Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Haoqing Li 3E]

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop.
The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going?
Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".

[Haoqing Li 3E]

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar.
Lol

[Julianne Seog 3K]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be....0K?

[Mirian_Garcia_2G]

[Mirian_Garcia_2G]

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

[Mason Henrich 3J]

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel:

Fe - Fe
/ \
Fe Fe
\ /
Fe - Fe

[Lyndon_Bui_3J]

Professor Lavelle,
You are a perfect 10!!!!

... on the ph scale cause you're pretty BASIC!!

.. just kiddin you're awesome:) <3

[Amber_Candelaria_1D]

You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons.

How ionic.

[Jorge_Escobar_3L]

Do you have a PH of 1, cause you've been dangerously sour lately

[Jane Sin 3A]

[Michael_Zhang_1J]

A physicist and a biologist go out on a date. It didn't go very well. Turns out there wasn't any chemistry.

[Lindsey Lill]

[Edgar Khachatryan 3G]

What does a chemist bring as a dessert while camping? A ‘gram’ cracker.

[Edgar Khachatryan 3G]

If you’re not part of the solution your part of the precipitate.

[Gianna Zufall 3G]

Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

[sboutros2B]

Q: How did the political science major define free radical on his chemistry exam?
A: A wild protestor.

[Hanan_Kashkoul_1O]

[Abbas_Hakim_1B]

Why do scientists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than dayrates

[Julianne Seog 3K]

How do you tell a coordination hugs and kisses in a letter?

O^2-

[Dan_Jin_1K]

What is a cation afraid?

A dogion!

hahahahah!

[Tania_Torres_3O]

Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.

[Theresa_Trieu_2G]

[KylaTenido1G]

what happens to nitrogen when the sun rises??
it becomes daytrogen!!

[Sonia_Lele_2K]

Do you have mole problems?
If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023.

[Abbeyj3I]

What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze. ;)

[Anna_Kim_2E]

Q:Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?

A: He's 0K now

[Laine Gruver 3C]

when all your friends are english majors:

[Ashley T 2H]

Q: What element is derived from a Norse [censored]?
A: Thorium.

[Lisbeth Hernandez3L]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
- A one molar solution.

[Lisbeth Hernandez3L]

How many moles are in a guacamole?
-- Avocado's number

[Isabel Gandarilla]

Atom #1: Oh no! I think I lost an electron.

Atom#2: Are you sure?

Atom#1: I'm positive :(

[Kelsey Jug 1J]

lovin all these chem jokes (click jump to post if you can't see the image)

[Joanne_Park_4C]

What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-oh acid! >:(

[Ivanna_Tang_3B]

[Andrew Nguyen 3O]

Q: How did the chemist get in prison?






A: He was charged with a salt and battery.

[004599434]

A small piece of ice which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the ice. The Bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through"

[Kendall_Islam_3A]

What do you call a fish made out of two sodium atoms?

2Na!

[Helen_Onuffer_1A]

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A. First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.

[Anthony_Sampayo_4I]

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

[Hyun Young Lee 2H]

This cracked me up!
Here's the joke.


Q: What is "HIJKLMNO"?
A: H2O.

[Jennifer Ngo 1M]

[Joshua Baysa 1J]

I only post here periodically

[Brian Shih 1J]

Q: If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H-two-O-CUBED

[Melissa Ledesma 2B]

Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

A: He got Avogadro's number!

[Toby Lin 1J]

Werner Heisenberg's (actual) epitaph:

"He lies here, somewhere."

[Vanessa_Nguyen_1I]

Did you say the lab smells like rotten eggs?

I'm sorry to hear you're sulfuring.

[Josh_Zhong_1F]

First of all why do Chemistry graduates typically work in the Pharmaceutical industry, while Pharmacy graduates typically work in a Chemist shop? Anyway, the missus and I are both science graduates, Chemistry for her, and Physics and Computer Science for me. So typical conversations might be…

I told her I didn’t know the symbols for the elements Lithium and Argon. She said “Li Ar”

I asked her to tell me the chemical symbol for nitrous oxide. She said “NO”

I proudly told her I knew the chemical symbol for a hydroxyl. She said “OH”.

I asked her to briefly tell me something about Oxygen and Potassium. She said “O K”.

I asked her if I mixed Nobelium, 2 parts Boron and Erbium what would I get? She said “NoBBEr”.

[Tiffany Jeng 1L]

What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?

Fe-breeze

[Nathan Mallipeddi 2H]

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.

[rachel_john]

Q:What am I doing with element 83?

A: None of your bismuth lol

[Evan Lee 2D]

I know a guy who cooled himself to -273.15C.


He was 0k.

[Madeline Guajardo 3J]

He's not wrong.

[Ting Zheng 3L]

What does the leader of the electron army say when they go to war?

CHAAARGE!!

[Parsia Vazirnia 2L]

Q: What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A: A. A-mean-oh-acid.

[Ashley Bertholf 1E]

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A: A one molar solution!

[Amanda_Quintero_1K]

Q: What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?
A: CoFe2

[Abbey Kerscher 3O]

Hopefully nobody has grades like this here!!

[804780590]

Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!

[Jonathan Marin Dis3A]

Whats the difference between chemistry and cooking?
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.

[Adriana Muro 1A]

What's the name of the element that comes after nine? Tin

[Eliza_Beglari_2L]

What do you do with a sick chemist?
You can't helium, you can't curium, so you might as well barium.

[Amy_Dixon_1I]

If I could rearrange the periodic table, I'd put Uranium and Iodine together :)

[Anisha Patel 1G]

I told a chemistry joke but there was no reaction.......

[Natalie_Hardiman_3C]

[Christopher_Reyes_4I]

Q: Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
A: Because it's basic material.

[Susanne_Taavitsa_2J]

...

[Antonio_Zenteno_4E]

Q: What did one atom say to the other atom?

A: Nothing because atoms can't talk

[sheilaho_1E]

Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.

[Mizuno_Mikaela_1D]

I Think I Left The Bromine And Boron In The Cabinet


BrB

[NicholasKillmeier3K]

.

[Natalie Hunt 1E]

Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems?
A: They have all the solutions.

The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

[caitlin_oberman_2G]

I am a Female

Fe=Iron
Male=Man

Therefore I am Iron Man

[Colleen_Clarke_4B]

What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6x10^23 pieces?
Guacamole

[Tiffany Wee 2D]

I don't trust atoms... I heard they make up everything.

[Samantha_Leong_3K]

[David Julfayan 1F]

[Victoria Vu 3L]

What kind of fish is made up of two sodium atoms?

2NA

[Justin_Bueno_2O]

Charged

[Raj Susarla 3I]

Shocking, isn't it?

[hafsa_zulfiqar_1j]

Did you know Oxygen went for a second date with Potassium?

How did it go?

It went OK2.

[Ashley Curtis 2O]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate

[Julia Javate 4J]

So technically... according to chemistry, alcohol IS a solution.

[jillianduffield_2D]

Q: What is a cation afraid of?
A: A dogion.

[Lauren Wong 3K]

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

[Jand474]

What is the chemical formula of a Banana?
BaNa2

[Jand474]

What is the chemical formula for Coffee?

CoFe2

[Samart_Condon_1D]

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff!

[Minh_Le_3I]

[Tamara_Torosyan_1J]

:)

[Taylor_Yamane_2L]

[Kathrin Magdalani 3J]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

[Chigozie_Nnoruka_1K]

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

[Molika Soben_3J]

Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met.

Q: Why did Chlorine's sisters Boron and Carbon lock her in the closet?
A: Because she was too attractive!

Hilarious

[Tyler_Ash_3C]

Got mole problems? Call Avogrado at 602-1023.

[Marissa Stinnett 1E]

In the spirit of rivalry week and pride for our Bruins, here's a bear joke:

What kind of bear dissolves in water?
A polar bear.

[Anmol Dhaliwal 2C]

Q: What do you call a very small piece of iron?
A: A FEtus!

[Wang_Pong_Chan_1L]

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

[Emily_Bloom_1I]

I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.

[Jiaruo Wang 1K]

Two man walked into a bar, the first ordered ome H2O. The second said "sounds good, I'll have some H2O too."

He died.

[Erick_Hernandez_3L]

"Not to get technical but ... according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution"