Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:21 pm

Q: Why should you go shopping with neutrons?

A: Because wherever they go, there’s no charge!

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:23 pm

Q: What’s the dullest element?

A: Bohrium!

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:24 pm

Q: How do you cure a sick balloon?

A: You helium up!

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:24 pm

Q: Carbon and hydrogen went on a date.

A: I heard they really bonded

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:25 pm

Q: How Dreamwork's chemistry movie will be named?

A: How to train your Argon!

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:27 pm

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:27 pm

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A: A one molar solution.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:28 pm

Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:28 pm

Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?

A: Carbon.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:29 pm

Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?

A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:29 pm

Q: What was Avogadro's favorite sport?

A: Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:30 pm

Q: What happened to the man stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car?

A: He was booked for a salt and battery.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:30 pm

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring where the carbon atoms are replaced with iron atoms?

A: A ferrous wheel.

chari_maya 3B · Postby **chari_maya 3B** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 6:20 pm

Why was 6.62607004 × 10-34 m2 kg / s super ripped?

because he did a lot of Plank

Ipsita Srinivas 1K · Postby **Ipsita Srinivas 1K** » Sat Feb 15, 2020 2:46 pm

Post Midterm Trauma

805291863 · Postby **805291863** » Sat Feb 15, 2020 7:42 pm

Diana Chavez-Carrillo 2L · Postby **Diana Chavez-Carrillo 2L** » Sun Feb 16, 2020 12:27 am

Haha :)

Diana Chavez-Carrillo 2L · Postby **Diana Chavez-Carrillo 2L** » Sun Feb 16, 2020 1:58 am

Solid, liquid, gas...they all MATTER!

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:27 pm

What did sulfuric acid say when pyridine took one of her protons? "Hey, that's amine thing to do!"

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:27 pm

The names bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:28 pm

Two protons bump into each other at a frat party, one proton frat-boy says to the other, 'No HOMO'.

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:28 pm

Activation Energy: the total energy found in one (1) cup of coffee.

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:29 pm

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says, " Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but at least I know where I am"

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:29 pm

Wanna hear a joke about Sodium Hypobromite?

Na Bro

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:30 pm

Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphourous walk into a room, everyone says OH SNaP!

Juliet Stephenson 4E · Postby **Juliet Stephenson 4E** » Sun Feb 16, 2020 6:17 pm

Q: What is the chemical formula for a banana?
A: BaNa₂

Jared Khoo 1G · Postby **Jared Khoo 1G** » Sun Feb 16, 2020 6:31 pm

Water molecule: Hey oil wanna hang out?
Oil molecule: I can't mix with you guys
Water molecule 2: You're such a hydrophobe!

Emily Burghart 1k · Postby **Emily Burghart 1k** » Tue Feb 18, 2020 10:12 pm

Ahh you Noble Gasses

Emily Burghart 1k · Postby **Emily Burghart 1k** » Tue Feb 18, 2020 10:14 pm

Found on Pinterest

nicole-2B · Postby **nicole-2B** » Wed Feb 19, 2020 11:20 am

Why was the electrochemical cell arrested?
Because it was charged with battery.

CNourian2H · Postby **CNourian2H** » Wed Feb 19, 2020 9:23 pm

Here is a joke:

CNourian2H · Postby **CNourian2H** » Wed Feb 19, 2020 9:27 pm

What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walking into the bar? OH SNaP!

McKenna_4A · Postby **McKenna_4A** » Fri Feb 21, 2020 1:37 pm

Not a joke but it belongs here: What's the name of the absolute banger of a song Lavelle threw on after lecture today?

JosephineF · Postby **JosephineF** » Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:52 pm

chem final outfit ideas

Chem_Mod · Postby **Chem_Mod** » Sat Feb 22, 2020 12:36 am

McKenna_4A wrote:Not a joke but it belongs here: What's the name of the absolute banger of a song Lavelle threw on after lecture today?

I played Hazey by Glass Animals.
:-)

ELu 1J · Postby **ELu 1J** » Sat Feb 22, 2020 5:12 pm

A man was frozen to absolute zero. But don't worry - he's 0K now :D

ELu 1J · Postby **ELu 1J** » Sat Feb 22, 2020 5:13 pm

Atom A said, "I lost an electron"
Atom B asked, "Are you sure?"
Atom A said "Yeah, I'm positive"
Atom B said, "Well, you better keep an ion (eye on) them"

ELu 1J · Postby **ELu 1J** » Sat Feb 22, 2020 5:14 pm

Instead of "LOL", Helium atoms text "HeHe" instead :)

AArmellini_1I · Postby **AArmellini_1I** » Sat Feb 22, 2020 6:14 pm

What was Avogadro's favorite sport?
Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one!

Jared Khoo 1G · Postby **Jared Khoo 1G** » Sun Feb 23, 2020 2:14 pm

What was oxidation again? My science is a bit rusty.

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Sun Feb 23, 2020 5:21 pm

What is the chemical formula for a banana?

BaNa2

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Sun Feb 23, 2020 5:22 pm

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Sun Feb 23, 2020 5:22 pm

What is the most important chemistry rule?

Never lick the spoon!

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Sun Feb 23, 2020 5:23 pm

Why are chemists so great at solving problems?

Answer: Because they have all the solutions.

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Sun Feb 23, 2020 5:24 pm

Does anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na.

Yeah, I know that was sodium funny!

Jaklin Astvatsatryan · Postby **Jaklin Astvatsatryan** » Sun Feb 23, 2020 9:27 pm

Who’s the best at making bad jokes about iodine and americium? I Am

Jaklin Astvatsatryan · Postby **Jaklin Astvatsatryan** » Sun Feb 23, 2020 9:30 pm

Struggling through chemistry? Keep your ion the prize.

Jaklin Astvatsatryan · Postby **Jaklin Astvatsatryan** » Sun Feb 23, 2020 9:34 pm

What is the chemical formula of coffee? CoFe2

kendal mccarthy · Postby **kendal mccarthy** » Sun Feb 23, 2020 10:02 pm

I keep laughing at the jokes on here cuz they are all sodium funny !!!

kendal mccarthy · Postby **kendal mccarthy** » Sun Feb 23, 2020 10:04 pm

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

GFolk_1D · Postby **GFolk_1D** » Mon Feb 24, 2020 10:13 am

GFolk_1D · Postby **GFolk_1D** » Mon Feb 24, 2020 10:14 am

GFolk_1D · Postby **GFolk_1D** » Mon Feb 24, 2020 10:14 am

Naneeta Desar 1K · Postby **Naneeta Desar 1K** » Mon Feb 24, 2020 8:40 pm

How often do I tell chemistry jokes?

Periodically.

JosephineF · Postby **JosephineF** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:02 am

for all your extermination needs

805373590 · Postby **805373590** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:47 am

Reactions

805373590 · Postby **805373590** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:47 am

805373590 · Postby **805373590** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:48 am

I like to hear chemistry puns, periodically

It’s morning time, up and atom!

805373590 · Postby **805373590** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:49 am

Attached

805373590 · Postby **805373590** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:50 am

Photon

Kavya Immadisetty 2B · Postby **Kavya Immadisetty 2B** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 11:34 am

Chemistry jokes are sodium funny, I slapped my neon this one!

nicole-2B · Postby **nicole-2B** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 8:43 pm

JosephineF wrote:chem final outfit ideas

I love this so much !!

ELu 1J · Postby **ELu 1J** » Wed Feb 26, 2020 4:24 pm

Are you made up of 12 protons? Because you're sodium fine

Ipsita Srinivas 1K · Postby **Ipsita Srinivas 1K** » Fri Feb 28, 2020 9:51 pm

Q: How did oxygen's date with potassium go?
A: OK

Ipsita Srinivas 1K · Postby **Ipsita Srinivas 1K** » Fri Feb 28, 2020 9:53 pm

Random Person: Why do you react violently when we put you in H20?
Chemistry Cat: Because my race contains iron, lithium and neon = FeLiNe origins.

Ipsita Srinivas 1K · Postby **Ipsita Srinivas 1K** » Fri Feb 28, 2020 9:54 pm

The noble gases walk into a bar. No one reacts.

Ipsita Srinivas 1K · Postby **Ipsita Srinivas 1K** » Fri Feb 28, 2020 9:54 pm

Wanted by the Law: Schrodinger's Cat, Dead And/Or Alive

Ipsita Srinivas 1K · Postby **Ipsita Srinivas 1K** » Fri Feb 28, 2020 9:57 pm

Every dipole has its moment.

Ipsita Srinivas 1K · Postby **Ipsita Srinivas 1K** » Fri Feb 28, 2020 10:00 pm

Activation Energy, n. The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.

Ipsita Srinivas 1K · Postby **Ipsita Srinivas 1K** » Fri Feb 28, 2020 10:01 pm

Diglyceride, n. What you scream when you're trying to kill a glyceride.

Ipsita Srinivas 1K · Postby **Ipsita Srinivas 1K** » Fri Feb 28, 2020 10:01 pm

Flame Test, n. Trial by fire.

Ipsita Srinivas 1K · Postby **Ipsita Srinivas 1K** » Fri Feb 28, 2020 10:02 pm

Organic, adj. Church musician.

Ipsita Srinivas 1K · Postby **Ipsita Srinivas 1K** » Fri Feb 28, 2020 10:02 pm

Polar head group, n. Inuit psychiatrists.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:44 pm

Q: What kind of dogs do chemists have?

A: Laboratory Retrievers

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:45 pm

Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:46 pm

Q: When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

A:C over lambda.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:46 pm

Q: What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

A: Breaking up is hard to do.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:47 pm

Q: What did one titration say to the other?

A: "Let's meet at the endpoint."

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:48 pm

Q: If H20 is water, what is H204?

A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:49 pm

Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera.

All of a sudden, she screamed: "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!"

The husband replied, "Calm down, honey. We'll find a solution."

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:56 pm

Q: Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

A: To reduce his carbon footprint.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:58 pm

Q: What did one ion say to the other?

A: I've got my ion you.

Jared Khoo 1G · Postby **Jared Khoo 1G** » Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:59 pm

Albert was a chemist. Albert is no more.
What he thought was H₂O. Was H₂SO₄

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:59 pm

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

Callum Guo 1H · Postby **Callum Guo 1H** » Sun Mar 01, 2020 4:51 pm

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
SWAG.

Callum Guo 1H · Postby **Callum Guo 1H** » Sun Mar 01, 2020 4:51 pm

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Brian_Ho_2B · Postby **Brian_Ho_2B** » Sun Mar 01, 2020 6:29 pm

How do chemistry students come up with chemistry jokes?

Google

Brian_Ho_2B · Postby **Brian_Ho_2B** » Sun Mar 01, 2020 6:31 pm

How do chemistry students come up with chemistry jokes?

Google

205154661_Dis2J · Postby **205154661_Dis2J** » Sun Mar 01, 2020 11:24 pm

Q: What kind of dogs do chemists have?

A: Laboratory Retrievers.

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Mon Mar 02, 2020 6:51 pm

My two kids, Nitrogen and silver want that new Xbox, their always NAg’ing for it.

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Mon Mar 02, 2020 6:51 pm

Did you hear about the guy that was frozen to absolute zero?

I hear he was 0k.

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Mon Mar 02, 2020 6:52 pm

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Mon Mar 02, 2020 6:52 pm

Did you hear oxygen and magnesium are dating? OMg!

305086803 · Postby **305086803** » Mon Mar 02, 2020 6:52 pm

Never trust atoms. They make everything up.

nicole-2B · Postby **nicole-2B** » Wed Mar 04, 2020 10:37 pm

When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate-determining step”.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Mar 07, 2020 5:16 pm

A neutron walks into a shop and says,"I'd like a coke."
The shopkeeper serves up the coke.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
The shopkeeper replies, "For you? No charge."

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Mar 07, 2020 5:17 pm

Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first chemist says, "I'll have H2O."
The second chemist says, "I'll have an H2O too."... and he died.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Mar 07, 2020 5:18 pm

Q: What was Avogadro's favorite sport?

A: Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Mar 07, 2020 5:18 pm

Q: What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

A: Separation anxiety.

Oduwole 1E · Postby **Oduwole 1E** » Sat Mar 07, 2020 5:19 pm

Question at interview: What is nitrate (nite rate or night rate)?

Answer: double time.

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