Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Louis Zhao 4C]

A covalent bond yells at an ionic bond, "Didn't anybody ever teach you how to share?"

[Sydney Takeda 2I]

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A: A one molar solution

[Sydney Takeda 2I]

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
"You may have graduated, but I've got many degrees!"

[Edward Suarez 1I]

A neutron walks into a shop and says,"I"d like a coke." The shopkeeper serves up the coke.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
The shopkeeper replies,
"For you? No charge."

haha! that took me a while to understand but eventually i got it.

[Nawaphan Watanasirisuk 3B]

saw this on facebook

[Sydney Takeda 2I]

the 119th element

[Edward Suarez 1I]

avogadro reax only

[Angela Cordova 3F]

These jokes are all so funny, I slapped my neon a bunch of them

[404817859]

what kind of fish is made out of two atoms?
2 Na

[Angela Cong 3C]

If avagrado calls, tell him to leave his number ;)

[diana_calderon_4L]

Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon

[diana_calderon_4L]

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

[diana_calderon_4L]

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

[ElliotPourdavoud 1A]

What show do Cesium and Iodine love watching with one another?



CSI

[105085381]

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

[105085381]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

[105085381]

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

[vaishali 1D]

A chemistry professor couldn't resist interjecting a little philosophy into a class lecture. He interrupted his discussion on balancing chemical equations, saying, "Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!"

[vaishali 1D]

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?


A: A ferrous wheel

[vaishali 1D]

Q: If a mole of moles were digging a mole of holes, what would you see?

A: A mole of molasses.

[Tyler Vu 4I]

During midterm szn try to be like a proton and stay positive

[Tyler Vu 4I]

I would post another chemistry joke, but all the funny ones argon

[Tyler Vu 4I]

I heard that oxygen and magnesium were going out and I was like OMg

[Tyler Vu 4I]

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q ... 6229157001

Great meme guys, please take the time to click the link

[Kassidy Tran 1E]

What is a cation scared of? A dogion.

[Kassidy Tran 1E]

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.

[Kassidy Tran 1E]

Whats the difference between chemistry and cooking? In chemistry you never lick the spoon.

[Pooja Sheladiya 1L]

I'm all out of chemistry jokes, I should zinc of a new one.

[Pooja Sheladiya 1L]

If Avogadro calls tell him to leave his number.

[Pooja Sheladiya 1L]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies, "For you, NO CHARGE."

[Selina Bellin 2B]

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking lmao

[Zack Barta 3I]

Thanks

[Zack Barta 3I]

Thanks

[Zack Barta 3I]

that's hilarious

[505095972]

OMG! Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium are a couple?!

[505095972]

OMG! Did you hear that Magnesium and Oxygen are a couple?!

[Julia Cheng 4C]

How did the political science major define free radical on his chemistry exam?

A wild protestor.

[Julia Cheng 4C]

What do you call a joke that has cobalt, radon, and yttrium in it?

CoRnY!

[Julia Cheng 4C]

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

h2o-cubed!

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

What kind of dogs to chemists have?
- Laboratory retrievers!

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

Think like a proton and stay positive!!

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

Q: What did one charged atom say to the other?

A: I've got my ion you!

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

A neutron walks into a shop and says,"I"d like a coke."
The shopkeeper serves up the coke.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
The shopkeeper replies, "For you? No charge."

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

Silver walks up to gold in a bar and says, "Au, get outta here!"

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walking into the bar?
A: OH SNaP!

[Sydney Takeda 2I]

oof

[diana_calderon_4L]

Q: What kind of dogs do chemists have?
A: Laboratory Retrievers

[diana_calderon_4L]

Q: What do you call a wheel made of iron?
A: A ferrous wheel.

[diana_calderon_4L]

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.

[Natalie Liu 4I]

What do you call a fish made of two sodium atoms?
2Na!

[vaishali 1D]

I don't trust atoms...

I heard they make up everything

[vaishali 1D]

Why does a hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.

[vaishali 1D]

Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory? His business went insolvent.

[Pooja Sheladiya 1L]

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

[ElliotPourdavoud 1A]

The human body is primarily composed of Carbon, Hydrogen, and Oxygen, and a little bit of Sodium, so that means we're 100% NaCHO ;)

[Nawaphan Watanasirisuk 3B]

Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!

[Kassidy Tran 1E]

Whats the chemical formula for banana?
BaNa2.

[Kassidy Tran 1E]

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, “AU, get out of here!”

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!

[Leslie Cheng 4B]

"Did you lose an electron? I'm going to keep ion on it"

Cation: noun
an atom with a paw-sitive charge!

[marinhaluza_1]

All I want for Christmas is... Yttirium, Oxygen, and Uranium

[marinhaluza_1]

Polar bears are really good at working together in chemistry because they create polar bonds.

[shaunajava2e]

what is the chemical formula for a banana?
BaNa2

[shaunajava2e]

!!

[shaunajava2e]

all the good chemistry jokes Argon, i think we should take the bad ones and Barium.

[Alyssa Wilson 2A]

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

[Celine Hoh 2L]

Not quite chem related but..
Why do many pre-med students want to donate their bodies to research after they die?

Because that is the only way for them to get into med school.

[805169754]

Why cant you drink CH2O?
'cause its seawater

[805169754]

Why did the bear dissolve in water?
its a polar bear

[805169754]

I wish to apologize for not having more chemistry jokes, but I only add them periodically

[505095972]

I know my friends don't like chemistry jokes... but I tell them periodically.

[Jason Madeloso 4H]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[Julia Cheng 4C]

What's a cation?

An ion with a paws-itive charge!

[Jason Madeloso 4H]

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

!!!

[Chris Freking 2G]

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

!

[ChelseaMae3D]

Have you heard of the new element on the periodic table?

Ah! the element of surprise.

[Jason Madeloso 4H]

Q: If H20 is water, what is H204?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Q: What kind of dogs do chemists have?
A: Laboratory Retrievers

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.

[davidbakalov_lec2_2L]

Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera. All of a sudden, she screamed: "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!" The husband replied, "Calm down, honey. We'll find a solution."

[Natalie Liu 4I]

What was Avogrado's favorite sport?
Golf because he always got a mole-in-one!

[ArielKim3C]

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
Because it's pretty basic stuff!

[Natalie Liu 4I]

Why aren't chemists ever able to prank their friends?
Because they lack the element of surprise

[ArielKim3C]

What kind of fish is made out of two sodium atoms?
2 Na

[Natalie Liu 4I]

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel

[Angela Cong 3C]

Chemistry is Fluorine, Uranium, Nitrogen

[Eruchi Okpara 2E]

That was sodium funny.

I slapped my neon that one!!!

[Adriana_4F]

What do you do to a dead chemist?

You barium

[404817859]

What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
Polar Bond.

[diana_calderon_4L]

What should do you do with a dead Chemist? Barium!

[diana_calderon_4L]

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.