Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A chemistry joke:
I don't trust atoms...they make up everything...
Haha!
I don't trust atoms...they make up everything...
Haha!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A photon checks into a hotel, the front desk asks him, "do you need any help with your luggage?"
He said, "No thanks! I'm traveling light!"
He said, "No thanks! I'm traveling light!"
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
haha
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
what happened to the man who ws stopped for having sodium chloride and and a nine-volt in his car?
he was arrested for a salt and battery!
he was arrested for a salt and battery!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
A ferrous wheel.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why did Superman feel sad every time he saw the numbers "3" and "6"?
Because it was Krypton blown apart!
Because it was Krypton blown apart!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
I would post another chemistry joke but all the good ones argon.
I hearded oxygen and magnesium were going out I was like OMg.
I think I lost an electron. In fact I'm positive.
I hearded oxygen and magnesium were going out I was like OMg.
I think I lost an electron. In fact I'm positive.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, if you know the number, you don't know where the light bulb is!!!
Well, if you know the number, you don't know where the light bulb is!!!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a train driver? Ask them to pronounce "unionised"
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink, bartender says, "for you, no charge!"
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-'s"
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
In honor of what we've been learning, and a good comeback for some:
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atom in the middle?
A: A ferrous wheel!
A: A ferrous wheel!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
“Bunsen! My flame! I melt whenever I see you!” Said the ice. The bunsen burner replied: “It’s just a phase you’re going through.”
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What Do You Get When You Cut An Avocado Into 6X10^23 Pieces?
Guacamole!
Guacamole!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What is a cation afraid of? A dogion.
How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado's number.
Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.
How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado's number.
Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
A: SWAG
A: SWAG
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What did you do with Element 43 last night?
A: None of your Bismuth
A: None of your Bismuth
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now.
A: He's 0K now.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!
Q: According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?
A: Because it's made up of alkynes of people
A: OH SNaP!
Q: According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?
A: Because it's made up of alkynes of people
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.
A: Because it's in the ground state.
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Acids and Bases joke
Before this class I always presumed that determining the relative strength of acids and bases would be challenging. Turns out learning about NaOH, for example, is pretty basic.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.
He just couldn't put it down.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
I have many chem jokes,
I'm just scared I won't get a good reaction :/
I'm just scared I won't get a good reaction :/
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies "For you, No Charge."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel
A: A ferrous wheel
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What is the chemical formula for candy?
Carbon - Holmium - Cobalt - Lanthanum - Tellurium or CHoCaLaTe
Carbon - Holmium - Cobalt - Lanthanum - Tellurium or CHoCaLaTe
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Did you hear about the man that got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What did the carbocation say when it gained 2 electrons?
I'm anion now!
I'm anion now!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Did you know that you can cool down to -273.15 degrees C and still be 0k?
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame"
The sodium pined.
"I melt whenever I see you."
The Bunsen burner replied,
"It's just a phase you're going through."
"Oh Bunsen, my flame"
The sodium pined.
"I melt whenever I see you."
The Bunsen burner replied,
"It's just a phase you're going through."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it's basic material.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
The antiaircraft guns fired at the bomber pilot as he emptied his load of Hydrochloric Acid over enemy territory. He smiled with satisfaction at the voice over his radio. "Congratulations, you've just neutralized a dangerous base!"
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-'s"
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
If a bear in Yosemite and a bear in Alaska both fell in water, which one would dissolve faster?
The one from Alaska, it's polar
The one from Alaska, it's polar
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Where's berkelium on the periodic table?
It's not on there; it's out protesting.
It's not on there; it's out protesting.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why are chemists great at solving problems?
Because they have all the solutions.
Because they have all the solutions.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
getting closer to the final exams, always remember to be like a proton and stay positive.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?
It went OK2!
How did it go?
It went OK2!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Two transition metals were settling their bar tab and came up short. The bartender said, "You need another nickel!"
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
as we're going into finals....
think like a proton and stay positive :)
think like a proton and stay positive :)
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Where does one put the dirty dishes after thanksgiving dinner?
In the zinc.
In the zinc.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Optimist: The glass is half-full.
Pessimist: The glass is half-empty.
Chemist: The glass contains H2O and other compounds.
Pessimist: The glass is half-empty.
Chemist: The glass contains H2O and other compounds.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
OH SNaP!
OH SNaP!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Some people find chemistry jokes funny...I find them prephosphorous!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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