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Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 12:22 pm
by Chem_Mod
We had a fun review session on Friday November 7 and I encourage all students to view it as there were many excellent Q&A.

I started my review session by reading out the following chemistry joke given to me by a student:

Q. Why should you never trust atoms?
A. Because they make up everything!

Anyone wanting to post chemistry jokes can post under this topic.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 9:35 pm
by Jenna Kovsky 1I
I heard Potassium and Oxygen went on a date....It went OK

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 9:55 pm
by aimee1J
At the end of the semester, a chemistry teacher asked her students what was the most important thing that they learned in lab. A student promptly raised his hand and said, "Never lick the spoon."

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over. The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg replies "No, but I can tell you exactly where I was." The cop, now suspicious, proceeds to search the car. Upon opening the trunk he exclaims "Hey, you have a dead cat back here!" to which Schrodinger replies "Well now I do! Thanks."

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2014 11:17 am
by Chem_Mod
WOW you guys are on fire!
These are excellent jokes.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2014 7:23 pm
by Evamae Bayudan 1B
Here are some more jokes!

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2014 6:09 pm
by Chem_Mod
Great jokes.

Friday December 5th will be Student Joke Day.
Come tell your favorite chemistry joke to the class!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2014 1:56 am
by Shreyesi Srivastava 2D
Do you have 11 protons?
Cause you sodium fine

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2014 5:32 pm
by Nima Ghorashi 3A
Friend: "Johnny, why have you been so upset and frustrated lately?"

Johnny: "Well, I have taken two years and a quarter of chemistry, and I have yet to get this girl's significant digits."

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2014 8:20 pm
by Franklin Liu 3H
Two friends walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second says, "I'll have some H2O too." Then he dies.

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 2:33 pm
by mikyjordan_dis3K
In honor of joke day and the quiz we just took:

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

wait for it..

A ferrous wheel.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2014 8:36 pm
by Victoria Liang 3L
Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2014 12:22 am
by William DesRoches 1E
Silver walks up to gold in a bar and says, "Au, get outta here!"

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Mar 12, 2015 6:14 pm
by Chem_Mod
Some people call me a nerd.

I prefer the term Intellectual Badass.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Mar 12, 2015 6:17 pm
by Chem_Mod
You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons.

How ionic.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Mar 12, 2015 6:21 pm
by Chem_Mod
My name is Bond
.
.
Covalent Bond.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Mar 12, 2015 8:33 pm
by Kayla Denton 1A
An atom says, "I think I lost an electron." His friend asks, "Are you sure?" and the atom replies, "I'm positive."

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Mar 12, 2015 9:59 pm
by Chem_Mod
I would tell a Chemistry Joke but all the good ones Argon.

Keep it up!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2015 4:44 pm
by Nicholas Codallos 4C
Are you full of beryllium, gold, and titanium? Because you are Be-Au-Ti-full!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2015 2:03 am
by Jonathan Shih 3H
If H20 is water, what is H204?
Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
H2O cubed.

Anyone know any jokes about the element sodium?
Na.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2015 2:07 pm
by Bianca Brown
You must be full of copper and tellurium because you're cute!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2015 12:34 pm
by Michelle Dela Rosa 1D
What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?

Febreeze

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2015 9:28 pm
by Rita Tran 2B
Q: Where does a chemist put the dishes?
A: In the Zinc, of course!


Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
A: "You may have graduated but I have many degrees!"


Q: Does light have mass?
A: Of course not! It's not even Catholic!!!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 12:30 pm
by jennifer_zhou2C
Heisenberg calls up Pauli and says, "I have an idea that will revolutionize quantum physics!" to which Pauli replies, "Are you certain?!"
Heisenberg says, "Not at all!"

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2015 5:10 pm
by Chem_Mod
More excellent jokes this quarter!
:-)

Maybe someone wants to tell one at the end of class on Fridays!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2015 11:23 pm
by Kelly McBratney 1C
"Are you Na?
Because you're so-dium fine doe!!"
- Jewel Saad

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2015 3:21 pm
by Anna Nordstrom 1A
Enjoy the joke!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 3:46 pm
by Jacqueline Zhang 2A
Why is the pH of Youtube so stable?


Because it constantly buffers.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2015 10:11 am
by Jeannie Huang 3B
Q: Why should you never give up studying chemistry even if you feel like you're going to fail the final?

A: Because chem-is-try! <3

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2015 4:47 pm
by Jana Sandhu 3J
A neutron walks into a bar.
Before leaving, he asks the bartender, "How much?"
The bartender responds, "No charge."

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 10:23 pm
by Edris Saadat 1A
What do you call cheese infused in sodium bicarbonate?

NaCHO3 Cheese

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2015 4:14 pm
by Jacob Shalkevich 1A
You know, I would tell a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 12:38 am
by HoganFenster2E
My TA threw some Sodium Chloride at me in discussion today...

That's a-salt!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 9:26 pm
by Chem_Mod
Anna Nordstrom 1A wrote:Enjoy the joke!


Anna introduce yourself at the beginning of Chem 14B!
:-)

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 9:28 pm
by Chem_Mod
Jacqueline Zhang 1A wrote:Why is the pH of Youtube so stable?


Because it constantly buffers.


Clever!
Introduce yourself at the beginning of Chem 14B.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 8:56 pm
by Jasminemay Barcelon 2G
A little fun while studying for the final,
-What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel, and iron?
~A KNiFe
-Where;s the best place to buy potassium?
~K-Mart

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Jan 09, 2016 6:02 pm
by Andrew Knapp 1A
Q: How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a train driver?

A: Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2016 10:05 am
by kaushikdr
Why did the electron want to go to the party?

Because it was excited

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2016 2:31 pm
by Isa AbdulCader 3K
What was the chemist's favorite attraction at the fair?

The ferrous wheel

Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2016 3:27 pm
by Amanda Nguyen 2E
I told a chemistry joke...

There was no reaction!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2016 4:51 pm
by Chem_Mod
That's probably because all the good ones argon.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 1:16 am
by Daniel_Sands3L
Why is an electron always depressed?


It's quant-numb and uncertain of its place in the world.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 1:30 pm
by Timmy Gozali
Not exactly a "joke" or entirely Chemistry related, but interesting enough? :D

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 4:23 pm
by Andrew Phan
I asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite. He said NaBrO.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 5:21 pm
by catherinewu 3J
polar bears...

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 7:18 pm
by Tal Boussi 2D
me when I don't get enough attention: Sublimation Image

follow up for more chemistry jokes

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 7:57 pm
by Tal Boussi 2D
waiting for this to become relevant
Image

follow up for more funny chemistry references

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 9:01 pm
by Alex Chiodo Ortiz 3G
I couldn't find any good chemistry jokes because all of the good ones Argon.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 6:37 pm
by Roberto Vasquez 2C
Chem Joke.jpg
;)
Chem Joke.jpg (35.95 KiB) Viewed 211313 times

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 7:17 pm
by BiancaYugar_1D
Awww, this was too cute to pass up.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2016 12:40 am
by Rodrigo Aranda
A Chemistry lab is like a party...

Some drop acid.. while others drop the base.

Happy Friday ( :

(not original content)

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2016 2:11 pm
by Kelly McBratney 1C
"I'd make a chemistry joke but all the good ones Argon"

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2016 5:19 pm
by GiselleMartinez_1B
First Law people...good stuff

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2016 10:22 pm
by Lydiaelson1C
Throwback to 14A :)

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2016 11:32 pm
by Jacob Afable 3J
Who else can relate with this?

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 1:32 pm
by Kyle_Diep_4E
What do you do when a chemist dies?

You barium!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 10:54 pm
by Daniela Contreras 3E
Q: What's wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium?
A: its CoRn Y

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 10:58 pm
by Daniela Contreras 3E
What is the chemical formula for a banana?
BaNa2

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 11:08 pm
by Chi-Yun 1B
These chemistry jokes are sodium funny! I slapped my neon that one!

One guacamole is equal to 6.0221415x10^23 "guacas." One might even call it... Avocado's Number!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 11:18 pm
by Mariam Ghattas 2L
Q: Why did the acid go to the gym?
A: To become a buffer solution!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 7:52 am
by Jasminemay Barcelon 2G
Never trust an atom

They make up everything.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 10:21 am
by Michelle Ouk 3L
Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 12:41 pm
by Mieka McFarlane 2L
What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 5:11 pm
by Nicole Filbert 1D
Q: Sulfur and Oxygen are best friends, but they lived far from each other. How did oxygen chat with his friend?

A: He used his Sulfone

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 5:46 pm
by Samantha Miceli 3J
Which one are you?

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 6:39 pm
by Aschreck 2G
Take all your lame chemistry jokes and barium.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:05 pm
by Naiomi Desai
- Wanna hear a joke about potassium?

"K"

- Why did the White Bear dissolve in water?

Because it was polar! :)

- After this joke, I expect a chemistry major to say, "Hey girl, Iodate you!"

- Do I have any Sodium Hypobromite for the lab, you ask?

NaHBrO

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 11:02 pm
by Alysson Marines 2E
Why did the acid go to the gym?

To become a buffer solution.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 11:19 pm
by Andrew Knapp 1A
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!” Newton replies “You didn’t find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!”

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 12:39 am
by Mariah Tumbaga 1e
What did the scientists say when he saw 2 isotopes of Helium?
HeHe

This person went to the doctor concerned over a mole they had on their skin. The doctor asked what the mole looked like and the person responded "6.02x10^23".

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 11:08 am
by 904638389
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 3:54 pm
by Hannah Ship 2H
Q: What did one titration say to the other?
A: "Let's meet at the endpoint"

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 11:40 pm
by 904418641
If a king farts, is it a noble gas?

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 12:48 am
by Joshua Wiedner
What happens to nitrogen as the sun rises?
It becomes daytrogen!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 2:20 pm
by Andrew Ghaly 3H
Lol
Image

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 4:06 pm
by Adriana Juarez 1
lol

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 7:58 pm
by Leslie Romo 1C
=)

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:41 pm
by Kavya Shivaram 1G
Why does a hamburger have lower energy than a steak?

It's in the ground state.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2016 3:29 pm
by keenanlee0134
Image

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2016 4:00 pm
by Lanzel Patawaran 1A
Screen Shot 2016-01-13 at 4.21.32 PM.png

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2016 7:59 pm
by haleyf 2I
Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2016 9:18 pm
by Rodrigo Aranda
Why do chemist call Helium, Curium, & Barium the Medical Elements?

BECAUSE, if you can't Helium, or Curium, you Barium!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2016 10:53 pm
by Susanna
What's the chemical formula of coffee? CoFe2

What about the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2016 11:16 pm
by Susanna
This class might be difficult; we will have alkynes of trouble.


By the way, I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2016 12:49 pm
by Alex Chiodo Ortiz 3G
Have you heard about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2016 3:43 pm
by Xinjie Su 2J
One property of liquid is that it can fit into containers of any shape and automatically takes up all the space.

So...cat is a liquid!!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2016 7:23 pm
by CenCen
i was thinking about this a few days ago and found someone had created this! :)

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2016 7:35 pm
by Roberto Vasquez 2C
Why is Willard Gibbs considered to be the nicest scientist?

....

Because he Gibbs free energy!!!!!!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2016 9:30 pm
by MichelleVu2H
Do you have mole problems?
If so, call Avogrado at 602-1023

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2016 2:10 pm
by CalebLew1C
haha

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2016 5:55 pm
by JasmineChavez 1E
The periodic table is incomplete....

Because only Chuck Norris knows the element of surprise >;)

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2016 9:27 pm
by Daniela Contreras 3E
Hey guys remember: don't trust atoms, they make everything up!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2016 9:29 pm
by Daniela Contreras 3E
Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2016 11:55 pm
by Chi-Yun 1B
I'm out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 11:30 am
by Frances Relampagos 1J
Q: When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
A:C over lambda.

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 6:07 pm
by Nataliya Karashchuk
Image

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 8:34 pm
by Mieka McFarlane 2L
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 8:36 pm
by Mariam Ghattas 2L
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 9:39 pm
by Rachel Risoleo 3G
Why did the acid go to the gym?
-To become a buffer solution!

Why did the big white bear dissolve in water?
-Because he was polar.

What do dipoles say in passing?
-Have you got a moment?

(no original content)

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 10:55 pm
by kaushikdr
Why did the chemist not go to med school?

Because he didn't go to discussion!

Re: Chemistry Jokes

Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 11:57 pm
by Alysson Marines 2E
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution