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Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Two electrons are sitting in a jail cell.
One asks, "What are you in for?"
The other replies, "For attempting a forbidden transition."
One asks, "What are you in for?"
The other replies, "For attempting a forbidden transition."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Here is a historical note: In the 1980's, in an effort to increase public awareness about the importance of chemistry, the American Chemical Society posted billboards with a picture of C6H10 and the title, "It takes alkynes to make a world."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
He's 0K now.
He's 0K now.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined.
"I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined.
"I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Have you heard Enthalpy's new mixtape "Constant Pressure"? They say it's pure heat.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A student is very late to his chemistry lab class, arriving when there are only 5 minutes left. Realizing he won't have time to complete the lab, which involves looking at a sample of water under a microscope and recording observations, the student scribbles in his notebook "I saw twice as many H's as I did O's."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
"Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?"
"Helium walks into a bar,
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react."
"The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist sees the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state."
"Helium walks into a bar,
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react."
"The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist sees the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A one molar solution.
A one molar solution.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Why do chemistry students do well when working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
I'm not ready to learn organic chemistry yet.
I'm sure I'll run into alkynes of problems.
I'm sure I'll run into alkynes of problems.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Oxygen and Potassium went on a date. How do you think it went?
A: OK!
A: OK!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "for you, no charge".
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel:
Fe - Fe
/ \
Fe Fe
\ /
Fe - Fe
A: A ferrous wheel:
Fe - Fe
/ \
Fe Fe
\ /
Fe - Fe
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What did the chemical agent say?
A: My name is Bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared
A: My name is Bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Helium walks into a bar.
The bar tender says, “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.”
Helium doesn’t react.
The bar tender says, “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.”
Helium doesn’t react.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic stuff.
Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
They bonded well from the minute they met
A small piece of sodium which lived in a testube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the sodium. The bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through"
Because it's basic stuff.
Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
They bonded well from the minute they met
A small piece of sodium which lived in a testube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the sodium. The bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through"
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Friend: Hey, what show does cesium and iodine love watching together?
Me: I don't know, CSI?
Me: I don't know, CSI?
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Why does a hamburger have lower energy than a steak?
A: It's in the ground state.
A: It's in the ground state.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Even though we aren't on this unit anymore, who doesn't love a star wars reference here and there?!
![Image](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/enhanced/webdr06/2013/9/6/12/enhanced-buzz-5441-1378485794-36.jpg)
![Image](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/enhanced/webdr06/2013/9/6/12/enhanced-buzz-5441-1378485794-36.jpg)
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Goals:
Q: Why did the acid go to the gym?
A: To become a buffer solution!
Q: Why did the acid go to the gym?
A: To become a buffer solution!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.
A: One molar solution.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Why do chemistry students do well when working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What does a chemist bring as a dessert while camping?
A: A ‘gram’ cracker.
A: A ‘gram’ cracker.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q:How do sulfur and oxygen communicate?
A: A sulphone!
A: A sulphone!
Last edited by Avery_E on Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.
When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was "I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step."
When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was "I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees."
"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
If I were a dj I'd name myself DJ Enzyme because I'm always breaking it down
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Friend texts me: Hey do you think we can hang out?
Me: NOBr, I'm busy.
*starts laughing at own joke*
Me: NOBr, I'm busy.
*starts laughing at own joke*
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A chemistry teacher is recruited as a radio operator in the first world war. He soon becomes familiar with the military habit of abbreviating everything. As his unit comes under a sustained enemy attack, he is asked to urgently inform his HQ.
"NaCl over NaOH! NaCl over NaOH!" he says.
"NaCl over NaOH?" shouts his officer. "What do you mean?"
"The base is under a salt!" The chemist replied.
"NaCl over NaOH! NaCl over NaOH!" he says.
"NaCl over NaOH?" shouts his officer. "What do you mean?"
"The base is under a salt!" The chemist replied.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.
When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step”.
When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step”.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
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- Attachments
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO
He said NaBrO
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Omeed_Partovi_1L wrote:Who took a bigger L:
USC or me on the Chem midterm??
You silly!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
-They're cheaper than day rates.
-They're cheaper than day rates.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.
When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step”.
When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step”.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
"Did you hear about Oxygen and Magnesium dating?"
"I've heard this before, it's OMg!"
"No, hasn't Lavelle taught you anything?! It's MgO"
"I've heard this before, it's OMg!"
"No, hasn't Lavelle taught you anything?! It's MgO"
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They are cost less than day rates!!!!
They are cost less than day rates!!!!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
They bonded well from the minute they met.
They bonded well from the minute they met.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273˚C and still be 0k?
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
I don't have any good chemistry jokes to tell. All the best jokes Argon.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What is a minion's favorite element sequence? Barium, Sodium, Sodium!!!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
you must be made of uranium and iodine because all I can see is U and I
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why did Carbon and Helium get married?
They bonded well from the moment they met.
They bonded well from the moment they met.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
People in Trump's administration are like atoms...
because they make up everything!
*Not my original joke*
because they make up everything!
*Not my original joke*
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Since we are studying kinetics:
In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.
When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was "I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step."
In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.
When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was "I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
This isn't really a joke, but a chemistry pickup line
Do you have 11 protons?
Bc you're sodium fine
Do you have 11 protons?
Bc you're sodium fine
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
did you know the sun doesn't have to go to college cause it already has 28 million degrees :-)
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
A: Because it is basic material.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate
A: Because it is basic material.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate
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