Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
In the faculty lounge a German professor, a French professor and a chemistry professor were enjoying a drink and some friendly conversation. As they finished their drinks, the German professor stood up and said, "Auf Wiedersehen! Ahh, forgive me my friends! That means "good-bye" in German.
The French scholar, not to be outdone, stands and says, "Au revoir, mes amis! That's "Good-bye, my friends!" in French.
The chemistry professor thinks for a moment while his colleagues look on smugly. Suddenly he smiles, stands and says, "HCN -- that's good-bye in any language."
The French scholar, not to be outdone, stands and says, "Au revoir, mes amis! That's "Good-bye, my friends!" in French.
The chemistry professor thinks for a moment while his colleagues look on smugly. Suddenly he smiles, stands and says, "HCN -- that's good-bye in any language."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
If you can't helium and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Did you know protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now
A: He's 0K now
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met
A: They bonded well from the minute they met
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?
A: Because it's made up of alkynes of people
A: Because it's made up of alkynes of people
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
At least I have a degree.
At least I have a degree.
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry...
Alcohol is a solution.
Alcohol is a solution.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A: A one molar solution.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met
A: They bonded well from the minute they met
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
You matter…
unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light…
then you energy!
unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light…
then you energy!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0K?
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Is "unionized" a synonym for neutral?
No, it means they will stop carrying a charge until they get more money.
No, it means they will stop carrying a charge until they get more money.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Distracted BF: Conjugate Seesaw, Weak Conjugate Base, & Strong Acid
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Which Nicki Minaj song is the best to listen to while studying Chapter 12?
Superbass!
Superbass!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
They're cheaper than day rates.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe
A: HeHe
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
A: H2O cubed.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What do you get if you chop an avocado into 6.02 x 10^23 pieces?
Guaca-mole
Guaca-mole
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Sam Smoot 1L wrote:Don't be salty
That was sodium funny! I slapped my neon that one!
Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Did you hear that oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why are chemists good at sneaking up on people? They have the element of surprise!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Two scientists walk into a bar. "I'll have H2O," says the first. "I'll have H2O, too," says the second. Bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why did hydrogen get an alarm system?
Because he kept getting robbed and had reached his molar heat capacity
Because he kept getting robbed and had reached his molar heat capacity
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.
Cheers! We outta chem 14A.
A: A ferrous wheel.
Cheers! We outta chem 14A.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Anne 2L wrote:what did the ice cube say to his mom as he was melting
MOM ITS JUST A PHASE
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!
A: Never lick the spoon!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite…
He said NaBrO
He said NaBrO
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A molar solution
*ba dum tss
A molar solution
*ba dum tss
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
I wanted to tell my chemistry joke...
but i was afraid i'd get the wrong reaction
but i was afraid i'd get the wrong reaction
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Ba-duh
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
:'(
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? He got Avogadro's number!
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
If anyone hits on you in chemistry
Just ask them
Are you a salt?
cuz NaBrO
Just ask them
Are you a salt?
cuz NaBrO
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Re: Post All Chemistry Jokes Here
I can't tell you any good chemistry jokes because all the good ones argon.
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