Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says, " Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but at least I know where I am"
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now.
A: He's 0K now.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What do you do with a sick chemist?
A. First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.
A. First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Organic chemistry is difficult...
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!
A: OH SNaP!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek. lt’s Einstein’s turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten.Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!”
Newton smiles and says “You didn’t find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!”
Newton smiles and says “You didn’t find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!”
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
"Hi! Nice to meet you! What's your name?"
"I'm dead."
"Am I dead, too??"
"No! My name is DiEthyl Azo Dicarboxylate! DEAD for short."
"I'm dead."
"Am I dead, too??"
"No! My name is DiEthyl Azo Dicarboxylate! DEAD for short."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What Did The Angry Electron Say When It Was Repelled?
A. Let me atom!
A. Let me atom!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Chemists are bad at telling jokes...
They lack the element of surprise.
They lack the element of surprise.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory? His business went insolvent.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Who's the best at making bad jokes about Iodine and Americium?
I AM!
I AM!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
You must be made of uranium and iodine because all I see is U and I
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why do hamburgers have a lower energy than steak?
Because they're in the ground state.
Because they're in the ground state.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What do they do with a sick chemist?
A: Well, if you can't curium and you can't helium, you might as well barium.
A: Well, if you can't curium and you can't helium, you might as well barium.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
I hate dealing with triple bonds. They cause alkyne-ds of problems.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Two ions walk out of a bar...
The first says, "I left my electrons inside."
The second says, "Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."
The first says, "I left my electrons inside."
The second says, "Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO
He said NaBrO
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
How to survive the O-Chem part of 14B...
"When in doubt, draw it out!" -Laurence Lavelle
"When in doubt, draw it out!" -Laurence Lavelle
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe
A: HeHe
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A really deep and important question to ponder as you study for quiz 3 and the final.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
not for me xD
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates!
A: They're cheaper than day rates!
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Life is like an organic reaction... the negative energy is always compelled to attack the positive little guys!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-'s"
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium and you can't curium, you might as well barium!
If you can't helium and you can't curium, you might as well barium!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What did the bartender say when Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorous walked into his bar?
OH SNaP!
OH SNaP!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
laugh
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why do chemists like nitrate so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates
A: They're cheaper than day rates
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
Because it's a polar bear!
Because it's a polar bear!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why did the bacterium die?
It was invaded by a retro- isopropyl-hexane!!!!!!!!!
It was invaded by a retro- isopropyl-hexane!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Why does a hamburger have lower energy than a steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state!
A: Because it's in the ground state!
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- Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2016 2:59 pm
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?
A: Breaking up is hard to do.
A: Breaking up is hard to do.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe
A: HeHe
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 C and still be 0k?
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
My Father is a Chemist my Mother is a Mathematician. They named me iron59.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What's the difference between a pedophile and an electrophile?
One has the letter "d" and the other doesn't.
One has the letter "d" and the other doesn't.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it's basic material.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Did you say Professor Lavelle listens to Tupac?
No, I said he listens to IUPAC! He loves their recent soundtrack about naming complex hydrocarbons.
No, I said he listens to IUPAC! He loves their recent soundtrack about naming complex hydrocarbons.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Are you a compound of Barium and Beryllium?
A: because you are such a BaBe!
A: because you are such a BaBe!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.
He just couldn't put it down.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Two chemists go into a bar
The first one says "I think I'll have some H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have some H2O too," and later died.
The first one says "I think I'll have some H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have some H2O too," and later died.
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