Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

Yolandia Winn 1A · Postby **Yolandia Winn 1A** » Sun Jul 16, 2017 11:40 pm

what do you get when you combine Helium, Yttrium, Selenium, and Xenon?

HeYSeXe :*

Michelle Cisneros 1F · Postby **Michelle Cisneros 1F** » Sun Jul 16, 2017 11:41 pm

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

Michelle Cisneros 1F · Postby **Michelle Cisneros 1F** » Sun Jul 16, 2017 11:42 pm

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.

Michelle Cisneros 1F · Postby **Michelle Cisneros 1F** » Sun Jul 16, 2017 11:42 pm

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

Michelle Cisneros 1F · Postby **Michelle Cisneros 1F** » Sun Jul 16, 2017 11:43 pm

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

204580382 · Postby **204580382** » Sun Jul 16, 2017 11:59 pm

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

plopezcordon_4C · Postby **plopezcordon_4C** » Mon Jul 17, 2017 12:17 am

I would tell a chemistry joke but I'm scared I won't get a reaction

Giselle Garcia 1B · Postby **Giselle Garcia 1B** » Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:01 pm

What do you call an oil afraid of water? Hydrophobe!

Giselle Garcia 1B · Postby **Giselle Garcia 1B** » Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:02 pm

Protons assume they're right, they're positive about it!

Giselle Garcia 1B · Postby **Giselle Garcia 1B** » Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:05 pm

What did the detective base say during a difficult crime with little evidence?

"We need to go back to the bas(e)ics"

Sarahi Cota-Felix 1C · Postby **Sarahi Cota-Felix 1C** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 10:11 pm

Posted a chem joke on another section because I barely found this section. Sorry for the misplaced chem joke.

Paul Wong1B · Postby **Paul Wong1B** » Fri Jul 21, 2017 10:22 pm

What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2

604744616 · Postby **604744616** » Sat Jul 22, 2017 8:53 am

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Dabin Kang 1B · Postby **Dabin Kang 1B** » Sat Jul 22, 2017 1:59 pm

awidodo · Postby **awidodo** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 11:05 am

What do you call a bear that dissolves in water?

A polar bear!

104730551 · Postby **104730551** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 1:57 pm

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: A one molar solution.

104730551 · Postby **104730551** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 1:58 pm

Q: What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?
A: Febreeze

104730551 · Postby **104730551** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 1:59 pm

Q: What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?
A: "Au revoir"

104730551 · Postby **104730551** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 2:00 pm

Q: What do you do with a dead chemists?
A: Barium

405060280 · Postby **405060280** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 2:10 pm

what did the chemist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"Hehe"

405060280 · Postby **405060280** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 2:11 pm

What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2

405060280 · Postby **405060280** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 2:11 pm

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

405060280 · Postby **405060280** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 2:12 pm

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.

405060280 · Postby **405060280** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 2:12 pm

What did the detective base say during a difficult crime with little evidence?

"We need to go back to the bas(e)ics"

405060280 · Postby **405060280** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 2:13 pm

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

405060280 · Postby **405060280** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 2:13 pm

protons assume they're right, they're positive about it!

Nancy 1B · Postby **Nancy 1B** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:09 pm

Q: What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
A: 2 Na

Nancy 1B · Postby **Nancy 1B** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:15 pm

Q: Is silicon the same in Spanish?
A: Si

Nancy 1B · Postby **Nancy 1B** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:17 pm

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much a drink.
The bartender replies "For you, no charge."

Nancy 1B · Postby **Nancy 1B** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:18 pm

Q: What did one ion say to the other?
A: I've got my ion you

hojae_lee_1C · Postby **hojae_lee_1C** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:37 pm

Q: want to hear a joke about sodium
A: Na

hojae_lee_1C · Postby **hojae_lee_1C** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:39 pm

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date...
It was OK

hojae_lee_1C · Postby **hojae_lee_1C** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:39 pm

The name is Bond.... Ionic Bond...
Taken, not shared

hojae_lee_1C · Postby **hojae_lee_1C** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:40 pm

Let's take all the bad jokes and "Barium"!

204580382 · Postby **204580382** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 9:10 pm

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/or ... e662f8.jpg

204580382 · Postby **204580382** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 9:14 pm

i'd tell you a chemistry joke, but i know i wouldn't get a reaction

204580382 · Postby **204580382** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 9:15 pm

how do you tell the difference between a chemist and a train driver?

Ask them to pronounce "unionised"

204580382 · Postby **204580382** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 9:16 pm

I tell bad chemistry jokes because at the good one are Ar (argon)

Juan Liberato · Postby **Juan Liberato** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:31 pm

Juan Liberato · Postby **Juan Liberato** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:33 pm

Ba Dum tss I'll be here all summer!

Jazmine Salazar · Postby **Jazmine Salazar** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:40 pm

Q: What is the TV show that cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

Jaime Gutierrez 1B · Postby **Jaime Gutierrez 1B** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:41 pm

Don't trust an atom They make up everything.

Jaime Gutierrez 1B · Postby **Jaime Gutierrez 1B** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:42 pm

Technically, alcohol is a solution.

Jazmine Salazar · Postby **Jazmine Salazar** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:42 pm

Q: What did the student say when she heard that Oxygen and Magnesium went out on a date?
A: OMg!

Jazmine Salazar · Postby **Jazmine Salazar** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:44 pm

laughing gas= He He He

Jaime Gutierrez 1B · Postby **Jaime Gutierrez 1B** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:44 pm

Wanna hear a joke about potassium? K.

Jazmine Salazar · Postby **Jazmine Salazar** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:46 pm

lost an electron?
You really have to keep an ion them.

Jaime Gutierrez 1B · Postby **Jaime Gutierrez 1B** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:47 pm

All my chem jokes argon :(

Michelle Cisneros 1F · Postby **Michelle Cisneros 1F** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:56 pm

What is the chemical formula of coffee? CoFe2

Michelle Cisneros 1F · Postby **Michelle Cisneros 1F** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:56 pm

What should do you do with a dead Chemist? Barium!

Michelle Cisneros 1F · Postby **Michelle Cisneros 1F** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:57 pm

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.

Michelle Cisneros 1F · Postby **Michelle Cisneros 1F** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:57 pm

Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!

Giselle Garcia 1B · Postby **Giselle Garcia 1B** » Tue Jul 25, 2017 1:36 pm

What do lone pairs have to be in order to be left alone?

Repulsive!

Giselle Garcia 1B · Postby **Giselle Garcia 1B** » Tue Jul 25, 2017 1:37 pm

Why are electrons called "nancy"?
Because they're negative!

Giselle Garcia 1B · Postby **Giselle Garcia 1B** » Tue Jul 25, 2017 1:39 pm

Why does the electron like the day time?
The light excites him!

Giselle Garcia 1B · Postby **Giselle Garcia 1B** » Tue Jul 25, 2017 1:40 pm

Calcium likes to serenade Iron with Christina Aguilera's song "Bound to You"

Michelle Cisneros 1F · Postby **Michelle Cisneros 1F** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:48 am

Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
A: SWAG

Michelle Cisneros 1F · Postby **Michelle Cisneros 1F** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:50 am

Q:Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state

Michelle Cisneros 1F · Postby **Michelle Cisneros 1F** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:51 am

Q:What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?
A: A CaNiNe

Michelle Cisneros 1F · Postby **Michelle Cisneros 1F** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:52 am

Q: What do dipoles say in passing?
A: "Have you got a moment?"

Michelle Cisneros 1F · Postby **Michelle Cisneros 1F** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:54 am

Q: How did carbon propose to
Hydrogen?
A: With a "carbonkneel"

Paul Wong1B · Postby **Paul Wong1B** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:31 pm

Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2

404768057 · Postby **404768057** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:52 pm

I make bad chemistry puns.... but only periodically

JD Malana · Postby **JD Malana** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 3:00 pm

-an inspired breakfast whilst studying for the final

Sarahi Cota-Felix 1C · Postby **Sarahi Cota-Felix 1C** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 4:20 pm

Hahaha

Sarahi Cota-Felix 1C · Postby **Sarahi Cota-Felix 1C** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 4:22 pm

I say yes!

Sarahi Cota-Felix 1C · Postby **Sarahi Cota-Felix 1C** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 4:27 pm

104730551 · Postby **104730551** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 7:30 pm

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

104730551 · Postby **104730551** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 7:30 pm

Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.

104730551 · Postby **104730551** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 7:30 pm

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? A: He's 0K now.

104730551 · Postby **104730551** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 7:31 pm

The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

Alma Cruz 1A · Postby **Alma Cruz 1A** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 9:26 pm

What do you call a fish that is only made up of two sodium atoms?

-2 Na

Amoreno Section 1E · Postby **Amoreno Section 1E** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 9:52 pm

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.

204580382 · Postby **204580382** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 10:37 pm

What is a cation afraid of? A dogion.

204580382 · Postby **204580382** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 10:38 pm

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate

204580382 · Postby **204580382** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 10:38 pm

Distilled waters run the deepest

204580382 · Postby **204580382** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 10:39 pm

What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium

405060280 · Postby **405060280** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:36 pm

myself

405060280 · Postby **405060280** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:37 pm

H2O is water, H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, H204 is drinking

405060280 · Postby **405060280** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:40 pm

A guy went to a bar with his friend and he said to the bartender, "may I have some H2O" and the other guy said, "May I have some H2O too." Then he dies.

405060280 · Postby **405060280** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:41 pm

oxygen and potassium went on a date and it went OK

504754253 · Postby **504754253** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:45 pm

what is a cation?

A. an ion with a paws-itive charger

504754253 · Postby **504754253** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:47 pm

Q. what do you call an acid with an attitude?

A. A-Mean-oh acid

Cynthia Pinedo 1C · Postby **Cynthia Pinedo 1C** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:51 pm

Baby, I know chemistry and you've got one significant figure.

Cynthia Pinedo 1C · Postby **Cynthia Pinedo 1C** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:53 pm

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

Cynthia Pinedo 1C · Postby **Cynthia Pinedo 1C** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:54 pm

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Cynthia Pinedo 1C · Postby **Cynthia Pinedo 1C** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:54 pm

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

Cynthia Pinedo 1C · Postby **Cynthia Pinedo 1C** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:55 pm

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

Alma Cruz 1A · Postby **Alma Cruz 1A** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 12:10 am

"HCOONa...Matata, what a wonderful phrase" -The Lion King & Chemistry

ludrin8348 · Postby **ludrin8348** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 7:02 am

Aww :)

ludrin8348 · Postby **ludrin8348** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 7:07 am

I can't stop laughing...

hojae_lee_1C · Postby **hojae_lee_1C** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 8:29 am

I make bad jokes... but only periodically

hojae_lee_1C · Postby **hojae_lee_1C** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 8:30 am

What is a cation afraid of?
a dogion

awidodo · Postby **awidodo** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 9:19 pm

The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

awidodo · Postby **awidodo** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 9:23 pm

Q: What kind of dog does a chemist have?
A: Laboratory retrievers

awidodo · Postby **awidodo** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 9:24 pm

Q: Why does the army use acid?
A: To neutralize the enemy base.

smuhammad1Section1E · Postby **smuhammad1Section1E** » Tue Aug 01, 2017 11:05 pm

My friend asked me if I know any good jokes about sodium.
I said, "Na."

smuhammad1Section1E · Postby **smuhammad1Section1E** » Tue Aug 01, 2017 11:05 pm

You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons.
How ionic.

smuhammad1Section1E · Postby **smuhammad1Section1E** » Tue Aug 01, 2017 11:05 pm

As part of our chemistry coursework, everyone in my class had to create a glue strong enough to stick a wooden chair to the wall.
The teacher said my effort was the best.

I nailed it.

smuhammad1Section1E · Postby **smuhammad1Section1E** » Tue Aug 01, 2017 11:06 pm

Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?
OMg!

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