Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[davidbakalov_lec2_2L]

What did one charged atom say to the other? I've got my ion you.

[davidbakalov_lec2_2L]

Silver walks up to gold in a bar and says, "Au, get outta here!"

[Tyler Vu 4I]

What do you call a pawsitive kitten? A cation

[Tyler Vu 4I]

The formula for ice is H2O^cubed

[Searra Harding 4I]

The name's bond...sigma bond. (hope you all get the reference)

[Aiden Atoori 1C]

Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.

[904837647]

Q: What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?
A: CoFe2

[904837647]

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

[904837647]

Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.

[Anne Kim 3F]

Not a chem joke, but Lavelle looks like Larry David

[Julia Cheng 4C]

Do you know any sodium jokes?

Na

[Julia Cheng 4C]

What did cobalt and aluminum get for Christmas?

CoAl! :(

[Julia Cheng 4C]

Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff

[Pooja Sheladiya 1L]

Are made of Fluorine, Iodine, and Neon?
Because you are F-I-Ne.

[davidbakalov_lec2_2L]

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

[Edward Suarez 1I]

take all ur lame chem jokes and... barium!!

[Natalie Liu 4I]

Every dipole has its moment.

[Natalie Liu 4I]

I hate learning about electrons. I get so Bohr'd!

[Sydney Takeda 2I]

good luck on finals everyone!

[Sydney Takeda 2I]

and happy holidays :)

[404817859]

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

[ElliotPourdavoud 1A]

I don't trust atoms.... I heard they make up everything.

[Claire Aseremo 1D]

What type of tree did the scientist get for Christmas?

A chemisTREE

[Claire Aseremo 1D]

Jokes about Na are sodium funny!

[Claire Aseremo 1D]

Don’t worry. Oxidents happen.

[Jonas Talandis]

What is the chemical formula for a Banana?

BaNa₂

[vaishali 1D]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.

He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

[vaishali 1D]

Organic chemistry is difficult.


Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

[Millicent Navarro 1I]

I try to tell Chemistry jokes but there are no reactions.

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Q: What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?
A: CoFe2

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro's number!

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

[Kevin Nguyen 2H]

Titanium is an amorous metal. When it gets hot, it will combine with anything!

[Pooja Sheladiya 1L]

Q: Why do chemistry students do well when working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

[Rachel Dang 1H]

Two chemists walk into a bar.
One says, “I’ll have an ‎H2O.” The other says, “I’ll have an ‎H2O, too.” The second chemist dies.

[Rachel Dang 1H]

Did you hear about oxygen’s date with potassium?
It went OK.

[Rachel Dang 1H]

What’s Iron Man’s favorite amusement park ride?
The ferrous wheel.

[Rachel Dang 1H]

Why did the attacking army use acid?
To neutralize the enemy’s base.

[Jason Madeloso 4H]

Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023.

[Jason Madeloso 4H]

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A (fe)rrous wheel

[Jason Madeloso 4H]

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

[Jason Madeloso 4H]

Q: How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?
A: Avocado's number.

[Kunseo Yook 2E]

There was a chemist reading a book about helium.


….He just couldn't put it down

[Kunseo Yook 2E]

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

[Kunseo Yook 2E]

What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI

[Kunseo Yook 2E]

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

[Kunseo Yook 2E]

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

[Kunseo Yook 2E]

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."

[Kunseo Yook 2E]

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

[Kunseo Yook 2E]

A person asked a chemist "What's new?"
The chemist replied: "C over Lambda"

[Kunseo Yook 2E]

Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.

[Julia Cheng 4C]

A neutron walks into a bar and says, "How much for a beer?
The barman says "For you, no charge!"

[Julia Cheng 4C]

Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?

OMg!!

[Julia Cheng 4C]

Chemistry jokes are boron, but physics jokes have potential!

[RandallNeeDis3K]

Q: If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H-two-O-CUBED

[shaunajava2e]

Don't tell jokes to noble gases you'll get no reaction.

[shaunajava2e]

The best thing about learning equilibrium is that nothing changes.

[chrisdinkel_4E]

VSPER? I hardly know her!!

[Tyler Vu 4I]

What is Garfield's favorite part of chemistry? Lanthanum-Sulfur-Silver-Sodium

[diana_calderon_4L]

Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar.
“OH SNaP!” says the bartender.

[diana_calderon_4L]

What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep telling them until you get a reaction.

[diana_calderon_4L]

I tried writing jokes about the periodic table…
…but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.

[diana_calderon_4L]

Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
It was CoRnY.

[diana_calderon_4L]

Want to hear a joke about sodium, bromine, and oxygen?
NaBrO.

[diana_calderon_4L]

Did you hear about oxygen’s date with potassium?
It went OK.

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

Q: What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?
A: Febreeze

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

Q: Why did the noble gas cry?
A: Because all his friends argon.

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

Q: Why did the acid go to the gym?
A: To become a buffer solution!

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met.

[Ivana Gutierrez 2L]

Q: What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?
A: A CaNiNe

[rachana_korapati3C]

Q: What did the pregnant scientist say at the end of her electrolysis experiment?
A: "My water broke."

[rachana_korapati3C]

Q: Why shouldn't you believe anything alcohol says?
A: 'Cause alkyl ha-lide

[Angela Cordova 3F]

After a whole day of getting to know each other, the cation finally finds the courage to ask the anion to swap numbers.

[Natalie Liu 4I]

What does a teary-eyed, joyful Santa say about chemistry?
HOH, HOH, HOH!

[Natalie Liu 4I]

What is the dullest element?
Bohrium

[805169754]

What do you do with a sick chemist?
First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.

[805169754]

When I learned how many electrons an oxygen atom needs to fill its first orbital, I was like :O

[805169754]

What's the fastest Noble gas?
Neeeeeon

[805169754]

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
HeHe

[805169754]

What did one ion say to the other?
I've got my ion you.

[805169754]

If H20 is water, what is H204?
Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

[805169754]

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting

[Nathan Tran 4K]

Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?

How did it go?

It went OK2!

[Jackie Ngo 1C]

"What kind of bear is soluble in water?"
"A polar bear!!!"

[Jackie Ngo 1C]

"Anyone know any jokes about sodium?"
"Na"

[Jackie Ngo 1C]

"What's the chemical formula for banana?"
"BaNa2"

[Jackie Ngo 1C]

"Why do chemists find working with ammonia easy?"
"Because it's some pretty basic stuff"

[Jackie Ngo 1C]

"you must be made of copper and tellurium! because you're so CuTe" ;)

[Edward Suarez 1I]

"you must be made of copper and tellurium! because you're so CuTe" ;)

im laughing ur jokes are so funny!!

[Claire Aseremo 1D]

I lost another electron. You really have to keep an ion them.

[shaunajava2e]

You must be full of copper and tellurium because you're CuTe!

[havishgattu]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks “how much for a beer?” The bartender smiles and responds “ for you, no charge” :)

[vaishali 1D]

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

A: They are cheaper than day rates.

[vaishali 1D]

Q: How can you tell the chemist in the restroom?

A: He washes his hands BEFORE he goes.

[vaishali 1D]

Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar?

A: He got Avogadro’s number!

[Ashe Chen 2C]

Two scientists sit down at a restaurant

The first scientist: I'll have H2O
The second scientist: I'll have H20, also.
The second scientist’s arch nemesis disguised as a waiter: [under breath] so close....

[505095972]

I tried to write a joke about the periodic table... but I wasn’t quite in my element.

[I am Sodium Funny]

Who wants to date, we already have good chemistry... maybe we can find a bond ;)