Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[JulieLy_3C]

[Annah Khan 1B]

A chemistry joke:

I don't trust atoms...they make up everything...

Haha!

[Grace_McAuley_1E]

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

[Abigail_Low_1A]

A photon checks into a hotel, the front desk asks him, "do you need any help with your luggage?"

He said, "No thanks! I'm traveling light!"

[Srishti_Dhawan_2I]

Are you made of curium and tellurium?
because you're CuTe!

[Anika_Desar_3N]

haha

[Eli Pazol 2F]

what happened to the man who ws stopped for having sodium chloride and and a nine-volt in his car?

he was arrested for a salt and battery!

[Balint Nagy 3C]

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.

[Adrienne Johnson 1D]

What is the chemical formula for coffee?

CoFe2

[Stefanie Shidoosh 4E]

What is a CATion?

An ion with a paws-itive charge.

[Timothy Yu 2M]

Why did Superman feel sad every time he saw the numbers "3" and "6"?

Because it was Krypton blown apart!

[Courteney Hedicke 3J]

I would post another chemistry joke but all the good ones argon.

I hearded oxygen and magnesium were going out I was like OMg.

I think I lost an electron. In fact I'm positive.

[AJ Garalza 2E]

I think I lost an electron. In fact, I'm positive.

[ginnyyao1L]

[Anthony Garibay 3J]

Chemistry Jokes of the Day

[Dan_Jin_1K]

How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, if you know the number, you don't know where the light bulb is!!!

[Theresa_Trieu_2G]

[Jessica Huang 1M]

[Rachelle_Stark_3H]

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a train driver? Ask them to pronounce "unionised"

[Sally_Tu_1H]

What is a Chemist's Favorite Plant?

Stoichiome-tree

[Joshua Song 2M]

When you get back your chem quiz
-NACLNACLNACLNACLNACL

[Joshua Song 2M]

Do you have 67 protons?
Cause you a Ho

[Kendall_Chaffin_3C]

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.


A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."

[Julia Stinnett 2N]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink, bartender says, "for you, no charge!"

[Jake_Benna_3J]

A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-'s"

[Jane Sin 3A]

In honor of what we've been learning, and a good comeback for some:

[Rishi_Kayathi_1E]

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atom in the middle?

A: A ferrous wheel!

[Deen Tar]

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.

[Nick_Ida 1D]

What's 007's Eskimo cousin's name?
Polar Bond :D

[Frankie Escobedo 3E]

Are you a charged atom ?
Because I have my ion you :p

[Brian Shih 1J]

Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.

[Hanan_Kashkoul_1O]

Why can I relate.

[Madeline Guajardo 3J]

Let's hope this doesn't happen to me this quarter (:

[HarshiniMuthukumar3N]

“Bunsen! My flame! I melt whenever I see you!” Said the ice. The bunsen burner replied: “It’s just a phase you’re going through.”

[HarshiniMuthukumar3N]

What Do You Get When You Cut An Avocado Into 6X10^23 Pieces?

Guacamole!

[Lexy Swenson 1F]

What is a cation afraid of? A dogion.
How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado's number.
Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.

[Alex Phu 2c]

Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
A: SWAG

[Nikki Nguyen 2N]

Q: What did you do with Element 43 last night?
A: None of your Bismuth

[Sascha_Clark_4I]

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now.

[Zara_Joshi_3L]

I'm sorry this one is lame

[FaithPigeon_1E]

Want to hear a joke about element 116?
Uuh...

[FaithPigeon_1E]

Good pickup line:
You're so hot you denature my proteins.

[veeksha25]

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

[Natalie Hunt 1E]

Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!

Q: According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?
A: Because it's made up of alkynes of people

[Niveda_Tennety_1H]

Equilibrium constant. Que?

[AngelaWang_1F]

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

[Ryan Cerny 3I]

Before this class I always presumed that determining the relative strength of acids and bases would be challenging. Turns out learning about NaOH, for example, is pretty basic.

[Chaoyi_He_3H]

[Lauren Wong 3K]

Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.

[Janet Pham 1B]

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

[Kaitlin_Reeves_1C]

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

[904799315]

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

[Breanna Buhay 2H]

I have many chem jokes,
I'm just scared I won't get a good reaction :/

[Pratyush Kandimalla 2O]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies "For you, No Charge."

[Sascha_Clark_4I]

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel

[Ting Zheng 3L]

What is the chemical formula for candy?
Carbon - Holmium - Cobalt - Lanthanum - Tellurium or CHoCaLaTe

[KimberlySalinas_2A]

Did you hear about the man that got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now

[usernamesarehard]

What did the carbocation say when it gained 2 electrons?

I'm anion now!

[Anisha Patel 1G]

Did you know that you can cool down to -273.15 degrees C and still be 0k?

[Amy_Dixon_1I]

A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame"
The sodium pined.
"I melt whenever I see you."
The Bunsen burner replied,
"It's just a phase you're going through."

[Mirian_Garcia_2G]

[Andrew Nguyen 3O]

Q: What should you do with old chemistry jokes?






A: Barium.

[DanielaWong_2G]

Loved this one

[Rob_Carter_1L]

Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it's basic material.

[Toby Lin 1J]

[Jasleen Kaur 1J]

What was the charge when NaCl was arrested?
A salt.

[Nadine_El Fawal_3M]

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know there'd be no reaction!

[Christopher Reed 1H]

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?



A: Polar Bond

[Chigozie_Nnoruka_1K]

What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium

[K Phelan 3D]

The antiaircraft guns fired at the bomber pilot as he emptied his load of Hydrochloric Acid over enemy territory. He smiled with satisfaction at the voice over his radio. "Congratulations, you've just neutralized a dangerous base!"

[Tiffany Jeng 1L]

Got mole problems? Call Avogrado at 602-1024

[Sonia_Lele_2K]

A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-'s"

[veeksha25]

If a bear in Yosemite and a bear in Alaska both fell in water, which one would dissolve faster?
The one from Alaska, it's polar

[904827101]

How I feel about Chem when I don't understand anything

[Samantha_Leong_3K]

[Scott_Anderson_3J]

Where's berkelium on the periodic table?

It's not on there; it's out protesting.

[Lindsey Lill]

[alvitaxiao]

Why are chemists great at solving problems?

Because they have all the solutions.

[Banik_Housepian_2K]

getting closer to the final exams, always remember to be like a proton and stay positive.

[Maverick Tan 1F]

Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?
It went OK2!

[Vanessa_Nguyen_1I]

Two transition metals were settling their bar tab and came up short. The bartender said, "You need another nickel!"

[Jana_Lang_2B]

[004599434]

as we're going into finals....

think like a proton and stay positive :)

[TramHo2G]

Where does one put the dirty dishes after thanksgiving dinner?
In the zinc.

[Swati_Sharma_2D]

[Alexandria_Leaf_2F]

[Alexandria_Leaf_2F]

[Tania_Torres_3O]

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

[Michael_Zhang_1J]

Chemistry jokes are sodium funny!

[Franklin Kong 3D]

Optimist: The glass is half-full.
Pessimist: The glass is half-empty.
Chemist: The glass contains H2O and other compounds.

[sheilaho_1E]

What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!

[Christian Gequillo 1D]

Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.

[Aashi_Patel_3B]

Some people find chemistry jokes funny...I find them prephosphorous!

[marinarosebrock]

if you think that all chemistry jokes argon....

[Nathan Mallipeddi 2H]

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".

[Jennifer Ngo 1M]

I told a joke about helium but no one reacted..

[Nerissa_Low_2F]

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[Amir Patel 1G]

Good luck with finals, everyone!

[Colin Hayashi 1K]

What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?

Febreeze

[Colin Hayashi 1K]

Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all his friends Argon