Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Samart_Condon_1D]

What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.

[Madeline Guajardo 3J]

Get it? HAHAHA...

[Annah Khan 1B]

Q: what do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
A: CoRnY

hahaha :)

[Kiana_Shibata_2G]

I know this discussion is meant for chemistry jokes, but I thought I would share a few chemistry pick up lines instead.

1) You must be copper and tellurium cause you sure are CuTe!
2) I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.
3) Are you made of Beryllium, Gold, & Titanium because you're BE AU TI full.
4) If I could rearrange the periodic table, I'd put Uranium and Iodine together.

[Serena Patel 2H]

A proton and neutron walk into a bar and order two beers. The bartender comes back with two beers and asks the proton, "Are you sure that you're 21?" The proton replies, "I'm Positive!!" So the bartender gives him the first beer. The bartender then goes over to the neutron and says, "For you buddy, no charge."

[KatrineEyer_1E]

One guacamole is equal to 6.0221415x10^23 guacas.

This is also known as avocado's number.

[Nadine_El Fawal_3M]

why do chemists learn ammonia first?
it's pretty basic stuff.

[Christopher_Reyes_4I]

At least they tried...

[Ryan Petrecca 1L]

I got all these good chemistry jokes, I'm scared they won't get a good reaction :'(

[Ryan Petrecca 1L]

I asked a couple of my friends if they wanted to hear a good sodium joke. They said Na.

[Spencer Peterman 3E]

What don't you understand about copper? It makes perfect cents.

[Michael Sparks 2F]

On a (pH) scale of one to fourteen, you're a fourteen, because you're basic!!

[Kareem]

If a bear in Yosemite and a bear in Alaska both fall into the water, which one dissolves faster? The one in Alaska obviously because it's polar.

[Mahta Marefat 1I]

Are chemical workers unionized?

[Colin Hayashi 1K]

I did not write this original material, neither does Drake #ghostwriting.

[Anthony_Sampayo_4I]

Jim: "Anyone know any good sodium jokes?"
Tim: "Na"

[Chigozie_Nnoruka_1K]

I dont trust atoms....I HEARD THEY MAKE UP EVERYTHING

[Selby Kia 1L]

How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

[Navi Sidhu 1F]

Here's another one from chemistry cat:

[JudyPham_4J]

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".

[Katelynn Luansing 2B]

Q: What do you get when you cut an avocado (Avagadro) into 6 x 10^23 pieces?
A: GuacaMOLE

[David Sung 2H]

Are you a neuron?

Cause you got lots of action potential!

[Marissa Stinnett 1E]

Proton: Hey, Electron! It's Proton. Where are you?!

Electron: Hi there! Well, ya see... That's a hard question for me to answer.

Proton: Why is it a hard question? Just tell me!

Electron: It's difficult for me to answer because I can only tell you where I PROBABLY am.

Proton: :(

[Tyler_Vellozzi_3E]

I will always know the noble gases because of that one episode of Drake and Josh.

[Theresa_Trieu_2G]

A chemistry lab is like a big party. Some drop acid, and others drop the base.

[Yasmine Choroomi 2C]

i wish your name was avagadro...because then i would already know your number ;)

[Lyndon_Bui_3J]

What do you call a tooth in a cup of water?

A one molar solution!!!

[Jorge_Escobar_3L]

Once I told a chemistry joke....
There was no reaction

[Tom Notcovich 3B]

How did the chemist get in prison?

He was charged with a salt and battery

[GevickSafarians_14B]

Funny stuff right here ...

[Alex Phu 2c]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

[Deen Tar]

The name's Bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

[KoSiOg]

I have many chemistry jokes
I'm just afraid when I say them I won't get a good reaction

[Haoqing Li 3E]

Lol this is true

[Rachel Ma]

Why are chemists great for solving problems?

They have all the solutions!

[Julia Stinnett 2N]

You're a 10!
...On the pH scale because you're basic.

[hfrazer1B]

If H20 is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
H20 cubed!
*diss track*

[Raymond_Guan_1H]

Did you hear the rumor that Sodium was dating Chloride?

Na, I would take that rumor with a grain of salt.

[Hung_Sabrina_3N]

*When you dilute a solution*
Oh I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?

[Joshua Song 2M]

[Shelby Slaughter 3D]

I heard they're starting a whole new chem channel devoted to as xenon tv products.

[Khang_Tran_1O]

Lost an electron?

Better keep anion it ;)

[TramHo2G]

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?

Because it was polar.

[Jane Sin 3A]

9. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.

[Hanan_Kashkoul_1O]

This is the greatest chemistry joke of all time.

[Chaoyi_He_3H]

[Calvin Huang 3D]

My friend asked if I was salty that I failed my chem quiz, I said
"Na bro."

[alvitaxiao]

I blew up my chemistry experiment... oxidants happen

[Preet_Bains_1D]

What element is a girl's future best friend?
Carbon lolololololol

[Tiffany Jeng 1L]

What are bananas made out of?

Potassi-YUM

[804780590]

I think I left the Bromine and Boron in the cabinet... BrB.

[Emily_Bloom_1I]

What is a cation afraid of?




A dogion.

[Samart_Condon_1D]

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

[Sebastian]

Do you know why I have to post bad chemistry jokes? It's because all of the good ones Argon.

[Brian Shih 1J]

Did you hear potassium went on a date with oxygen? It went OK.

[Vanessa_Nguyen_1I]

What did the other elements say when gold left?
Au revoir!

[Breanna Buhay 2H]

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

[Natalie_Hardiman_3C]

"I got my ion you!"

[JulieLy_3C]

I asked my friend if Silicon was spelled the same in Spanish and she said "Si".

[Ashley T 2H]

A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of sodas. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes. The waiter replies, "For you, No Charge!"

[Shelley Pi 1K]

[Shelley Pi 1K]

Q: What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?
A: A CaNiNe

[Minh_Le_3I]

[Jorge_Escobar_3L]

Are you NaOH...
cause you're hella BASIC?

[Ricardo Munoz 3K]

Guys, you know what my favorite element on the periodic table is?

Laurencium.

[SarahTian3k]

The name's Bond.
Ionic Bond.
Taken, not shared.

[Megan_McElfish_3D]

Two men walk into a bar. One man orders H20. The other says, "I'll take H2O too." The second man dies.

[Claire Vandenberg 4L]

*photon checks into a hotel*
Bellhop: "Do you need help with your bags?"
Photon: "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

[Tanner Baroni 3I]

Once I tried telling a chemistry joke....
There was no reaction.

[Molika Soben_3J]

These are somewhat depressing...

What do you do with a dead chemist?
-Barium

Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite and he said "NaBrO"

[Lisbeth Hernandez3L]

Got Mole Problems?
Call Avogadro at 602-1023!

[Kendall_Islam_3A]

Want to hear a joke about sodium hypobromite?

NaBrO.

[AllanNicholson2F]

*photon checks into a hotel*
Bellhop: "Do you need help with your bags?"
Photon: "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

[Luigivar 2F]

If a king farts,

is it a noble gas?

*badum tss*

[Grace_McAuley_1E]

Two atoms are walking down the street.
Says one atom to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure??"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

[Jand474]

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
Because it is pretty basic stuff

[Dan_Jin_1K]

So two friends walk into a bar, and one friend says "I'll have an H2O." The other friend says "I'll have an H2O too".

Both friends drink their beverages and the second one dies unfortunately, because the second friend asked for H2O2, which is hydrogen peroxide :(

[Diana Catapusan 1N]

Do you have 11 protons?

Because you're SO-DIUM fine!

[Xinyi_Yan_3L]

I saw this on Facebook. It's so funny.

[paulapedrani]

There was a raid and the theme was "James Bond and Legally Blonde"... guess who the science majors are lol

[Mason Henrich 3J]

What do you call a tooth in glass of water?

A one MOLAR solution

HAHA :)

[Christian Hardoy 3F]

Q: What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
A: CoRnY.

[Elle_Bertuccelli_1B]

I'm trying to zinc of a good chemistry joke but it seems like all of the good ones argon. ;)

[Zara_Joshi_3L]

......

[Aileen Nguyen 3N]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs an help with his luggage.
He replies " No, I'm traveling light."

[Frankie Escobedo 3E]

Cu+ = "I lost an electron :( "
Cu = "Are you positive ??"
*ba dum tsss*

[Swati_Sharma_2D]

How often do I make chemistry jokes?
Periodically.

[Marisa_Woo_2G]

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air. :)

[AngelaWang_1F]

Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "we dont serve noble gases here." Helium doesnt react.

[JAC_2016]

[Kelsey Jug 1J]

What is the chemical formula for coffee?

CoFe2

[Lucy Nakashima 1E]

Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.

[Tania_Torres_3O]

What do you call cheese infused in sodium bicarbonate?

NaCHO3 Cheese

[Amanda_Quintero_1K]

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

A: Na

[Aya_Elarid_2H]

When cops pull you over, just do what Heisenberg does. When they ask, tell them you don't know how fast you were going, just where you were.

[Natalie Hunt 1E]

Q: What did the chemist say when he found 2 new isotopes of Helium?
A: HeHe

[Ikechukwu Ofoegbu 3D]

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.

[Sarah_Kremer_1A]

What do you call a clown who is in jail?
A silicon.

[Wesley_Rugen_1E]

Chemists...

You have to keep an ion them.

[Christian Gequillo 1D]

Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

A: He was booked for a salt and battery.