Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[804444985]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?


One molar solution.

[kaushikdr]

Proton: Hey electron where are you?
Electron: Ohhh thats a tough one. I can tell you where I probably am- does that help?

[GrantSugimura_1B]

Don't ever trust atoms...
They make up everything.

[804416421]

How often do I joke about chemistry?
periodically

[Karina Keus 3L]

[Steph S 2F]

Q: According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?

Because it's made up of alkynes of people.

[204667573]

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"

[Katherine Jabba 2H]

A cloud of helium floats into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We don't serve noble gases here."

The helium does not react.

[vincent_loyal]

Lets take all these bad Chemistry jokes.....
and BARIUM

[Chi-Yun 1B]

[Chi-Yun 1B]

[904418641]

I tell bad Chemistry jokes because all the good ones ARGON.

[Joanne Reyes 1L]

What is the name of the molecule CH2O?


A: Seawater

[Sydney Simon 3L]

Here's a throwback to 14a:

"A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, 'No thanks, I'm traveling light.'"

[CenCen]

happy Sunday all :)

[CalebLew1C]

They should really get this mole checked out.

[Cecilia Tsai 3C]

Why does hamburger have less energy than steak?

It’s in the ground state.

[Noah Lopez 2L]

Question: What is "HIJKLMNO"?
Answer: H20

[DNguyen3G]

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

[Juan Torres Dis 2D]

When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" The physicist says?

C over lambda.

[204381410]

In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.

When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step”.

[Erin Natale 3I]

Did you know you can cool yourself to -273.15 C and still be 0K?

[Qavi2C]

How does Mr. Bond, Ionic Bond, like his electrons? Taken, not shared.

[Daniela Contreras 3E]

Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, "I'm positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them."

[Cole Malkoff 3E]

The ultimate chemistry joke: my grade.

[Laila Sathe 1D]

Einstein, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide and seek. Einstein is counting while Newton and Pascal hide. Pascal runs off and hides while Newton doesn’t move an inch. Instead, he draws a square around himself in the dirt. After Einstein finishes counting, he opens his eyes and says, “Found you Newton! That was easy.”

Newton says, “No you didn’t. You found Pascal.” He points down to the square in the dirt. “One Newton per meter squared.”

[Rebecca Sine 1K]

[Susanna]

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

[emily c]

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

[Jade Nguyen 1E]

Why did the body-builder drink solution of weak acid and its conjugate base?
He wants to get buffer.

[Jade Nguyen 1E]

What did one titration say to the other?
Let's meet at the end point.

[kaushikdr]

I have many chemistry jokes I am just afraid they wont get a good reaction.

[Michelle Dela Rosa 1D]

Titrations:)

Screen Shot 2016-02-25 at 10.18.19 AM.png (127.49 KiB) Viewed 149417 times

[GrantSugimura_1B]

You can take all your bad chemistry puns and Barium

[Heerali Patel 3A]

Since it's relevant to Wednesday's lecture...

[Sydney Simon 3L]

Here are a few:

I asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite. He said NaBrO.

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.

[WeiyangXiong1B]

This joke is bad, because the good ones argon.

[CenCen]

"Mommaaaaaaa! OOOooooOOO!"

[Mariah Tumbaga 1e]

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

[Ben Slattery 1K]

What does the leader of the electron army say when they go to war?
CHAAARGE!

[Leslie Romo 1C]

hehehe

[Vishal Dobaria 4G]

Two men walk into a bar. One of them orders H20. The second man says, "I'll have H20 too". The second man dies.

[Qavi2C]

If a king farts, is it considered a noble gas?

[CalebLew1C]

My chemistry jokes aren't very good. They don't even get a reaction.

[Aileen Nunez 2K]

me thinking about the chem quiz this week

[Bogdan-Andrei Bagdasar 1A]

Hehe

[Jason Ching]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

[Jason Ching]

A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of cokes. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes. The waiter replies, "For you, No Charge!!!"

[904418641]

I was gonna post a joke about Sodium and Hydrogen but...NaH!

[Karina Keus 3L]

[Rachel Hunsucker 3L]

Have you heard about the chemist who read a book about helium?


They couldn’t put it down

[Jacob Shalkevich 1A]

[Na]^16 ... BATMAN!!!

It works a little better if you sing it out.
Looks like chemistry, but really it is not.

[Joanne Reyes 1L]

What substance has the formula HIJKLMNO? Water
hehe

[404483361]

DON'T YOU HATE WHEN THIS HAPPENS

[GrantSugimura_1B]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

[Katherine Ho 1E]

What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?

2 Na

[804444985]

What do you do with a dead chemist?

You Barium.

[Sydney Simon 3L]

Here's one:

A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."

[904418641]

What kind of dogs do chemist have? ... Laboratory retrievers!!!

[Henry2E]

How many moles are in a bowl of guacamole?

Avocado's number.

[GiselleMartinez_1B]

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: A one molar solution.



Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.

[Andrew Ghaly 3H]

(Hopefully not) some of us after the final.

[bgarcia2B]

[Vishal Dobaria 4G]

Why do most chemists learn about ammonia first?


It's pretty basic stuff

[vincent_loyal]

Q: Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
A: Because it's basic material.

[vincent_loyal]

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

[CenCen]

take a look at this one haha!

[Cecilia Tsai 3C]

to all the Futurama fans out there!!

[CalebLew1C]

I keep trying to find jokes that nobody on here as used but it seems like all the good ones Argon.

[Carolyn Stephens 3H]

Chemistry life advice:

success is a state function. It doesn't matter what path you take.

[Bogdan-Andrei Bagdasar 1A]

That conformation

[Fran L 1J]

I'm having alkynes of fun with organic chemistry, if you know what amine! :)

[GrantSugimura_1B]

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

[WeiyangXiong1B]

You can't trust atoms, gotta keep an ion them.

[Jessica Quach 1K]

What's the name of an non hydrogen atom orbital that has a talk show?
Ellen Degeneracy!

[Maggie Chen 2A]

POLAR bear!

[Joshua Wiedner]

What is a rabbit's favorite functional group?

An Ester!

[Brock Burnett 3H]

Not so much of a joke but more a humorous observation. Has anyone noticed that when you say the equation:
S = KblnW it sounds a lot like: Entropy is equal to Boltzmann's constant times Ellen DeGeneres-y???

[Meghna Madhavan 2D]

Q: Why do chemists learn about ammonia first?

A: It's pretty basic stuff.

[Meghna Madhavan 2D]

[Orly Termeie 3I]

What is Connie's nickname?

SiliCon

[Michael Feingold 3B]

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

[emily c]

Free radicals have revolutionized chemistry.

[Orly Termeie 3I]

:)

[Sumaiyah I 1E]

:)

[Andre Tsivis 1K]

After chemistry class, a student asks a chemist for help with regards to rate constants. The chemist, in response says "k" !

[Tram Vo 2I]

Not exactly a chemistry joke, more like a pun.

It's the end of 14B and it's been a good run. Just wanted to say that we Lav-elle you, Professor :)

[Chi-Yun 1B]

Lost an electron?
Better keep an ion them.

[Chi-Yun 1B]

[Chi-Yun 1B]

[Mark Libowitz 2K]

This is a good one!

[Suk Jin Song 3L]

Introducing our newest Chemistry Pop Diva...

Lady

Picture Credit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gallium

[004569922]

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.

[Ben Slattery 1K]

What is the name of the molecule Bunny-O-Bunny?
An Ether Bunny

[Sydney Simon 3L]

Someone may have posted this already, but it was too real...

[Jasmeet Dhaliwal 3E]

Why did the boat conformation take the elevator?

Because it suffered from stair-ic strain

[cassidy_herro_1L]

What do you do with a sick Chemist?

If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

[Susanna]

Getting ready for the final...

[Erin Natale 3I]

A sign outside a chemistry hotel read, "Great day rates! And even better NO3^- s!"

[204643191]

Every time I tell chemistry jokes, I get no reaction.
Which sucks because I happen to tell them periodically.
But it's not my fault, because all the good ones Argon.
I might as well take all my bad chemistry jokes and go barium.
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I make chemistry puns pretty often, but feel like the ultimate loser because I don't do well in chem class.