CHEMISTRY COMMUNITY

Posted: **Tue Nov 24, 2020 4:24 am**

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution

Posted: **Tue Nov 24, 2020 3:29 pm**

I wouldn't say this is a joke, but I remember thinking it was kinda funny so I just wanted to share a chem experience! When I was first learning nomenclature in my chemistry class, the teacher joked that our local lake was full of dihydrogen monoxide. My whole class started saying things like "Dihydrogen monoxide? Isn't that poisonous? I've heard of that in the news once." Then she retaught that section.

Posted: **Tue Nov 24, 2020 5:31 pm**

what should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
keep telling them until you get a reaction

Posted: **Tue Nov 24, 2020 5:31 pm**

I tried writing jokes about the periodic table.. but I realized I wasn't quite in my element

Posted: **Wed Nov 25, 2020 8:14 am**

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

Posted: **Wed Nov 25, 2020 9:59 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:21 pm**

A photon walks into a hotel and is asked if he needs help with his luggage. He says "no thanks. I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:22 pm**

Did you hear about the guy who was cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now.

Posted: **Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:23 pm**

Why are chemists good at solving problems? They have all the solutions

Posted: **Fri Nov 27, 2020 1:10 pm**

What do you do with a dead chemist...

Barium!

Posted: **Fri Nov 27, 2020 1:36 pm**

I try to tell chemistry jokes, but sometimes there's no reaction

Posted: **Fri Nov 27, 2020 1:37 pm**

Want to hear a joke about element 116? Uuh...

Posted: **Fri Nov 27, 2020 2:25 pm**

What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na

get it? (tuna)

Posted: **Fri Nov 27, 2020 7:18 pm**

Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
He got Avogadro's number!

Posted: **Fri Nov 27, 2020 7:19 pm**

What did one ion say to the other?
I've got my ion you.

Posted: **Fri Nov 27, 2020 8:38 pm**

I'd give you some more chemistry jokes, but all the good ones ARGON.

Posted: **Fri Nov 27, 2020 8:39 pm**

If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed!

Posted: **Fri Nov 27, 2020 8:40 pm**

What did silver say to gold at the bar? "Au, get outta here!"

Posted: **Fri Nov 27, 2020 8:40 pm**

Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you? Because I see no reaction.

Posted: **Fri Nov 27, 2020 8:46 pm**

What was Avogadro's favorite sport? Golf! He always got a mole-in-one!

Posted: **Sat Nov 28, 2020 10:41 am**

Why did the noble gas cry?

His friends Argon

Posted: **Sat Nov 28, 2020 12:09 pm**

Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro's number!

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 12:44 am**

Why are chemists so great at solving problems? Because they have all the solutions.

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was a polar bear.

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 12:58 am**

What show do Cesium and Iodine love to watch together?
CsI

(I hope no one has recently posted this joke)

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 4:54 pm**

Q: What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
A: Keep telling them until you get a reaction.

Q: Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
A: It was CoRnY.

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 5:02 pm**

i can only tell bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones argon )-:

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 5:54 pm**

Why shouldn't you drink water while studying?

It decreases your concentration :)

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 8:35 pm**

I tell bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 8:36 pm**

How about the chemical workers … are they unionized?

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 8:36 pm**

Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?
It went OK2!

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 8:36 pm**

Q: What is the chemical formula for “coffee”?
A: CoFe2

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 8:36 pm**

Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 8:45 pm**

I tell bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 8:45 pm**

Are you copper tellurium, because you’re CuTe.

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 8:47 pm**

I’m out of chemistry jokes, I should Zinc for a new one.

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 8:49 pm**

If Avogadro calls tell him to leave his number

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 9:47 pm**

What is a cation afraid of?
.... A dogion.

Posted: **Sun Nov 29, 2020 10:22 pm**

Why can you never trust an atom?

They make up literally everything!

Posted: **Mon Nov 30, 2020 12:00 am**

Do you like chemistry?
Na

Posted: **Mon Nov 30, 2020 10:44 am**

What do you call a C₆H₁₂O₆ molecule that can use its right and left hands equally well?
Ambidextrose

Posted: **Mon Nov 30, 2020 3:52 pm**

With Finals Week approaching, here's a "cursed meme" to raise your serotonin, C₁₀H₁₂N₂O. Don't work yourself too hard and be sure to take breaks!!

Posted: **Mon Nov 30, 2020 5:23 pm**

Me after both midterms:

Br(omine)U(ranium)H(ydrogen) Moment

Posted: **Mon Nov 30, 2020 8:16 pm**

Heisenberg was cruising down the highway one day when he gets pulled over by a police officer. The officer gets out of his car, and Heisenberg can tell he's quite angry. The officer approaches the window fuming.

"Do you have any idea how fast you were going?!" the officer asks.

"No" replied Heisenberg, "But I know where I am."

Posted: **Tue Dec 01, 2020 2:59 pm**

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

Posted: **Tue Dec 01, 2020 4:20 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and the bellboy asks, "Can I take your bags?" The photon answers, "No thanks, I'm travelling light."

Posted: **Wed Dec 02, 2020 4:15 am**

Q: Why do you go to jail for throwing sodium chloride for somebody?
A: Because its a salt.

Posted: **Fri Dec 04, 2020 9:39 am**

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

Posted: **Fri Dec 04, 2020 11:08 am**

why are chemists so great at solving problems?

because they have so many solutions!

Posted: **Fri Dec 04, 2020 6:23 pm**

I tried to come up with a joke about the periodic table but I was way out of my element

Posted: **Fri Dec 04, 2020 6:31 pm**

What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-oh acid

Posted: **Fri Dec 04, 2020 6:32 pm**

What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?

Keep telling them until you get a reaction.
:)

Posted: **Fri Dec 04, 2020 6:42 pm**

A little throwback to when classes were in-person and we did labs :"

Posted: **Fri Dec 04, 2020 6:55 pm**

choose your fighter

Posted: **Sat Dec 05, 2020 12:30 pm**

Posted: **Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:24 pm**

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.

Posted: **Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:26 pm**

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.

Posted: **Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:26 pm**

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Posted: **Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:27 pm**

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Posted: **Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:29 pm**

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Posted: **Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:29 pm**

Why does a hamburger have less energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state!

Posted: **Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:30 pm**

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar!

Posted: **Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:30 pm**

Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They're cheaper than day rates!

Posted: **Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:30 pm**

Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. I heard they really bonded.

Posted: **Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:31 pm**

I think these jokes are sodium funny. In fact, I slapped my neon that one!

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 4:41 pm**

Why can you never trust an atom?

They make up literally everything

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 4:41 pm**

What do you call an acid with an attitude?

A-mean-o Acid

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 4:41 pm**

I like to hear chemistry puns, periodically.

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 4:41 pm**

Gold is the best element because it’s AU-some.

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 4:42 pm**

Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything

Q: Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
A: He just couldn’t put it down

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They’re cheaper than day rates.

Q: I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
A: He said NaBrO

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 4:42 pm**

Lose an electron?

Gotta keep an ion it.

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 4:43 pm**

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 4:44 pm**

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 4:44 pm**

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 4:44 pm**

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 4:45 pm**

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 4:48 pm**

Did you know that oxygen went on a second date with potassium?
How'd it go?
It went OK2

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 5:11 pm**

What happens when you lower your body temperature to -273°C? Nothing, you're perfectly 0K!

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 6:35 pm**

Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide?
NO!

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 6:36 pm**

If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice?
H2O cubed!

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 6:39 pm**

What's your reaction when you find out oxygen and magnesium are dating?
OMg!!

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 6:40 pm**

What did all the other elements say to hydrogen?
What a loner!

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 6:50 pm**

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first orders a water. The second says, "I'll have an H20, too!" The second chemist dies

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 7:23 pm**

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 7:55 pm**

I blew up my chemistry experiment.
Oxidants happen.

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 7:57 pm**

Someone threw sodium chloride at me.

I yelled, “That’s a salt!”

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 8:00 pm**

Why did the bear dissolve in water?

It was a polar bear

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 8:00 pm**

Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar.

“OH SNaP!” says the bartender.

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 8:01 pm**

I would tell another chemistry joke…

…but all the good ones Argon.

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 8:05 pm**

What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
Polar Bond.

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 8:08 pm**

What did one titration say to the other?
"Let's meet at the endpoint."

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 8:10 pm**

What element is derived from a Norse [censored]?
Thorium.

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 8:13 pm**

What do you call a wheel made of iron?
A ferrous wheel.

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 8:36 pm**

What do you call and acid with an attitude?

A - meano - acid :)

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 8:39 pm**

What's a chemist's favorite dog?
A Laboratory retriever! :)

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 8:42 pm**

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gases in here."
Helium doesn't react.

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 8:48 pm**

Two chemists meet for the first time at a symposium. One is American, one is British. The British chemists asks the American chemist, "So what do you do for research?" The American responds, "Oh, I work with arsoles." The Brit responds, "Yes, sometimes my colleagues get on my nerves also."

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 9:41 pm**

I don't have any jokes per say but I have a pair of his and hers mugs.

H-Hydrogen
Er- Erbium
S- Sulfur

I used to think they were pretty funny until I started to take chem again.

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 10:06 pm**

I'd tell you a chemistry joke....
But all the good ones Argon :(

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 10:15 pm**

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0 k?

Posted: **Sun Dec 06, 2020 11:28 pm**

What's H204?
Depends. If you're thirsty, drinking. If you're dirty, washing.

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