Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Evelyn L 1H]

What do you call a salty fish?
2NA

[Mariane Sanchez 1E]

"The name's bond. Sigma bond."
-007

[Liam Maxwell 2E]

A photon checks into a hotel. The manager at the front desks asks if he will be needing any help with luggage. The photon replies "no thank you I'm traveling light."

[Andy Nguyen 1A]

I don't trust atoms... they make up everything.

[Andy Nguyen 1A]

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

[altaing]

Guys, we gotta stop with the puns... We've all sulfured enough...

[Swetha Sundaram 1E]

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?


A ferrous wheel.

[mitalisharma2B]

Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon :(

[mitalisharma2B]

How does Iron Man freshen up his apartment?
With some Fe-breeze

[Isabella Zizolfi 2F]

What is the chemical formula for banana?
BaNa2

[Isabella Zizolfi 2F]

What do you do with a sick chemist?
if you can't helium and you can't curium, then you might as well barium

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Q: Why did the bear dissolve in water?
A: Because it was polar.

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
A: It went OK.

[VahagnAldzhyan]

A chemistry lab is just like a party. Some drop acid, others drop the base.

[Minie 1G]

Aren't you all glad we have this chemistry community forum? It makes 14A less of a cheMYSTERY for us all :)

[Carl Kim 1K]

These jokes are sodium funny!

[ssthirkannad]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!

[ssthirkannad]

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.

[nanditasundarapandian1D]

What kind of dogs do chemists have?

laboratory dogs ;)

[nanditasundarapandian1D]

Na: That was sodium funny

Ne: I slapped my neon that one

[Misa Belser 3C]

What is the chemical formula for banana?
BaNa2

[Misa Belser 3C]

What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?
CaNiNe

[Sam Smoot 2L]

Did you hear oxygen and magnesium are together?

OMg

[Sam Smoot 2L]

I want to tell another chemistry joke but all the good ones arsenic.

Did I funny right?

[tiffanyteguh1C]

If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, they'd be alloys.

[tiffanyteguh1C]

What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walking into the bar? OH SNaP!

[Reyna Alonso 1E]

What kind of dogs do chemists have?
Laboratory Retrievers

[Evelyn L 1H]

@all these jokes

[Evelyn L 1H]

[704887365]

Did you know that you can cool yourself down to -273.15 degrees Celsius and still be 0K?

[704887365]

why do chemists like nitrates so much?
they're cheaper than dayrates.

[Jazmine Salazar]

What kind of dogs do chemists have?
Laboratory Retrievers

[Jazmine Salazar]

What do you call a wheel made of iron?
A ferrous wheel.

[Madeline Musselman 3H]

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one Jim says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one Bob says "I think I'll have an H2O too"... and then Bob died.

[Selene 1K]

Q: How often do you joke about the elements?
A: Periodically.

[Selene 1K]

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

[Bill Phawn 2C]

Chemists are just one lab accident away from being a super villain.

[Suchita 2I]

Polar bear: Help! Help! I'm dissolving!
Brown bear: But bears are insoluble...
Polar bear: That's easy for you to say...You're not polar!

[Chris Pleman 3E]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[Nancy 1B]

Q: If H20 is water, what is H204?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

[Nancy 1B]

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".

[Shannee Mak 3F]

What is the chemical formula for banana?

BaNa2

[Isa Samad 1L]

I don't trust atoms....they make up everything

[Andy Nguyen 1A]

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.

[Carl Kim 1K]

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar

[Carl Kim 1K]

What element is a girl's future best friend?
Carbon

[Yeyang Zu 2J]

In Arctic, a bear drop into the lake and looking for help:
"HELP, i'm dissolving"
Another brown bear get there and explains:
"dude, bears are insoluble"
....
"That's easy for you to say, you are not polar....."

[mayasinha1B]

Proton: "I think I lost an electron"

Neutron: "Are you positive?"

[ChristineJimenez1J]

What kind of fish is made up of only 2 sodium atoms?
2Na

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Why can't you trust atoms?
They make up everything.

[ssthirkannad]

What do you call a clown who's in jail? A silicon.

[ssthirkannad]

What kind of dogs do chemists have? Laboratory Retrievers

[Andy Nguyen 1A]

What fish is made of two atoms? 2Na

[Jazmine Salazar]

What animal is made up of calcium, nickel, and neon?
A CaNiNe

[Jazmine Salazar]

What would you call a clown in jail?
Silicon (Silly Con)

[Sam Smoot 2L]

Zing

[Sam Smoot 2L]

ba-dum tss

[Richard Braun 1I]

One day on the Tonight Show, Jay Leno showed a classified add that read: "Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023."

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: What is the name of the molecule bunny-O-bunny?
A: An ether bunny

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!

[Mariane Sanchez 1E]

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

[Mila Therese Reyes 1E]

I told a joke to a guy named Helium to get him to share his electrons but he didn't react.

He He He

[Mila Therese Reyes 1E]

What's Uranium's favorite genre of music?

Death metal. (They love listening to it on the radio)

[Misa Belser 3C]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[Misa Belser 3C]

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

[Maya Krishnan 3E]

This relationship is as flexible as a sigma bond.

[Selene 1K]

Q:Are my jokes too basic for you?
A: Why is there no reaction?

[Selene 1K]

My Chemistry Professor throw sodium chloride at me...
that's a salt!

[Derek Waters 1A]

Q: What do you call a clown who's in jail?
A: A silicon.

[Naama 1A]

What TV show do Cesium and Iodine love watching together?
CSI!

[Bill Phawn 2C]

Roses are red,
Bromothymol is blue.
There is no endpoint,
To my love for you.

[704887365]

What animal is made up of calcium, nickel, and neon?
A CaNiNe

[704887365]

What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walking into the bar? OH SNaP!

[Nancy 1B]

Q: Did you know protons have a mass?
A: I didn't even know they were catholic!

[Nancy 1B]

[altaing]

Q: Why did the white bear dissolve in water?

A: Because it was polar!

[Shannee Mak 3F]

[Lourick Bustamante 1B]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[Daniel Vo 1B]

Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're pretty CuTe

[Lauryn Jordan 1F]

What is your LiFe composed of?

-Lithium and iron

[Phillip Tran]

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia? Because it's pretty basic stuff.

[Phillip Tran]

What is the name of agent 007's Eskimo cousin? Polar Bond.

[mitalisharma2B]

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.

[mitalisharma2B]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

[ssthirkannad]

Joke: Chemist 1: Did you know they discovered a new element?
Chemist 2: No, what's it called?
Chemist 1: It's symbol is Ah.
Chemist 2: Oh... The element of surprise.

[ssthirkannad]

What is the formula for water?

H I J K L M N O.

H2O!!

[JamesAntonios 1E]

I'm out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.

[Mariane Sanchez 1E]

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution

[Misa Belser 3C]

I made a chemistry joke. It got no reaction.

[Misa Belser 3C]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

[Sam Smoot 2L]

How does a photon avoid paying United economy bag fees?

It always is traveling light.

[Sam Smoot 2L]

Me, every time I draw a lewis structure

[Andy Nguyen 1A]

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron asks how much the drink was, the bartender replies "For you, no charge".

[Mila Therese Reyes 1E]

You're a 10? On the pH scale, maybe.
Cuz you basic.

[Mila Therese Reyes 1E]

When it comes to chemistry puns I'm in my element.

[Jazmine Salazar]

I hated learning about electrons. I got so Bohr'd

[Jazmine Salazar]

When cops pull you over, just do what Heisenberg does. When they ask, tell them you don't know how fast you were going, just where you were

[Richard Braun 1I]

Well, do you want to hear about a sodium joke?
Na.
How about a joke about sodium Hypobromite?
NaBro.

[Richard Braun 1I]

A chemist blew up an experiment, looked at his students, and said, "Well, Oxidants happen!"