Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Megan_McElfish_3D]

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

[Aleena_Sorf_2A]

Question: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

Answer: CSI

[Hirmand_Sarafian_2N]

"Last night, a hypnotist convinced me that I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82... I am easily lead."

[Alexandra Watts 3L]

Why did the acid go to the gym?
To become a buffer solution.

[Anthony_Sampayo_4I]

*Pick up line*: Do you have 11 protons? Cause your sodium fine.

[Amanda_Quintero_1K]

Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?

A: They bonded well from the minute they met.

[Ikechukwu Ofoegbu 3D]

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

[904605949]

Pretty true.

[804780590]

Have you heard the one about the sick chemist?
If you can't Helium and you can't Curium, you'll probably have to Barium

[Dan_Jin_1K]

What did Carbon San Diego, Barium Bonds, and Selenium Gomez go for Thanksgiving?

Silicon Valley!

[Ashley Van Belle 2B]

Are you made of Nickel, Cerium, Arsenic and Sulfur?
Because you’ve got a NiCe [censored]!

[Christopher_Reyes_4I]

Q: What would you call a clown in jail?
A: Silicon (Silly Con)

[Abigail Foster 1K]

HCOONa Matata

[Abigail Foster 1K]

I'm a female.
Fe=Iron
Male=Man
Therefore, I am Iron Man.

[Molika Soben_3J]

Q: Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
A: Because it's basic material.

Q: Why did the noble gas cry?
A: Because all his friends Argon

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now

Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems?
A: They have all the solutions

Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!

Q: What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?
A: Fe-breeze

Q: What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?
A: A CaNiNe

[Minh_Le_3I]

[giareyes_2B]

What Is the chemical formula for banana?

BaNa2

[Justin_Bueno_2O]

.

[Josh_Zhong_1F]

A proton, a neutron, and helium walk into a bar and order three beers.
The bartender appears with 3 beers and asks the proton, “Are you sure you’re over 21?” The proton replies, “I’m positive.” So the bartender gives him the first beer.
He gives the second beer to the neutron and says, “For you, no charge.”
He throws the third beer in helium’s face. Helium doesn’t react.

[Katelyn Li 2J]

With all the stress about finals coming up, I think it's important that we all think like a proton and stay positive! :)

[Ricardo Munoz 3K]

What did the chemist say when he found a third isotope of helium?
"He He He."

[Raj Susarla 3I]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.

[Rachel Caprini 1E]

“Bunsen! My flame! I melt whenever I see you!”
Said the ice.
The bunsen burner replied:
“It’s just a phase you’re going through.”

[Rachel Caprini 1E]

When Life Gives You C6H8O7

Make H2O + C12 H22 O11 + C6 H8 O7

-Beyonce

[david_li3H]

If H2O is water, what is H2O4?

Bathing, drinking, swimming, washing...

[Josh Clark 1J]

Why does hamburger have less energy than steak? It's in the ground state.

[Abigail_Low_1A]

A hydrogen atom and a neutron are walking down the street.
The hydrogen says, "Wait, I dropped an electron, help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?"
The hydrogen replies "I'm positive."

[Priscilla_Covarrubias_HL]

Guy: "Hey Girl, are you made of Copper and Tellurium?....Because you are CuTe :)"

[Elon_Glouberman_4J]

Not to get technical, but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution...

[Ashley Curtis 2O]

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

[paulapedrani]

So finals week is coming up... make sure you all get your CoFe2 in the morning!

[F Rios 3E]

I haven't had much sleep this week, I think I need some sodium and phosphorus.


(NaP)

[rachel_john]

Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydron?

A: They bonded the minute they met!

[904827101]

CONSENT IS KEY

[Kimberly_Hoh_2A]

I would never try to poison you. Now eat your Pb and jelly sandwich. XD

[Alexandra_Cooper_4H]

Want to hear a joke about Sodium Hypobromite? - NaBro

Chemists are bad at telling jokes... They lack the element of surprise.

[Timothy Yu 2M]

I know I'm not doing well in the class but I'm trying to think like a proton and stay POSITIVE

[Breanna Buhay 2H]

I tell bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones (Ar)gon

ba dum tsss

[Alex_Wagas_3K]

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

[Taylor_Yamane_2L]

Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.

[Marissa Stinnett 1E]

Since finals are right around the corner, here is something that will hopefully make you all smile and remember to be optimistic in this time of immense stress and self-doubt. Hope this helps!

[NicholasKillmeier3K]

attachment

[Balint Nagy 3C]

What Is The Show Cesium And Iodine Love Watching Together?

CSI

[Kevin Bangi 1A]

told a chemistry joke
but my friends don't know the periodic table

[YsabelCheang1H]

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

[Katie_Ho_1M]

Chemistry is definitely not Bohr-ing.

[Christian Hardoy 3F]

Q: What kind of fish is made out of two sodium atoms?
A: 2 Na.

[Christian Hardoy 3F]

Q: What's a chemist's favorite plant?
A: A stoichiome-tree.

[Christian Hardoy 3F]

Q: What did the cow say to Molybdenum and Oxygen?
A: MoO

[Molly_McMillen_3J]

Q: What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together?
A: CsI

Q: What was Avogadro's favorite sport?
A: Golf - because he always got a mole-in-one.

[Mahta Marefat 1I]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A one molar solution.

[Tamara_Torosyan_1J]

:p

[Megan Yabumoto 3K]

What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They go from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns...

[Evan Lee 2D]

What is "HIJKLMNO"?


H2O.

[Kevin Le 1L]

How did the chemist get in prison?
He was charged with a salt and battery hahahahhahah

[Novelpreet_Boparai1N]

I don't trust atoms.
They make up everything.

[Abbas_Hakim_1B]

Fun little ride

[Natalie_Hardiman_3C]

[Ariana Murillo 2O]

Same LOL

[Jiaruo Wang 1K]

The name's Bond. Ionic bond. Taken, not shared.

[Austin_Saephan_1B]

What did the chemist say when he discovered two Helium ions?

HeHe

[Ting Zheng 3L]

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of problems.

[Navi Sidhu 1F]

An atom loses an electron.

It says, "Man, I really have to keep a better ion them!"

[Jessica_Nakahira_1G]

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I think they Argon.

[aprilhamachi3B]

Do you have any jokes about sodium?
Na

[Deen Tar]

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now

[JulieLy_3C]

How much extra do chemists have to pay for avocados?
$6.02

[Bella Martin]

I have lots of Chemistry jokes, I'm just not sure all of them will get a good reaction

[Sally_Tu_1H]

Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all of his friends argon.

[AngelicaAquino_2I]

Q: If a bear in Yosemite and a bear in Alaska both fell on a river, which one would dissolve faster?
A: The one in Alaska because it's polar

Q: Why does a hamburger have less energy than a steak?
A: It's at ground state

Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other.
Atom 1: "Are you alright?"
Atom 2: "No, I lost an electron!"
Atom 1: "Are you sure?"
Atom 2: "Yeah, I'm POSITIVE!"

[ginnyyao1L]

Q: What element is derived from a Norse [censored]?
A: Thorium.

[Ivanna_Tang_3B]

[Courteney Hedicke 3J]

Chemists are bad at telling jokes... they lack the the element of surprise.
I blew up a chemistry expiriment. Its okay oxidents happen.
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full.

[Carolyn Huh 1K]

I would tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction!

[Carolyn Huh 1K]

Really slapped my neon that one!

[hfrazer1B]

Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!

[Stefanie Shidoosh 4E]

I have many good chemistry jokes, but I'm just afraid I won't get a good reaction

[Wang_Pong_Chan_1L]

Think like a proton and stay positive!

[Andrew Nguyen 3O]

My teacher threw some sodium chloride at me.


That's a salt.

[Alex Phu 2c]

I may be Ne Rd Y, but only periodically ;)

[Lindsey Lill]

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.

[804748473]

Love is the air?
WRONG - Nitrogen, Oxygen, Argon, and Carbon Dioxide are in the air.

[Anthony Garibay 3J]

Chemistry Joke of the Day

[sheilaho_1E]

What does the leader of of the electron army say when they go to war?

CHAAARRGGGEEE!

[michael_buenaventura_1B]

What's so special about Oxygen and Potassium?

-Nothing, they're just OK. Potassium and Oxygen is a knockout though!

[Dan_Jin_1K]

What did two brothers Grant and Michael do for thanksgiving?

Well, first, they woke up at 10am to watch the wonderful Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. After that, their cousins came over, and they hung out, playing xbox, basketball, and watching some NFL football. When the clock stroke 5PM, dinner was ready. They deeply indulged in the food that their parents made, which included turkey, lobster, potatoes, salmon, and tomatoes! After filling themselves up, they had to take a rest, because they didn't want to be negatively charged like an electron. So, they took a quick nap. But, during their nap, the lights turned off in the house, so they had to call the neighborhood Technetium, who came and fixed the lights. After that all happened, they woke up, and they needed some milk and bananas to help wake up, so they said to their mom "Hey mom, can you give us some P and some Ca?"

Their mom brought them milk and bananas because she was a chemistry professor so she knew what P and Ca were.
After that, the narrator of this joke realized that it was going nowhere, so he concluded it with this: What does Beryllium Nitrogen spell? BeN.

[Aneri Chouhan]

Q: What kind of fish is made of 2 sodium atoms?

A: 2Na

[Theresa_Trieu_2G]

[Lucy Nakashima 1E]

Sodium doesn't take "Na" for an answer.

[804780590]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

[Jand474]

What's the name of the show that Cesium and Iodine love watching!?

CSI

Hahah.

[Franklin Kong 3D]

If the Silver Surfer and Ironman teamed up, they'd be alloys.

[Kylee 3f]

http://iwastesomuchtime.com/on/?i=91365

[Kylee 3f]

What kind of fish is made of 2 sodium atoms?
- 2 Na

since Fe= Iron
then Female= Iron man

[Amber_Candelaria_1D]

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?

It becomes daytrogen.

[Jorge_Escobar_3L]

how does a formaldehyde compound dress down, it turns into a casual-dehydride

[Sonia_Lele_2K]

What is a cation afraid of?

A dogion.

[Jane Sin 3A]

[Chris_Rudewicz_3H]

My teacher threw some sodium chloride at me.

That's a salt!

[Marissa Stinnett 1E]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A one molar solution.