Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Richard Braun 1I]

In the faculty lounge a German professor, a French professor and a chemistry professor were enjoying a drink and some friendly conversation. As they finished their drinks, the German professor stood up and said, "Auf Wiedersehen! Ahh, forgive me my friends! That means "good-bye" in German.

The French scholar, not to be outdone, stands and says, "Au revoir, mes amis! That's "Good-bye, my friends!" in French.

The chemistry professor thinks for a moment while his colleagues look on smugly. Suddenly he smiles, stands and says, "HCN -- that's good-bye in any language."

[Richard Braun 1I]

What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.

[904940852]

That was sodium funny

[Reyna Alonso 1E]

"Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon"

[Justin Yu 3H]

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

[ssthirkannad]

Did you know protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon

[Bill Phawn 2C]

You're a 10? Maybe on a pH scale because you are basic.

[Maya Krishnan 3E]

"When your outer valence shell is full"

[Nancy 1B]

Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met

[Nancy 1B]

Q: According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?
A: Because it's made up of alkynes of people

[Thompson W 2C]

I think I left Bromine and Boron in the cabinet.
BrB!

[Thompson W 2C]

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
At least I have a degree.

[Selene 1K]

Not to get technical, but according to chemistry...
Alcohol is a solution.

[Selene 1K]

Q: What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A: A-mean-oh acid.

[juchung7]

"That was sodium funny"
"I slapped my neon that one"

[Carl Kim 1K]

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A: A one molar solution.

[Carl Kim 1K]

Q: What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? A: Febreeze.

[Carl Kim 1K]

Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met

[Carl Kim 1K]

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

[Patricia Macalalag 2E]

What's the formula for seawater?

CH20

[Patricia Macalalag 2E]

Don't get chemists angry, they overreact.

[Patricia Macalalag 2E]

I'm female.

Fe = Iron
Male = man

Therefore, I am Iron Man.

[Mila Therese Reyes 1E]

You matter…
unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light…
then you energy!

[904940852]

Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because your CuTe

[Jazmine Salazar]

What did the elements say to hydrogen? What a loner!

[Jazmine Salazar]

Do I have a joke on sodium??
Na

[tiffanyteguh1C]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

[Sam Smoot 2L]

Mood

[Sam Smoot 2L]

Don't be salty

[Misa Belser 3C]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

[Misa Belser 3C]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

[Clement Ng]

What was the combustion reaction for the skirball fire?

[Thompson W 2C]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0K?

[Thompson W 2C]

Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.

[Thompson W 2C]

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

[Thompson W 2C]

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".

[Justin Yu 3H]

What's the chemical formula of a banana?
BaNa2

[ssthirkannad]

Is "unionized" a synonym for neutral?
No, it means they will stop carrying a charge until they get more money.

[ssthirkannad]

T.A.B.L.E. = Periodic Table

[mitalisharma2B]

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel.

[mitalisharma2B]

The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

[Maya Krishnan 3E]

Distracted BF: Conjugate Seesaw, Weak Conjugate Base, & Strong Acid

[Tim Foster 2A]

Which Nicki Minaj song is the best to listen to while studying Chapter 12?
Superbass!

[Radha Patel 1D]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

[Radha Patel 1D]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

[Radha Patel 1D]

Q: What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?
A: CoFe2

[Radha Patel 1D]

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

[Radha Patel 1D]

Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.

[Maya Krishnan 3E]

Mole Problems? Call 602-1023

[Bill Phawn 2C]

Remember to enjoy the little things in life.
Like protons

[Bill Phawn 2C]

Anions aren't negative.
They're just misunderstood.

[Bill Phawn 2C]

What do you get if you chop an avocado into 6.02 x 10^23 pieces?
Guaca-mole

[Bill Phawn 2C]

Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.

[Bill Phawn 2C]

I'm out of chemistry jokes. I should Zinc of a new one.

[Cyianna 2F]

Let's take all these bad chemistry jokes and Barium.

[Cyianna 2F]

Don't be salty

That was sodium funny! I slapped my neon that one!

[904940852]

Did you hear that oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK

[Daniel Vo 1B]

Why are photons atheist? Because they don't have mass :000

[Daniel Vo 1B]

Why are chemists good at sneaking up on people? They have the element of surprise!

[Zane Mills 1E]

Two scientists walk into a bar. "I'll have H2O," says the first. "I'll have H2O, too," says the second. Bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.

[Kennedy Moore 1D]

What did the biPOLAR ghost say?
BOOH!

[Kennedy Moore 1D]

Why did hydrogen get an alarm system?
Because he kept getting robbed and had reached his molar heat capacity

[Jean Mok 3K]

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A: A ferrous wheel.

Cheers! We outta chem 14A.

[Clement Ng]

my gpa

[VahagnAldzhyan]

What's the atomic symbol for confusion?
Um

[VahagnAldzhyan]

What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-oh- acid

[Richard Braun 1I]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

[Richard Braun 1I]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[Akash_Kapoor_1L]

This thread is actual gold...

[mitalisharma2B]

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

[mitalisharma2B]

I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

[mitalisharma2B]

Q: What do you do with a dead chemists?
A: Barium

[Carl Kim 1K]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

[Carl Kim 1K]

As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.

[Carl Kim 1K]

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

[Anne 2L]

what did the ice cube say to his mom as he was melting

[Katelyn 2E]

what did the ice cube say to his mom as he was melting

MOM ITS JUST A PHASE

[Ekayana Sethi 2K]

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar!

[hojae_lee_1C]

Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!

[hojae_lee_1C]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!

[hojae_lee_1C]

Q: What do you call a scientific plant?
A: Chemis-tree.

[Josh Moy 1H]

What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory retrievers

[Josh Moy 1H]

Why can't atoms be trusted?

Because they make up everything

[Justin Chu 1G]

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

[Josh Moy 1H]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A molar solution

*ba dum tss

[Justin Chu 1G]

Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

[cbercik]

I wanted to tell my chemistry joke...

but i was afraid i'd get the wrong reaction

[Sam Smoot 2L]

Ba-duh

[Sam Smoot 2L]

:'(

[Sam Smoot 2L]

;)

[cbercik]

Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? He got Avogadro's number!

[cbercik]

what is H204? It's FOR drinking, bathing, and mixing with scotch.

[Shreya Ramineni 2L]

Why did the acid go to the gym?

To become a buffer solution!

[Daniel Vo 1B]

If anyone hits on you in chemistry
Just ask them
Are you a salt?
cuz NaBrO

[Brenda K 1J]

What's the matter? Everything. Everything is matter.

[Swetha Sundaram 1E]

Watch out for the enthalpy pirate.....he'll steal your joules.

[Patricia Macalalag 2E]

I can't tell you any good chemistry jokes because all the good ones argon.