and says,"I'd like a coke."
The shopkeeper serves up the coke.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
The shopkeeper replies, "For you? No charge."

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Mar 07, 2020 5:17 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first chemist says, "I'll have H2O."
The second chemist says, "I'll have an H2O too."... and he died.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Mar 07, 2020 5:18 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: What was Avogadro's favorite sport?

A: Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Mar 07, 2020 5:18 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Q: What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

A: Separation anxiety.

Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Sat Mar 07, 2020 5:19 pm
by Oduwole 1E
Question at interview: What is nitrate (nite rate or night rate)?

Answer: double time.