Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Nabeeha Khan 1D]

What kind of dogs do chemists have? Laboratory retrievers.

[Nabeeha Khan 1D]

I don't trust atoms... I heard they make up everything.

[Nabeeha Khan 1D]

[Jocelyn1B]

Once I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.

[MeghetyManoyan1A]

The noble gases walk into a bar. No one reacts.

[MeghetyManoyan1A]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
He says, "No, I'm traveling light"

[Aryana Nazem 1A]

Q: What's a pirate's favorite element? (your victim may assume "arrrrgon".)
A: Gold.

[Aryana Nazem 1A]

Q: Why didn't the chemist enjoy doing chromatography?
A: He got separation anxiety.

[Aryana Nazem 1A]

Q: How did the hipster chemist burn his hand?
A: He picked up his beaker before it was cool.

[Ashwin Deena 1L]

Are chemical workers un-ionized?

[Ashwin Deena 1L]

What is the chemical formula for banana? BaNa2.

[Ashwin Deena 1L]

I make bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

[arina_m 1A]

Did you know you could cool yourself to -237.15 degrees Celsius and still be 0k?

[arina_m 1A]

-Did you hear that joke about sodium?
-Naaaa

[arina_m 1A]

Why does a pound of hamburger have less energy than a pound of steak?

Because its in the ground state.

[204750609]

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?


At least I have a degree!

[Nancy Nguyen 1K]

[Nancy Nguyen 1K]

[Nancy Nguyen 1K]

[Caroline Crotty 1D]

Two men walk into a bar. One says "I'll have some H2O." The other man says "I'll have some H20, too." The second man died.

[Endri Dis 1J]

What did the three hydrogens say to the nitrogen?
AM-MON-IA

[Sollie1G]

Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.

[DomMaiorca_1I]

Helium walks into a bar.

The bar tender says, "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.

[MeghetyManoyan1A]

What show do cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI

[Hope_Pham_1G]

A Hug without u
Hg
is just mercury

[Hope_Pham_1G]

My chem puns rarely get a reaction.

[Ani Boyadjian 1A]

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia? Because it's pretty basic stuff.

[Ani Boyadjian 1A]

What was Avogadro's favorite sport? Golf - because he always got a mole-in-one.

[Ani Boyadjian 1A]

It has been discovered that money consists of a yet-to-be- indentified superheavy element. The proposed element name is Un-obtainium.

[Jocelyn1B]

If a king farts is it a noble gas?

[Ashwin Deena 1L]

What do you get if you cut an avocado into 6 x 10^23 pieces? A Guacamole.

[Ashwin Deena 1L]

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.

[Ashwin Deena 1L]

What is a chemist's favorite plant? Stoichiome - tree.

[Caitlyn Ponce 1L]

Are you made of Oxygen and Neon? Cause I think you're the ONe
:/

[arina_m 1A]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates. :)

[arina_m 1A]

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H20 cubed.

[105012653 1F]

What was that joke about sodium again?

Na, nevermind I forgot it.

[Nancy Nguyen 1K]

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

[Nancy Nguyen 1K]

What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI

[Nancy Nguyen 1K]

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
HeHe

[Nandhini_2K]

What do you call a clown who's in jail? A silicon.

[MeghetyManoyan1A]

What do dipoles say in passing?
"Do you have a moment?"

[nicolesalcedo]

*texting a chemistry major*

"Hey you wanna go to the movies rn?"

"Sure, when?"

"Rn"

"What do you mean by Radon?"

"..."

[MeghetyManoyan1A]

Carbon and a hydrogen went on a date. They really bonded.

[Sollie1G]

That was sodium funny

I slapped my neon that one!

[JoeyAnn Mateo 1D]

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

[arina_m 1A]

Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!

[arina_m 1A]

What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.

[arina_m 1A]

What is a cation afraid of?

A dogion.

[Ani Boyadjian 1A]

Two chemists walk into a bar.
One says, "I'll have an ‎H2O." The other says, "I'll have an ‎H2O, too." The second chemist dies.

[Ani Boyadjian 1A]

What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep telling them until you get a reaction.

[Ani Boyadjian 1A]

How did the hipster chemist burn his hand?
He picked up his beaker before it was cool.

[204750609]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

[Nabeeha Khan 1D]

Q: Why do chemistry students do well when working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

[Nabeeha Khan 1D]

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium and you can't curium, then you may as well barium.

[Aryana Nazem 1A]

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

wait for it..

A ferrous wheel.

[Nabeeha Khan 1D]

Q: What's a pirate's favorite element? (your victim may assume "arrrrgon".)
A: Gold.

[Aryana Nazem 1A]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
He says, "No, I'm traveling light"

[Aryana Nazem 1A]

Q: Why do chemistry students do well when working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

[Caitlyn Ponce 1L]

You're the photon to my valence electron. You excite me to another level ;)

[Nancy Nguyen 1K]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything...

[Nancy Nguyen 1K]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[Nancy Nguyen 1K]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.

[Solene Poulhazan]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

[Jocelyn1B]

Why do chemists learn about ammonia first?
It's pretty basic stuff.

[Salena Chowdri 1I]

Q: How often does this group tell chemistry jokes?
A: Periodically!

[Nienjou Claire 1E]

I have many chemistry jokes, but I'm afraid they won't get a good reaction.

[Salena Chowdri 1I]

Initially I decided to write jokes about the Periodic Table, but never really felt I was in my element.

[Sollie1G]

Once, I told a chemistry joke...

there was no reaction

[MeghetyManoyan1A]

I must be an exothermic reaction, because I'm running out of energy.

[MeghetyManoyan1A]

What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walking into the bar?
OH SNaP!

[Ani Boyadjian 1A]

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
It becomes day-trogen.

[Nabeeha Khan 1D]

Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down!

[Nabeeha Khan 1D]

Every dipole has its moment!

[Nabeeha Khan 1D]

Did you hear that Anion broke up with Cation? Always makes me cry.

[arina_m 1A]

What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI :)

[Caitlyn Ponce 1L]

I hate learning about electrons. I always get so Bohr'd :))))

[arina_m 1A]

Helium walks into a bar,
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.

[arina_m 1A]

What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.

[Ashwin Deena 1L]

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia? Because it's pretty basic stuff.

[Ashwin Deena 1L]

What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together? CsI

[Ashwin Deena 1L]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

[CarinaVargas1J]

If a king farts

IS that a noble gas?

[Jocelyn1B]

What is the chemical formula for banana?
BaNa2

[Jocelyn1B]

I try to tell chemistry jokes but there is no reaction.

[CarinaVargas1J]

Want to hear a joke about Sodium Hypobromite?

NaBro

[Jocelyn1B]

If Avogadro calls tell him to leave his number.

[Nancy Nguyen 1K]

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium and you can't curium, then you may as well barium

[Nancy Nguyen 1K]

Two atoms are walking down the street.
One of them shouts, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other inquires, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

[Nancy Nguyen 1K]

Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
Because it's in the ground state

[204750609]

A classified add read: "Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023."

[kellyz_1C]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[kellyz_1C]

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

[kellyz_1C]

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

[Salena Chowdri 1I]

You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons.

How ionic.

[Salena Chowdri 1I]

What do dipoles say in passing?

Have you got a moment?

[204750609]

As finals week approaches:
What is the chemical formula of coffee?
CoFe2

[Sollie1G]

A proton and neuron are walking down the street.

Proton: Wait, I lost an electron. Will you help me find it?
Neuron: Are you sure?
Proton: Yeah, I'm positive!

[MariaJohn1D]

I like chemistry jokes bc they are funny
He He He

[MariaJohn1D]

I tell bad chemistry jokes bc all the good ones Argon...